Best Christmas Carols of 2009

Filed under: Opinions


'Tis the season to sing songs of cheer.

Or these.

A ParentDish Christmas! (To "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")

We 'Dish you a Merry Christmas
We 'Dish you a Merry Christmas
We 'Dish you a ParentDish wish
For a Happy New Year

Good stories we bring
To you every day
Tips, trends and outrage with a dose of 'Oy vey!'

Oh bring us your commentary
Oh write us, pro or contrary
You don't need nice stationery
Just comment right here

We won't know unless you write to
Inform us which posts excite you
So tell us what things delight you
And do it right here

We 'Dish you a Merry Christmas
We 'Dish you a Merry Christmas
We 'Dish you a ParentDish wish
For a Happy New Year!


A Cautionary Carol (To "Jingle Bells")

Text my cell! Text my cell!
Text my cell today!
I will check it while I drive
And text back right away

Hey!

Check my cell! Check my cell!
Text and drive and – hey!
LOL I see a truck
But everything's o –


The OcotoMom Song (To "O Christmas Tree")

O Octomom, O Octomom
You hear the patter, pitter
Like Jon and Kate
You, too, had eight --
Except in just one litter
It must be hard to keep them fed
And patty-caked and put to bed
O Octomom don't call upon
Me when you need a sitter.

A Bratz Christmas (To "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland")

Navel rings, they are glistenin'
To their iPods they're listenin'
They're perched on their Choos, they're ready to cruise
Walkin' in a Bratz Girl Wonderland.

Gone away, Cinderellas
Here to stay, Skankerell is
She's hip and she's hot
A Barbie she's not
Walkin' in a Bratz Girl Wonderland

In the bathroom making her hair wavy
In the classroom doodling a frown
She flirts with all the floor guards at Old Navy
And parties when her folks are out of town.

Two a.m., looking gnarly
Is that Ken on her Harley?
She's young and she's hot
A Barbie she's not
Walkin' in a Bratz Girl Wonderland


Green Sleeves and a Brown-ish Apron and Some Blue Frosting in the Hair (To "Greensleeves")

What child is this who made a mess
On kitchen floor so sticky?
There's honey there from a honey bear
And an egg and my Droid looking icky
This, this is my sweet kid!
Attempted baking, is what he did
Haste, haste to dry his tears
We will scrape it and bake and be merry.

What made him think he could cook for me?
He's only 6 and he's ADD
And yet how sweet to attempt a treat
Even though he cannot read a recipe
This, this is my sweet kid
Attempted baking, is what he did
We added some chocolate chips
Now it's sort of a torte and we're merry.


A December Birthday (To "Silver Bells")

Making cupcakes, baking cupcakes
For at least 39
It's birthday time, in the basement
Children bawling, children falling
One kid just ate a dime
And on every camcorder it's clear:

Birthday hell, birthday hell
Don't look down there, it's not pretty
I'm a wreck, put on "Shrek"
When will it be bye-bye time?

Went and got a big piñata
It's a cat, green and red
I had thought they'd enjoy bashing kitty
But they're flailing and they're wailing
One keeps screaming, "He's dead!"
And above all the racket you hear:

Birthday hell, birthday hell
It's birthday time, in the basement
Can't take more, close the door
Soon it will be bye-bye time!

FollowUs

Flickr RSS

TheTalkies

AskAdviceMama

AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.