Just Chute Me! (Or: Do We REALLY Have To Play With Our Kids?)

From my own experience as a kid, I can say this article is actually very correct. My parents never intruded on my play time save to tell me when something was not a good idea (No, silver racers are not good playmates, hun. Go play on the swing instead.) so I learned pretty quick the things that interested me and what didn't interest me rather than them having to run the gauntlet of ideas. Kids can figure it out on their own very quickly when actually permitted to do so.

As they said- role model, not playmate. Kids simply don't respect their playmates like they should their parents. It's perfectly acceptable to whine, fuss at and fight with your playmates. It blurs the line a little too heavily when parents step off that role model perch and get in the sandbox like an over sized kid.

And people wonder why they have so much trouble with their kids these days.

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this is ridiculous. of course you should play with your kids. this whole article seems like it's written to remove guilt from lazy parents who would rather watch Oprah than teach and nurture their kids. if you feel that playing with your kids is not necessary, then maybe just don't have any, and you will have more time for yourself. what's next, don't feed your kids because they should figure it out themselves? i will never understand white people. i bet you play with your dogs, right? of course! walk the dog, play catch, let him lick your face after he's licked his a**, and then let him sleep in the bed. but oh no, don't dare give the kids attention!!! whoever agrees with this article should NOT HAVE KIDS!!! you will just end up making them sad adults. that's my 2 cents.

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Parents today are really funny. They think they are helping their kids, but in fact are hurting them. I remember those lazy days of summer in my childhood. I would greet each new day with such enthusiasm, and not because my mom had scheduled me a piano lesson at 10:00, a Soccer practice at 1:00, and a play date with one of her friend's children at 3:00, but because the day was mine to play and dream and be anything I wanted to for the day. Sometimes I would play with the neighbor children. Most of it we made up as we went along,and we switched it up every 10 or 15 minutes because quite frankly that was about how long our attention span was at that age. HELLOOOO.....WE WERE KIDS!!!!! But sometimes I just layed on my back in the clover and watched the clouds go by to see what funny shapes they'd make, or I just thought about anything or dreamed about what little girls dream about. Nothing was forced on me! My mother was busy doing laundry and cleaning the house and making dinner. Was she a great Mom? Absolutely! She didn't need to play with us or try to be our friend......we already had friends, we needed a mother and she was awesome, and so was our Dad. I learned how to cook, clean, pay bills, make mistakes, and live with the consequences of those mistakes. No one tried to interfere or catch me before I fell, because my parents were wise enough to know that I would most likely learn more from the falls than I would from the successes. So take care of your children, nourish their bodies with good home cooked food, clean sheets on the bed, family dinners at night, help them with their homework only if they have tried unsuccessfully to understand the problem, help them to realize that a job well done is it's own reward. Don't baby them so much, just love them! I am the mother of 7 and the grandmother of 4 so far. I think I raised my children the way I was raised and I can already see that they are great parents to my grandchildren! Lessons learned from generation to generation.

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Why would children need adults to model play? As parents you want to model being responsible adults. Playing with my children was something we did spontaneously and they generally showed me what they wanted to play. Too many parents don't know the difference between being a parent and being a playmate.

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It's about time! I always entertained myself. There was always somebody at home, but I was out in the neighborhood, doing my own thing. In my generation, we didn't have TV, and all the other gadgets that dominate a kid's world today. Overweight kids were rare genetic cases. Technology has been so misused in creating games instead of education. Now they know more ways to kill something, than how to create something.

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My kids are pretty much grown now. 20 & 18 years old. This silly argument is as old as I am...never mind my kids! There's a thing called common sense. As a toddler, my 20-year-old daughter would sit in her crib or playpen for a long time, singing and talking to her dolls and toys while I tried to accomplish necessary tasks in her sight and earshot. My son would never do this! He was on the go constantly! He's be crawling into or under something, jumping, climbing.....things that little boys are famous for doing! They were very different as small children! But I was so happy when each of them began nursery school: Although they were very different, both kids did the same thing: While other kids were clinging and crying, my kids each asked me: "When will you come back?" I told them; they said OK and then I watched as they kissed me goodbye and went off enthusiastically to explore the new experiences and people in front of them. When I returned, I naturally expressed great interest in all they had seen and done.

Even though the ensuing years brought lots of missteps and arguments, I've seen them repeat that same pattern of being sure where they came from yet, eager to move on to the next step. I never really thought about "should I play with them now"...mostly, I always wanted them to understand I was their one and only mother who should be loved and respected and held in a much different regard than their many friends. In return they would never have to wonder if I loved them. They'd always know...even when as teenagers they tried to convince themselves otherwise!

Today, I am happy with the results that common sense and being Mom first, friend second have yielded.

