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Is It Possible to Avoid the Princess Phase?
Filed under: Media, Twins, Triplets, Multiples, Fashion
Down with Cinderella!
My twins aren't even three years old, and I'm already sick of that girly triumvirate that seems impossible to escape when you are raising girls: The Princess/Barbie/Pink matrix. Toys 'R' Us has entire aisles devoted to Disney Princess merchandise, racks of sparkly pink dress-up clothes, pretend makeup and costume jewelry, and of course, those totally weird Bratz dolls with their stripper clothes and drag queen makeup.
I recently spotted a little toy camera at my local toy store, something I had been hoping to get my snap-happy girls. But on closer inspection, it too was stamped with those ubiquitous Disney heroines. And when you looked through the viewfinder -- surprise! -- more princesses. My husband hates the Princess/Barbie/Pink phenomenon as much as I do, and we're determined to avoid it for as long as possible.
Some of my friends have said, "Get used to it," and told me that their girls just gravitated towards pink and princessy items once they hit kindergarten. I suppose if Sadie and Bridget's friends are all into Barbie or Bratz, they probably will be too. And I wouldn't dream of banning all that stuff from the house, because I know well enough that the best way to make a kid want something is to tell them they can't have it.
But is the princess phase really inevitable?
Just to be clear, I loved girly stuff when I was a kid. I consumed Barbies voraciously, loved the gowns and the crowns and the Barbie hairdresser set; totally fell for stories of handsome princes, damsels in distress and happily ever after. But I was also achingly envious of my friend Jill's naturally white-blonde hair, and when I wasn't chosen to be the princess in my nursery school's play, I cried. OK, so all that stuff didn't turn me into a spineless, brainless victim of chauvinism. But I still think that in this day and age, little girls shouldn't have this old-fashioned fantasy shoved down their throats when there is so much more out in the world to explore.
Fortunately, Bridget and Sadie are pretty much oblivious to the P/B/P thing right now. They do play with traditional "girl" toys: Bridget casts spells with her magic wand, they both enjoy their play kitchen and Sadie adores feeding her baby dolls. But they also have a workbench and a dump truck and a couple of really rad firetruck puzzles. And though they've been given a couple of books featuring fairies and princesses, they are just as interested in their books about turtles, stars, bears and trains.
When we went shoe-shopping recently, the salesclerk asked my daughters what colour balloons they wanted. Bridget asked for "green" and Sadie asked for "yellow." When the salesclerk said, "Wow, how original! Girls always ask for pink," I have to admit, I felt pretty pleased with myself. Maybe my girls could buck the odds and end up Princess-free. Could it be possible?
No doubt, the P/B/P trap will be difficult to avoid. Introducing my kids to traditional Disney fare like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Beauty and the Beast would be a surefire way to turn them into tiara-wearing maniacs. So right now, we stick with Treehouse. When I told my friends that I've altered some traditional tales (like Cinderella) to make them more "girl power," a couple of them thought I was nuts. Did I really think I was going to hide the fact that the Prince rescues the poor, helpless maiden when these stories have been told for generations? No, probably not. But I'm determined to allow my daughters to make their own choices when it comes to their self-image, especially now, before High School Musical and Hannah Montana teach them that stereotypical beauty = teenage power.
And I'm sure that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Ann Douglas is a parenting expert and author of Body Talk, a book for adolescent girls about body image and self-esteem issues, which she co-authored with her daughter, Julie. Douglas says that she also had concerns about the Princess/Barbie/Pink issue when Julie was young.
"I tried to ban Barbie, but people gave them to my daughter as gifts, so we had to live with Barbie," says Douglas. "I tried to buy her one of those Happy To Be Me dolls, which was supposed to be a more realistically proportioned doll. But my daughter took one look at her and said, 'She has a big butt.' So, yes, it is hard. But what we can do is try to get them to think about the amazing things their body can do, rather than what they look like." Douglas also says that as parents, we can counter the negativity coming from ads and TV shows by talking to our daughters about the unrealistic images or sexist messages when we see them.
