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My Mother Hates My Baby Name
Filed under: Relatives, Baby Names
My husband and I love the name Agnes for our little girl. I made the huge mistake the other day telling my mother about "our" name and she made a big deal about how much she doesn't like it, and how my dad will "hate" it. I still love it. However, I have spent the last two days on the Internet trying to find alternatives. Nothing like the words from a mother to cause guilt and anxiety. Help!
- C
When you choose a name that goes against the fashion tide, you can expect mixed reactions. How should you react to nasty comments? You can take them to heart and reconsider your name choice. You can ignore them and hold fast to your own opinion. Or you can try to understand where they come from, to prepare an effective response. Let's try to understand your mom's reaction to Agnes.
We like the names we like partly because of the associations they bring to mind. In your parents' baby naming days Heather and Melissa sounded like fresh, youthful names for girls. To you and your friends, those names sound more like moms than babies. The same thing happens at the other end of the age spectrum. We hear names from our grandparents' generation as dowdy because the people we know with those names are, well, old. (When was the last time you heard an expectant mom trying to choose between the names Norma and Doris?)
Meanwhile, our great-grandparents' names ring forth with a sweet freshness. Agnes has been out of fashion long enough that you may never have met anyone with the name. To you, it is association-free. The trick is that your great-grandparents are your mother's grandparents. To your mom, Agnes probably summons powerful associations of blue hair and dentures.
Because of these different associations, naming clashes are common. Keeping a controversial choce a secret is one way to avoid an assault on your favorite name. Introduce the name when you introduce the baby. Who can make nasty comments to the face of a loveable newborn babe?
Since you already have told them, and gotten an earful of their "true" feelings, try to make your peace with it. If you can get past your hurt and just accept your parents' generational viewpoint, they're likely to come around in time ... thanks to their new grandbaby. That adorable infant will give your parents a sparkling new generation of associations to make Agnes youthful again.
Have you battled with family over baby names? Share your experiences! And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 34)
1-16-2010 @ 10:09PM
ashle said...MERCEDES
Gender: Feminine
Usage: Spanish
Pronounced: mer-THE-dhes (Spanish), mer-SE-dhes (Latin American Spanish) [key]
Means "mercies" (that is, the plural of mercy), from the Spanish title of the Virgin Mary, María de las Mercedes, meaning "Mary of Mercies". It is ultimately from the Latin word merces meaning "wages, reward", which in Vulgar Latin acquired the meaning "favour, pity".
1-18-2010 @ 5:46PM
Kasey said...I'm chuckling because I have a niece, Mercedes, (she goes by Sadie) and a son, Connor - OR - who NEVER gets it spelled correctly!! Even on his awards from school, they put "ER" on it!! (he's in high school, now and it STILL happens!). :)
1-16-2010 @ 5:08PM
Jennifer said...When someone wants to know the name I have chosen, I tell them. When they express their opinion, I smile and say "I didn't ask you".
Reply
1-16-2010 @ 8:28PM
Kenneth said...I'm not sure why someone would care what their mother thought about what they decided to name their child. My mother didn't want me to name my now 1 year old son Barack. I did it anyway and she got over it. I didn't argue about it I just said "Oh I see" and did what I wanted to do anyway. Don't let your mother or father's opinions influence an important choice that you and your spouse should make.
Reply
1-16-2010 @ 10:29PM
pdq said...Sorry, Kenneth, but your mother has better sense than you. Barack will be the butt of many jokes in the future.
1-16-2010 @ 9:31PM
abdul5511 said...she should name her child whatever she wants.
but, I dont like the name is sounds too old.
I named my daughter Azurae
I made it up.Azure like the color blue and then ray
I think everybody should have a name that no one else
has. Just like your social security number.
no name would be the same.
Reply
1-18-2010 @ 9:12PM
renoadelaide said...when i had to choose names for my 4 girls...i went sort of with a "theme"...or how the experience went...for my first daughter i had chosen Autumn Nicole...however she was born in June w/down syndrome & I couldn't face ?'s of why she was named Autumn but born in June so I switched it to Nikole Victoria (my name is vicki), 2nd daughter born in August when all the heather was in bloom on the highway to birthing center and she was born at dawn. so hence her name,...Heather Dawn...3rd daughter born in October in Vermont..finally got to use Autumn Aurora (which means the dawn) and lastly my 4th daugher, Auralee Sky which is goddess of the dawn (was in the baby name book as "oralee" but I liked the Aura spelling instead....go with your heart and never mind your mom
1-16-2010 @ 8:27PM
sj said...Agnes is an ugly name. There is nothing good you can say about it.
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1-16-2010 @ 8:28PM
james said...My ex-wife named our daughter Treasure. I just said "yeah, whatever". I knew i had no say in the matter cause she already had her mind made up. Didn't hear no fuss about the name from anybody.
Reply
1-17-2010 @ 10:00AM
Tara said...Agnes is a beautiful old name. I prefer them. I'm not sure why, but I always wonder if the name will take them through their life. I mean no offense, but I dislike the name Tiffany. It will sound pretty funny on an 80 year old. However, Agnes, Emily, Matilda, Elizabeth, etc. will last forever. My son is named Evan. If he had been a girl, his name would have been Adia or Esme. People either loved or hated, but it was my choice. This is yours. Name your daughter Agnes if that's what you want to do.
