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Opinion: I Had a C-Section - Does That Make Me Less of a Mother?
Filed under: Opinions
A cesarean section can be just as joyful as a vaginal birth. Credit: Getty Images
The panel supports the idea of allowing a woman to pursue a VBAC, and the research seems to bear out the fact that, for many, a vaginal birth after a surgical one is a viable option: According to the NIH press release about the panel, labor is successful in nearly 75 percent of VBAC cases.
"About 70 percent of women who have had Cesareans are good candidates for trying for a normal birth, and 60 percent to 80 percent of those who try succeed," Dr. F. Gary Cunningham, the conference chairman and a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas, tells The Money Times.
What's troubling to me is not the fact that Cunningham wants more women to have access to VBACs. No, what's troubling to me is how he called the way I birthed my children abnormal. I had two C-sections -- the first one because my daughter was breech, and the second an elective repeat C-section. The assertion that my birth experiences were less than normal is totally insulting.
I had surgery. I had an epidural. I had stitches and pain medication for weeks afterward. Does that make my birth experience unnatural? Does it make me less of a woman or a mother? What do people get out of vaginal birth that I didn't experience? I had a baby, I saw her face and nearly broke from the love of it.
But if you listen to other mothers, and some fathers, too, what happened to me was not a joyful emotional experience. What happened to me, some would say, was akin to rape.
Yes, you heard that right. Rape. A post about C-sections by writer Julie Marsh (she had three C-sections) on her blog, "The Mom Slant," drew comments so inflammatory that she eventually closed them down. Marsh writes about a Twitter debate sparked by a joke about post-baby sex, in which some compared a C-section to torture and yes, rape -- the idea being that a woman suffers a loss of control over what happens to her body when a doctor proposes a surgical birth.
"As far as the 'rape' issue, it holds water. The rape is not necessarily the c-section. It is the lies told by the physician. It is the physician imposing his 'knowledge' to intimidate women into doing something they don't want. We're not talking about life saving situations," writes one commenter.
What strikes me, beyond the complete disregard for the victims of actual rape, is how viciously women will attack one another for making a deeply personal decision about the birth of their children. It's another flag of superiority to wave around: I had a vaginal birth, hear me roar! Oh, you poor dear, they must have steamrolled you into that abhorrent C-section! Even better are the moms who choose to have a drug-free birth and then run around proclaiming that no other method of delivery should be considered.
It's just one more way to divide us -- C-sections, breastfeeding, attachment-parenting -- oh, so many ways to judge! So many ways to disagree! So many ways to assert moral superiority!
I'm sympathetic to anyone whose birth was marred by any kind of trauma, mental or physical. I know there are women out there who do suffer tremendously during their C-sections. I also know there are women out there who suffer tremendously during their vaginal births. Let's face it -- birthing babies is no picnic, no matter how they make their entrance.
Do I think women who want to attempt a VBAC should be allowed to do so, if the circumstances dictate that it's safe for both Mom and baby? I sure do. Hey, it's even A-OK with me if you want to pop a squat in the forest and have your kid while someone braids your hair and sings "Kumbaya." Bottom line: How you give birth is your decision and how you arrive at that decision is no one's business.
Women -- all human beings, in fact -- have the right to make decisions about their own bodies.
What we don't have the right to do is cast aspersions on how other people's children enter this world. This is a fundamentally personal moment in the life of a mother and no one -- not even Dr. Cunningham -- has the right to tell me that what I experienced was wrong.
Related: Should I Have a VBAC Trial of Labor After a Previous Cesarean?
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ReaderComments (Page 6 of 18)
3-17-2010 @ 2:55PM
Linda Moberg said...If you are referring to my comment to Ann, I did not mean to say anyone was a whore. Her comment was that anyone who gave birth vaginally was a great mother. I was trying to make a ridiculous comment. Saying that if a hooker gave birth vaginally then that made her a better mother than me, because I needed a c-section for medical reasons ( I don't dialate past 2 cms).