"It's getting them to critique the advertising themselves," says Douglas. "The sooner they become media savvy, the sooner they will be able to recognize those messages. Then when they see them, they won't just absorb them, which is the worst."
All I can say is, thank goodness for Dora the Explorer. My girls are thoroughly enchanted with Dora on TV and in books, and I'm totally OK with that. Although Dora does occasionally turn into a princess or don a fancy party dress, for the most part, she's a determined little tomboy with a monkey for a best friend who's always up for an adventure. She's kind, clever, sporty and strong, and she speaks a second language (always a plus!).
I'm always on the hunt for girl-positive reads for my book-crazy gals. On the very cool website Mommytracked.com, you can find the Anti-Princess Reading List, which features kids' books with "strong, smart, spunky girl protagonists" who want to do more than marry a prince when they grow up. Bitch magazine also has a great list of books for budding grade-school feminists. And the Dadventure blogger recently came up with a list of the best anti-princess princess books. I share his enthusiasm for The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch, one of my girls' favourite reads.
Maybe one of these days I'll have to throw in the towel. Perhaps the first time Sadie and Bridget go to a princess party and put on those satin gowns, one (or both) of them will decide there's really nothing cooler. But until then, I'm going to try to help them see that being smart and capable and courageous is much more fun than just looking good in a pretty dress.










ReaderComments (Page 3 of 8)
2-21-2010 @ 5:22PM
Jenny-Ann said...This whole freaking article bothers me.
"But is the princess phase really inevitable?"
Um, I can't help but wonder if the writer realizes that all children are different? Some girls have no interest in the super girly stuff and some girls adore it.
"But I still think that in this day and age, little girls shouldn't have this old-fashioned fantasy shoved down their throats when there is so much more out in the world to explore."
By the same token, girls shouldn't be stopped from the princess fantasies because some person deems it old-fashioned or thinks there's so much more in the world. In fact, that's just as bad as forcing it down their throats.
""Wow, how original! Girls always ask for pink," I have to admit, I felt pretty pleased with myself. Maybe my girls could buck the odds and end up Princess-free. Could it be possible?"
And it sounds like you would have been upset had they gone for pink. Why?
My youngest daughter (I have three girls) and I recently went to a holiday thing, all the little girls were either wearing pink or white balloon hates or carrying pink or white balloon hearts, while all the little boys had balloon swords. My 3.5 year old specifically asked for a black balloon sword. Had she wanted a pink balloon hat that would have been just fine with me too.
"Introducing my kids to traditional Disney fare like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Beauty and the Beast would be a surefire way to turn them into tiara-wearing maniacs."
Why? Are you going to shove them in front of the T.V. and walk away and leave it up to the TV to raise and teach them? Do you think girls are unable to see that and not turn into simpering idiots (at least for a period)?
"But I'm determined to allow my daughters to make their own choices when it comes to their self-image, "
But only as long as they don't make the choice to become a girly girl right? Isn't that what this whole article is about? Your girls can be anything they want to be....except for a princess/pink loving girl.
"especially now, before High School Musical and Hannah Montana teach them that stereotypical beauty = teenage power."
If you're relying on the TV to teach your children, it's time to get more involved. Instead of avoiding all of this stuff why don't you actually parent your children and talk to them about why you do or don't like stuff? Have you ever considered turning on a Barbie or Princess movie and actually using it as a tool to teach your children?
"But until then, I'm going to try to help them see that being smart and capable and courageous is much more fun than just looking good in a pretty dress."
With this attitude what you're going to teach them is that any girl who actually likes stereotypical stuff is an air head. Their going to grow up thinking that it's only ok to be a tomboy and heaven forbid if they actually go for pink princess stuff.
You are just as bad as the people who shove princess down their girls throats. You only want your girls to decide who to be if it fits your perfect little mold of a tomboy.
