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Make the Most of Parent-Teacher Conferences
Filed under: Day Care & Education, Education: Big Kids
Arrive prepared. Credit: Getty Images
Be on time. With parents scheduled back-to-back, start the meeting off right by showing up on time for your appointment.
Be prepared. Develop a list of questions for your child's teachers about your child's educational development or educational needs. Also, before heading to the conference, talk to your kid to discover his or her concerns and review returned homework. Is your son having trouble with a particular subject? Has your daughter expressed having difficulties in certain areas?
Be positive. Approach teachers as professionals and bring up positives you've heard from your child about the class. While the negatives can (and should) be mentioned, starting off on a negative note may send the wrong message to the teacher and create a more contentious meeting. Let a teacher know what might be discouraging your child, suggesting if you child needs more attention or other praise to perform better in the classroom.
Be specific. Is there an example from homework that you can draw upon to illustrate a concern? If so, bring it. Tell the teacher what has been working at home but instead of dictating how a teacher should be treating your child, let the teacher know that five pages of math seems to overwhelm your son, but sticking to two per night works better for him. Is there something that can be worked out so he feels less overwhelmed?
Be cooperative. With your child's strengths and weaknesses in mind, help to devise a plan with the teacher. If you are not in the classroom regularly, include a definite effort to communicate and regularly follow through during the school year.
Be prepared to share. If the teacher asks how life is at home, let them know what's going on, be it the arrival of a new baby, a recent separation or the death of a grandparent. Major events can affect a student's performance and might provide a hint to the teacher, especially if there have been any disciplinary difficulties. Trust the professionalism of a teacher who will respect your privacy.
In the book, How to Talk So Kids Can Learn: At Home and In School, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish suggest that in the school conference, parents and teachers have similar needs. These include mutual respect and acknowledgment of hard work, team work for educating your child, and "appreciation, information, and understanding from one another."
And, of course, it probably doesn't hurt to bring your child's teachers a piece or two of their favorite chocolate.
Related: Obama Has Perfect Attendance at Parent-Teacher Conferences
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
3-04-2010 @ 6:39AM
All Winners LOVE Winners said...#1 - Be On Time...Thank You to All My Parents through the years who have Respected their Chids Teacher....
B 4Ever BLESSED!
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3-04-2010 @ 4:46PM
Suzy said...Oh please, teachers are so arrogant. If you even suggest the homework is too much, they disagree. (It's in par with the rest of the students.) Thats what you hear. It's rare to see dedication in teachers today. I participate in my kids education, and they really don't like it. They complain when parents don't comunicate, but when we let them know about our concerns, they get their backs up. Plus, they get there tenure and they do a medocre job.
3-04-2010 @ 5:04PM
Briar said...I also think you should be willing to see the teacher's perspective, and not look to defend your child by attacking the teacher. You should back the teacher up as an authority figure in the classroom as well. Too often we let our kids think they can do no wrong and it's always someone else's fault. Perhaps your child has bad grades because he doesn't do his homework or study for tests? That certainly isn't the teacher's fault, it's the student's responsibility! It's time to get back to personal responsibility, and give the teachers the authority to do their jobs.
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3-04-2010 @ 5:21PM
suzy said...My son is the most gentle child in the class. He has an IEP. He has a learning diability. He respects all adults. You sound like an arrogant teacher.
3-04-2010 @ 5:27PM
suzy said...You must be right! You are an arrogant teacher. It couldn't be because the work is too overwhelming for the child. My child does his homework every night. Maybe you should not assume so much.
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3-04-2010 @ 7:29PM
Jackie said...Suzy, you sound way too bitter and angry. It is obvious that you don't like teachers, and your child probably has probably picked up on that. It also sounds like you are making excuses for your child.
3-04-2010 @ 6:16PM
LaraLR said...Then you wouldn't be the ones in conferences that are surprised that your kids aren't getting good grades. I am not a teacher. I just understand that they are the authority in the classroom and I have to reinforce that at home. If the work is overwhelming, then talk TO the teacher, not AT the teacher. The are ways to do that without being confrontational and putting the teacher on the defensive either.
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3-04-2010 @ 7:59PM
suzy said...oh Jackie
You are so insightful. Your're an idiot with nothing to say.
3-07-2010 @ 9:59PM
dlp said...Thank you, Lara. I have stayed after 6 pm for conferences 3 times this week only to be stood up. No call, no note, no respect for me or the family I don't get to see.
Suzy, please use the spell checker. It would at least lend you a LITTLE credibility.
3-04-2010 @ 8:01PM
suzy said...I am glad you're not a teacher, because you had nothing intelligent to say. You probably don't even know what an IEP is.
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3-05-2010 @ 1:14AM
Krista said...Suzy,
It seems that just because you don't like what someone has said to you, you have attacked her personally. This says a lot about you and a lot about what you are teaching your child at home.
3-04-2010 @ 8:03PM
V. said...I am a teacher. I am not arrogant. I am humbled to play such a large part in a child's life. I try very hard to set an example of compassion and respectability. When I was a young teacher, I was told that children place teachers on a pedestal. I try hard every day to be that person students think I am. Suzy, I am sorry that you have had such a bad experience in the educational system. Most teachers really do care and give it their all every day. I teach 150 high school science students, many with IEPs. I go to bed each night exhausted but would not trade what I do for anything.