3-17-2010 @ 9:44AM
maureen said...Less of a woman? Having no control over your birth? nature has all the control c- or not. less! that's in how well you are as a mother. I wished to have a c-sec and was forced into natural with a 14 hour labor and the ending factor was a breached baby who had a heart attack and died. better for the baby? better for the baby? no drugs? no c-sec? in a tub of water? you know what! do what you think! because if you feel the fear go with your motherly feelings. dont deny youself, most of us know what we feel as mothers. and dont go to that dr. and get a 2nd option. you have a choice. you should have a choice. and please dont feel bad for me. just learn from it. I have 3 now and happy. bless all your little ones and be the best mommies you can be and most important trust yourself and get informed.
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3-17-2010 @ 9:45AM
BelviaC said...VBAC's have risks ...mother and baby, both can be lost. A ruptured uterus can occur without labor and prior to getting to the hospital.
So 70% can VBAC what happens to the other 30%
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3-17-2010 @ 1:09PM
The Deranged Housewife said...Yes, VBACs have risks. But so do c-sections! Please do not turn a blind eye to this. But, if a woman dies during a section (which still does happen!) the "doctor did everything he could." WTH?
With each c-section you have, you risk things like greater scar tissue buildup, which can cause chronic pain and infertilty. With each pregnancy, you can actually rupture *during pregnancy before you even get to labor.* Did you know that?
With each pregnancy, you can possibly have placenta problems, including where the placenta attaches over the scar and can separate prematurely. You can run the risk of greater chance of infection, respiratory problems in the newborn, and an increased risk of the baby needing medical intervention such as a NICU stay after birth.
I would post a link to an article on US NEws And world Report but unfortunately, it won't let me. However, you can easily look this up yourself by googling "risks of repeat c-section" and see what you come up with.
Doctors totally down play the risks of c-section and yet suddenly VBACs are so dangerous. Unfoprtunately, that's the take home message many moms bring home to their sisters, friends, nieces, etc. etc. etc. and the myth keeps spreading.
3-17-2010 @ 9:55AM
Cheryl said...I could not agree with you more. I have had 1 vaginal and 3 C-section births. The fact that I experienced complications of undetermined origins for all of my pregnancies did play a role in how my children arrived in the world. You see I have never experienced a so called “Normal” delivery. My vaginal delivery was far from normal considering the fact that I went into labor on July 28 and my daughter was born 12 weeks early on August 10 weighing a whopping 1lb. 15oz. On December 9 the next year I had an emergency C-section at 24 weeks because my daughter was in distress, unfortunately surfactant was not yet available and she is an Angel now. Three years later on St. Patty’s day my son was delivered by C-section 8 weeks early because was also in distress fortunately surfactant was available and today is his 19th birthday. On February 2 two years later my youngest daughter was born 4 weeks early by C-section and was the only one of my children who didn’t spend any time in the Special Care Nursery.
Granted my experience was far from what would be considered “Normal” and to somehow imply that I missed out on something is nuts. The welfare of my children was the determining factor in how my children were delivered and the only factor. I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone but I would make the same decision. Everything happens for a reason whether we like it or not. You see I could have chosen VBAC and further endangered my already distressed children but I chose the best option to relieve my children’s stress at the time. If that is wrong to some so be it. My choice was the right one for me and mine.
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3-17-2010 @ 9:48AM
TK said...I have four now grown children. First two were vaginal last two c- section for medical reasons. They both hurt alot but the vaginal was easier and faster to heal from. so given a choice to do it again I would go ( natural ).
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3-17-2010 @ 9:50AM
Cindy said...first off tammy.. you were not allowed a c section and your child had injuries from it i hope you sued the crap outta that dr becuase you can!! secondly i tried for 5 days!! YES FIVE DAYS OF AGONY tring to have my daughter who in fact my dr stressed to me NOT to have a c section... the final day before i had my little princess they discovered i was dilated to ten for 2 days but my cervix had hardened and my daughter would be crushed if i had given birth and i also would have hemorrhaged and may have died myself.. so they performed an emergency c section. yes i was one of those moms who did it all naturally for five days no epidural just ptossin.. and i tell you.. horrific!! the pain was sometimes unbearable to where i thought i was going to die!! so to say having a c section is nothing like having birth screw off!! i went threw hell and back for not only those five days but for 4 months after!! they botched my c section and becuase the healing process can take anywhere from 4 months to 18 months i got screwed!! several hospital visits later i now am not able to have any children becuase i devolved pof and had severe tissue damage for tring to push my daughter out when she couldn't even come out!! thats alot for a woman to take and now this?? i think woman, ALL woman who have children are just amazing n matter how you do it.. my daughter is my world!!
