Parents: Don't Give Up on Abstinence Education

There have always been horny teens -Hello! Its not that the little dears are having sex, its that, when they get knocked up, they want to keep the baby and raise it with the taxpayer's and momma's help. Now, my mother, who was widowed at a young age ( b/c of Vietnam) used to look at the teen girls with babies and say "Why in the hell would anyone choose this kind of life?" All I remember was her working 2 jobs etc. Oh, and she warned us when we got older that if we got knocked up or did the knocking up there would be no "loving support" from mom. It was hard enuf getting thru the day without doing something stupid to make it worse. Harsh? Perhaps. Realistic? Well, we all plugged thru high school, college, and yes, graduate and law school. Did we sit on it until we were married? Hell no! But we were smart about it and took care of ourselves, and these were the days before condoms and the pill were advertised on TV and were made such a casual part of our culture. I have teens and tell them the same thing. Its not "sex" ed. It should be called Reality Ed.

Reply

Teaching our children abstinence is a disservice to our children. We need to teach our children responsibility. The bottom line is that teenagers will have sex, and they need to know how to do so responsibly...be aware of how to protect themselves from STDs and pregnancy. I taught health and sex ed for many years in both private and public schools and it was going on. In fact, in a Catholic high school where abstinence was the only thing taught, the girls were having sex, several with young male teachers. We can preach religion and family values, and it will not change their minds.

Reply

Of course Planned Parenthood wants to teach sex is good. Doing so brings in more abortion clients. They're in the business of making money. It's the most evil organization we have today and our young people are in great danger of their influence. We need to lobby against Planned Parenthood for the sake of our children and grandchildren. If parents don't wake up to the sex problem, we are going to have 10 or 12 year old pregnant girls. Is society going to be happy then? Look at all the T.V. ads and magazines that push sex, sex, sex. Our young kids go to the grocery store and every cover shows sexy women and headlines on how to be sexy, get the girl or guy you want, give more pleasure in bed, this celebrity or politician is in trouble for an affair, even our president got caught. How sad we are. We're like animals having sex with whoever we want because we have no self-control and they want us all to believe we don't need to have self control. Abortion & STD's aren't the only consequences of our overly sexed society. What about the child abductions and rape that is rampant in our world today? When some pervert is caught we all want that person to suffer for their actions. Then we go right back to feeding the beast by watching and listening to crap on T.V. and music, radio stations, movies, magazines. These outlets are feeding our "sex above all" mentality that people are too stupid to realize. It's running our lives, families. What do you think is going through kids minds when on T.V. it's impossible to watch a program without some kind of sexual innuendo or the characters talking about sex explicitly. Remember, the music we listen to in the car is what our 4 or 5 year old is hearing. Do any of you get my point here? It is OUR responsibility as parents to filter this out of our childrens daily existence as much as possible. We don't HAVE to watch so much T.V., listen to THAT radio station or buy THAT magazine or go watch THAT movie. Are we so lazy or self-serving that we can't change the station or channel, even for the sake of our children? C'mon parents, get a clue as to WHY we need to talk to our children about the dangers of sex. We need to be teaching our sons the appropriate way to treat a girl from an early age starting with respect for their sisters, mom, grandmothers so they learn women are people not objects. We need to be teaching our daughters to cover their bodies instead of exploiting them giving out the idea that they're "easy". By respecting themself, they will render respect from others. Also, we need to teach our girls that just because a boy asks them to "do something" to them or with them they should set that boy straight immediately. Our talks with our children shouldn't be all that's happening. As we remove these influences from their view and hearing, along with the talks, they'll get a better idea of what sex is. And parents, can't we write to radio stations, magazines etc., and tell them we're tired of the crap they put out. Find other outlets to keep children occupied. I guarantee you, a child would much more spend time tossing a ball or fishing, riding a bike, camping, going to the park, (whatever) than sitting around watching T.V. Turn off the radio in the car and talk instead. Yes, it's going to take effort from parents and yes, we already have so much to do. But, the rewards will be worth it and our kids will be stronger because they'll begin to make these choices on their own. If we don't show them we're willing to change the channel or station or turn it off when we can't find something decent; we can't expect them to. No parent wants a 12 year old pregnant kid or teenager. Remove the nastiness and replace it with something that will build up your child instead. Life isn't about sex.

