What's Going On Inside Mean Tweens' Heads?

I don't think girl bullies are any worse than boy bullies. I, also, do not consider just freezing someone out to be bullying. There are some "victims" out there that just can't get it through their heads that you've chosen your friends and don't want them to be a part of your group. They encourage so-called bullying by not getting the message and keep coming back for more. Picking on someone for no reason is definitely bullying but with girls, particularly, this is not always the case. I don't recall my friends and I ever bullying anyone in school and we were part of the popular regular kids crowd not the popular rich kids crowd who I can't recall ever bullied anyone either. But I am aware that times have changed and appearances are much more important nowadays than when I was in school.
The only person we ever actually bullied was this girl in grade school who nowadays would be in special ed. She wasn't unattractive, she just acted inappropriately in social situations and would always try to barge into whatever anyone was doing without consideration. She wouldn't go away when you asked her to and we went out of our way to avoid her. If she persisted, we did result to calling her "nuthead" and "retard" to get her to go away. There was,also, this one boy in our neighborhood who was in a large "white trash" family who made a nuisance of himself and we did call him names until we got into high school. It didn't have anything to do with his family background but him being annoying because we were friendly and nice to a younger brother & sister who were in our age groups.
Some people do invite bullying and I think this should be addressed, too.

To ccwstauffer.. I SO agree! My daughter is all grown up now. But when she was 12 she was the victim of bullying by other girls at school - the "ring leader" was a so-called friend of hers. It was horrible and cruel. We tried everything - including talkign to school officials and teachers. They did nothing. My daughter was, and is, a kind, thoughtful person. She didn't stand a chance against this girl and the others. It got so bad we pulled her out of school - this had all started affecting her school attendance and grades. Sadly, I think sometimes people shrug this off as "no big deal" and "Oh, girls will be girls". They tolerate this and "normalize" it. Everyone needs to start teaching girls and setting good examples, themselves! Especially moms/parents. Seems to me that, invariably, people in general, and women for sure, who do NOT feel good about themselves, are the ones who treat others badly.

as someone who was bullied by both girls (because I was a "pretty boy" who was aloof and thought girls hated me, and some of the more aggressive ones I really didn't like to begin with) and by boys (out of jealousy for various reasons not limited to my "prettyness" [I'm of mixed ethnicity with hazel/green/orange/gold eyes])

I can say that though I got into fights with guys a lot due to fighting against bullies. I learned how to take and throw a punch. From the gals...all I got was emotional scars and insecurities I have to fight to this day. There are gals out there who will agree with this. Most of them have eating disorders or some other body-image distortion--maybe even body dysmorphic disorder.


The thing is, they are clever and insecure creatures to begin with--this is fact. So they take really creative approaches...

To lighten the mood a bit with some (relevant) humor here are some lines from my favorite comedian Louis C.K.:

"Boys...F*** things up. Girls... -are- F***ed up. Boys just do damage to your house that you can measure in dollars, like a hurricane. Girls like, leave scars in your psyche that you find later...like a genocide or an atrocity."

yup, I've seen many a***hole parents who raised a***hole kids. Only rarely does the parent not know.

Oh so then you became the bully??????

when i was in skoo n i saw a bulliee pick on sum1 id F-them up n enjoyed it if it takes a bulliee 2 stop a bulliee thats the way it gos

Harryhurt: I'm right there with you Harry. It's called not only SURVIVAL, but speaking to a bully on his/her own terms. Most of them are not used to that, and are all bark and no bite. The thing of it is, is that there are bullys at all stages of life, NOT just childhood. You're going to have bullys in the workplace, in business, in the line at the grecery store, you name it. Get used to it. The more you run away from them, the more you embolden them. It's always been that way, and sadly, due to human nature, probably always will.

