Father Loses 2 Young Children In Tornado
Why It's Hard To Get Along With Your In-Laws
Is It Possible to Avoid the Princess Phase?
Filed under: Media, Twins, Triplets, Multiples, Fashion
Down with Cinderella!
My twins aren't even three years old, and I'm already sick of that girly triumvirate that seems impossible to escape when you are raising girls: The Princess/Barbie/Pink matrix. Toys 'R' Us has entire aisles devoted to Disney Princess merchandise, racks of sparkly pink dress-up clothes, pretend makeup and costume jewelry, and of course, those totally weird Bratz dolls with their stripper clothes and drag queen makeup.
I recently spotted a little toy camera at my local toy store, something I had been hoping to get my snap-happy girls. But on closer inspection, it too was stamped with those ubiquitous Disney heroines. And when you looked through the viewfinder -- surprise! -- more princesses. My husband hates the Princess/Barbie/Pink phenomenon as much as I do, and we're determined to avoid it for as long as possible.
Some of my friends have said, "Get used to it," and told me that their girls just gravitated towards pink and princessy items once they hit kindergarten. I suppose if Sadie and Bridget's friends are all into Barbie or Bratz, they probably will be too. And I wouldn't dream of banning all that stuff from the house, because I know well enough that the best way to make a kid want something is to tell them they can't have it.
But is the princess phase really inevitable?
Just to be clear, I loved girly stuff when I was a kid. I consumed Barbies voraciously, loved the gowns and the crowns and the Barbie hairdresser set; totally fell for stories of handsome princes, damsels in distress and happily ever after. But I was also achingly envious of my friend Jill's naturally white-blonde hair, and when I wasn't chosen to be the princess in my nursery school's play, I cried. OK, so all that stuff didn't turn me into a spineless, brainless victim of chauvinism. But I still think that in this day and age, little girls shouldn't have this old-fashioned fantasy shoved down their throats when there is so much more out in the world to explore.
Fortunately, Bridget and Sadie are pretty much oblivious to the P/B/P thing right now. They do play with traditional "girl" toys: Bridget casts spells with her magic wand, they both enjoy their play kitchen and Sadie adores feeding her baby dolls. But they also have a workbench and a dump truck and a couple of really rad firetruck puzzles. And though they've been given a couple of books featuring fairies and princesses, they are just as interested in their books about turtles, stars, bears and trains.
When we went shoe-shopping recently, the salesclerk asked my daughters what colour balloons they wanted. Bridget asked for "green" and Sadie asked for "yellow." When the salesclerk said, "Wow, how original! Girls always ask for pink," I have to admit, I felt pretty pleased with myself. Maybe my girls could buck the odds and end up Princess-free. Could it be possible?
No doubt, the P/B/P trap will be difficult to avoid. Introducing my kids to traditional Disney fare like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Beauty and the Beast would be a surefire way to turn them into tiara-wearing maniacs. So right now, we stick with Treehouse. When I told my friends that I've altered some traditional tales (like Cinderella) to make them more "girl power," a couple of them thought I was nuts. Did I really think I was going to hide the fact that the Prince rescues the poor, helpless maiden when these stories have been told for generations? No, probably not. But I'm determined to allow my daughters to make their own choices when it comes to their self-image, especially now, before High School Musical and Hannah Montana teach them that stereotypical beauty = teenage power.
And I'm sure that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Ann Douglas is a parenting expert and author of Body Talk, a book for adolescent girls about body image and self-esteem issues, which she co-authored with her daughter, Julie. Douglas says that she also had concerns about the Princess/Barbie/Pink issue when Julie was young.
"I tried to ban Barbie, but people gave them to my daughter as gifts, so we had to live with Barbie," says Douglas. "I tried to buy her one of those Happy To Be Me dolls, which was supposed to be a more realistically proportioned doll. But my daughter took one look at her and said, 'She has a big butt.' So, yes, it is hard. But what we can do is try to get them to think about the amazing things their body can do, rather than what they look like." Douglas also says that as parents, we can counter the negativity coming from ads and TV shows by talking to our daughters about the unrealistic images or sexist messages when we see them.
"It's getting them to critique the advertising themselves," says Douglas. "The sooner they become media savvy, the sooner they will be able to recognize those messages. Then when they see them, they won't just absorb them, which is the worst."