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2-21-2010 @ 5:12PM
Doreen said...I have three daughters. Two of them never wanted to be princesses. However the youngest is 17 and still thinks she is one.
They are born that way and can't help it.
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2-21-2010 @ 5:26PM
SweetP said...Even as a child, I never bought into the Princess & Barbie stuff. I can honestly thank my mother for that. She was an avid volunteer in Girl Scouts. Lesson learned? Self esteem is derived by how well we worked as a group giving to others & not expecting anything in return.
I fear for the young men who are going to have to cater to the Princesses in life.
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2-21-2010 @ 5:30PM
MC said...I too was determined to avoid the Princess phase with my first daughter- until she doggedly demanded pink and dress up every day from 2 years old on. Then along came my twins (boy/girl) and even with every Disney Princess item ever sold in our home, my younger daughter only occasionally wants to be a princess (mostly when her sister tells her too!) and is determinedly tomboyish. My conclusion? Nature (mostly) drives whether they love pink, black or something in between!
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2-21-2010 @ 5:35PM
Kat said...Of course, the conclusion-jumping ninnies are out in full force, as usual. The author isn't drawing any hard lines anywhere. She's stating that a well-rounded approach to parenting leads to a well-rounded child. I have a 26-year-old daughter wholoved princesses and Barbies. She still does. She wore baggy, yucky clothes growing up, even though I offered her the choice of anything she liked. Her favorite color is green. She's a soldier (now out, having fulfilled her contract). She loves beautiful, tailored clothes. She's reluctantly started wearing makeup and earrings because she's tired of being alone. She's convinced that men don'tknow what to do with a smart, sophisticated woman. She's just finished her bachelor's degree in Psychology, too.
I have a 24-year-old son who followed his sister everywhere. He wore nighties and had a 'Ken' doll at one point. We just went with it. Today he's a married man with a son of his own. He's a soldier, too.
The point is, your children are born with personalities. It's important to let them be who they are. It's good to teach them right from wrong, but aside from that, they need to feel free to explore the world on their own terms. Show them a wide variety of things, and they will have a better perspective on the world.
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2-21-2010 @ 5:47PM
hello? said...Were you reading the story? I think you are the ninny. The author IS driving a hard line in almost everything she says, for example being proud her daughters did not choose the pink balloon. I say who gives a flying f**k what color balloon her daughters chose as long as they said please and thank you.
2-21-2010 @ 5:37PM
John said...What a simpleton or should I say JERK! You really spend your time worrying about if your GIRLS want to be GIRLY??? How would you like it if they wanted GI Joes, and your boys wanted Barbies???
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6-22-2010 @ 7:42PM
tara said...and just what's wrong with that, simpleton?
2-21-2010 @ 9:38PM
Jenny-Ann said..."How would you like it if they wanted GI Joes, and your boys wanted Barbies???"
That's just peachy keen with me. In my house I have GI Joes, Barbies, Bratz, cars, tiaras, baby dolls, little green toy soldiers, etc. I encourage all of my children to play with all of my dolls. If my son wants to walk around in a Tiara one day go for it, if my daughters want to walk around playing GI Joe, more power to them.
6-22-2010 @ 7:43PM
tara said...i don't think you need to ban princesses, just give them other toys also - im a junior in high school right now and i love getting dressed up 4 dances - however, on normal days i dont even wear makeup! i have always hated pink, even though my mom decorated my whole room in it! when i was little my sister would play w/ barbies and i would chase her trying to have my godzilla toy eat them - while wearing a "tinkerbell" gown! just as long as they have other toys to, the "princess" stuff shouldn't b too overwhelming
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2-21-2010 @ 5:53PM
Judith said...This is so easy to circumvent. We restricted TV, didn't take them to Toys R Us or malls, and encouraged self-esteem, character strength and independence from gender issues by a family structure that was fit and healthy outdoors with academic interests indoors-and we even had a lot of fun. They still wore velvet dresses to the Nutcracker and had their hair and nails done but achieved academic and athletic excellence. No submissive pinkness here! They were taught that it was an unnecessary form of manipulation and not worthy of their true magnificence. Socialization you ask? Easy again. Hang out with other mothers that place a high value on their girls growth to functional and radiant womanhood. Be a role model, please. We had a great time in pretend being anything from gypsies to gardening goddesses to charitable philanthropists, even CEOs and presidents. Motherhood was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was an active daily meditation. All I have to do is see the fine, selfless, successful woman that my daughter and her friends have become without the frou-frou and wasteful self-indulgence that only America extols.