Reply

Hello Bstgrl :)
First of, I was merely giving my personal opinion, which is the point of these websites I thought? There's no need to be rude.
Also one thing I’ve noticed which might have an impact is I live in the UK which is very different in attitudes compared to the USA (if that’s where you are from) which could contribute to our differing opinions. Just because I am a year off legally becoming an adult does not mean I’m not entitled to my own opinion and I feel does not make my argument less valid compared to someone older. I understand your point that perhaps I many not have as much life experience but I am also directly involved in the topic we are discussing so surely a first hand knowledge and interacting day to day with the people in question means I am allowed to make some valid points I feel? It is these attitudes that contribute to the lack of respect between young people and adults these days, surely we can learn from each other, not thinking one knows better than the other? And I know my parents and most adults which I have had discussions about this with completely agree (I was wondering, does that make there argument more valid than mine out of interest?) Also I wasn't saying I am the same as every young person in the whole world, but I was using the example of myself to represent young people I had encountered. And I think your right to say evidence varies but I think that’s what the writer of this blog has done wrong, in my opinion she has made the argument black and white by saying if young people abstain from sex they will be happier people, surely there is variation in this argument, it was this I disagreed with.
So I’m sorry if you disagree with me or I wasn't clear enough in my previous argument, but I’ll be sure to take your opinion on board.

Reply

I was sexually active since I was 15 and despite this, I was a very successful high school student who got good grades and was in countless HONORS CLASSES, which I completed successfully. I was such a good student, in fact, that I was given the opportunity to graduate in three years instead of the traditional four (which I took advantage of, btw). I won acclamation and awards in the Chicagoland area (not just from my school) for my excellent journalism skills, and all of this happened while I had what would be considered to be a sex life that was much more closer to what is typical of an adult rather than a teen. Basically, I was having sex on a somewhat frequent basis, just as I do today (at the age of 27) and despite this, I was a VERY successful student, graduation in the top quarter of my class.

Abstaining from sex is good, but this can't be expected from everyone. Sex is natural. The hormones that run through our system that make us randy and wanting to (in many cases) experiment with some heavy petting is natural. For those who can hold off on sex until a later age, well, that's great, but this can not be expected of everyone. Because of this, abstinence education is needed, but should NOT be the only type of sex education that our children receive in school.

What would happen if one day, a child who had only been educated in abstaining from sex got into a sticky situation where peer pressure got the best of them and they "broke", thus making the decision to have sexual relations with another person? What if that child didn't have access to condoms, or even if they did, what if they didn't know how to use one? In this instance, many horrible things could happen, and I'm not just talking about the possibility that this child could end of pregnant. What if she got an incurable disease such as herpes, genital warts, or even AIDS?

What I do know is this: thinking back to older family friends and neighbors I had growing up, I KNOW that no matter what kids are or are not taught, sometimes sex happens-- and that's natural. For these older individuals that I knew VERY personally from a young age, well, they're great examples of how sex happens. Period. More specifically, despite the fact that these individuals were born in the 1910s and 1920s, some of them decided to have premarital sex, despite the possible consequences carrying severe consequences in part to the time period in which these sexual encounters took place. These people were ONLY taught about abstaining from sex and some decided at a young age to become sexually active anyways.... and guess what? Despite being only 14-16 years old and unmarried, some of these people had to deal with unexpected pregnancy. This, because of the time period in which it occurred, then forced these young individual who had their whole lives ahead of them to get married to someone who they did not necessarily love and then bear the child in which they created. With marriage back then literally meaning "till death do us part", there was usually not an acceptable way out, thus these young, naturally-horny children were hooked together with their respected sexual partner who they may or may not have had feelings of love towards, for the rest of their long lives.

Thankfully today we have better knowledge about sex, better types of birth control, abortion (if you support it or not, it still exists in our world and some women still utilize this "service"), etc.... but all these things ONLY WORK IF THEY ARE TAUGHT TO THE CHILDREN AND ADULTS WHO MIGHT ONE DAY NEED THIS KNOWLEDGE. Also, concerning sex education, it's probably better to be safe than to be sorry....

As the old 70s PSA stated, "VD is for everybody", not just for a selected few.

Reply

Actually, a recent study suggested that teen sex is only academically harmful if a teen is not having sex within a loving, committed relationship. (CBS and CNN both have stories on this--I'd post the link but it won't let me. Just google 'teens sexual committed relationship', no quotes, and it'll be among the first few links).

Teens should be taught about safe sex. While they might be taught that there are some benefits to delaying intercourse, they should also be taught about less risky sexual outlets and behaviors. We need to stop teaching our children that sex is inherently bad unless it's inside a marital relationship.

From a personal perspective, hearing such negativity about sex and sexuality led me to developing erotophobia. And trust me, that is also psychologically harmful and distracting. I realize that's a more extreme reaction than most, but various scholars of gender and sexuality have shown that young woman have a skewed, negative perception of their bodies and sexualities, which is consistently reinforced by social commentary and expectations of ''good girls" versus "bad girls". Perhaps many young people feel guilty after sex because they are told they should. It's a vicious cycle.

Reply