Surrogacy vs. Adoption

Spot on Rachel!! Why does there have to be this notion that if your not of someones *womb*,that it's not the same! There are so many children in need of adption, and so many children who have been adopted by wonderful families! It's the definition of parenthood = loving a child unconditionally, and teaching ,providing for them, that makes a parent!!

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The problem is that Adopting is incredibly difficult, even impossible for some couples because of crazy adoption laws.

If you have medical issues, sorry you can't adopt. If you're gay, sorry you can't adopt. If you're unmarried sorry you can't adopt.

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I've never really fully understood surrogacy (on either end of the deal), nor in vitro, frankly, but I would support any of my friends for pursuing either arrangement if they thought it best for them and their families. Similarly, I would respect any woman's decision to terminate a pregnancy. These are deeply personal decisions that I know are not made lightly, even if not right for me and my family.

For me, it's a no brainer - adoption! Frankly, before I even got pregnant, I would watch "Adoption Stories" and cry happy tears for those wonderfully complete new families. Before we tried to get pregnant, my husband and I were very torn about whether we'd try to adopt or get pregnant. We were excited about how adoption is a whole other adventure in having a baby! We went as far as picking up the immigration forms, and selecting an adoption agency and a person to do our dossier. I wanted to pursue both efforts at the same time (pregnancy AND adoption) but my husband suggested "one baby at a time." There was no rush to start a family by becoming pregnant because I knew we were always open to adoption and that was great for us too. To our surprise, I got pregnant right a way (like, the first week we tried) and then much later, after a lot of discussion, we decided to stop with one child for a variety of reasons (if we had a second, it would have been internationally adopted; I'd be lying if I said I didn't sometimes crave that).

Everyone I talk to who had fertility issues (and did in vitro and then later adopted) said they wish they pursued adoption from the start! (I hope anyone contemplating in vitro considers this.) The appeal in adopting (for me) has nothing to do with vanity or a negative pregnancy experience (it was fine, but I'd never sign up to be a surrogate!). Just a whole other exciting, morally resposible adventure with the same result - a baby (or babies) to love and raise as your own.

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I wonder do people think if we've adopted three children, would it be considered selfish to either adopt another one or have my sister in law be my surrogate for a fourth child. I've had five miscarriages, the last one just recently, and it does make me wonder if the problem is not the egg and sperm but rather the environment from a disease I have. She could use her eggs if mine are not good but I think we'd both prefer to use my eggs and hubby's sperm.

That said I wonder if it is selfish to keep going when so many are still waiting to adopt?! Or who really need a surrogate for their first chihld.

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I find it odd that someone who is pregnant with her 6th child is talking about celebrating adoption. I mean Rachel has the same urge that those using surrogacy have - which is to have a biological child. I'm all about big families, but I often wonder why Rachel doesn't adopt children. She's always very vocal on her anti-choice stance, which is totally fine, but why not adopt some of those children you tell other women they have to have?

I come from a family where adoption is popular (my mom, sister, and 4 cousins were all adopted) so I know what a great thing it is and why it should be celebrated, but I always find it kind of hypocritical when someone with lots of biological children start telling others they should adopt.

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Why is it that only people with fertility problems should adopt instead of pursuing the options that are available to have a biological child? Don't get me wrong, I'm pro-adoption, but we can't deny that there is a drive to have children with a biological connection and that doesn't change just because you have trouble concieving. Rachel, you are extremely lucky that you were able to concieve naturally so many times and you are right, you have NO IDEA what it is like to not be able to do that. Since being "pro life" and supporting adoption is so important to you, why haven't you adopted one or two children (or all your children - after all, DNA doesn't matter, right?) If someone like you in the public eye who is not infertile adopted, that would certainly go a long way to encourage adoptions.

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I don't think it's a black / white issue. I think for every prospective parent, there is a line beyond which it makes more sense to adopt (assuming that wasn't the plan from day one). For example, my personal line would be where there would be a significant pregnancy risk to either the child or mother. Another reasonable consideration would be the cost - though both adoptions and fertility assistance can be very costly.

I do not feel that a low-risk surrogacy is any different from a run-of-the-mill pregnancy as far as the parents' ethics are concerned. (This assumes the surrogate is emotionally mature and totally on-board - though if that's not the case, I'm not sure that's the prospective parents' issue unless they have a specific reason to doubt.) I mean, either way, the parents are choosing to create a new life and choosing not to parent an orphan who is already alive somewhere. Adoption is wonderful, but it's not for everyone.

On the other hand, I don't support IVF performed in a way such that it is likely some of the embryos will not survive and be born healthy. And I really question interventions that enable women to have babies past their natural childbearing age. The risks to both mother and child would not be acceptable to me. It is in essence taking life lightly, in my opinion.

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I assume the reason that Rachel has biological children is the same reason I do, which is that we are Catholic and Open to Life.

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So, catholics don't encounter fertility problems?

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The couple mentioned who opted for surrogacy (the twins are not genetically the couples children, either) were unable to adopt so surrogacy was the only option.

Both adoption and surrogacy are wonderful options for couples who cannot have their own children. Of course their are pitfalls in either situation. I don't believe their is a big debate over one being better then the other. Each situation is unique to the couple.

"but are there cultural or social forces that encourage the arguably more complicated route of surrogacy over a traditional adoption? "
I don't believe an infertile couple yearning for a child cares about cultural or social forces....they go the route that gives a result.

Those that can and have had their own children should not even be part of the debate. It is not the responsibility of infertile couples to adopt over paying big bucks to have their own genetic children, if they choose that route. It's a pretty basic evolutionary fact that all species want to reproduce their own genetics....basic survival of the fittest 101. Thank goodness our emotional yearning of parenting and loving any child can be fulfilled by adoption and surrogacy when couples AND singles face fertility challenges.

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Personally, the thought of someone else birthing "my child" kind of creeps me out. Besides, there are needy children and babies all around the world who need good loving homes and families. You can adopt a beautiful child from our very own wonderful country or any other country located on planet earth. A baby doesn't have to come from your womb for it to be yours, children touch our hearts in so many ways. If you can't concieve yourself, chances are if you tried, you would be able to find a child to adopt that you love just as much as they love you. And trust me, they love you. I have family members that have adopted both their children. One from Europe and one from a teen mother here in the States. And those kids aren't any less theirs cuz they came from someone else's gene pool. They're family all the same.

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I listened to an interview with Rachel on Relevant Radio that discusses this article. Please listen to the interview and I think it gives clarity to this artcle. Rachel is encouraging and celebrating adoption as a beautiful choice. She also discusses how she has considered adoption and still does. Interesting article Rachel and great interview!

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