A Room With A (Point Of) View

My room became my father's office. My two sister's rooms became my mother's craft room and a spare bedroom. I can't say it didn't sting a little to see my wallpaper gone but that's life. We all grow up. I do know that when my parent's started talking about selling my childhood home that's when I did get upset. But only enough to say that I would buy it before I saw anyone else live in it. LOL. But I can see how they would want their own space now that all their children have grown up and have families of their own. I don't know what I will do when the roles are reversed and my boys are grown up and gone.

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I'm a current senior at a college that is over 2,000 miles from my childhood home. Since I live so far, I can only come home for spring break, christmas, and parts of the summer. I'm happy to say that my parents have not even considered changing my room. They realize that it's very comforting for me to come home to my unchanged room and that I probably wouldn't feel welcome at home if they changed it. I understand renting out the room out of financial need, but taking away someone's comfort zone to give your dolls a new room seems selfish. I guess every family is different though, but I have always known I'm so lucky to have such loving parents.

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My daughter moved out three weeks ago. Since graduation from HS in '05, she has moved in and out. She is now 23 and I say it's time. Of course she has left an inordinate amount of stuff (because she likes her new place "clean and spare"..I say, Why didn't that person live in my house?!?) The first week she was supposedly coming back and getting the rest of her stuff. Yeah, right. And, she didn't want me to touch anything until she had gone through it. I told her that the room was attached to the rest of the house and I paid the mortgage. So now I am setting a deadline for the end of March. A month should be sufficient for her to decide what to do with what she has left. And then, it is mine to do with what I please. Mainly, it is going to be a storage area, because our house is small, and I need the space. In short, I don't think we "owe" our children a room to always come back to. They need to learn to survive out in the real world.

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Since I moved several times as a kid, my bedroom wasn't the most important thing about my childhood. It was the stuff in it, the furniture, the pictures on the walls, that sort of thing. When I married, lucky me, I got that furniture and those pictures. When my daughter went off to college, I let her brother move into the bigger bedroom and she got the small one, but with her stuff in it. When she moved out and into an apartment, she took her stuff. When her brother moved out and she moved home, her stuff came with her to her original bedroom with new color. So is it the room or the emotional attachment to your own things in your own home, wherever it is?

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as my 3 children grew up and moved out I filled their rooms with cement...end of problem...lol

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I graduated from college this past May and due to the economy I moved back in to my parents home. While I was away at school they used my room for storage or whatever they needed it to be but when I came home for the weekend, summers, holidays, etc it was my room. They didn't necessarily change everything and 'take back' the space but since I wasn't home using it they used it for what they needed. When I moved back home what they had stored in my room got moved, gone through, etc. My room was mine again. I know once I moveout/get married my room will be the guest room but as long as I was at school and now living here it's mine. Parents don't need to keep everything the way it was when their kid left for college but they do need to check with their before completely changing their room. It should be something done as a family...when the kid does move out for good not just off to college they can help you repaint it, or whatever!

If my parents had completely changed my room the minute I left for school I would have been really mad at them...It's still my room even if I'm not there to use it because I'm at school. It would be like them changing a childs bedroom when they deploy with the military. It's still that soldiers room even if he is half a world away. It's the same concept!

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I moved out of my parents house almost 2 years ago, I've stayed the night since then maybe between 15 and 20 times. I live across town but would babysit for them and staying the night saved me on gas. My room hasn't changed a bit and honestly I can't stand it. I'm not the same person I was when I lived there and when i'm there I feel like I'm still in high school and am going to get in trouble if I stay up to late. I'm almost 21, married and am going to be a mom soon. That life is over, I've grown up and don't like stepping back in time. The dust build up doesn't help since my room never gets cleaned. I think when your child grows up and leaves the nest you don't need to change everything but box up the clothes, trinkets and whatever else that was left behind. Because it wasn't important enough to take in the first place so why should it sit around. Make it a guest bedroom and when you kid comes home for a visit they have a room to stay in.