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Just because parents are too f**kin lazy to play with their kids anymore, don't make people like me.. who enjoy it, sound like we're doing something wrong!!! My 2 older kids long ago grew out of that age, and I'm going to hang onto every moment that I can, with my 8 year old daughter, who still finds it fun to play with dad, for all it's worth. You don't want to play with your kids, then don't...that's your f**kin problem, but don't make me sound like some bad parent for giving my undivided attention to my daughter when she wants to play school or whatever, because thats the stupidest crock of bulls**t, that I've ever heard!

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You are right in one instance... that we are our kids parents.. you learn when you have teenagers that being a parent your teen can trust will get you a lot further than just taking a "you will do it my way" approach to parenting, the way I relate to my 15 yr old is different than my 5 yr old... One of the reasons I don't like the article is the way it is presented. It talks about playing with your kids... spending time with your kids... See, Amanda, you are doing a lot by homeschooling, and kudos to you! I think that home schoolers have a lot of guts. You are spending a LOT of time with your kids everyday. Taking them out and planting a garden... HELLO! spending time with your kids... teaching them something... I'd think you might take more issue to this article. Maybe it is just that I got turned off about 1/2 through this article.. maybe I need to go back and read it again in it's entirety, but in my opinion... spending time with your kids and playing with your kids are really pretty much the same.
Giving your kids a full schedule of after school activities... I think that is a joke.. I will agree with anyone who thinks so... My kids can find 1 thing they enjoy doing and make a "paid by mommy" hobby out of it.. that is fine, but I know a lot of people whose kids have a FULL schedule of "other people" entertaining them throughout the week. TOTALLY unneccessary!
People need to know BEFORE they have children that there is a lot more to it than just dishin out rules. This isn't a business for the love of all that's holy! Having and raising children should be an experience, one that everyone learns from. If you don't enjoy it.. you just don't do it in the first place, IMO.
My mom and I are best friends today.. that was developed over time, she had respect for my thoughts and interests growing up, Her and my dad were loads of entertainment when they were not busy... we learned our creativity through my mom... and my dad, music, our love of it, and our talents. They were strict... heck... VERY Catholic... I went to Catholic schools through high school. I will always have fond memories of my childhood because of the role my parents played.
Basically, I think the foundation for your future relationswith your parents starts very young. Someday, you will be old... and you won't want to be alone, you will want for your kids to want to spend time with you :)

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Wow...Wow....WOW! A self described lazy parent seeks confirmation, I can imagine her dismissing several "experts" on child rearing until she came across some guy in Utah who claims to have knowledge of Europe....lookit her! If your mom dressed like that you wouldn't play with her either!

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I'm a middle-aged adult and have fond memories of my mother sitting down and drawing and coloring with me when I was little. This article is ridiculous. It's important to be engaged with your child (children.) The key is balance; children have to learn that you can't be at their beck and call all of the time, but they do have to feel that their parents love them and want to spend time with them. The article is correct in that you don't need to enroll your child in every sport and activity under the sun. But I loved spending time with my parents when young, and I equally love reading, building or playing games with my own child.

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I think it's ok to play with kids. Sometimes when they ask you to play with them, they just want company. My son is an only child, now grown up. And my granddaughter is an only child, too. She is a hoot. She loves to fold clothes and change the sheets. I have some hilarious pics of her trying to get pillows that are almost as big as she is into pillow cases. My son would paint in his highchair while I had coffee and played yahtzee with my Mom, when she was visiting. I played Candyland and Go Fish some with them, but not every time they asked. The secret is moderation and being available and accessible.

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This is the BIGGEST CROCK OF CRAP EVER WRITTEN! PLEASE!

We don't have kids so we can ignore them, whoever wrote that in the first place was someone clearly WITHOUT children or doesn't like them! And if you do ignore them then you are NEGLECTING them emotionally!

I agree there is a difference between entertaining & playing, but come on folks, this country is going to hell in a hand basket and it's BECAUSE of so called truths like this! It's WHY kids of today are for the most part rude, obnoxious creatures who I'd just love to smack their parents because they SHOULD have been taught better instead of being ignored!

I don't know, and frankly I don't care what ANYONE else thinks about it, if you wanna ignore your kids, go ahead, their yours but I will CONTINUE to play & entertain my children, bonding with them and making them my TOP priority...Because frankly 18 years goes by so fast they'll soon be gone off to college with their own lives, so I'm making the most of it while their still young & at home.

Just my two cents!

