Don't Let Public Temper Tantrums Give You Fits

Very well said Janice. You are spot on. I'm a father of 3 and before I would get to the checkout line, where this usually occurs, I would let them know they were getting nothing from that area. No gum, no candy, no toys!! They all out grew it.

Here I am, Janice...a nice old grandmotherly type. Things will get better!!!!! :) Don't let the professionals make you feel like you got it wrong if little ones can sometimes get you frazzled...it goes with the job. The article was nothing more than the statement of common sense. Most of us have that on our own.

Love your little ones even when they aren't being loveable. Bet you're a good Mom!

I own a daycare totalling 10 kids and use these tactics often. I can take 5 children to the store and not have one misbehave. It takes patience and not giving in to a child's demands. Do not once allow a child to misbehave because you don't have time to expect behaviour. That is a crock and I think this is why we are where we are as a society.

good points, good job parenting.....children need to know tantrum behavior is not acceptable, period.....even a very small child knows when they are out in public they have you by the yingyang.....it's about time these 'book smart's' get a grip and let parents discipline their kids.......i'm in my 60's and let me tell you, we knew, just by a look on our parents face. we'd better cut the crap......i got my fanny wacked a couple times, when i mouthed off to my parents.....and by gosh thank God and my parents....i'm a normal person......on the other hand look at what all this time out ... explaining, explaining explaining......validating your feelings has got us.....a whole bunch of kids nobody enjoys being around....out in public......there are times to be an understanding 'friend' and times to be a parent!!!!

If you can't get your chores done with children in tow...find someone to watch them for a couple of hours! There is nothing more annoying than having to deal with your rug rats while I'm trying to get my chores done. If you can't find someone to watch them, perhaps you should evaluate how you are raising your little monsters.

Jancie

The "experts" are right

They said "try" to run errands around optimum times

Children have tantrums not only from immaturity,but from lack of language skills to express their upset with words. That is why validating their feelings is helpful It's also good practice for the parents as a lifetime of building a relationship for later years !

Authoritative parents have trouble with the concept that their children are people and not just an object to be bullied about

Maxie...you go girl!

Admittedly, I am not a parent. So all of you out there who respond that I don't have a say, don't shoot the messenger. That being said, this is perhaps the best letter I have read regarding childrens tantrums. I work at a hospital and deal with the little ones daily. The parents who get this concept make my job so much easier. Those that coddle and give in to the children make my job darn near impossible. Kuddos Janice. Very well said.

At 64, I have no business raising children--again--but I have been legally raising 6 year old twin boys and their 5 year old sibling for over 2 years. Tantrums, back talk, arguing, refusal to accept "No" for an answer are part of the picture--HOWEVER (and there is always a however in life), I don't put up with it. They haven't quite figured it all out yet, but they know they will not get whatever they are throwing a fit about. The "NO" is firm. All other people have to do when they misbehave is to threaten them with GRANDMA and they settle down. Yes, sometimes they get a timeout. Sometimes they stand in front of me until they calm down. At first the child was beligerant enough to stand for over 2 hours. I talked calmly to the child the whole time. You can't give in or you lose control. Now, 2 minutes and they are DONE. Sometimes, they are isolated from the family (in there room or corner) until they can act civilly. They learn when 2 receive rewards and the 3rd doesn't because of bad behavior. As a result, I can take all 3 to the store, to any kind of restaurant , church, or any other public place and know that for the most part they will behave. They know what GOOD food is, they are hugged, read to, fed, played with, and have their own sense of self. A good parent doesn't tolerate the drama, nor do they ignore the child's needs to gratify themselves first. Teach children. Lead by example. Allow them time to grow and they will amaze you. (yes, most of the "experts" have no idea how to raise children and are full of themselves. No wonder we have such a sea of children, teens, young adults, and adults who have no idea what the word self-discipline means!)

Simply put when i did this ONCE as a child my mom told before she did she told me "Ok if youre going to act like that im just going to leave you here" Sure i carried on for a little while .. but I never had a tempter tantrum again because i was afriad if i did my mom would leave me ((She had an eye on me the whole time .. I just didnt know that))

I raised 4 kids, and I took them with me whenever, where ever I went. I used these same "tactict" and rarely ever had any trouble. It also taught my children that there feelings were valid...and i would always be there to listen. It comes in very handy during the teenage years!

What Happened to the Days when a Child got and Old Fashioned Spanking?? I believe this type of calm talking to Little Johnny and Lil Cindy is what has so many teens out of control. I'm a 70's child whom received spankings and didn't like them at the time, but grew to TRULY know right from wrong. I see so many parents mostly non-minority families letting there children act the fool in public. Stop it Now or the Police will Stop them Later...Step ya Game up Parents!

