Opinion: I Had a C-Section - Does That Make Me Less of a Mother?

I had 3 vaginal deliveries and 1 stat c-section. In my case, I went into labor and was told that the babies head had not come down. Come to find out the reason was because the baby was breach. The doctor said I had 3 choices...deliver the baby breech, try to turn the baby around manually, or do a c-section. My husband asked the doctor what he would do if it was his wife. The Dr. replied he would try to turn the baby around in-utero. If that didn't work he would do a c-section. Well, we tried turning the baby around and it was very painful. I then told him to stop and deliver the baby by c-section. My baby was born with a neo-natal seizure disorder due to the trauma of trying to turn the baby around. The doctor never told me that the procedure is only done on babies 6 lbs or less. When my baby was born she was 9lbs 7oz! It didn't matter to me that I had to have a c-section. What mattered to me was that my baby survived the delivery. My husband is a surgeon and the remark of "normal" I think was used in medical context. Maybe doctors need to take note when speaking with a patient it is better to use lay man's terms so not to offend anyone.

Reply

The problem is that someone is always going to have an opinion and an opinion of someone elses opinon/choice of words... whatever the case is. The real negativity of the situation is that as a whole people are incapable of accepting someone for who they are or what they have chosen to do. My first child was literally vacuumed out and then my second quite literally took the water slide approach. I tried breast feeding both but neither would take. I almost died from a blood pressure drop (50/30) due to a demerol/epi reaction. Then i FELT like dying when the epi (during the second birth) isolated the pain. Every experience even if it is a natural (drugs or no drugs), c-sections, adoption, is special and life changing. As for the term normal... I feel we've become a nation too sensitive for words we deem as harsh but are too accustomed to violence in almost every aspect of our lives.

Reply

My first son was an induced vaginal delivery... talk about ouch! My second son was a forceps vaginal delivery.... ouch ! Ouch! My third son was a c-section delivery 2 months before my due date. I have to say, that I prefered the vaginal deliveries to the c-section BECAUSE my boys were not in danger. (and they were less painful recovery) My c-section was tramatic in part of having a child who was "touch n' go" for 52 days in the NICU. At the time, I felt like my child had been ripped from me. I had to struggle to get past having absolutly no control with what was happening. The good news: we made it! My youngest is now 3 years old & perfectly happy & healthy. Sometimes, we just have to do what we have to do. We will not be having anymore children... :)

Reply

I was glad to have C sections with both my kids. They were both very large! 9 and 10 pounds! Even the dr said if they weren't born this way they would have been born with broken shoulder blades. Sure enough a friend of mine had a 9 pound baby boy and he was born with a broken clavicle. Poor little thing! All becuase he was so huge and it broke on the way out. Besides that I'd rather not be stretched from here to kingdom come and have hemmorids to boot!
Sure the C section hurt but from all the things my friends are complaining about after a natural birth, I'll take a C any day!

Reply

I am a mother of 6. I had my first child C-section and was told if I had more that they would also be C-section. My 2nd child I was frightened, since the first one was a terrible experience. I went to the hospital at midnight (I was under a different doctor's care). At 12:38 my daughter delivered naturally, without a doctor even getting there until the head was crowned. After that, my longest labor was 3 hours. At the age of 38, I delivered my last child, who was induced. Not one problem, either. I was on high risk due to my age and number of births, along with my first baby in 1987 being born when I had toxemia.

I think that it is your personal option to obtain a doctor that will honor your wishes of you trying vaginal birth. If complications occur, they can always take the baby C-section. Most doctors that do not give you that option, my guess, is for the fact that if you have any risk factors and something goes wrong in vaginal birth... they could be open to a lawsuit. They are only protecting themselves as well, which is somewhat understandable.

So, I guess the ending factor is knowing your risks, obtaining a second opinion and being comfortable with a doctor that will listen to what you want and think as well.

I had 4 different doctors. The 1st told me I would never be able to have children without a risk of death. 5 children later, I am still alive..... though I do think at times that teenagers and their drama might just be the end of me! :) Just kidding, I love my kids with all my heart!

My kids are 23, 18, 17, 14, 12 and 3.... with the times, doctors and technology changed. Anyone having children today are LUCKY that the doctors know what they do and have the technology to make it so much easier on you.

