Just Chute Me! (Or: Do We REALLY Have To Play With Our Kids?)

Good one MIchelle, my 8 year old boy finally grew out of the Hot Wheesl stage and somehow discovered legos, sure they are a little more expensive than hot wheels, but they are definitely more versatile and the best part is when you take them into a real huge Lego Store such as the one in Downtown Disney, also there is also another cool store called "RIDEMAKERZ" basically 7-15 year old boys go in there and build their own remote control car, like the Build-a-bear for boys, it beats going to a movies, and they'll remember the experience forever.

SIDE NOTE: If you need to service your Toyota vehicle go to Longo Toyota in El Monte, off the 10 FWY - Peck Rd. there is a cool big race car where kids can climb on the a kids corners everywhere with movies and games, sure beats going to jiffy lube for an Oil Change, Longo Toyota has an EXPRESS 20 minute oil hange, I always go and take my kids there, they love it, also because there is a SUBWAY and Starbucks, EVERYONE IS HAPPY :)

Wow, this is one of the worst articles I have ever seen printed. There is a huge difference in entertaining kids and playing with them. Entertaining your kids is for the parents who constantly have their children in some sport. Those parents who drive them all over 5,6 and even 7 nights a week to some extracurricular activity. Playing with your children is showing them you appreciate them as a human being, that you enjoy them in your life, that they are loved. I work in a special education setting and also do daycare. The kids with issues have the parent who shuffles them off to sports and who does not play with them and give them that parent play time. A child I have in daycare is into some sport or in his room with videos, being ignored by his parents 24/7. He is angry, moody, whiny, and only wants some attention "from his parents". Parents play with your kids. It does not have to cost a dime. Give up all the sports you put them in and throw out the video and Wii games that babysit your kids and be a parent and play with them. Watch them grow and watch them shine. You won't regret it. To parents who feel this article is correct and don't want to play with their kids, shame on you. Why did you have kids if you don't want to spend time with them? This is the down fall of our society. The word ignore, hmmm, gee whiz, spelled almost like ignorance.

We had a situation, my 2 year old daughter refused to listen to us and would have terrible tantrums.
Our problem was resolved, thankfully! My best friend, who's hubby is a Doctor, recommended this program... Http://tiny.cc/parentingpotential This program was a small miracle for us and now I finally understand why my best friend, who is also a parent of two twin toddler girls and a one year old boy, is always so laid back and in control, while I was ready to pull my hair out, lol! You should definitely check it out. A must have for parents. Good luck with everything :)

1. All you have to do is: make sure your kids have access to hammer and nails and wood, not the type of wood that you planned for them to use. They will learn, all on their own, how to build something, yes, ok may it isn't earthquake proof, but talk about an elevated self esteem. Just leave them alone, and go find your tools later-without lecture, but show them where you need to have them put them after use.
2. Have a big drawer or a closet where you hang all your Goodwill or garage sale uniforms, yes, military, old prom dresses, hats, scarves, gigantic boots and some hi heels. Don't tell them how to wear them and don't think they will become mercenary killers or street walkers.
3. Sheets, sheets and sheets are in that closet too. Only once show them how to tunnel the formal dining or the living room or both. Don't gasp at the mess when your snooty friend happens to drop by, because she just dropped her kids off at the ballet class. You are making smart kids, not programed kids. Turn her judgment back on her. Be very concerned that she doesn't want her kids to have real, self-made fun. Poor snooty and her kids.
4. Make cookies, real cookies from scratch with your kids, make it one day/week and on the same day. Now let them pour everything, stir everything and drop the dough on the cookie sheets. Yes, ok, decorate them, once a year (Christmas)-keep the decorating something they look forward to. NO REFRIGERATOR DOUGH. Now you have started a little cook out to learn some yummy skills for her further hubby and children.
5. Now is the time to get the kids working on self esteem in an honest way. Have them pull their socks right side out, before putting them in the laundry. That is just a start. Next sleeves, next separate according to whites and color. Nothing slave like about that, you are dealing with a little rebellion, but making cookies after the job is all done, is their reward.
6. During dinner, have an historical founding father question, which you have the answer and then discuss. Next night asked about that person or event. Each night you do something like that. The public schools will never teach the history our children need to know in order to have patriotic pleasure.
7. Make a warm breakfast for the kids every single morning. No cold cereal, because that is for Saturday, after the warm breakfast.
Yearning and longing for something is good for the soul and teaches self control and pleasure, that doesn't come from entitlements.
8. Older kids can clean their own bathroom. One week Suzi-Q does the bathrooms, which are inspected on her last day. Then the next week Johnny does the same, and his work will be inspected at the end of the week.
I have more.