All I can say is, thank goodness for Dora the Explorer. My girls are thoroughly enchanted with Dora on TV and in books, and I'm totally OK with that. Although Dora does occasionally turn into a princess or don a fancy party dress, for the most part, she's a determined little tomboy with a monkey for a best friend who's always up for an adventure. She's kind, clever, sporty and strong, and she speaks a second language (always a plus!).
I'm always on the hunt for girl-positive reads for my book-crazy gals. On the very cool website Mommytracked.com, you can find the Anti-Princess Reading List, which features kids' books with "strong, smart, spunky girl protagonists" who want to do more than marry a prince when they grow up. Bitch magazine also has a great list of books for budding grade-school feminists. And the Dadventure blogger recently came up with a list of the best anti-princess princess books. I share his enthusiasm for The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch, one of my girls' favourite reads.
Maybe one of these days I'll have to throw in the towel. Perhaps the first time Sadie and Bridget go to a princess party and put on those satin gowns, one (or both) of them will decide there's really nothing cooler. But until then, I'm going to try to help them see that being smart and capable and courageous is much more fun than just looking good in a pretty dress.
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
-
Kids Dressing In Drag - Anastacia's Story
What do you think about boys dressing up as princesses and girls dressing up as GI Joe for Halloween? Are kids who are raised gender neutral better adults? Guest Anastacia Kurylo talks about her son wanting to be a female Disney character for Halloween.
-
Kids Dressing In Drag - Does Gender Matter In Halloween Costumes?
What do you think about boys dressing up as princesses and girls dressing up as GI Joe for Halloween? Are kids who are raised gender neutral better adults? Janet Varney is joined by guests Ben Fee, Julie Duckett, Anastacia Kurylo, Katie Hurley and Betsy Brown Braun to discuss.
-
Kids Dressing In Drag
What do you think about boys dressing up as princesses and girls dressing up as GI Joe for Halloween? Are kids who are raised gender neutral better adults?
-
Princess Parenting: Father Daughter Solution
Are you a princess parent? Does your baby girl have more princess paraphernalia than you can fit in your mini van? As a parent, it's nearly impossible to avoid the inevitable onslaught of princess culture. In this episode of The Lab, Daddy Brad and Daddy Clay compare who is the bigger princess parent by adding up their daughters' princess gear. From Disney games and Disney princess toys to princess costumes and unicorn stuffed animals, the two Dads compare who is the bigger Cinderella...
SitesWeLove
- Site Map
- |
- Staff
- |
- Terms of Service
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Trademarks
- |
- Advertise With Us
- |
- About Our Ads
- |
- AOL Downloads
- |
- Contact Us
- |
© Copyright 2012 AOL Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Aol Family
ReaderComments (Page 2 of 8)
2-24-2010 @ 4:55PM
Heather C. said...Here, Here! I'm not a mom yet - nor am I planning to be anytime soon - and I'm already dreading this stuff.
My dad was a mechanic before he started working for GM, and a car fan, so I wound up with more toy cars than I ever had Barbies. He took me to car shows, and got me my own set of -real- tools when I was in Kindergarten, I think, and taught me how to use them. My mom worked too, she was a bookkeeper, and just really amazing with money. I had an old broken typewriter we got from some place, and a calculator so I could prentend to work too.
One year, when I was around 8 or 9 I was really into Barbie, but Barbie went out and made millions, and Ken stayed home and tried to take care of the kids, but really wasn't capable so the dog (ala Nana in Peter Pan) wound up doing most of the parenting. That didn't last long though. I had a grand total of 12 Barbies (including Ken, and Barbie's various little sisters).
Looking back though, the coolest toy I ever had was a Little Tykes party kitchen. It was just amazingly awesome; I think I played with that thing past the age of 12.
2-20-2010 @ 8:03PM
ThePrincessIs said...BRAVO, SHELLEY WHITE! Fortunately, I was never really into the "Princess" thing, and I have done everything in my power to mock it. I have jet black hair, and also went through the "school play reject syndrome". I was a dominatrix for 10 years on and off, and having my email as The Princess this or that has brought many laughs from friends and collegues. My granddaughter loves the witchie-poo thing and scoffs at the princess!
