Opinion: Tenn. Legislator Who Wants Divorced Parents to Always Get Equal Parenting Time Has No Idea What He's Talking About

David S

I guess if he was a democrat it would be ok. Mabey John Edwards should run for his seat then you can vote for your LIBERAL CHEATING DEMOCRATS.

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Quite true.

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solomon lives!!! mind your politics and leave parenting to the experts, i.e. the parents. this isn't/shouldn't be about gender. it's about stability for the kids and reality, which politicians don't live in, of course. idiot politicians. - signed "single dad with custody of 3-kids"

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I have been through two very messy divorces. I have full custody of my children (both girls) from those marriages. In both cases the child custody evaluators were female and had been married several times, so they were very biased against men!
In my first divorce, my ex-wife was supposed to pay $100.00 month in temporary child support that was supposed to be adjusted when she got a job. She disappeared and forgot to pay child support for 15 years. When we finally located her, she had purchased a restaurant, but told the judge she was too poor to pay any child support. When our daughter got married, my ex-wife refused to attend and refuses any contact with our daughter!
My second ex-wife had custody, but did not obey the court's orders. She lost custody after a series of ugly incidents. After court ordered visitation, she refused to allow our daughter to return to me and is in contempt of court!

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tenn. is still a very backward state that doesnt care one ioda about childrens welfare at all. some one needs to examine that stae from the US gov!

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I'm a divorced mom with two daughters. I have a very amicable relationship with my ex-husband and my girls see their dad regularly. There was no abuse, the divorce was handled through a mediator - I have no complaints. If my daughters want to spend extra time with their dad, they can. We work together for the girls. But if the law forced us to share equal custody, that would be a big problem, just logistically.

He has remarried and has two infants and our agreement fits everyone's needs. I would highly resent the law saying that we weren't fit to set our own custody schedule.

I can see that in a bitter, contentious divorce a judge might need to step in, but a law that sets a blanket custody schedule for everyone is simply crazy. I know many divorced parents who set their own and it works for everyone - because they act like adults, work together and put the kids' needs first. And those arrangements are all over the board, depending on the living arrangements and work schedules of the parties involved.

My daughters know that they have full access to their dad any time they want, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But for us to be forced to have them live equal time in both houses would NOT serve their best interests, period.

Plus, at 12 and 15, they are old enough to have a say in it as well.

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Thank goodness someone realizes that a father can be an equal parent too. I have shared custody with my two daughters. My ex-wife hates that. I have been to family court 14 times in 5 years fighting to show I'm a equal and proper parent. Every time she petitioning me with abuse and neglect alligations. Why? Because courts don't reconise money problems, infidelity or other spouse problems, but if you can show domestic violence. Then you'll have a case. This is why this whole "abusive relationship" thing comes in. They may tell the judge they were afraid of the father, but when asked what you want from them they lose that fear. Don't get me wrong I know abuse is out there and very much a problem, but many women are just using "abuse" as a tool.

We need to break the tradition that only a mother can give the proper care to a child..Dads make good parents too.

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I was going to write a comment, but then I read Terry's comment at 3:40pm. Terry is absolutely right, extremely well written. Gender-neutral is good if it is always or evenly applied. Currently, gender-neutral never applies to men, only women. Children suffer when parents fight. Let's try this proposal. Sounds wise and workable.

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This placement system would be great it would force both parnets to be hands on, mentally and phyiscally apart of the childs overall developement.Now if there is foolish abusive behavior on behalf of the man or woman he or she must take the proper steps to earn equal time with children.As a child I wish I could have lived with my father every other week. It would have gave us the father son bond that most desire have but, don't know how to obtain.The only person this really effects is the mothers no more baby for pay the gig is up.

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If parents are confrontational with each other, this legislation will not help the children. The kids would just have an opportunity to be in the middle of hateful parental interactions on a more regular basis. I feel for these kids.

In my divorce, we arranged for us both to have fully functional separate homes, living in the same school district, and we cooperate fully with each other's schedules as far as parenting time. The kids also have a say in where they want to be for a night or a week, and we do not throw any guilt on them for their decisions.

We also do not tolerate the kids using one parent against the other. We back each other up (meaning, when I think Dad made a bad decision, I still stand by it, and let the kid and Dad work out if there will be any changes). We may be divorced, but we still value each other's participation and opinions in rearing our children.

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I am the father of two. A girl and a boy. They have always been very close to my ex and myself. In our case, we ended up with shared custody. I found a house within the school district and week swap off every Sunday. It took the kids awhile to adjust to this arrangement. My ex and I had to very different ideas of how to raise children. The kids have managed to figure out that we have different rules in each house. They follow the rules of the house with very few problems.

The problem is that I really need to move in closer to my place of work and I'm in a relationship that is going to require me to find a bigger house. I don't know if my ex is going to be able to move into the same area. This is bound to start a new conflict and put the kids back in the middle.

I would be happy to continue the arrangement, but it may not work. I'm not willing to let a court decide where I can and can not live. Even more I'm not willing to let lawmakers decide this. It should be between the parents. The government needs to stay out.

