A Room With A (Point Of) View

My family's pretty large. 6 kids, 3 from each parent that came into this second marriage. And as the only one in the house with their own room (which I fought for years for), my family's been arguing over who gets my room when I finally move out since my first year of high school--that's 6 years. As a result, my room's about as unpersonalized as I can make it. Ya, I've got stuff on walls and shelves, but most of it's thumbtacked up. I only have one thing actually framed, and it's sure as heck coming with me. On top of that, my room's never fully been my room, either. Since I'm the only one with their own room, apparently that means I don't need my closet. So my stepmother uses it to store her off-season clothes and arts and crafts supplies that she never uses and my dad stores his old trombone from back in his day in there, too. I can't fit anything in there.

I stayed at my mom's house for a year, and when I came back for the summer my stepbrother honest-to-god thought I was gone for good. Which is why I moved back in. If I didn't, my room would be gone. My sister stayed in it for a bit as well, while she was having troubles staying in the same room as our stepsister. She only stayed in it during the weeks when I was at my mom's house. But when I came back, she had entirely taken over. Her junk was everywhere, despite the promise to not turn my room into her room. We had a huge spat about it, in which she tried to claim rights over my room. She was kicked out.

You have blessed your daughter with a sense of privacy and security in her room. She's grown up in it with few disturbances and likely little fuss over what the future holds for it. It'll take time to adjust to the idea of not having a room for herself there, but I'm sure once she's really moved out after college and is thinking about getting her own place, she'll be more accepting of it. Sure, it's the room she grew up in, but she will have the chance to create a home for her future.

I, on the other hand, have been planning to make my escape for far too long. Once I transfer away to a new college, either my sister or my stepbrother will take over this room. It will have no memory of me besides maybe the furniture, which I will most certainly take back when I get my own apartment. When I visit home, it will likely be at my mom's house, where we have been working to get the basement setup to be habitable.

But it's still totally normal for a college student to worry about what's going to happen to their rooms. I still get completely infuriated with my family when they discuss what they want to do with my room while I'm still around. Can't they just wait 'till I'm gone?

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some of you people have GOT to be kidding!

your kids are your own flesh and blood and you really don't seem to care one way or another about how they feel in the house that they most likely grew up in! get a grip.

personally I'm very glad some of you people are not my parents. they actually care about me.

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This is ridiculous! Emily's room? Really? Did Emily pay the mortgage? In my house all the rooms are mine including the bedroom that my son sleeps in. And, when he starts his adult life I will redo the room he uses however I see fit. Once he is out of school (next year) he will pay room and board (the kids of today NEED to realize that you can't live for free) until he moves and as I said above... when he does move I'll redo MY room as I see fit.

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Not have a nice childhood? You are cold.

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Our nest is still full. Grown children and fiances living with us. We are looking forward to an empty nest. My daughter(25) lives with us. Sometimes her fiance stays over. My husband's daughter(26) lives with us. Her fiance lives with us he is from anohter state and has to live in our state till April 9(long story). We have 3 dogs here too. My mine any my husband have a mini schnuzer. My step-daughter has a mini pin. And we are babysitting my sister-in-law's campanion/service dog(another long story)
WHAT"S AN EMPTY NEST?????? Looking forward to having one.

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After reading the article, it appears to me that people are so selfish these days and so into me, me, me, and into mine, mine, mine. It isn't very attractive either!

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Peggy....What you need is what Aretha Franklin called R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Don't let those "finance types" DISRESPECT you like this! Explain to the them this is a family home and that you demand some RESPECT! As for your daughters, well I won't go there!

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To SG...Sg you are so cool...you can be my kid anytime...your parents are great and it shows through you!

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I think it is nice to maintain a room for your children until they graduate from college. While they are at home it is "their" room and when they are in college and come back home to stay it is nice for them to feel they are staying in "their" room and not a guest room. I changed my son's room after he graduated, my oldest daughter moved all her furniture out (even though she is still in college) because she is living in an apartment--therefore, doesn't need a room, so I am in the process of changing it. My youngest daughter is attending college 1-1/2 hours away so I haven't touched hers and won't until the time is right--either she graduates or gets an apartment and wants her stuff. I didn't really need the bedrooms though for something else.

