Our 9-Year-Old Daughter Screams, 'You All Hate Me!'

Yes, a good butt beating wouldn't hurt. In fact, it sounds as if it's long over due!!!

Reply

Kids these days have to much freedom of what comes out of their mouths, when they don't get their way, they have fits, slam doors, and talk back to their parents. I say 'Beat That Azz'. When I was about nine years old, I sassed my mom and she wore my azz out, from that day forward I behaved like a child was supposed to. I am now forty and have a twenty year old son, and to this day, I don't even swear around my mom, and that's because she taught me to RESPECT, right along with that azz whooping. And I'm talking discipline, not child abuse!!!

Reply

I definitely think she is being a brat. When I was 9 probably through 17 I would tell my parents I hated them all the time. Usually it was because I couldn't do what I wanted. I hate you was usually accompanied by a slam of the door until my dad took it off the hinges to treach me privacy was a privilege. As I am preparing to start my own family, at 25 I feel horrible for the things I said and I regret every word. I was being a brat and this girl will one day regret those words too. I had no mental damage, it was good parenting, it was the hardest on my parents to hear those words and still hold their ground. They were good parents and that is what is lacking with the youth of today

Reply

Two thoughts
The first - those hormones are hitting! Girls are starting thier eriods earlier these days and sometimes up to a year before - those hormone surges start.
Second - limit the word "Hate". Growing up we were not allowed to say "I hate ____ (insert a name)" - to say you hate someone it means you want them dead. We really don't mean that. Our mother would allow us to say "I don't like you" You don't like me" - and would tell us that she agrees that there are times she doesn't like us, she always love us, but sometimes what we say and what we did was not likeable. And that was OK. Cause sometimes people are just not likeable - but don't hate them.

Reply

Well Mom, you're daughter is spoiled and you need to teach that not all children are fortunate like she is. Stop giving her too much. Also, buy her a diary/journal. Wait a month or two and read it. For some reason, kids actually think they can write whatever they want in a diary and people around them will respect her privacy. NOT SO! That's what buying a diary is for. To find out what your kids are thinking and doing when you are not around. lol....now go get that diary and read, read, read. There's no such thing as giving a child privacy. They are children, not adults.

Reply

My son used to yell how much he hated me, once even stating he wished my plane would crash. After years of therapy (his) the bottom line was he wanted the attention of his father who ignored him. Today he says he doesn't know how I tolerated his meaness or that of his father. Sometimes children just have to grow up and learn things for themselves.

Reply

I would like to say.....no stress, that I hate her also.

Reply

Amazing how so many people on this board can decide what the "truth" is about this child based on two sentences. None of you have the right to say the parents should beat this kid. How would you feel if you beat your child after she was screaming at you, only to find out she
a) had a tumor
b) had severe allergies
c) was being abused by your other child (incest between older brothers and thier sisters are far more common than you would think) or a teacher/priest coach.
Not nearly enough information is given here, including the fact that we don't know if this kid is ALREADY being beaten.
Get a physical, get an mental evaulation, find out what the hell is going on, before you decide this is just someone being a brat.
If you think beating a nine year old who is already on the verge is a good idea, don't act shocked when this kid turns on herself or some bully at school.

Reply

setterang I find myself hoping you don't have children. Usually the children are not the brats, the parents are. I am 75, have raised 2 precious boys by myself. I love them so much I get tears thinking about them. I have grandchildren that stay with me every week, they have never had a sitter, and yes, sometimes they get fussy or want to do something I don't allow. They are never mean, just wonderful loving children. My children and grandchildren are a gift from God. He has trusted us with them, now for every child, think about Gods gift, if you have a problem, ask yourself how you think God would tell you to handle it. Talk to your children. I am a seamstress, you would not believe how much fun we have teaching my grandchildren how to sew on a button, how to sew an open seam. My 8 year old granddaugher thinks her button collection is the best. My 10 year old grandson loves to make me a sandwich, I eat it like it is the best thing I have tasted. Try it.

Reply

Two things,. (1) She may be acting up to get attention. My wife and two sons (ages12 and 14) have game night at least once a week and movie night once or twice a week. Spend time with her. (2) Spare the rod, spoil the child. My boys have been spanked, always on the butt or hand and never more than twice. They haven't been spanked in 5 or 6 years now. I get compliments on how well behaved they are from teachers to perfect strangers. And my sons friends tell them they have the coolest dad in the school.

