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Opinion: Proms Should Not Include Dates
Filed under: Opinions
As a court considers on Monday a lesbian teen's petition to have her prom reinstated, here's an idea that could keep everyone in the same boat without canceling the party: Ban all dating at prom.
And, no, I'm not kidding. Call it hyped-up teen anxiety, but back when I was in high school in Mississippi, there was almost nothing that scared me as much as the thought of a school dance. I wanted to attend, but there was considerable pressure to go with a date. And not being an experienced dating sort, this looming expectation led to all kinds of stress from the implied romantic nature of what should've simply been a fun school event.
Back then, here were our choices: If you didn't have a special someone in your life, you (1) Went without a date and envisioned those big L's over your forehead; (2) Attended with a sort of manufactured date and risked unwanted hand-holding and the dreaded possibility of a very awkward slow dance; or (3) Skipped the prom altogether. A lot of kids didn't go because of that reason, plain and simple.
This all came back to me recently as I read reports of the controversy surrounding high-school senior Constance McMillen's request to attend her Fulton, Miss., prom with a female date. In the midst of the flap that ensued, the local powers-that-be decided to cancel the prom. And now, said teenager has sued for reinstatement of the party.
My question is, now that I'm a mom of three with a little more perspective, why didn't the school board consider a no-date solution, which may have actually garnered a favorable reception because of its equity, its propriety and -- get this, parents -- its cost-saving potential?
While we know kids can and will do what they want before or after the prom, schools have the prerogative to set guidelines covering a range of things they want to discourage at their events -- things such as grinding, see-through evening gowns and the stray 25-year-old boyfriend who shows up in a tux.
I don't know whether school officials can legally dictate the gender of one's date, but I'd think the school could prohibit all dates -- or at least eliminate the trappings that make a date a date. And in the process, this just might fend off a whole host of both expected and unexpected issues that can come from sanctioned dating within the realm of an educational institution.
How would the no-date prom look? You could still have a dress-up dinner and a commemorative program, followed by a dance. But no limos, no corsages/boutonnieres and no formal photos of couples sort of hugging sideways. It also means keeping the DJ song list limited to up-tempo numbers, and, by all means, keeping the lights bright. It would certainly mean prohibiting public displays of affection.
This might not sit well with high-schoolers who are going steady and looking forward to a -- parental gulp here -- "very special night." And most likely, even with these boundaries in place, some prom-goers may, nevertheless, declare that they're still on a date.
But by that point, it doesn't matter. What matters is that we avoided having to legislate on teen dating.
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 7)
3-23-2010 @ 12:08PM
Caitie said...As a lesbian at a school where I am not allowed to bring a girl as a date, I feel I'm not treated equally. Our school has plaques in every classroom stating "No Place for Hate" and lists what people should not discriminate against. If the school is meant to be an environment where all religions, races, and genders are accepted, why can't my sexuality be accepted?
I don't know if I would go as far as Constance, but I feel that it is unfair to be pressured into going with a date I don't like because I can't go with my girlfriend.
I also find the homophobic comments on here saddening as we should all treat each other equally. I don't discriminate against race or religion, and neither should anyone else. America is a place where we can be free to be ourselves, and by conforming to what others want us to be, we aren't really free. Just because we are different from one another does not mean we should be treated with hatefulness. We don't have hate towards you, we just want to be accepted and not have to deal with these ridiculous issues.
Times are changing. Adjust.
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3-23-2010 @ 12:17PM
Lori said...Your idea is just a crap way for the school to make an end run around the anti-discrimination laws. Why bother holding a prom at all if you're going to remove nearly every element that makes it a prom? No one HAD to have a date. When I went to prom 20 years ago, if you didn't have a date, you went with a group of your friends, a few of whom most likely didn't have dates either. The adults are the ones putting the pressure on in this situation. Prom has been basically the same ritual for decades: A formal dance, where you have a date (or went with friends) went out to dinner, your date either rented a limo or borrowed their parents car, formal photographs, slow dancing, sparkly lights. Your idea just gutted about 60 or so years of tradition, all to be politically correct? If the girl wants to bring a female date let her. This article is stupid and the writer needs to get a clue. I have kids too, and if I suggested such nonsense to them, they would be devastated, just as I would have been if some idiot came along and screwed my prom up that way.
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3-23-2010 @ 12:19PM
Amy said...Um Greg that sounds pretty pathetic, I wouldn't be telling people that story.
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3-23-2010 @ 12:27PM
Britani said...How about we stop changing everything because one person can't get what they want? Whats next? Kids can't drive to school because not every high schooler can have their own car?
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3-23-2010 @ 12:31PM
Lynne said...To bring a date is fine or to choose not to is just as good. But, people should not be judged on their choice of date. There are more important things in the world to worry about!!!