Shari, the article doesn't advocate for ignoring your children, it is
simply clarifying the misconception so many parents have that it is
vital for our children's welbeing that we entertain them. As a
single parent who worked, went to college and cared for a disabled
child, I always found time to spend with my son, reading him stories, helping him build a "fort" with sheets, making cookies, etc., but I never felt it was my duty to "play" with him like an age appropriate friend would. He "entertained" himself with legos, some video game time on his own and playing outside sometimes with neighborhood friends and sometimes by himself riding his bike, playing basketball,sliding down the slippery slide during hot summer days and building things on his own with a hammer and nails. My son is now a 20 yr old healthy, happy and well adjusted man who can cook, do his own laundry, clean house and rides horses. Guess I was a bad parent for not entertaining him all day long in your opinion, but I think the end result speaks for itself.

I think this article, as some of you have noted, is short-sited and lacks perspective. My mother was a single parent for some time to myself and 3 brothers and worked full-time to support us. She remarried at a later point and continued to work full time. She left early in the morning and was never home until 6 or 7 at night. She never "played" with us, nor really spend a great deal of time with us during the week. As a result, I felt like she didn't want to spend time with us - and even if she did have time, she would choose to spend it elsewhere.

As a result, I wanted to have her attention in any way that I could - which resulted in negative behavior in school and subsequent problems, in addition to feeling that her love was conditional and transient.

Being a stay-at-home mom, or being able to spend solid hours with your children is a financial luxury. If you choose to stay home with your kids - be there with them and interact with them. Let them know that you love them and want to be with them.

If you don't feel like you can give that time and attention to your children, and you have the financial freedom, then go back to work and use that money to hire someone who does want to be there and spend time with your kids.

It's better to have someone home with your children who wants to be there - even if it's not you.

I learned from an early age that it's not about what you say as a parent, but what you do. My mom said that we were her #1 priority, but her actions clearly spoke otherwise. Children are like emotional barometers and pick up whatever vibes you're sending their way.

If you're tired, worn out - join the club. Don't use that as a scapegoat as to why you shouldn't have to spend time with your children.

It's essential to keep the big picture in mind. You won't always be spending time on the floor playing with them. When they're 3, it's great, but when they're 10, they'd rather be playing with friends. Truly, it's all about moderation, perspective, and enjoying your children.

Perhaps it's time for a paradigm shift Lenore. Take yourself out of your world, and realize that you're truly lucky to be able to spend time with your children at home. So many mothers don't have that ability. Use that time. It's an insult and an elitist attitude to complain about the "bore of being a parent."

I'm tired, I work from home, I'm up late grading papers, I have 2 toddlers - we're all in the same club here, Lenore. You're not more tired or exhausted than anyone else. So be honest with yourself. If you don't want to be at home with your kids, and you have the financial ability to not stay at home - don't. Find someone who wants to be there, if you can't be there for them.

Amen! I whined "I'm bored" to my mom ONCE. After I found out what happened ("you're bored? Here's something for you to do...") I learned quickly and with little stress to entertain myself. Now in middle age, I can still find plenty to keep me occupied, love to read, enjoy writing and learning new stuff - all of which I learned early was a much more fun alternative to whatever awful chore mom would come up with.

I really disagree with this article. If parents are supposed to be "role models", how beneficial is it to have a couch hog as your role model. How about a parent who only does chores. I bet they can't wait to grow up to be exhausted everyday. To turn on the TV. That's "adult stuff" right! How about a parent that is so self absorbed , that they have no time for thier their kids. Being self absorbed and too exhausted to engage your child is just going to rear another self absorbed child, etc

I do like this article... Growing up dirt poor we didn't have convinces of video games and fancy toys and my parents worked two jobs each to TRY to keep us from moving every year, causing my friends to constantly change.... Having parental play time was no existant so what did we (me and 2 older brothers) do... we cooked with items we had and learned to use all aspects of the kitchen... We took long walks in the woods and learned how to hunt and make bridges and navigate back home... We made bike tracks out of dirt and raced our bikes, we played baseball in the yard, climbed trees, and made tree houses... Then when I was alone, being a girl, I'd play barbies - with the few I had - and my barbies "house" were different shoeboxes for each room and the furniture I made myself out of leftover wood and nails... Later I learned to read all the time and write stories..... Now, I feel that I had the best childhood was rarely bored, was definetly NOT overweight, and am very self reliant and well rounded... When things in the house need to be done, my husband looks to me to fix it and "rig it" to work... He grew up in one of those "playdate" overstructured homes and can do nothing for or by himself... and that is my thoughts....

No, IMO that isn't what being a parent is about. Being a parent is about raising children to be aware, self confident adults. Not playing with them. Of course sometimes - when we were both in the mood - I played with my daughter, but not when I was so tired I wanted to vomit!