Reply

Some women won't admit it but they have the c-sections so their "stuff" won't get all stretched out.. Anyways, whatever is best for the baby is what everyone should worry about. A friend told me that she did not breastfeed her 5 kids because she did not like the way it felt and that only a guy should be messing with her boobs. I've always known my friend was crazy but there must be some other word out there for someone beyond that point. To all women out there, please make your baby's health a priority if not your own and if that means having a c-section then so be it!!!!!

Reply

You know this is so silly! I have had 1 vaginal delivery and 2 c-sections and let me tell you they are both equally as painful actually I would have to say the c-section more so... Does this make me less of a mother NO! I think this may be taken to literal. I do think Doctors for sure pressure c-sections on women I had my first c-section because my son was 11 lbs and the doctor felt for me this would be the best situation my second c-section was because the hospital would not allow me to go vbac. These people must not have enough going on in there lives... Just be grateful you have healthy children that love you no matter how you delivered.

Reply

I've had 2 C-sections and not because I wanted to. My 1st was in 1998 with my daughter Avery ...after being in labor for 24hrs; my body just didn't want to co-operate. My 2nd in 2009 again for the same reason only this time I didn't go through 24hrs. of labor because I just knew something was wrong of which it was ....my Emmie's arm was wrapped around the umbilical cord making her trapped and turned sideways! I had a "Good" Dr. I thought but he insisted that I should have another C-section because I already had 1 and because I was overweight at the time and 39 !!!! He also insisted that I have my tubes tided because of my age! Comon!!!! I had NO health problems before,during or after with both of my girls so you can imagine how I felt! Having only a few weeks till delivery my husband & I thought it best not to change Dr's so I voiced my concerns /opinions of which a mother to be or any woman should NEVER have to do ! I was determined to prove him wrong !
That SOB!!! Can I just say that Men Dr's SUCK!
After my 2nd C-section not 2mths. later I ended up with a hernia @ my incision and to find out my fallopian tubes were not where they were suppose to be !!! Isn't that wonderful?!! Is there any wonder why Dr's get sued?!

Reply

In regards to a the comment from a women about whether or not her having 3 c-sections (one of them elective), not breastfeeding, not making her own babyfood, and seemingly being proud of it, and asking whether or not it makes her "less of a mother":

No, I don't think it makes you less of a mother. I do however, think that not electing to have c-sec (if it is medically sound to have a vaginal birth) and choosing to breastfeed (as long as there are no severe complications) do make one just a little bit "more of a mother."

My mother did not breastfeed and sometimes I wonder if I would have been healthier, smarter and all those things due to the benefits. Yes, she was a good mom otherwise, but if her generation hadn't been talked into formula, I and my siblings might have less allergies etc.

I only take issue with women who have perfectly healthy pregnancies and have perfectly healthy boobs who choose to have a c-section out of convenience, and choose to bottlefeed because it's easier. Then, yes, I will judge, and I probably won't be able to hold a rational conversation with you.

However, medical necessity overrides all. And if I needed a c-sec for medical necessity, or couldn't breastfeed due to medical reasons, then I wouldn't feel guilty. Sad but not guilty. But I would still recognize that a c-section is "abnormal" by way of giving birth. There's no way around that medical reference.

Reply

The more things change the more they stay the same. I had my first baby by c/sec 29 years ago for cpd (head too big?). I was so devistated to have missed the birth experience--but thrilled with my beautiful newborn son. I did not want repeat that whole hospital experience with all the interventions so when I got pregnant the second time I did research and found a certifed nurse midwife who would deliver at home. I delivered my second son at home without any interventions and he is now 25. Well, years later I was pregnant again with my third and planned a homebirth but due to complications I delivered 7 weeks early in a hospital--he is now 15. After having each baby a different way I can tell you that having a homebirth was the most beautiful, private and safest delivery for me as I was secure in my decision. I love all my children and it doesnt matter how they came into the world as they are the world to me. I have read all the posts and have felt many of the same things others have. I was a doula (labor support) and time has not changed the way the "average" birthing woman feels. I just wish that each woman has the birth experience that she wants. The greatest moments in my life is when they placed my newborn on my belly and he looked up at me-----Its a wonderful life.

Reply

The writer is being incredibly over-sensitive.... The doctor never said you were a bad mother or person b/c you had a c-section. The truth is that "nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so." You are clearly sensitive about it yourself and have put those thoughts and feelings into your own mind. Get over it!