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3-23-2010 @ 12:40PM
WILL said...WHY DID THIS GIRL ANNONCE SHE WAS A LESBIAN BRING A FEMALE DATE , SHE COULD HAVE KEPT HER MOUTH SHUT AND THE PROM WOULD HAVE HAPPEND , INSTEAD SHE'S TRYING TO MAKE A STATEMENT AND RUINED THE PROM FOR HUNDREDS OF KIDS , WHY DO GAYS FEEL THE NEED TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIER SEX LIFE ???
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3-23-2010 @ 12:42PM
Wilde Childe said...I am an old timer...graduated in the mid 1950s from a small private school. I did not go to the prom. I was dating someone that was not in my school or a member ofmy church. He was also a couple of years older so he did not have a prom to take me to. Prom night was a lonely time for me, I was one of three in my class that did not go to the prom. We did spend the time together, tried to convince each other that we did not care, but deep down we did care. We knew that we were missing out on a big part of our last year of high school. No matter what is said, there is also a stigma attached to being one of the few tht did not attend the prom. Recently, I attended a 50+ year class reunion and I was asked...were you at the prom, I don't remember. Strange to say, a wee bit of pain was still there. I think the idea of a strictly stag prom is a good idea, even for couples that are dating in the class. Let everyone dress up and go, alone, but have a good time. After all they are still children and not adults as some seem to think that the age 18 makes some think that they are. I know that many will think that I am all wet in my thoughts, I expect it to be honest.
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3-23-2010 @ 12:47PM
Beau said...I see the 'goodness' of this idea, but can't completely agree. Banning all dating to prom ruins the general idea. Dates are not required, but rather a choice. You can choose to go as a couple, group, single, etc. Not allowing a child to bring a date causes this event to be just a get together instead of a dance. People are acting as if prom is a popularity contest.... This is not the 1970s anymore everyone. Prom is now for everyone, and was at my school in MISSISSIPPI. We had same sex couples, singles, and most of my senior class (370+) attended. Chill out with this nonsense and let the kids have some fun. Stop forgetting the good parts of childhood and only remembering the negative moments.
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3-23-2010 @ 12:51PM
Melanie said...Ugh - really??
Here's an idea - so as not to offend the people who don't like rock music or dance music, the entertainment will be the sound of running water (like a waterfall)...
Because not everone has a nice car, they all must show up in a beige, non-decript, sedan...
Not everyone likes the same foods, so the "meal" will be ice water & saltines...
Since not everyone can be King or Queen, that will be eliminated too, and everyone will be crowned King/Queen...
Some kids are afraid to dance, therefore there will be NO dancing....
Since there are no dates, boys will sit on one side, girls on the other, and there will be no mingling whatsoever...
Since not all kids have a bunch of friends, there will be no sitting in groups, each person will be separated by a chair, so those who do not have friends will not feel out of place...
Not everyone likes the same colors, so all decorations will be "clear"...
No flower arrangements on the tables since some people are sensitive to pollen (the same goes for corsages)...
Not everone can afford a trip to a salon, so everyone must wear their hair flat & parted in the middle...no manicures or nail polish unless it is clear...
AND because not everyone has a nice outfit to wear, all attendees must wear the same black sweats and white no-name sneakers...
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3-23-2010 @ 3:46PM
Athene said...How very Harrison Bergeron our culture is becoming
3-23-2010 @ 1:02PM
clwslark said...I went to a small, private high school. We did not have a prom...we had "Junior/Senior Dinnerdance" and while you were not forbidden to bring a date....you could not bring anyone not in the junior or senior class. So if your boyfriend/girlfriend did not go to your school, or if they were a lower classman...no date. While I hated it at the time, there was no pressure at all to have a date for the "prom".
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3-23-2010 @ 1:03PM
Sabrina said...What I am wondering is why this girl had to tell anyone that she wanted to bring a girl as a "date". She is not the brightest crayon in the box. Obviously that would disrupt everything because administrators dont know what to do in that situation and they dont want neg. press (which is ironically what they are getting). I never told my school who I was taking to the prom. She should have bought her ticket , her girlfriend bought her own ticket and then hung out at prom together and noone would be the wiser. I bought my own ticket and my date bought his separatly so its not unreasonable. I even took photos at my prom with my best friend (who was a girl) and one with my date. There would be no problem.
I think that is what the majority of the gays are missing. They need to keep it down a little, this country is still mostly against gays, thought I couldnt care less. Most people dont want it in their face. Just like I dont need everyone to know I am straight, not everyone wants/needs to know you are gay. Its as simple as that. As long as they keep trying to force people to think its normal it never will be, but when it is realized that gays can be normal, and not flamboyant all the time, then things will change
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3-23-2010 @ 3:56PM
Danny said...Yes, and if you're black, don't try to change discriminatory policies or challenge the rules of white people, because the majority of the population is white, they want their rules as they made them, and they might get mad. We don't want them feeln' uncomfortable, and God forbid if the white people have to do something that might be against their will out of fairness. It's a democracy, so majority rules? If you're in the minority, tough luck...yeah, that's what the Bill of Rights and the Constitution means...that's what "equal protection" was getting at...I see.