Tara
Reply
1-16-2010 @ 8:30PM
Rosemarie said...I can understand not "liking"names. I have always hated my name, and my mother also named my other other sisters Iris and Tyroma...........now that we are older we have come to like our names, and Isee more folks naming their children Rose. I have had to bite my tounge over the naming of one of my granddaughters also they named her "Jasmine"........I think of the disney character everytime I use it, but I love her just the same. My daughter in law in french so it is pronounced "Jasmine' ", but no one here uses it that way, they use the american version. I have even had people ask me if they adopted a "black" child???? I just laugh when they see my red haired, freckle faced little beauty. So names are important, but parents should name their child whatever makes them happy.
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1-18-2010 @ 6:55PM
renee said...I find it a bit weird that people assume that they've adopted a "black" child. I'm in high school and i've seen all races with the name. Anyway, I find the name (and other "flower" names eg. Lily, Rose) to be beautiful. I'd think that anyone would love to have that name. I know I did growing up.
1-16-2010 @ 8:32PM
Snookhookr said...Jennifer
When someone wants to know the name I have chosen, I tell them. When they express their opinion, I smile and say "I didn't ask you".
Excellent strategy. Test it on your mother in law.
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1-16-2010 @ 8:33PM
Tina said...One of my friends was pregnant with a baby girl and I asked her the name they were going to use she said "Mary Magdalen" I laufghed because I thought she was kidding. She wasn't.
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1-16-2010 @ 8:39PM
ROLLANDO said...It has happened to us too when a few family members of my parents' generation did not take too kindly of the name we chose for our son. We chosed the name "Rhett." The big complaint was assocition to the movie character Rhett Butler in the movie "Gone With the Wind."
They just did not like the actor who portryed him, Clark Gable. We chose the name Rhett because 1, it was short and sort of Old English 2. Not many people has that name 3. It be difficult to associate a nickname to Rhett. Now everyone in the family likes it. Some even wonder if we will name our future daughter "Scarlett." We have said no. But will let them know what we decided when the time come.
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1-18-2010 @ 7:48PM
Michelle said...I had a cat named Rhett, he was long dark and handsome. I am a GWTW fan, and wanted to name my daughter Scarlett, but I didn't know if she would be able to handle such a strong name when she was older, so I named her Tara. She is a very strong woman, loves the name Tara, but says she would have loved to be Scarlett. I let my fear of what others think keep me from naming my daughter what I really wanted. We are all happy with Tara, but if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't worry so much about what others think.
1-16-2010 @ 8:34PM
Mary said...I remember the first time my mother-in-law saw my son's birth certificate. The middle name Gunner set her off. Then I had a second child that I changed my mind about her name right before she was born. My mother in law ran around work telling everyone her granddaughter's name was Abbey Rose when I called her and told her name was actually Theadorah Anna. She got over it, and loves them for who they are.
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1-16-2010 @ 8:37PM
Marcy said...My name is unique and I've always hated it. My father's name was Lyman and he hated his. I think naming a child is too important to be taken lightly. My parents may have loved the name Marcy, but they saddled ME with it, not them, and I don't like it. It's too unusual that it make me feel old. The name has a hard sound to it, like Agnes, rather than a soft, gentle flow, and I think it gives people the impression that the hard sound of the name is reflected in the person's personality, which is not true. You also don't want your child to be the only one with that name, that makes them embarrassed and insecure when they're young. It did me, and it did my father.
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1-18-2010 @ 8:21PM
Rainez said...Insecurity is not bred solely from a name. While a name may contribute to frustration if it isn't liked, self esteem issues are born from a belief that one is not enough, or must perform certain tasks or in a particular way to receive approval and love. Self-esteem issues and self-doubt was likely already playing out in your personal identity from experiences unrelated to your name. The support you get from family can go a long in stemming hurts caused by others teasing a child. Perhaps your father himself a victim of teasing did not receive the support he needed while dealing w/ his name. He might have only been told to just "suck it up". This could have caused him to be poorly equipped to help you deal with the struggles associated with your own name. Clearly he felt strongly enough about your name to give it to you. Consider that your parents gave you that name out of love, joy and excitement for your arrival. For that reason alone your name is honorable. If that isn't enough you have the power to make a mark with your name. Make it a name of prestige with each accomplishment and experience. Make your name your story, but write the story yourself... I gave my son a pretty unique name [Broderick Nicholas] It sounds strong and has a strong meaning. I had never heard of the actor ppl always ask if we named after. We named him (first name) after a community activist
( Btw, from experience I have gone by my middle name professionally for years to avoid stereotypes, mispronunciation and misspellings, I've grown to love my entire name, especially since my last name improved w/ marriage...lmbo) But I do love adore my name now-- though I hate that it is now much more common.
1-16-2010 @ 8:40PM
Snookhookr said...Charity
I told people we were naming our son Blade Damien
Blade Damien? Serious?
Can you imagine the beating that poor kid would get in public school?
Methinks you take the vampire genre a bit too far. Thank God laws prohibit you from tattooing him up too.
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