Hot on HuffPost Parents:
Franne Golde and Syd Fox: Love More, Fear Less: A Mother and Her…
Dr. Peggy Drexler: The Breadwinner Complex: Are Women Apologizing For…
A Room With A (Point Of) View
Filed under: Siblings, Empty Nest, Opinions, Relationships
Does the grown-up Emily still have dibs on her room? Credit: Jeremy Gerard
Besides, she pointed out -- rather unkindly, I thought -- I was as likely to ever fit into those jeans again as she was to get her knees under the teeny table. As if that mattered.Let me tell you about Emily's room. Her mom and I knew we were on the right track, marriagewise, when we separately, somehow, chose the same wallpaper from among hundreds, perhaps thousands, of samples. Emily wasn't even born yet. It's the palest yellow with a delicate, trellis-like floral pattern. It's girly, but not princess-y.
On one wall above her bed, there are 12 framed prints, in three rows of four, of Arthur Rackham fairies. On another is a bulletin board covered with a mix of 8x10 photos of heartthrobs and her BFF (forever indeed, same girl, going back to birth), stuck with multicolored push pins. There's a pale yellow bureau and a bookcase that briefly sparkles like fireflies when the light of the setting sun strikes her collection of miniature glass animals. And there's that spindle-leg table, which Leslie spent weeks lovingly painting and decoupaging.
On the transom above the door, five whimsical, hand-carved letters, gaily painted, spell out her name.
For city dwellers, we're lucky. Both of our kids have their own rooms and Leslie has a separate office in what, at an earlier time, was a maid's room. Still, space is at a premium, and my "office," such as it is, consists of half the common area that connects the two parts of our apartment.
Remain as a shrine or reassign? Credit: Jeremy Gerard
For years, I had an office at work that afforded me some measure of privacy and quiet, where I could work on my own projects during off-hours. Those days are gone, and suddenly my home office feels like Times Square, the noisy crossroads of our cozy world. I want a writing space, damn it, with a door I can close.
So the question naturally arises: Who has dibs on Emily's room?
Does it remain a shrine to the girl who grew up in it and who would really, really like everything to remain just as she left it? Or, does it become Emily's room/Dad's study/guest room, depending on the occasion?
Emily's school is close enough to make weekend visits easy and frequent, and we're a close-knit family. For now, her room is off limits to change. (I'm still not giving up the dream of fitting into those jeans, but in the meantime, they're stored ... well, let's just say they're somewhere I'm not going to divulge.)
But the painful truth is that her visits grow fewer and further between as she builds her own busy college life and prepares for the future. Next year, she'll graduate and who knows what will happen? Maybe she'll land a job in another city. Maybe she'll need to live at home for awhile as she gets her sea legs in the real world.
Of course, by then, my son Nick will have gone off to college. Let me tell you about Nick's room...
Related: Traditions Don't Have To Change, We Do
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
Recently Asked
- The owner of the property or debit creditor can relieve the person(s) of the debt,(a employment position or (court) is not ownership
- Why would the defendant file an acknowledgment of service instead of a defence?
- Do people ever get a civil trial this is too many dismissals with out a response from defendants
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
-
Mixing Light and Dark Colors In Rooms
Emily demystifies the process of choosing contrasting colors for a room.
-
Family Says Nine-Year-Old Pricked By Syringe in Hotel Room
In Washington state, a nine-year-old named Emily Smith says she was pricked by a stray needle in a hotel room. Her mother is worried about HIV and hepatitis.
-
Young Shooting Victim 'Could Light Up a Room'
The community surrounding Sandy Hook Elementary School is struggling to come to terms with tragedy. Victims of Friday's (December 14) shooting have now all been identified - including the 20 young children gunned down. Six-year-old Emilie Parker was among 12 girls and eight boys who lost their lives. Her father, Robbie, says the family are struggling with an incomprehensible loss.
-
Children In The Dark - Why Are We Locking Up Special Needs Children?
Reports have surfaced of special needs children being locked up in seclusion rooms. It might be a quick way to deal with a student, but what about the emotional scars? Joinging the conversation are Emily Titon, Sherry Wilds, Michael John Carley and Dawn.