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What about the abusive wives. My Ex was mentally abusive to me for 20 years. She has been on prozac, paxil and at least 3 other anti depression medications. I put up with her shit for years.She belittled me, treated me like i was no good, and controlled my every move. She decided to cheat on me and we divorced, we had split custody for 3 years ans i did not have to pay child support, she wanted the free time.She then took me to court for joint custody and child support.She had my 2 daughters on anti depression meds which messed them up. My ex can sell you ocean front property in Arizona. She is very coniving. She is getting remarried in 2 months, she'll mess up his life too. My 15 yr old does not get along with her mother, my 18 yr old is just like her mother, she yells and screams instead of talking. So its not just the men who have a problem.

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I never thought it would work, but in 1993, a VA court ordered true joint custody between my ex-husband and myself. Keep in mind, I wanted it set up that way from the beginning of the divorce, but my ex sued me for full custody. The judge said, he saw two, stable adults, who loved their child, and felt it would be in the child's best interest for him to spend 6 months of the year with his father and 6 months with me. During the months he was with his dad, I received visitation every other weekend and one day during the week, and vice versa. Since my son was going to be living with me the later 6 months of the year (when school started), he would attend the school in my neighborhood. His dad did not live too far away, and drove him to school while he was in his home. Yes, there were a few time when I had to pick him up for school, but that was ok. The judge went even further to order there would be NO child support paid to either party. I was responsible for my six months, and his dad for his six months. I had my son on my health insurance, and his dad paid one half of his premium, and we were ordered to split any other medical needs that may come up. There were some tough times with coordination at first, but over all it was great. My son, who is almost 22, had quality time with me and his dad. Not sure if it should be a law, but it definately worked for us.

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Parents should not be granted a divorce once they have children unless it is a case of abuse in which the abuser would not have custody anyway. People who do not want to be in a marriage until their children are adults should not get married. People who want to have children should get married. People who do not want to have children should not put themselves in the position of getting pregnant. People need to understand being accountable for their actions. Marriage is a legal contract to be upheld or sued for anyother outcome. I believe marriage is a legal document is in place to protect innocent children's well being as well. So here is an interesting concept if that were to be agreed upon...children can sue the parents for not upholding their legal contract that affects their life overall. What do you think, America? I think we need an effective contract for marriage....oh yeah, and I believe the first contract should be for 25 years (better think about living alone and being old) and renewals can be every 5 years afterward if children are grown and gone from the nest. Just some ideas that might help this mess and inability to be held accountable to the written agreement in the secular world. This of course is not what is true in the sense of the sacrament of marriage which is written by the church rules according to the interpretation of the bible or the book they hold as their cultural description to be lived by. I am trying my best to be open to beliefs I am familiar with which is probably limited.

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If I were divorced with a child only with me 6 months out of the year, with no child support, I would not be able to have an extra bedroom for my child. Seriously, all these years, my son had his own room thanks to child support, if his rich dad were to have had custody for 6 months, and me, then child support is null, and my son would feel poor for 6 months and rich for 6 months, wow, what would that do to him????
Thank goodness he is 16 and this can't happen to me, I would have
felt bad being a single parent for all this time and not be able to give my son his own room due to no child support help and being alone.

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I think the children/child should have an equal say in this manner. Obviously not if they are infants. But, there should always be someone appointed to the children who only work with the children, do not talk to either parents in order to avoid forming a bias with one or the other parent and then making recommendations based on what the person has gleaned from the child. That said, both parents need to be looked at as well.

If both parents are responsible and loving, both should get equal custody. In fact, give the house to the children and have the parents take turns residing in the home. If however, one parent is unable, unwilling, or unfit to have custody, they can make up for it financially and the other parent should get custody. Sometimes it is the dad who makes the better parent, and sometimes the mom. But most often, it is both...kids need both of their parents when both are fit.

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also, right now, I know someone in that state that is having to live with a very abusive man, but because he is smart, he knows how to get away with it, they are in the middle of a divorce now and he is breaking her down in every way, he is also abusing the daughter and she will not admit it to social services right now, they suspect he is doing something to her, but with her not admitting it, they won't do anything. So, at this very moment, there lives a woman who needs full custody, needs a quick divorce, but TENN law is making them live together right now, and he has broken her down mentally so bad, and trying to prove she is the crazy one.
This is a true story, and so sad, I feel for the woman's situation and wish TENN law would help people who really need it, and each case is different, no one family has the same situation, some men are not fit to be parents, some women are not either, you need to look at the situation individually.
I dont think you can make a law and apply it to each and every person.

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Sad fact is I don't know who is worse.. the forever selfish know it all mother or the @$$hole men in a position of authority to make things equal. Men, we are our own worst enemies. I would really like it if men and women could go to court and have a decision made soley on the merrits and keep the sex thing out of it. We have women who are great actresses and men making lifelong judgements that are ignorant to what is actually happening. Maybe if the judge spent a little time with mom.. maybe he would understand what is really going on.. rather then making a decision without the facts in minutes that affect the whole family for years to come. Just once I would like to see one of those family court judges loose custody so they could get a feel for how they destroy a family..

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