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3-04-2010 @ 8:22PM
LaraLR said...Oh I am not a teacher, but i am very familiar with IEPs. We just have a different belief system. No need to call people names. I respect the teachers in my district. I want my kids to respect them and be responsible for themselves and their own work. *shrug*
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3-04-2010 @ 8:39PM
Suzan said...Suzy has ASSumed that ALL teachers are arrogant. Sure there are good ones and bad ones --- that is true about any profession on this planet. To make a blanket statement about any group of people is irresponsible and ignorant. Suzy should try being a teacher for a week or two. Maybe her opinion would change. If not, she could always home school her child!
P.S. I am not a teacher, so don't even go there.
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3-04-2010 @ 8:49PM
V. said...Teaching for almost 20 years, I have seen it all. I've seen teachers that I'm embarrassed to teach with and I've seen some pretty awful parents. I bought a student's prom dress because her mom promised her the money but decided to spend it on a boyfriend. I confronted a teacher for harassing students in the hallway. My principal made a comment about how I am never in her office complaining about a student- I'm always there advocating for one.
As with any situation, honey draws more bees than vinegar. I am sweet to my students and I get it in return. Try approaching teachers in a positive and cooperative manner- you both have the child's interest in common!
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3-05-2010 @ 7:32AM
Laura said...This article is terrible. Parents spoiling their children and blaming the teacher for everything is an issue plaguing schools. Parents should know that teachers follow a riguorous pacing guide and curriculum set by their state and district (not themselves). They will moderately adjust it, but the truth of the matter is if your child can't keep up then they aren't working on grade level. This will only get worse the more the standards are "lessened" for them. If you truly believe your child deserves one-on-one attention or a more individualized curriculum then by all means, home school them.
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3-04-2010 @ 9:44PM
Nick said...Oh Suzy! You are obviously the major problem with what is going on in your son's life. You have no respect, compassion, or the ability to be non-judgemental. If your son is on an IEP, he has serious problems. The more you make excuses for him now, the worse it will get later. Teachers will constantly disregard any potential he may have in order to work with the students whose parents don't make excuses for them and truly want to HELP the teacher help their child. Grow up and help your son, don't impede any slim chance he may have left!
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3-04-2010 @ 9:58PM
MS said...I love the parents talking down about teachers. I wouldn't be surprised if those who are so disrespectful to the profession have the children who are disrespectful in class. To say that all teachers "want tenure and do a mediocre job" is laughable coming from someone who has probably never taught 140 students in one day in classes that are filled to capacity, spending a decent portion of my salary to purchase supplies for my students' labs and their school supplies that their parents cannot afford, and staying up every night working on a lesson that might some how reach them tomorrow. In case you are wondering, I have a Bachelor of Science and a Master of Science in Aeronautics and gave up a cushy, very well paying senior aerospace buyer position because I WANTED to teach the future of this country not for the "tenure" and to do a "mediocre job". I challenge you to come walk a day in my heels around my classroom in an overcrowded inner city school, but then again, you probably only have the nerve to say these things from behind a computer screen. Five minutes into my day, you would be crying in the teacher's lounge :) Respect your child's teachers, or your children likely will not either, and this is to the benefit of NOONE!
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3-05-2010 @ 5:27AM
Marie said...Ms,
My husband and I always said it, Apples do not fall from tree's.
I was raised to respect my teachers, and I taught the same to my children. I really do believe that teachers are there to help any child with a problem, or learning disability, and parents need to be a partner in their child's education. My child had an IEP-She graduated from a four year college, and is doing fine. I always viewed her disability as a temporary problem, and with my partnership with the teachers, we would work through it and we did. I appreciate all teachers as their jobs today is to feed, nurture, parent, clothe the kids. It is really too bad that parents are not cutting it today. There would be far less problems if teachers could only do what they were hired for TEACH.
3-04-2010 @ 11:50PM
mcmw8601 said...I agree there are good teachers and bad teachers...I myself am a former teacher who left the classroom to be a Human Resource Manager because the MONEY was alot better and I am a single mother but that was MY choice. My daughter was lucky to have a great teacher in Kindergartern, but first and second grades have been pure HECK! I have litterally had to teach her at home at night when I get home because of the crappy teachers she has had. I almost to the point of Home Schooling her and working from Home because its a waste of time to send her to school. One tip I want to pass on...we live in a SMALL TOWN....I totally DISAGREE with the last tip BE PREPARED to SHARE:...trust the professionalism of the teacher to entrust your privacy! DO NOT TRUST A TEACHER in a SMALL TOWN with your privacy because THEY ALL GOSSIP...last year when my husband and I divorced and I went to my daughters teacher to make sure she was ok in school...she spread my ENTIRE DIVORCE all over the town and WE had told no one and were planning on a quite divorce....next thing I know we are the talk of the town and all kinds of RUMORS! Then this year when I began dating my current boyfriend, we went to the next town to have dinner and ran into my daughters teacher and husband from this year. Now, I am considered the WHORE of the town and they talk about me because I left teaching for a higher paying job to support my daughter, but that was my choice, again I am the subject of the RUMOR MILL just because I have a very successful boyfriend and I choose to date over a year after my divorce and I have a higher paying career. DO NOT TRUST TEACHERS...THEY ARE THE WORST GOSSIP'S IN A SMALL TOWN!! TURNED OFF BY SMALL TOWN TEACHERS...ALL THEY DO IS SIT AROUND AND TALK ABOUT EVERYBODY AND YOUR CHILDREN IN THE TOWN AT LUNCH TIME AND DURING THEIR PLANNING PERIODS!!!
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