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2-21-2010 @ 5:56PM
kdawg said...kids will be kids...balancing their influences and life experiences is a parents job. My two girls love anything pink or blue they know who the disney princesses are but they are not the tell all end of their life. Why get all worked up about? It's not like you are giving your kids little paris hilton dolls. let them decide who they like and then create boundaries and balance. my 2.5 year old can walk through a store and pick up a candy bar or toy ask for it, then I can tell her no and she will calmly put it down. No crying nothing. Be a parent!
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2-21-2010 @ 6:15PM
Anth said...Forgive me ......I taught my children reality...what a concept. It's ok to let children have an imagination. It's not ok to string them along. My children have done some crazy things growing up but to this day, the oldest being 36, have never nocked on my door for help. I am not raising my children's, children. I have way too many friends that their children are either home or they are babby sitting. You get what you put in.
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2-21-2010 @ 6:03PM
nilibug321 said...This is the least significant piece of writing I have ever encountered.
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2-21-2010 @ 6:13PM
Tommyblaze said...I think the author is missing the point here. Ask yourselves why did God (nature/evolution/whatever you believe) place the need to a be princess in the hearts of little girls? Study after study shows this is, by in large, not a "learned behavior", but instead part of our genetic makeup. It floats around in our DNA. Ask yourself, what advantage to the species for women to be adored and for men to have a need to protect and serve? Do you see an upside at all?
There is great wisdom in the stories of old and much has been lost as we have convinced ourselves that "we have been poisoned by these fairy tales". But the children know. Let them take the lead, learn from their innocence while you can, before the noise of the world drowns out their ability to hear God's whispers. Or nature. Or evolution. Or whatever it is you believe.
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2-21-2010 @ 6:38PM
magilo1 said...I agree with you Tommy. By the way - you were great at the comedy club in San Antonio last night. :)
2-21-2010 @ 6:06PM
tammy said...i really think that you are going a little over board. i have a six year old, who likes all the girlie stuff but will also play with the boys stuff. there are other problems out there you need to worry about. my daughter is only six but she as tall as a 10 year old i worry more about how she is adjusting to being the tallest girl ( really kid) in class. her favorite color is not pink, its green some days, purple others, she likes airplanes, trucks, and her barbies. you can do it all if you set your mind to it.
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2-21-2010 @ 6:07PM
Jan said...I've got news for you - my 20-yr-old still thinks she's a princess LOL. As for the strong female part, both my daughters know they can be whatever they choose to be, as does my son. My younger daughter & son are twins and when they were two I watched on Christmas Day as he gravitated to the typically "boy" stuff and she went for the typically "girl" stuff, although they could both play with either. They are well-adjusted 15-yr-olds now.
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2-21-2010 @ 6:18PM
Kim said...thank you for this article! I agree with every word of it, and I'm a 17 year old girl myself
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2-21-2010 @ 6:27PM
Juliette said...I can't believe I even spent 90 seconds of my life reading your ridiculous article. You must be a genuine control freak. Children will gravitate toward what interests them, get over it, lady. Evidently, you must be one of the lucky members of society that has nothing better to do or worry about than what color their child prefers. Hopefully, in a few years, you won't be worrying about whether they like crack better than extacy.
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