Our 9-Year-Old Daughter Screams, 'You All Hate Me!'

I love the advice given here. As a child I often felt out of place and unloved at home. I would scream the same things, not "at" my parents but "to" my parents. Even then it was when my parents would show love to my siblings in ways that made me feel left out. As I've grown up, I realize that it wasn't my parents fault but that since they had 3 children, it was hard to make sure we were all shown the same love. I do believe there are things that could have been done but hind sight IS 20/20. I agree that a better way to show love is through quality time and not gifts. Just half an hour of special time with each child will mean more than a new bike or a barbie.

I don't agree that she is being a brat. She is only speaking about how she feels. Sometimes I, myself being only 15, feel that way when my mom is stressed and overwhelmed with life and dosen't have time for anything, and my own father now giving a crap about me and who I've become. But I understand what my mom faces, she is too young to understand. All a kid wants sometimes, including me, is to just spend time with their parent(s) to feel the love. I am an only child and all I want sometimes is to be able to sit down with my mom and just spen time together. So don't go off and call this little girl a brat when you don't know where she is coming from.

How dare you say this child is a brat! You dont know the circumstances, and apparentley neither does the mother. Children do not need alot of toys, I will agree with that. but they do need attention. Its important to create that bond when they are young, so that the relationship grows. Alot of parents and children would learn they enjoy each others company. Of course teenagers are going to have their moments, "didnt we"? The problem with todays world is "parents as much as children want everything! Of course there are all differentt circumstances, (single parents, loss of jobs, etc;) but who says you have to the fancy houses, cars, and expensive hobbies. That right there teaches children wrong. Adults and well as children need to stay away from peer pressures.There need to be boundaries and balance in everything we do.I can say that being the mother of 2 girls17 and 24. yes they wanted things, but it was just as important to them , to hear the poetry they wrote. or see them score a soccer goal! I do have one question though, why is a 9 yr. old girl on the internet reading this column? and more so why are adults replying to her. in the manner in which they are. I have a feeling, if your telling her, shes just a kid and she doesnt know anything, your probably telling your kids the same! Wake up people!

BRAT ! Tell her to go live somewhere else ! Kids today are totally OUT OF HAND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right on. This child sounds out of control, when home. By all means let her know she is loved, but that also measns teaching her to respect others and their feelings.

Thank you for bringing up the topic of the importance of individual nature within the family structure. Children can be complete opposites even with the same birth parents. What can be perfectly appropriate, successful, and nurturing parenting for one child can be deemed by the needs of another to be less than successful or even woefully lacking. The needs of the child as governed by the individual's perceptions have to be considered and adjustments made to bring balance to everyone involved. Being a parent is never one-size-fits-all

Just because you are a kid doesn't mean you know everything about kids... in fact you probably know even less. Wait till you have kids then you might be closer to knowing something about kids.

i thought i knew everything about kids when i was 9, but trust me, no 9 year knows everything about kids. im almost 15, and i still dont know everything about kids. i do agree with you that she is not being a brat, but she does sound a little disrespectful. once you get older you will realize you dont hate your family and they do their absolute best to give you their love and attention. it doesnt always seem that way, but they do love you and the other girls family loves her. there is not a single person on this god forsaken planet that knows EVERYTHING about being a kid, especially not the 9 year olds.

Caryn, I'll apologize for Hylton and Cypressglen's comments about your experience as a 9 year old. I regret that they are unable to realize your reality on how you feel. The comments they made were shallow at best and uncaring at worst.

As you continue to grow and learn, remember this: Never forget your childhood. Good bad or indifferent, the experiences will be your lessons in life for which there is always room to grow and learn more, especially about yourself! This is so very important to your developement, know yourself and you'll know others.

I thought the answer provided regarding the daughter's feelings were interesting. But Caryn, did you notice that 'touch' was not included in that response? I did. And I wondered why the good Dr. did not mention this very important fact because I believe that actions speak louder than words...so try hugging your Mom and Dad for no reason at all, other than to show them you love them as much as they love you. I bet they hug you back!

And on a final note to you, remember this too: "What lies ahead and what lies behind are tiny matters compared to what lies within." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) I think he was a smart man.

NOBODY and i mean NOBODY knows EVERYTHING about kids. ESPACILLY (*sp) not a nine year old. The only one who probaly knows EVERYTHING on kids is god. He's the only one.