SitesWeLove
- Site Map
- |
- Staff
- |
- Terms of Service
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Trademarks
- |
- Advertise With Us
- |
- About Our Ads
- |
- AOL Downloads
- |
- Contact Us
- |
© Copyright 2012 AOL Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Aol Family
ReaderComments (Page 5 of 5)
3-01-2010 @ 10:44AM
Gail said...My son (now 25) went off to college, graduated and returned home, having a nice job 25 minutes from our home. Every once in a while I sugest that we redecorate his room (the walls and carpet went with his Ninja Turtle motif) but he is not giving in. His sports posters remain, his comforter still give him comfort and he really sees no reason for any transformation. As I have plenty of room and no need for an extra office or guest room, I have left it alone. Hopefully, one day he will meet a nice girl or feel the need for his own space somewhere else, and I will redo the room.
My daughter (23) moved out the first second she got out of college. As she chose to redecorate her room every few years as she matured, there is nothing I would have to change. She has let me know that she would not take kindly to us selling the house at any point, that she considers it her "country estate".
We'll see.....
Reply
3-01-2010 @ 12:23PM
David S. said...Wow, good to see so many cold-hearted parents on here..particularly women, interesting. Surprised some of you did not eat your young....once they left home, you moved on. Must be nice to have a heart of ice....what children you have must be in therapy. Good job, ladies.
Reply
6-25-2010 @ 4:56PM
Laurie Goldberg said...I think I might be the worst of the worst here because my daughter (only child, of course) has gone to college for four years in another state and then been married three years this month and her room is still "her room." Of course when she is not here, since she and her husband live across the country, I have taken it over with my clothes and misc. toiletries and other easily moveable items. So when she comes home those few times during the year, I clean it out of my things and try to make it look like it's still her space.
Maybe this is due to the fact her husband is a Marine and deploys to combat periodically and I want her to always know that our home is still her home; her room will always be there.
Okay, tell me how absolutely wrong I am. I deserve it, I'm sure.
Reply
7-05-2010 @ 1:26PM
Lisa said...The day after I got married I went back "home" to get some things I had left before we went on our honeymoon. My 12 year old sister had my things in boxes by the front door and had moved into my old room. She must have worked all night packing my stuff up and moving hers in. :) Fast forward 28 years - my own daughter had her room pretty much as she had left it all through college and I didn't paint or remodel until she got married after college. I think she is okay with that, I never asked.
Reply
8-15-2010 @ 9:42AM
Heidi said...My oldest daughter is just about to start her senior year of high school so this is perfectly timed for me. We've already had an issue. When we moved to this house the oldest took the bigger of the two kids rooms. Just this summer when we went to look at possible colleges - all out of state, my husband stayed home to paint the girls rooms. They had decided to swap bedrooms now so that the youngest could have the bigger room until she left for college in three more years. Because there was also some new furniture involved, handed down from a relative, we had a little conflict because it had to go into the bigger room. Bottom line - the youngest now has the bigger bedroom and a bigger bed and the oldest is feeling a little pushed out. They've worked out some sort of compromise. I guess my point is, we've already started the process and the rooms are freshly painted in colors they chose. I personally don't see any reason why I would need to remove all traces of them from either of their rooms at this point. Even if they never actually move back in, I want them to know that this is still their home too and they will always be welcome. Even if I am the one paying the mortgage.
Reply
8-20-2010 @ 11:39AM
J P Amos said...An EXCELLENT book for dealing with divorce and learning how to move on is "The 3D Victory: Defining Destiny After Divorce" by Andrea L. Holliday. Available on Amazon.com.
Reply
1-18-2011 @ 2:23PM
Amanda said...My parents don't have a very large house, and since there are five of us "kids" there wasn't enough space for us all to have our own room to begin with. So unfortunately after my older sister and myself moved out (around three and two years ago respectively), rooms have been moved and changed (one room was turned into a storage room). So when we come home to visit we have to sleep on the floor or in some cases share beds with my two much younger siblings. As much as I understand "we moved out so now its your space" it's a bit heartbreaking to feel as if theres no room for you anymore.
Reply