Reply

As the grandmother of a big baby boy delivered by c-section due to his size, I am appalled by what I read. To discount his birth via c-section and make it the equivalent to rape is absurd to say the least and disgusting at worst.

His head was the right size - his shoulders, those of a little linebacker, and a bigger tummy that most newborns, his birth vaginally would have been life-threatening to both his mother and to him.

His mother's recovery was longer, yes. More difficult yes but they are both alive due to the c-section.

Not all c-sections are for convenience...they are life-saving!f

Grammy 07

Reply

Well, I don't know about c-sections, but I sure do know about having a baby. My first, born in 1960 was sideways, yep your reading it right. And I remember every bit of the pain as they turned him too. All the pain I went through till it was over. I would have taken a c-section, if they said there was a choice. I don't believe they should stop doing c-sections, it's our choice. And not push it on a women, just to get it over with faster. As far as being less of a woman or Mom. That's BS, you as much, if not more, of a women and Mom no matter how you choose to have your babies. This is these people again like alot of others that have to stick their nose into everyones business again. They need to mind there own and stay out of other peoples. Live your own life and leave mine alone.

Reply

I think you are being far too sensitive in regards to the doctor's comments. As others have said, the word was being used in a medical context, not as a way to demean anyone who had a c-section.

The radicals on the natural birth side are certainly not the norm and you are doing the doctor a disservice by lumping him in with them. I agree that how a woman wants to give birth is her business, not mine.

Reply

Its a well known fact that Drs. like to insist on C-Sections because they are quicker for the doctor and they make MORE MONEY than a vaginal birth. The unnecesary surgery and the added recovery time for the mother- the Dr. could care less. I once read that there is a whole movement of people who believe human beings NEED that vaginal birth squeeze from the beginning, and those who miss out tend to suffer emotional problems, for which only this group can offer the healing process to take place. In my opinion it makes no sense. A lot trauma occurs and heads are misshapen, sometimes permanently, with a vaginal birth. In the old days, and in many cultures there are experts who will reshape the child's head and realign the spine after a vaginal birth. A woman should have a doctor on hand who respects her wishes, whom she trusts his/her judgement, but who is willing to perform the birth either way.

Reply

Good heavens! After what I endured during a vag. birth, I swore I'd much rather have a c-section with the next child. It was agonizing, hard, sweaty work. I feared I would have a stroke with how hard I was pushing. Then went 10 days with pain, bruising and NO bladder control whatsoever. Yay for 'normal'. If you are able to give birth and end up with a healthy child, thank God. Who cares if you have a vag. birth, C-section or vomit him/her out! Just get 'em out in one piece!!

Reply

I had a csection i could not breast feed and i am a fantastic mother. i am also a doctor and do not listen to any of the idiots who judge me for my decisions. but i recommend just not getting so up in arms about what other people write or say. you are the only one who has to be happy with your decisions. i will not listen to the ones who tell me my daughter had a bottle for too long or i dont let her cry enough or she should be potty trained now. there are way too many demands on what a mother should do. the only person who should make demands is you. you are the one incharge. ok i'll give the father a break he has a say as well.

Reply

I had an emergency c-section for my first pregnancy after 48 hours of non productive labor with pains that remained 5 minutes a part for the entire time; the second child was to be a vbac the result was almost fatal for me and the baby! The next two delieveries were by c-section and non of the c-sections lessened the joy of LABOR and delivery for me.

Reply

I had a vaginal delivery, and see nothing wrong with C-Sections. No matter what mode of delivery you use, the end result is the same: your beautiful baby in your arms, looking at you in awe. THAT'S the important part. I think everyone is getting too worked up about the mother's rols in delivery...All everyone should think about is getting their baby out safe. Who cares if you didn't use drugs? Good for you, your baby is here. Who cares if you had an epidural? Good for you, your baby is here. Who cares if you had a C-Section? Good for you, your baby is here. Who cares if you went vaginal? Good for you, your baby is here.
THE ONLY IMPORTANT PART IS THAT BABY. Moms need to get off their vaginal, or drug-free, or whatever, high-horse and focus all that attention back on what's important, their children. Now if you'll excuse me, the daughter I birthed while on an epidural, needs my attention.

Reply

I was watching one of those childbirth shows a while back and an obstetrics nurse said natural childbirth is whatever it takes to get the baby out.

Reply