I drive heavy equipment for a living now and am a proud member of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters! I am known as the "Teamster Princess", giving the term "princess" a whole new meaning! My heart aches for all the little girls who fall into this trap because it leads to unhealthy (and sometimes fatal) "practices; addictions, bulemia, and anorexia to name a few. These girls don't feel pretty enough for society's standards, and so the rollercoaster begins. I have been on that rollercoaster, and now help other girls and women realize that we are all "god's masterpiece", if you will; that one does not have to be 5'7", blond-haired, blue-eyed and prissy to be a "princess". But, then again, if you notice, the queen usually was the dark-haired one, if that's any consolation...
When the play, "Wicked" came out, I was thrilled at the concept that the "good witch who wasn't a witch at all", was the blond-haired, deceiving one, and the roles were reversed. Score a point for the "dark side", for we are not always the bad guys! We are the sexy, intriguing, exotic and passionate ones!
I grew up in a suburb outside of Detroit, and we played cops and robbers, jumped in piles of leaves, made mud pies (and had mud fights!) and played dress up, too, when the weather forced us to play inside. And we had fun doing it all. However I feel that having a more adverse array of things to do helped to prepare me for the "real world. I have been a florist, Dental tech. and an executive assistant to a V.P. of Finance and Administration, and was also in the Navy and now, a Teamster(ette!) and proud of it!
The princess syndrome "limits" our young ladies making them fall prey to sterotypes. But don't get me wrong; I still like doors opened for me, gentlemen to stand up when I arrive or depart from a table and generally just getting treated like a lady. Its an art that we learn in finding that fine line that separates sexes in a very sexist world. My hat goes off to you and I applaud you for writing your artical, Shelley!
Cheers!
Lisa Burton
Reply
2-22-2010 @ 11:24AM
Wendy said...Disney ain't all bad. Check out Princess and the Frog--a very smart, savvy, hard-working and self-sufficient princess. As long as they're going to be influencing little girls--and boys--all over the world, they ought to be encouraged and acknowledged when they try to evolve.
2-22-2010 @ 2:47PM
4mom said...Bravo. You said girl.
2-20-2010 @ 9:53PM
Linda Sax said...Dora the Explorer is terrific, and so is her popularity! Little girls CAN enjoy more than pink-clad princesses, and Dora proves it!
As your girls grow up, why not start introducing them to "real life Doras" - movies, shows and programs about real women who have the kinds of jobs sure to spark a child's interest? There are women who explore the ocean's depths, the rainforests and outer space. It sounds as if your daughters like animals - there are plenty of female naturalists whose adventures make "waiting to be rescued by the prince" sound as boring as it really is! Let your girls learn about them, too!
And when it comes to Disney princesses - remember that not all of them are passive, pathetic or dumb. Belle ("Beauty and the Beast") is smart, courageous and independent - ditto Mulan ("Mulan") and of course Tiana ("The Princess and the Frog"). Hopefully, there'll be more of those as film makers realize that there is indeed a market for them.
A few years down the road, do check out the movie "The Secret of Roan Inish". It's got everything - Irish folklore come to life and a wise and daring little girl who solves the mystery of her brother's disappearance. (It's not for 3 year olds, but would be great for children of 9 or 10.) No passive female characters there - just an absolutely wonderful story!
It sounds as if you have two great kids - congratulations to you and them. You must be doing a wonderful job with them, and you have every reason to be proud of them and yourself!
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 12:02AM
LCason6880 said...I raised a Disney Princess who also wrote letters to the school board in kindergarden and to the house of representatives in 3rd grade. Every little girl should feel like a special princess! And all children boys too (Spiderman, Batman, pirates?) like to play dress up. My daughters favorite princess is Snow White but she has always said that she would never clean house for 7 dirty little men that she found in a forest, bathe them and cook for them. Her answer to that is that SHE was a princess, why didn't she just tell her father the king that the stepmother was a witch? We had many discussions about how the princesses lives were different from real life, just like we talked about all sorts of interests. My daughter never liked baby dolls or toy kitchens prefering other things some of them her brothers toys but she also had a room full of Barbie, Disney Princesses and My Little Pony. My daughter has always had good self esteem and her own personality. She is now an adult and has her own little Disney Princess complete with a pink nursery. Does that mean she won't have a mind of her own? Of course not. Kids understand pretend way better than a lot of adults.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 12:57PM
MG said...Ach. You worry too much. Pink is a great colour and its only gendered if mom and dad say so. When I was little I was determined to be strong and individual so I choose indigo as my favorite colour because it wasn't bubblegum pink and it wasn't my mom's favorite color (red). But then I got older and liked orange better. And then the stress of college hit and I liked a calm green better. And now I'm a grad student and find...what do you know...FUSCHIA to be the best colour ever.