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Boy my mother didn't wait too long until she started to change things. I was a teenager in the late 70s. My bedroom color was called spicy lime green, and yes folks, that's EXACTLY what color it was, this bright lime green. Not only the four walls, but I had a matching lime green bedspread and the room had this 1940s furniture in it that I had inherited from a great aunt with these huge mirrors on the dressing table and the bureau that only reflected everything even more and made it even brighter. After I was at college several weeks my mother kept telling me she had a surprise for me when I got home. I kept it was something fun like a new stereo, new television, a phone in my room, something really cool. I got home and she had repainted my room linen white and had new drapes, bedspread, everything. WHAT A LETDOWN! I didn't really care to be honest about the re-decorating, but don't build it up as a surprise for me, she did this all for HER. It was still technically my bedroom, but now once again they had taken over the control of the design. I had chosen that spicy lime green as a protest to the "little girl" pink it had been for the first 13 years of my life. At least my little brother still had his royal blue room across the hall until he for married. When I moved back home 6 years later, I did get to repaint the room again. So the bottom line to the story is, it's your house folks. You have a right to do whatever you want and if the kid wants to come back home badly enough at any point, they'll live with whatever you have there for them. But I will say as someone who went off to college, it is nice to have a room to still come home to. After all, this isn't suppose to be a permanent living arrangement at college, especially if they're in a dorm room with a roommate. Trust me, after some of the roommates I had at college in both the dorms and in apartments I was SO glad to have some place to get away to. I also had a place to keep my good things that I didn't want to take away to school and have stolen. And trust me, theft is rampant on EVERY college campus, whether intentional or accidental. I had one roommate in particular that was notorious for always borrowing stuff and losing it. So dad, let the room be until they move out for good. When I finally left and moved into my own house and finally took all those good things with me, then that room became a guest room which ended up housing an elderly relative for a while they cared for and then a real guest room. Give the kid a break, let them feel as if they still have a home. If Emily graduates and gets a job in a different city and gets her own apartment, then sure, change it into a pool hall if you want, but until that time, give her a refuge away from that crazy college life that still seems like home to her. Trust me, she'll be glad. But you never know, after graduation it may take time for that real job to show up, she may very well NEED a place to live and if that's your office, well then just what are you going to do. Better wait and see what really happens. So far no one has kept their promise and saved this country in a single flast, faster than a speeding bullet and while doing it more powerful than a locomotive as they seemed to make people think they were capable of. I have a feeling very little will be changed when your daughter graduates next year. I wish both her and you the very best that she finds an amazing and terrific job. It's scary the day after graduation if you don't know what your going to do with the rest of your life, trust me, I was there over 30 years ago and now, I understand it's 10 times harder.

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As a college sophomore I would like to add a student prospective on this issue. Though I may have gone off to college for almost two years now and only go home on vacations, I still feel very attached to my room at home. I broke in to tears when my parents rearranged my room around. I think the reason it's such a big deal to us kids is because going to college brings about a lot of change in itself. It is the first time we are on our own. We have to get used to a new place, make new friends, and share a room with someone you don't know. Everything in college changes from year to year. The one constant place is home and your room within that home. It's a place that has the most memories for you and the place the you feel the most comfortable. I understand that the room can't always stay yours, but I do feel that parents should keep the room the same until their children can establish their own place of resistance because you really do feel lost with out having some place to call your own space that you put together.

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My family moved frequently, so having my own room was never really an issue. Home is where you hang your hat.
My husband's folks, on the other hand, lived in the same house for 41 years and recently moved to another town at the urging of his older bother and sister. He was devastated!! This was the house that he had lived in since he was 18 months old!!! Although he understood the reasoning behind the move, it was still hard to part with the feelings- bare in mind he hadn't really lived there since he was 18 and left for the military. It was still a familiar "home base" where all were "in free." Since then his father has passes and his mother is living in a two br duplex with his brother next door to help her get to appointments and run errands. We try to help out when we come up to visit- their 500 miles away. We know there is a guestroom for those visits from us or the great-grand children.
My parents have moved on, there is a guestroom, or the sofa in the living room, or you can sleep out on the patio if it's warm enough and not raining. I think of it as my parents- I've grown up they should be allowed to as well.