Reply

We don't know how much attention the parents are giving the child. While all children need "love", the way that children give and are able to receive love, may differ. Read the five love languages...and apply not only to your spouse but to your children. My son didn't start feeling loved until I spent time musing his hair and wrestling with him -- he needed to be touched -- listening was not enough!
All the best to you!

Reply

I read this and wondered if the parents of this little girl know what her love language is... Does she feel most loved from quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts or acts of service? Because if the parents don't speak the language she does they may very well be showing her "love" in a way she is not able to understand it. I happen to be predominately physical touch and gifts. I come from a family that is mostly quality time and acts of service. I often felt unloved. They had to make special effort to show me love the way I understood it... and they weren't always good at it. I am thankful though that at least they knew that I "spoke" a different love language or I would not have ever really known that they loved me.

Reply

I FEEL SORRY FOR THE MAN THAT MARRIES HER ************ **************************************************************************** SHE HAS AN ATTITUDE OF IT'S ALL ABOUT ME *****************
GEE I WONDER IF ANYONE HAS EVER BEEN EXPOSED TO THAT *********************************************************************

Reply

Sounds like a brat to me too. Even at my angriest, I would never scream at my parents ... I knew what I would get in return if I did ... a serious spanking ... and it sounds like this spoiled child needs one or two. Don't get me wrong, I agree with all the "give love, affection, and attention" stuff ... but not spoiling a child just because they want it. When the "love, affection, and attention" stuff doesn't work, there is serious discipline, rules, and putting your foot down. I never screamed at my parents and my son never screamed at me and we turned out ok ... no drugs, no drinking, no arrests, etc ... good members of society.

Reply

WOW!!! This advice column shows that too many people tune into Dr. Phil. They are learning the words of a psychologist, but fail to actually do the work. Everybody giving advice on here fails to understand that they have NO actual insight into this child's life. They have not examined her, nor are they qualified to.

The take her to a homeless shelter approach assumes that material objects equal love, they do not. The whup her behind approach assumes that you can beat discipline into a child. You cannot. You can break them, you can damage them, but it doesn't end the underlying problem.

A spanking to a two year old is one thing. But by the time a child is 9, they understand right from wrong (if the parent has done their job). Corporal punishment should no longer be necessary. It only shows BAD parenting skills, not good ones

The only sensible comment I read on here was the poster wondering why the psychologist didn't suggest a hug, or touching. Touching is the FIRST bonding experience we ever have outside of the womb.

Reply

My son used to do that or threaten to run away. He was about 4yrs old and would get mad and tell me "I not your friend, & I not your mom" "I running away" I would tell him "good, did you want me to help you pack" Then I would pack up a couple things and a heavy phone book. As he headed out the door dragging this heavy suitcase I would let him get about to the curb and would tell him "be careful of the bears and snakes, love you, write soon" To this day he is still Mr. Drama and now I tell him the Academy Awards are in Hollywood, not in my kitchen.
Some find the need to verbalize their frustration. A friend of mine tells hers that seeing they think she is mean and that they think she hates them there is no need to include them in the will. It's always something. Have a great day!

Reply

The child is not a brat; she's a child. Our 11-year-old adopted daughter is an only child & gets loads of positive attention. We address her as "Special Girl" & "My Beauty." Acquaintances who see her outside of the home continually come up to us & tell how wonderful, sweet & well-behaved she is (and they're right). If we told them how she acts at home (we don't), they wouldn't believe us. She frequently has tantrums when she doesn't get exactly what she wants immediately. If we gladly grant her 5 consecutive requests & deny the 6th, she's immediately enraged. It's, "You hate me!" or vice versa. We say, "I see you're really upset right now; we'll give you a couple of minutes to calm down,"; we do, she does, & as suddenly as it started, she's back to her usual sweet self. "I want to be killed!" We ask, "You want to die because you don't want to do homework?!" The reason she says these things is not because she means them, even though at the moment she might think she does; she says them because she knows we *do* love her & wants to say something she believes will get to us. When the tactic fails, she abandons it. She does these things at home because she knows she's safe here. She knows she'd never get away with it at school or out with friends & has never tried it in those situations. I used to take these episodes to heart & feel devastated for hours (even though 5 minutes later she'd have forgotten all about it & be flitting around cheerfully) until my wife, a school social worker, *finally* got it through to me (I was pretty dense) how to take these things in perspective. This is just a normal part of some kids' development; if we make a big deal of it, it'll *be* a big deal. As she sees that this behavior consistently fails to get her what she wants or to upset us for not giving it to her, she'll replace it with approaches we show her are more constructive.

Reply