It never hurts a girl to be girly sometimes. Its only when a parent expresses disgust in silly girliness there's a problem. The little girl comes to beleive there is something wrong with 'girl interests' and that there is something more noble about red firetrucks.
And hey - so girly pink is morally and ethically wrong - but its totally acceptable and correct to 'force' boy-centric themes like heroic emergency personal and yellow dump trucks on girls? Do the boys get to play with Barbie?
Just sayin'.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 4:23PM
SKW said...I was raised with Barbies, but also Power Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I never wanted to be a princess but liked to play with girl toys as much as boy toys. Don't avoid Disney all together: in the 90s they had many strong heroines. Belle, Jasmine, Nala, Esmeralda, Pocahontas, Mulan, Meg, Jane, all of them are good role models for young girls. I leave out Ariel because she gave up an unfulfilling but comfortable life for a hot guy. Don't force the princess phase out of the house, but don't necessarily invite it either.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 4:23PM
Ron said...Why so much attention on young Princess behavior ?
I se a huge amount of spoiled Princess behavior on girls/women all the way from 13 - 40 years old.
A neighbor Princess, 25, has already had 2 kids, 2 ex-husbands, her Masters Degree, now causing lots of grief to her relatives, friends and her live-in stud boyfriend.. she got it all, at everyone else's expense... a very common situation.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 4:27PM
Kelly said...Of course it's possible. My dad socialized me into liking things that little boys like. Such as toy cars, weapons, airplanes. Now I'm just like any other grown up woman. What a joke.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 5:09PM
Eva said...Poor Mommy.......You are missing the best part of your girls. Set back relax and enjoy the changes and phases. I have twin grand daughters that are 8 now and they have been through it all. We are now doing American Girl Dolls and having a blast. Both of the girls are on Honor Roll and have a great outlook on life, themselves and others. This day will pass and you will wish you had some of it back. Enjoy the ride.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 4:29PM
Lily said...Oh, and I forgot to mention I'm really into make up now.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 4:40PM
tom said...I wonder how many mothers and fathers would get their son's barbies and tea sets and princess things and pink shirts and pants. It always seems in one direction....girls being free to enjoy both but boys not. At 8 yrs old (I'm 53, male) I was very happy to get a plastic tea set, which I subsequently broke because I filled it with water. :-(
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 5:57PM
Jenny-Ann said..."I wonder how many mothers and fathers would get their son's barbies and tea sets and princess things and pink shirts and pants. It always seems in one direction"
I can't speak for everyone but I'm one of those mothers. My son got Barbies, baby dolls, tea sets, play vacuums, pink clothes, and other stereotypical girl stuff.
2-22-2010 @ 2:40AM
tamanosou said...My brother INSISTED on carrying around this baby doll when he was small. He also loved to play dress up and play with a number of other female gendered toys while I was interested in swords, horses, and trucks. He would take the doll out in public which earned my mother a great deal of criticism that somehow that would turn him gay. Not that it matters but ... now that he's an adult we know he's not gay, so clearly those criticisms were off the mark.
I will say though, play is about reinforcing roles and future patterns of behavior for lifestyle and work. Because we have gender roles we have gendered toys. As a kid I used my barbies and my little ponies as peices on a battle strategy board, but adults generally try to socialize kids through toy selection and encouraged play. I was just subversive. So when companies like Toys R Us gender their selections and Disney puts out sparklies and pink for girls it does have an effect on how these girls think they're supposed to behave. You will note the derth of young men wearing pink. (Which is sad because I think pink looks rather attractive on most men.) Also, some of the action figures aimed at boys are also detrimental to their body image. If you compare the Luke Skywalker action figure from the 70s and the more recent one you'll notice he got significantly buffer. Inhumanly buffer. If little girls want to be Barbie they'll have an eating disorder. If little boys want to be Luke Skywalker, there will be steroid use in their future.