As the grandfather of a 2 y.o, I felt a desire to read this story. Validate a kicking and screaming childs feelings? Ha! My mother knew what to do when we 3 kids were outta line. She knew nothing about "validating our feelings", but we did have the talk about how to behave before we went into a store or restaurant.
Guess what? Mama wasn't afraid to paddle that behind when needed. Timeout is a great concept, but fear of a spanking is also appropriate. I laugh when I see young parents trying to explain (to a 2 year-old!) why bad behavior is not acceptable. (Tell them: "I cannot let you hit. I need to hold your arms right now. It's OK to scream and cry, it's not OK to hit me.") WHAT?????
A bright child many times will simply learn to manipulate the parent in order to gain their desires, knowing time-out is the worst punishment that can be expected. Here's a parenting technique that my mother used: (Situation #1) My baby sister, as a 3 y.o. developed a habit of falling to the floor and throwing tantrums to get her way. Mom saw her and decided to do the same thing, right beside baby girl. It looked silly, it sounds silly, but...it worked! Baby sis realized that she didn't intimidate Mom and that this tactic was now and forever...useless.
Situation #2: Same baby sister developed a habit of biting others to vent her frustrations. She bit my mother...once. Mom asked baby sis for her arm...and then bit it in return!!!!! (Child Abuse!!) Mom said, "this is how it feels when you bite someone." Wow. Teaching empathy was never so direct and the cure was immediate and permanent! Sound tough? This baby sis is now a successful middle school teacher.
We 3 children never spent a day in jail, never got drunk and wrecked our Dads' car, never hit our parents, never shot up the school, and never bullied any school mate. This was due to Mom, and I thank God for her everyday. We are all productive members of society.
Discipline is not easy and children are different. What motivates one, may not work for the others. Establish and enforce ground rules that are cause for immediate discipline. (i.e. hitting, biting, safety violations, etc.) A few good swats on the behind is quick, effective, and, if applied with love, appropriate.

Hooray! Now if only all mothers would take effort to be strong for their childeren, we would all be a lot happier. All childrens' tantrums are not a plea for validation., they are an attempt at control!

I had the most terifying experience happen to me when my 2 yr. child had a melt down over a shirt in the Sam's club in Ypsilanti, MI.
I went there after dinner to do some shopping and my daughter found this shirt she wanted and I said NO! well one thing led to another and it turned into a nightmare for me. She was having the temper tantrum, (which was not the norm for us) and I am trying to get out of the store and as I grab for my keys I realize they are not in my purse. I go out to my car and they are not left in there and I realize that I must have lost them in the store. I tried my hardest to calm her down and some what got her under controll and had to go back into the store and search for my keys. Well half way throught the store the tantrum starts up and even worse this time I am starting to cry looking for the keys frantically, I had no one I could call and was getting more and more uspset myself. That is when the I guess she was a manager at Sam's came up to me and said I am going to have to ask you to leave now, you are disrupting my store. Never said is anything wrong? can I help you?? no she is throwing me out into the dark in the evening with a 2 yr old and I am pregnant. I told her that I needed to find my keys I could not get into my car and I could no sit out side with no where to go with my kid. She showed no concern or sympathy or for that matter it never even came to this *&%#$ to think maybe I could help her find her keys and get her out quicker. I just kept trying to find my keys and keep the child at some sort of bay, and she kept following me telling me to leave. I finally told her if she wanted me to leave call the police and they can drag me out. She left who knows maybe she did go and call them but I found me keys at that point and left, and yes I never went back.
Yes I do believe that when your child starts up like that you should leave right away and I always have if my children were bothering anyone. I just couldn't believe someone could be so cold and mean to anyone.

I love how all these psychologists are smarter than God. Simple solution, "He that spareth the rod hateth his son." I wish all these quacks would take a timeout. There has to be consequences for actions and not just positive ones. There are several answers for each child, because each is different. For some, a good old fashion whipping is what is needed most.

Wow, I sooo agree. These "helpfull" articles are so idealistic and ridiculous. I raised three close in age and though I didn't have the time, money or patience to read a book about it, they still turned out polite and well behaved. If you do not tolerate bad behavior from the very start, then you don't have to "fix" it later. A firm hand, talks about expected behavior and consquences and sticking to it worked for me. You can never reason with a screaming toddler. They will have no respect for you and every outing will be a disaster because they have no boundries. Parents need to be a loving authority figure and what's wrong with that?

If my child wants to have a temper tamtrum....so will Mommy. And Mommy wins.

I hope this help's you as well as everyone else. I am a single mother of three. Think God my oldest one never did this crap. My middle son on the other hand,..... When he would have a fit in the store and throw himself down, I would walk away. I never went far, but just enough that he knew I wasn't paying him any mind. He would see it was not getting him any where. I want through this bull for about a year and his doctor told me to try this. After the third try it worked!!! Good Luck and it don't get any easier.... My children are 14, 11, 10 going on 22...