You guys are complete bigots and Sabrina and Glorious, you two should be their bigot leaders. As one would know if he or she actually read the press on this Mississippi prom story, the school handed out a letter before the prom stating that there would be no same-sex couples. That is why this student specifically requested that she be able to bring her same-sex date to prom. Get your damn facts straight.
And heck, by your reasoning, she should just hide that she's a lesbian because you hide that you're straight. Your heterosexuality stays "in the bedroom" and her homosexuality should stay there too. The policies of this school already protect you, dumbass. Congratulations--you are already a part of the majority. It's this school's policy that distinguishes this student--that makes her different, treats her different from the majority. That's called discrimination. Go get a dictionary.
Funny though, your rights to bring your straight date are already protected by the school's policy of no same-sex couples. You don't have to be different from the majority. You would have this student hide the fact that she's gay because it's "what's good for her" and then she won't be discriminated against. You're dumb logic is the same logic used by the people who blame her for the school cancelling the prom.
How is this student to blame? She's gay. The school says she can't bring her date to prom. So that's her fault? She should just accept such discrimination so that you all feel all warm and fuzzy inside while you're at the prom with your straight friends. Grow up and graduate from the 4th grade please!
Jeez, Retards. Read a history book.
3-23-2010 @ 1:22PM
LC said...there is no way people are going to stop me and my girlfriend from being in Love on Prom night. Anyone who thinks they can try, well, God gave us fists and parking lots for a reason. THIS MOM AND HER INSANE DAUGHTER SHOULD KEEP THIER MOUTHS SHUT AND LEAVE THEIR F#&%ING BLASPHEMY OUT OF PROM. End of story.
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3-23-2010 @ 1:21PM
Paladin said...What society is heading for these days with all the talk about tolerance and inclusion is to have the absence of or the illusion of things not being different or seperate anymore. Regardless of how or what people want to think God designed the human body to function anatomically for a specific purpose. Sex is a gender or an action of something that you have a choice to do or not to do. It is different from lets say a persons race in which there is no choice. People are going in the wrong direction and turning to thier own feelings or ideas instead of following God's plan. Time is short, turn back to Him before its too late. (Ok, go ahead start the sacarstic comments and name calling......I can take it. I'm not surprised when I'm hated for this view, God's Word said this kind of stuff was going to happen in the last days......so get ready, He is coming back whether you believe it or not.) P.S. I'm not saying this out of hate but of concern.
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3-23-2010 @ 3:32PM
agentesd said...I believe your concern is misplaced and irrelevant. Why should one group decide if another is allowed. Im a marxist but should I be allowed to have my will imposed on"the opium of the masses" Because I dont believe in God should I be allowed to close all churches. If if your'e right is that good? "Tis better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven"
3-23-2010 @ 5:35PM
Paladin said...But you, beloved, ought to remember the words that were spoken beforehand by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ, that they were saying to you, "In the last time there will be mockers, following after their own ungodly lusts." These are the ones who cause divisions, worldly -minded, devoid of the Spirit. ~~~ Jude 1:17-19
Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts, and saying, "Where is the promise of His coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all continues just as it was from the beginning of creation." For when they maintain this, it escapes their notice that by the word of God the heavens existed long ago and the earth was formed out of water and by water, through which the world at that time was destroyed, being flooded with water. But by His word the present heavens and earth are being reserved for fire, kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men. ~~~ 2 Peter 3:3-7
3-23-2010 @ 1:21PM
Lori said...I didn't go to my prom cause I could not get past the whole date thing and that was 20 years ago. Most guys expected to get lucky on prom night and I was not going to put myself in that position. Let people do what they want, but I agree, eliminate "dates" at Prom, it puts to much pressure on people to do "adult" things.
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3-23-2010 @ 1:23PM
Jenny65 said...It always amazes how extreme everything becomes. First of all prom doesn't have to mean limos, expensive dinners and sex, that is, if you've been parenting correctly. Our kids enjoyed every dance. If they weren't dating someone, they asked a friend. We had 4 kids and no problems. Parents need to stop inflicting their bad memories on the kids. Kids today work these things out, it's usually the parents that make the big deal out of things.
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3-24-2010 @ 8:08PM
LC said...People who don't go to Prom because they can't get past the "problem" of dates are/were stupid and miss/missed out. I know plenty of people who've gone to prom alone and still had fun. Your loss...
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