When Moms Bully Moms, Online and Off

It's not limited to the women. Both genders read this site. Both genders post. So the good and the bad, the supportive and the judgmental, are apparent in the posts of both genders.

I understand the whole thing. My own niece trashed me to another niece over things which were not her business and have been going on for years. She did not know the whole truth only bits by what she was told. I am an Evangelical Christian and try to live by my faith that no one should be agreed with if they are in the wrong-not even if they are your family, a neighbor, or friend. My nieces are 26 and 30. I got a load of flack by family on Facebook because of it, too. It was bullied tactics. I then stated to other parents that I had chosen to speak out since one niece had not compunction to go after me and I wanted my side voiced. I did not call names nor was disrespectful. I stated that if we as parents allow bad behavior no matter the age our kids commit it, then we are irresponsibly parenting ethics no matter what belief system we have. The way my other niece took it you'd have thought that I had done something horrible. I don't think I did. I did not bully but was myself and so was another niece of mine that stood up for me. I have come to the conclusion after bign a full-time mother for nearly 17 yrs to my three kids that everyone has something to say about everthing. We can't please every person but we can try to be better to each other. No one has to agree with my ideas nor I theirs, but I wish that others could understand this and say difference is what makes us fun. I did go back and send notes to those involved that I was sorry they felt as they did but I was not about to be bullied. I did not say anything I regret nor was hurtful except unless you like to blindly support loyalty to those who are wrong. I try to see others sides on how they feel. With each generation we seem to breed more and more depraved personalities. And through political correctness we no longer can tell when someone is speaking opinions in truth as opposed to being spiteful. It doesn't matter how mean or nice things may be said...someone will be offended and they care very little for the right to have a differing opinion and let us all know about it. It is sad and I hate to see this sort of thing. But we are too caught up in hurting others for any reason. I even see this shockingly in church. All we can do is pray for ourselves and others and try having done all we could to straighten out messes when they happen. Too many people can no longer even have an honest hello said to them without taking offense. We have become too hypersensitive. And we think we can solve ills of the world and mediate wars...how we do delude ourselves.

I wonder if this happens because some are taking out the pressure and negativity that their own mothers and mother in laws put on them about their parenting skills. They need someone to throw it on.

Thank you for such an honest and right on reply. It is sad how we hurt each other by judging each other and how we really hurt ourselves even more in the process. Perhaps we need to take a look at the fact that there are many ways to parent. Parenting is truly the hardest job in the world and wouldn't it be great if we could support each other while in the day to day throngs of parenting?!!

You and I must be sisters. I got a lot of flack for my kids sleeping in their own beds from day one, not breast feeding, for allowing my kids to be independent critical thinkers, for demanding manners and respect and for good old fashioned parenting. I have watched others allow dating at 12, back talking, having 16 year olds that can't prepare a meal for themselves when mom is sick and I shake my head and think, for my kids, I know I did the right thing by them.

@ justanotherjen:
You formula fed the baby, and YOU cried it out? Me thinks it was the baby doing all the crying and you doing all the ignoring.
Here's the thing, if mothers don't wish to be "bullied"online for their parenting choices, then they don't need to tell other people about them!!! When you do, you open yourself up to criticism, and other people are going to want to respond because (especially the way you put it jen) they feel you are saying your way is the best way and the only way. My child was breastfed, slept in bed with me until age 1 AND if he had nightmares, never cried it out (we had a great bedtime routine, and still do!) AND he is an independant, critical thinker, but also a very sympathetic and caring person. Cry it out, spanking and bottle feeding aren't necessary to raise a smart, caring kid. Had you not thrown in the insinuation that parents who allow their children to sleep in their bed and who breastfeed and don't use cry it out are raising wimps that can't do anything for themselves, then I wouldn't have said a thing about your parenting choices - see how that works? The only time in public I'd dare say a thing to another parent is if I feel a child is being abused. Yes, it is child abuse to call your 4 year old a "stupid f'ing brat", and it is child abuse to slap your 6 year old across the face - you do these in front of me, and YOU had better watch out. Call it whatever you want, getting into your business, making trouble, etc, but I will always defend children who are being mistreated.

Wow, I completely missed this magical "insinuation" justanotherjen supposedly infused into her comment. I think perhaps it's a little defensiveness on the part of you the responder. In fact, that's probably what leads to a lot of "cyber-bullying" (though I am inclined to think of it more as crabbing) in the first place. People read someone's comment about their personal experience and somehow feel as if they are being told they did it the wrong way. Try taking a deep breath and rereading what is actually being said before you jump to a conclusion and then publicly take another leap down someone's throat.

@WhoaNelly
Agreed. What I perceived from justanotherjen's post was: "This is how I raise my children. It is not the most popular method, and I have been bullied for it, but I stand by it regardless." It was not so much an attack on other parenting methods, as it was a defense of her own.

sure you do, everybody does to some extent. You wouldn't have typed that if you didn't have to reinforce what you just said.