Kids who think that Mom - even if she is so tired she is nauseous - will solve thier problem do not become aware that mom is a human being who sometimes is simply too tired or too busy.They need to learn be aware of other people, and to have empathy for them - including for thier parents.

It is perfectly ok to say to a child - "Sorry honey, mommy is tired and doesn't want to play right now. When I'm not so tired we can do X together." Or even better: "Next time, if you help me finish this chore, I won't be so tired and I'd love to play with you!"

It isn't a matter of black or white, "always play with them" or "never play with them" it is a shade of grey - sometimes you play with them, and other times you encourage them to play alone. Play with them when YOU are in the mood to play with them, when YOU are not too tired. Otherwise, help them learn that first comes the responsibilities - including the responsibility to take care of yourself - then comes the fun.

The thing is, if you didn't jump every time your kid demanded that you play with him, he probably wouldn't ask you "umpteen" times to play with his shake-and-go cars. He would have figured out by now how to stimulate his own mind with new play ideas.

There are other ways to connect with toddlers / preschoolers - like making eye contact and talking at the dinner table, working on chores together, reading / studying together, and letting them quietly, respectfully sit in on your grown-up activities and conversations. Things that expose them to the real world that they will naturally imitate in their independent play.

Like everyone here, I love playing with my kids at appropriate times and places. But I decide when that is. And barring any developmental issues, once kids know how to play, having Mom/Dad for a playmate can be an occasional treat.

Cathy, I respectfully disagree that that is what being a mom is all about. I think "Kimberly" was right when she said she spend time with her son, but that she did not "play" with him like an age appropriate playmate would. Being a mom is all about nurturing, but not so much that your child has to have you be everything for them, your job is to be a mom, make sure their needs for food, clothing, shelter and moral support are met, ensure their education through appropriate grade school and college (for most kids) and be a great role model... but I disagree that it is a mother's job to engage in play with their child as if they are their child's friend. Children need to understand the different roles in the world and not expect parents to be friends, parents need to be parents, enact appropriate disciple when necessary, and how confusing is that for a child when their playmate/friend is playing games with them one minute and then setting them in time out an hour later? I agree with the article, and with what Kimberly said about spending quality time with your children but not entertaining them or playing with them like a friend would.

Finally!~ somone on here sounds like they deserve to have Children. A good Mother who no matter how tired, will sit down, and play with her children. I cant believe what I have read in this Article, and from these parents. I have raised 3 grown daughters, who are very successful, and let me tell you something. I have been bored to tears and they have asked me to play, and I would get down on the floor and play with them.These are the best days of our lives.. Isnt this why we had kids? To love and nurture them? and give them our undivided attention? Because if its not.. then you shouldnt have had kids in the 1st place. Of course my children played by themselfs, but when they would ask me from time to time to get down on the floor witth them and play dolls, or play school, I didnt make it a habit to tell them to go play by themselfs, because it would make them a better person when they grew up. You mothers on here sound like a damn cult, if you dont want to play with your children, then do the society a favor, and dont have them. They are probably the adult who is very independant, parent who has something better to do then listen to their child, and is the one who is out there in counceling because their parents never gave a rats patoot about them. Yeah, real nice Job mom, thats your son who is shooting up the post office, because his boss had to tell him he wasnt needed there again, Who is so tired of being pushed away that he cant see straight.. Yes.. Wonderful Job.. Maybe if you could do it all over again, maybe you would have done it differnt. Or how about the Parents who have lost their children, and would give anything to be that tired parent, who would give anything to get down on the floor, and play with their children one last time. Your going to tell them, its best to let them play on there own with out them butting in? What kind of Ruthless Mothers are you writing these articles, and comments. Let me just tell you something.. when I lay my head down every night, I know I didnt put any man before my children, because him and I as well played the boring games with our kids, and we enjoyed it, and was never, bored to death with our kids that I just told them to go off and play by themself, and i feel proud of my well rounded, absolutely loving, and caring daughters, and I still get down on the floor till this day, and play with my grandsons, because Lord forbid if something were to happen at any split second, I'll know in my heart, I spent as much quality time with them as I possibly could while they were here. How can you call yourselfs parents? Its beyond me! Maybe you should thank your lucky stars you were one of the fortunate ones, who were able to have your own children to play with.Just for the record every one of my 3 daughters, and 2 grandsons can and could entertain themself just fine, and still can.To boot.. what kind of person are you to write an article about playing with your chidlren, and naming it JUST CHUTE (shoot)ME? I think someone should have CHOT(shot) you before you had kids! You wouldnt be in this perdictiment. Talking out of your head!