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3-17-2010 @ 9:51AM
Hippo said...I did not read all of the comments and apologize if these are repeats.
First of all, some doctors are tactless. This doctor was being technically accurate and may not have realized it could sound hurtful.
During my first pregnancy, I had an "earth mother" type friend who told me not to have a hospital birth, because it was a "Caesarean Butcher Shop." I did go to that hospital, had a caesarean, and it saved my baby's life.
I later had twins by caesarean, and the doctor did offer me a VBAC, but I refused.
Both of my birth experiences were difficult, but I think that vaginal birth would have been impossible for me due to some health problems.
As far as people crowing "I'm better than you!" because they had a vaginal birth, or a home birth without meds, well, that's just immature people trying to one-up you.
If you stand back from the situation and look at it logically, it's like a bunch of third-graders yelling at each other on the playground.
This may be one of the drawbacks of our technology--too much information--and too many opportunities for mean-spirited, insecure people shouting insults from behind their keyboards.
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3-17-2010 @ 10:13AM
gerry said...lord no it doesnt make anyone less of a mother. that is the stupidest thing ive heard. goes to show they will give a degree to anyone nowadays.
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3-19-2010 @ 12:40PM
Eva said...I don't think you are getting the point of what that doctor is getting at. A lot of women today are opting for C section over vaginal when it should be the other way around. A surgical birth is something that should only be done when needed. I have known moms who have had a c section so they would know the exact date they were having birth and fit it into their schedule. Women are also pressured by a lot of doctors to take drugs and have c sections. Lets be blunt, it is easier for them. They go in they take the baby out and they sew you back up. I had two natural births and the entire time i was pressured into taking an epidural. By the way just because I gave birth naturally doesnt mean I have braids and sing kumbaya in the woods. For someone who doesn't want women to be judgemental your sound a bit judgemental yourself.
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3-17-2010 @ 2:08PM
manny said...I'm sorry your feelings were hurt by this, but really it's the way you feel that is the issue. It is not "normal" to have a C-section. That does not in any way mean that it is bad, or you are less. Period. It's like people who get upset when the Dr. tells them a fact like, "you are obese". That is a medical fact, not a judgement. People need to not understand things that are facts, are not judgements. Normal means "the norm", the way the majority of births occur, the way nature intended it to happen. There often many dozens of other perfectly wonderful ways for things to occur that are not "the norm" but, they nonetheless are not normal. These words exist so that we can communicate accurately not so that people can assign other, emotions to them. As an extreme, being 20 lbs overweight may now be the norm, that doesn't mean it's better however.
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3-17-2010 @ 10:07AM
sunny said...Whine whine whine........
Having babies is bad enough but do you have to whine about it?
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3-17-2010 @ 10:14AM
joanfeuer said...I had an emergency c-section 30 years ago because my baby was in extreme fetal distress. Though I don't regret my decision because it was medically necessary to save his life, I missed out on a significant event because I was not conscious for the emergency delivery. Having a c-section is major surgery. My body was so traumatized by the event. After the hospital stay, I was home alone taking care of a fussy baby while recovering from major surgery. What should have been a special time in my life was anything but special. I was ill, exhausted, and in a great deal of pain. Anyone who elects to have a c-secion for non emegency reasons has got to be crazy. C-sections do save lives when used properly but no one should use them as a convenience or as the preferred way to give birth.
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3-17-2010 @ 10:33AM
gwoman100 said...Call me crazy then Joan. I chose to have a c-section, although at the end my daughter was breech. I suppose I am one of the lucky ones because I had absolutely no pain afterwards...didn't even get the prescription filled. I was up and down the stairs as soon as I got home with no problems whatsoever. I LOVED IT!
3-17-2010 @ 10:44AM
michell said...Hi
Yes i had a C-section after 24 hours of laber, And had 3 more normal births.Your a mother no matter how these childern make it into the world. It should be your chose if every one is safe !!!! Your Baby First And For Most.