2-21-2010 @ 4:41PM
Scvaz7 said...I have to say I think you are taking this problem too far (although I do kind of agree that the Bratz dolls are kind of weird). There is nothing wrong with a little girl going through a "princess" phase. There is a growing negative connotation on anything Disney Princess related because I believe people are misinformed. Think about all of the great morals taught by Disney films over the years. I understand originally, princesses started out simply waiting for their prince charmings, but good always triumphed over evil. But if you have seen any of the new Disney cartoon films over the recent years, the morals and ideas for young girls have evolved. Look at Princess Tiana, she is the perfect example about how Disney evolves. She was an extremely hard worker, who would not let anyone stop her, at first she didn’t even like the Prince because he was lazy. So I don't see anything wrong with letting your little girls be a part of that world. Disney empowers girls to never settle, look at Belle, she was really intelligent, and she would not marry the most "handsome" guy in town because he was a complete imbecile. The ideas of Disney are timeless. I am telling you this from the perspective of a high school senior; a high school senior who takes only advanced classes in school and gets straight A’s. I am also very involved in student government and the community. I play at the top level of competitive soccer (a goalkeeper no less) and I am the valedictorian of my graduating class. I have also been recruited by multiple colleges to play soccer, I dance and sing, and I have a shot at attending an Ivy League school next year. I lead a very balanced and healthy lifestyle and I was brought up on Disney films, and when I go to Disney world, I still love to be a "princess". I know all of the Disney stuff made me who I am today because plenty of people have told me I could never be a great goalkeeper for example because I am not as “stocky” or as tall, as most goalies are; but I sure showed them. I just thought you should know.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 4:43PM
jessica said...I hate advertising for anything on my kids. But, at least Disney's princesses ARE heroines, and not just pretty little feme fatales or worse, pretty little nothings.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 4:53PM
Clark said...My daughter just turned 3 and she picks her own clothes/toys/etc. SHE chooses the pink princess stuff (never Barbie) and I let her, after-all, the things are for her. She is also left-handed, which my wife wanted to "adjust" from day one but I stood firm on letting her be herself. We are a multi-cultural family (I'm blond/blue-eyed and my wife is a Colombian "morena"), so our daughter gets a lot of attention because she is much taller and fairer than her Colombian day-care mates. This is the most difficult thing to counter-balance. I want her to focus on being independent/self-reliant and studious while everybody else keeps telling her how pretty she is and her mother wants to dress her in "sexy" clothes like an 18 yr old. She has a life-time to discover her sexuality. I just want her to be a little girl, unspoiled and unself-conscious. I don't want her to grow up thinking that she can get everything she wants with her looks. I'm OK if she doesn't want to be an engineer but I don't want her to be only a beauty queen. Ultimately, of course, it will be her choice and I will love her no matter what.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 4:50PM
jen said...When my daughter was born, my worst fear was that her life would revolve around princesses and fairytales. But, I let her watch all the Disney Princess movies and wear pink dresses anyway. She fell in love with the movies and barbie dolls were on the top of her Christmas list. Although, she also read many books with a lack of damsels in distress and handsome princess. Her best friends were (and still are) boys.
The point is, I let her make her OWN choices. As long as she was happy, I was fine with whatever toys she played with. Now she is eleven, and is a great student and a well-rounded girl. Yeah, she looked at Ariel as a rolemodel when she was little, but she isn't a self-conceited mean girl who is obsessed with boys and make-up.
Reply
2-21-2010 @ 9:57PM
raetno said...I don't get it. I don't see anything wrong with girls liking princesses. My niece is really into them right now and I am sure when my daughter gets her age she will be too. I also had barbies when I grew up but I didn't turn out all "girly" I also liked to play in the dirt. I've like football for a long time as well as hockey and NASCAR. I also like to wear makeup and dress up to go out. My daughter likes her baby dolls but she also likes just plain old wooden blocks. And I am sure like me she will play with barbies and dress up but won't be afraid to get dirty And I don't plain to shove the girly way or tom boy ways down her throat. I am going to let her be who she is
Reply