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I grew up with 2 older sisters and while we had "our" rooms we new it was our parents house. The oldest got the biggest room when she moved out next oldest got it. No questions asked it's how it worked. When my oldest sister moved out the smallest room turned into a play room when we got a little older it turned into a computer room. The next sister moved out I got the largest room and the middle room turned into guest room or when another sister moved back in. We have always had an open door policy but lost "our" room when we moved out the first time, when/if we came back we had whatever was available. There have been times I've come to help out or visit and slept on the couch if need be we don't have the right as kids to inconveniance our parents when we become adults. They gave up their homes for at least 18 years for us no reason we have claim to it after we become of age and move out.

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My advice to any parent is to make compromises. Over the four years I spent in undergrad, my room was totally redone. I love to design, have studied art for years, and am a photographer. My parents trust my eye for design, something they both worked hard to teach me. I came up with several designs after I left for college, and when I went home for the summer, we chose what to do. I went through all my stuff still piled up in there - alot of things I thought were really important suddenly weren't.

We repainted, got new bedding and window treatments. I loved it because I was able to graduate from a teens bedroom to a more grown up look, but with my parents money, they got a guest room, with changes made for lots of extra storage.

Over the next three years I cleared more stuff out, moved more stuff to the state where I now live, and it became more and more filled with "their" stuff. When I moved into my place, I took my furniture out. It turns out the "new" furniture is going to be from my dad's childhood home. Its all a big cycle.

But, I love knowing that if this economy does not improve, I have a place to go back to after finishing grad school. It feels like mine, I like it, my parents like it, guests like it, and it only brings back feelings of comfort, instead of being a shrine to who I was.

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I am an only child. I was heartbroken when my parents sold my childhood home near the end of my sophomore year in college. So much so that I did not come home for the summer and stayed in my college city, Washington, D.C. They bought a nice house and set up a room with all my old furniture, and they kept my cat. Now, fast forward 39 years later. Twenty-three years ago, I moved back home to complete my education and get a graduate degree. My parents were getting elderly, so I stayed on to help them. They both passed away within 18 days of each other last winter, and I was most willing to help care for them as their health declined. I now own their house, for which I am grateful.

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I'm 25, and I would be absolutely crushed if my parents remodeled my room. Until your child resides long-term (and I don't mean dorms) somewhere other than your home, their room should remain theirs. There is nothing like returning to a place that you know is YOURS -- your own sanctuary. I don't know that I'd be able to forgive my parents if they took away the place I'd come to make my own through the duration of my life.

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We have three daughters. When they left for college we left their rooms like they were, except for the fact that I cleaned them thoroughly. As each one graduated college we repainted and decorated each room. They all know that if they need to come home and live for any reason this is always their home and they are welcome. We had shelves made for all the trophies, and nick knacks that they acquired growing up, their favorite toys, and things. One day when they have a home of their own and children of their own we will box their things up and send it to them. I like going in their rooms and looking at my girls "Stuff" it reminds me of the good times when they were little. To each their own, if you want to change their room when they move to college do it. If you decide to wait until they finish college then do it. And to those who just decide to leave it the way it was when they left the house that's fine also. But remember when they get married that you will need a nursery for when the grand children begin to arrive.

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Well I guess we where fortunate to have a home big enough to have a office / study without redecorating our kids rooms when they left for college. When my daughters left for college, our hearts sank into our stomach's. We were without our little girls, they all of a sudden were growing up. We hated it. Know ones 26 & the other is 23, oldest one is married & expecting our first grand child, the second is in her 2nd. year of Law School living at home. Well let me tell you something. The oldest girls room is still her room & will be hers for a little while longer. When her & her husband come over & stay during holidays & whatever. Her room is there, at least for a couple of more months. Guess where the nursrey is going, only tis time I probably won't be involved with decorating. I wouldn't have it any other way. This house was theirs growing up & will always be theirs. I may change this story in the future when our boy who's in high school goes off to college, but for know, this is all of thier home.

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So I'm doing the math and you have to be around 59 years old and have lived with your parents most of your life until they passed? You never lived alone? And now that your parents have passed you live in the house you grew up in. That's interesting, but do you feel that you have actually had a fulfilling life? I'm not trying to be mean I'm just wondering. I think it's wonderful that you were able to take care of your parents when the time came.

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