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I was the visiting Dad as I was divorced early in their lives. I usually took them on a long walk to use up their energy at the end of a day at work. Weekends I would take them to the park and we fed the ducks or to the fish hatchery to feed the fish. We played a lot together and they turned out fine. We still have a great relationship and I think playing with them was a good Idea. They all have turned out to be self sufficiant and happy people. It's great to be with them and we still play. Guess it takes all kinds to make up the world.

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Why 3rd world countries laugh at us is beyond me....their kids are used as slave labor, have terrible adult wages (beyond terrible), girls sold into prostitution, no schooling, parental abuse, etc! Americans, keep doing things right. Although DON'T overschedule, and DO encourage education.

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I am a bit disturbed by this article - mostly because it really does come off as a "free pass" to ignore children. Get real - did you have children only for you to find an excuse to ignore them?

While I agree that children should have a sense of autonomy & most definitely have a sense of initiative (e.g., able to entertain themselves) I am disgusted that anyone would think that playing with them is "bad." Honestly, I am appalled by the suggestion...

I also think that making sure that every second of their time is filled with activity after activity is not a great thing either - children need down-time & time to just relax... but, remember, those activities are most likely without parents, and more likely with their peers.


Children need to build social/emotional skills & playing with them, particularly at an early age, helps them to recognize that they are loved, cared for, important & fun to be with... if you were to ask any adult who was ignored as a child, I am betting that the lasting effect is enormous - and not in a good way....

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I have over 10 years experience teaching preschoolers. I'd modify that teacher's advice a bit. It's not your job to entertain your kids. It's your job to protect and teach your kids. But there are ways to make that more fun.

Kids can get a lot out of museum trips and zoo visits, and it's important to just PLAY with your kids now and then. But keeping them constantly stimulated is exhausting for everyone. They need time everyday to just do their own thing, and so do you. When you do play games/share activities with them, it's okay to challenge them a bit.

Trying to teach a two year old chess may be pushing it a bit, but a four year old can learn checkers. A 6/7 year old can learn a lot about numbers from games like Sorry. And it's fun for the adult too.

And starting when they can walk, I think it's a good idea to start giving your kids jobs. Start simple, get them to pick up their toys, and let them help carry or sweep. Understand that they may get bored quickly, and not do the best job at first. Try working together on chores with them. It helps you out and teaches them an important life skill. It also gives you time together. Just a thought.

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First of all, I have a three year old, and my fiancee has a nine year old. My fiancee's ex-wife dotes on both of her children, and caters to their every whim, so our weekends with him are terrible. He needs constant entertainment and constant attention because she does this. He will do anything to get it, also, whether it is negative or positive. He is very whiny, and tries to guilt my fiancee into doing everything with and for him. As a matter of fact, this morning, he demanded that he go snowboarding because his father has not given him enough attention this weekend. Mind you, yesterday we went to a local ice castle, as well as to a festival and ice skating.

My three year old son not only never asks me to play, but does very well on his own. At three, he knows that his laundry needs to be in his hamper and his bed needs to be "made" (not that it looks great) on his own before he can even go upstairs to his playroom (which is a finished attic, complete with a library and video game system, as well as an art nook). I am a stay at home mom, pregnant with my second child right now, and I must say, my son's independence is something I take great pride in.

I ask him if its ok to maybe make a picture or play elefun or something- and sometimes, he will tell me no if he's busy with his own activity. If he wants to, he will be excited to play or watch a movie or read a book or play on the chalk board.

I find that my three year old and the nine year old cannot get along because the nine year old needs to have even my son's constant attention, and he, sometimes, just wants to do his own thing and not have to go straight from making a lego-building as tall as himself to drawing a picture of his entire family and turning it into a book. He just gets over stimulated when the nine year old gets involved. That has made me realize that the last thing in the world I want to do is cater to my son's every last wish- that makes for a very dysfunctional child who is less than pleasurable to be around!

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We have 9 grandchildren and I LOVE PLAYING WITH THEM!!! It is a treat for my husband and I I remember game night when my own children were growing up but I really did not dedicate my day to playing..Iwas raising 4 children all under the age of 5 yrs old. Yes, they played with each other...sorry
Oh by the way..we have 2 doctors, an attorney and a school teacher as occupations...seem to be very happy and well adjusted so please tell the young parents ...DO NOT FEEL GUILTY IF YOUR NOT DEVOTING EACH DAY TO PLAYTIME! Who wrote this stupid article ?????? P.S. FIND TIME TO PLAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND!!!!

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I have a thought... instead of waiting for your kids to have kids for you to play with as grandparents... why don't you give your kids today a reason to appreciate their own tomorrow :) Enjoy them while they are around!

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Well, if it's only W.I.E.R.D Countries that are doing this, I am going to keep doing it. America is great and if we keep on doing what we are doing instead of doing what the rest of the world is doing, we will stay great.

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