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Trust me! You think they have moved out! Their not gone, their never gone. They come back; and bring more with them. Change the locks, fill the room to the roof with boxes; empty boxes if you have to.
They will try to stay for just a couple days. Don't fall for that one. They won't leave. Then they will want money, your car. They will eat all your food. They are worse than you remember. They never clean up anything. You may have to move and just give them the house. Get out while you can!! There's still time. Change your phone number, your name. They are not the same sweet little children you raised. They are leaches and will suck the life out of you. RUN !!!!

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I may not be a parent, but I am a kid that left the nest seven years ago. I never had to ask my mom to keep my room the same. It was her decision to keep it as a shrine, and as the years go by I've come to appreciate her decision. I feel like I'm at home every time I go home to visit. Sure it's a snapshot of my room from high school, but it's comforting.

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It will be years and years until my son goes to college, but when he does I will probably hold his stuff for him or at least his furniture. I moved out of my mothers house when I was 17 and have never moved back. As soon as i moved my little sister got her own room(i.e mine) and it didn't freak me out or anything. I know my mother loves me, so why should she keep the room the exact way I had it? She knew I would be fine, I had my own child and currently am half way through college, after having a late start. I am now 23 been gone almost 7 years and I would not have wishd for my mother to keep my room as a shrine.
I do disagree with you though Kelly. Its not up to you what your parents do to that room ,t hey dont have to make a decision with you. Your grown, its their house, if you don't like what they do then leave. You can always find a roommate, even in todays economy.

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I lived at home until I married at the age of 25. My room is still the same, the paneling was never changed. I moved back home at the age of 31 when my marriage ended. I reinhabited the upstairs but this time my son took over my room. My son now 23 inhabits his own room at my second home with my new husband. He had this room for 17 years, went to college graduated and is currently living back home with us. I wouldn't think of changing his room until he has officially moved out to start his own life. When he came home from college we wanted him to find his room comfortable as his own. It is his home and he should feel welcome. Of course we are hoping he will soon find his own way, earn a living and move out but until that happens his room belongs to him.

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Redecorate, reclaim and fast.

My brother (near 40) 'came back' to live with my parents and never left. :-O

If you leave the door open it's only trouble that comes back.

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I'm still in college and although I have a dorm room (that I have to move out of every year and get kicked out of for breaks), I definitely still consider myself living "at home". I wouldn't mind if they changed my room, but if it clearly stopped being my room I would probably be kind of hurt (and like I didn't really have a home).

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Sorry but, in my book, going off to college at 17 or 18 hardly constitutes "leaving home" but only a final (hopefully) step in that direction punctuated by somewhat frequent & welcome visits home. No matter how cozy we try to make them, who would ever consider a college dormitory anything more than a place to stay while at college? Dorm rooms are only slightly homier than rooms in a motel or boarding house, especially for college freshmen who often are not even allowed to choose their own roommates. If we consider a teen that "leaves home" for college as no longer a member of the household, then what of the 10-year-old who attends boarding school? Is he now on his own, also, simply because he was sent away for his education?

So, unless the family desperately needs the space, I don't agree that a college student should lose his/her room in the parental home until after graduation & possibly after securing decent employment. Everyone needs his space to which he/she can come home & maintaining a room for a nearly grown child until he has had ample opportunity to get off to a solid start in life is part of being a parent to the child that we chose to bring into this world. Doing so in no way diminishes the parents’ rights to the real estate that the family calls home.

Note: The rules do change when the "child" becomes a professional student or otherwise shows signs of failing to launch. If this situation arises, then the parents need to amend to rules that will either move the young adult out of the house & on their way or establish a new tenant / landlord relationship with the child. Parents have a right to eventually enjoy that empty nest period, too!

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um... who cares? its a room I went to college I didn't go back because I'm a grown up? duh.......... of course I don't care what my parents do to a room its a room stupid parents seriously this is why your kids have issues about growning up, god forbid if they have to suffer and maybe wait to get stuff because they are purchasing their own goods, seriously, I bet all of the parents that wrote that they are keeping the room the same also pay the college bills stupid people make stupid people

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