Harry, from what you say, I think I was just like you. I disagree with the losers above who think that only weak, nerdy types are picked on. If you were like me, you're probably thinking, what's the challenge in that? Anyone can beat up the little unfortunate ones. The real challenge is in beating up the bullies. Aside from the self-esteem building aspect which I also felt, the other type of bully always had it coming to him/her. Personally, I used to only beat up bullies, and only the bullies that picked on those that couldn't defend themselves. I've come to realize that I was an "anti-bully". I live in the Altanta area and found it disheartening to read that a bully beat up some kid at the bus stop and killed him. I can't believe all those chicken-sh#t kids a the bus stop stood by and did nothing. Even if they were smaller, they could have ganged up on the meanie and whupped his ass. I said to a friend, where are all the anti-bullies? That's what's wrong with the kids today - no anti-bullies like you and me. BTW, I was the smallest kid in my class all through the primary grades - 90 lbs soaking wet. I just believed I could kick anyone's ass and, by gosh, I did. It's mostly attitude and I never lost a fight in my life. I haven't had to beat anyone up since then, but I have threatened to kick some ass to avoid date rape and that crap. Just the threat has always worked.

We live in a society that has gotten where it has gotten because of bullying. It should be no surprise children learn this behavior. The fact that bullies exist, blatant disregard, starts from the top down. Corporations, governments, even religious movements, all use the tactics because people are a resource to be manipulated and controlled, spilling over in every aspect of society. For girls to learn to survive in this environment, means they too must learn and exercise the behavior. Fighting a bully, proving you can stand up for yourself, was one way to dispel further targeting. Girls in particular, often resort to less physical means of aggression, because brute force is a power ploy value previously unassigned to the gender. This may change if society changes its view of female aggression, or the manner in which assertiveness becomes acceptable from them. There may have been a time when a woman could smack some one in the face for transgressive behavior and not have to worry about being pummeled in return. Moreover, physical aggression towards women has increased, violence against women- psychological and physical, escalates during periods of economic hardship or civil unrest. Predetermined unequal social position means that a group in particular bares the brunt of subjection. Recourse, if any, is limited, with quick dispatch for any attempting to stand up for themselves. In other words, after years of abuse, if they snap and fight back, they conveniently "criminalized" in a system designed to put them back in their place. That goes for minority groups too,not just gender. Furthermore, continued denial of equal human standing pervades every aspect of leadership, thus ensuring continuity of bullying tactics. Until current societal structures correct the inequity, equilibrium of power, and the manner in which it harms social fabrics, bullying, manipulation, veiled aggression, will continue to determine social order.

Fred, your racist remarks have no place in these forums. You go back to your trailer and stay there.

You are oh so wrong on that one. I worked with kids of all races and ages for years. I found tht the meanest girls were the ones that had the idea that they were much better then any one else. Usually tht meant that their father was an officer and the kids that they were pcking on had parents in the enlisted ranks. The girls made me want to pull my hair out at times as I could not reason with any of them. They fell back on name calling and fake tears. The boys, well them I could deal with, a conversation in my office would usually show that they had a bully or two as parents and that they did not feel wanted or needed and so were looking for a place for themselves to be seen. Once they figured out that I would listen to them and give quiet advice and answers many of them became pleasant kids...not so the girls. Oh and BTW, I had 4 kids of my own...2 of each and now have 5 grandkids. Also, only a racist would state the it is the "colored girls" that are the bullies...ummmm what color do you mean...all of my kids have different shades of skin. The colored girls that you pick on...green, blue, purple, white peach or what??????

to Fred - your ignorant! I am what your calling colored and a girl and iv been in public and private schools growing up. Theres not just minority ethnic groups that are bullies most private schools have alot of prissy stuckup white girls who are just as bad as African Americans,Hispanics ext..... you must have had a bad experience. Any ways bullying is a problem but i dont think alot of parents realize there childs a bully. most parents think they know what it was like being at school at that age, but i think most are oblivious to what there child does. I was hugely bullied in middle school for being diffrent and the boys were alot nicer to me then the girls. The girls slammed me into lockers, jumped me after school, or pushed me into walls. The boys only called me names or tripped me. So I personaly think girls are more nefarious, but then I wonder what shit i would have been put through if i was a guy most of the so called nerds or freaks were left alone those you fought back were usually terrorized more.

Hey, Fred. What's a "savbage"? Or are you just too dumb to admit that you are a racist and can not spell words properly? Were you kicked out of school?

Every day one or more of the black girls in my class would point a fist at me and mouth, "I'll see you AFTER school..." I was always terrified. And nobody did nothing!