What about your body years down the road. Moms all over the world
have had to have ( apeseoutumes ) sorry about the spelling, This is a cut that sometimes has to be done to help your baby make it's way into the world. If this is not done wright it
can couse changes with your body that my effect your love life in the bedroom. Their are lots of nervs located in the vaginal area !
If there cut ! It can couse numness that can't be fixed Yes that has also happened to me. And what about birth defects that are detected on ultrasound and info is withheld from mother and father
until the birth of the child , She had a major heart defect. At birth she went with out oxagen Until Dad said whats wrong with our baby.
This was seen on ultrasound AND HE NEVER SAID A WORD.
You have the wright to no every thing thats going on with your body, And any DOCTOR that tries to tell you other wise run as fast as you can. There are great doctors if you fine one hang on to him.
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3-17-2010 @ 10:18AM
Christiana said...I am sorry that this Dr's article hurt you and made you feel defensive about your birth experience. I didn't realize how judgemental parents (and particularly mothers) could be until I had my own little girl. Everyone has an opinion about every stage of pregnancy, birth and parenting and I believe we are so vehemently judgemental about other parent's choices because we are afraid our own choices are wrong.
It seems to me that C-sections were a breakthrough in medical science because they allowed babies and mothers who might not have survived otherwise to live and thrive. This was a good thing. I have many friends and loved ones who would not be here if it wasn't for C-sections. But the fact is, there are more complications with C-sections and it is major surgery. It is not as safe as a vaginal delivery for many women. Studies have shown that any medical intervention brings more risk to the mother and child. This doesn't mean it is wrong to have an epidural or pitosin or a vacuum or a C-section but it should be made clear that these are all serious issues in the birthing experience. Women who have epidurals or pitosin are more likely to have C-sections because birth is slowed and there is a loss of feeling. That is a fact. For the most part, our bodies know how to heal after vaginal births because that is what they've been doing for centuries. There are obviously complications after vaginal deliveries too but I think it is less likely.
Thank you for your article and I hope we can all learn to love each other and speak kindly about one another's choices. None of us is perfect but we do the best we can.
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3-18-2010 @ 9:55AM
Fred said...I had a kid. I don't remember how. You know why?
Because it's not important. Those who think it is important: Get a life.
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3-17-2010 @ 10:26AM
sarjorbre said...OMG...this is so dumb. I have had 4 babies by C-Section, first was an emergncy...and then elected to have the rest C-Section to avoid the need for another emergency.
To say that one is less of a mom or woman is about the craziest thought to pass through a womans head....so if I adopt I am less of a woman or mom?? Your not really a parent or mom for that matter unless you pushed that kid into the world???
What a freak-a-zoid idea. Anyone who entertains this idea is an IDIOT. I don't have time for idiots, I have 4 kids to raise.
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3-17-2010 @ 10:29AM
Me said...I think that "Normal" is the same as "Beauty". It's all in the eye of the beholder! To defend the Doctor, "Normal" is vaginal birthing. It's how God (not sorry if that offended anyone!) made us to bring our babies into the world. God also put intelligence into the brain of all of us and some of those brains are the ones that came up with and created Ceserean Sections to save the life of Mothers and their children that couldn't have survived childbirth. Do you know what the rate of death was during childbirth for mothers and babies a 100 years ago? Get the chip off your shoulder that says "Everyone Judges Me"! It wasn't a judgement. Be thankful to the Doctors that created and fought and perfected the Ceserean Section so that more woman and babies could live, and that it could eventually be a choice for birth and not just a "emergency only" procedure.
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3-17-2010 @ 10:24AM
MotherNature said..."Normal" is just a defining term. Vaginal births are how a child is (by nature) supposed to be birthed. I had a c-section because of emergency complications. By nature my child would not have survived...and me either. Medical technology allowed me to be a living mother with a healthy child. I am no less of a "maternal" being than any woman who gave birth "normal". Its just that some people have never had to have a c-section and have had uncomplicated births. Good for them. But don't be so sanctamonious and say things like "well your birth was not a real birth...you did not go through it like a 'normal' woman". Be proud of your motherhood no matter how it came about...to hell with small minded fools. As for the prattles of male doctors...oh really what do they know about birth anyway....aside from what they studied in textbooks.
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