Creating a Will, Choosing Guardianship is a Must for Parents
Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Relatives
Creating a will is something all parents should do. Credit: lrargerich, Flickr
It's a question that may strike you as maudlin, but experts say every parent should have a will and make guardianship decisions. As unpleasant as it sounds, if you don't get it in writing, a judge will be left to decide who raises your child if the unthinkable happens.
Draining as the process might seem, creating a will and guardianship papers is pretty easy to pull together.
First, find a lawyer. Check with family, friends or even a local parenting list serve for recommendations and make an appointment. Lawyers are necessary because of the legal nature of the will and guardianship papers.
The lawyer will want to know about your assets: Do you own a home, have life insurance or any other property?
You'll also be asked to decide on a guardian for your child. It's a horrible thing to contemplate, but it's in your child's best interest and putting it off can have negative consequences.
It can be hard to agree with your spouse about whose family member or friend will be responsible for your kids. Start by making a long list of any potential guardians together, then go through the list and cross off anyone who is unacceptable to either parent, says Maryland/Washington, D.C. attorney Matt Kaiser. You should be left with two to three names, and that's when the serious discussions begin.
Be sure to look at the age and health of your potential guardian because a grandparent can fall ill in a few short years, leaving your choice in flux, cautions Kathleen Belmonte, president of the National Association of Estate Planners. If you want to pick an aunt or uncle, look at their situations as well. Are they single or thinking of getting married? Do they already have a large family? Do they share your values?
Once you agree on someone, don't forget to ask the person if they are willing to take on the responsibility of raising your child. Don't worry about making a perfect decision. No matter what, it's probably better than the one a judge would make without a will, Kaiser says.
Once the will and guardianship papers are signed, there are a couple of things left to do. Put the will someplace safe (like a fire-safe box) and make sure someone outside the home can access it. Re-evaluate it whenever there is a significant life change in a family relationship, or a big change in a financial situation due to inheritance or a new job.
Sure, it's no fun to contemplate death. But the consequences of ignoring it are even worse.
Related: Have You Named a Guardian for Your Child?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
3-26-2010 @ 4:34PM
sunny said...Who cares? You'll be dead.
Just let the state take care of the little buggers.
They'll be fine.
Reply
3-26-2010 @ 10:43PM
amanda said...My dad just died, you jerk. What would happen if my mom wasn't here? So you think these poor kids without any parents will ENJOY being tossed around the legal system? RIGHT after they lost those closest to them? I don't care if you were joking, this isn't funny.
3-26-2010 @ 11:34PM
jessle said...that is a horrible thing to say you must not have children of your own
3-27-2010 @ 12:03AM
The River Rat said...Just look at how the state has taken care of everything else. The only thing worse than the stste taking care of my kids would be my relatives taking care of them. What a bunch of thieves. They would rob them blind.
3-27-2010 @ 12:15AM
jill said...I am a single mother but after almost dying during a surgery due to a reaction to the antibiotic I got a will. I really had to scrounge to come up with the money for an attorney but it was worth it. You never know what tommorow brings. Its our responsibility to take care of our children,even after we pass on. As to Sunny, your name does not fit you. You are obviously a sick and very sad individual
3-27-2010 @ 5:23PM
anni said..."Morbid", get a grip, it called being an adult to write a will and plan for your children's safety.
3-27-2010 @ 5:27PM
Susan said...You idiot - I hope to God you've never had children.
3-27-2010 @ 5:28PM
Lydia said...You have got to be kidding,I am a foster parent for 13 years and I have seen the horrors that these children go thru without someone close in there life!!!!
You need to have some kind of life prepared for them if something happens to you, so your children can at least be together..Because they will be separated if you dont..
3-26-2010 @ 4:43PM
wongtpa said...Don't worry, big government will reise your orphaned child. God are we in trouble.
Reply
3-26-2010 @ 4:55PM
laura said...The key sentence is "DON'T FORGET TO ASK THE PERSON IF THEY ARE WILLING." We found out much later that my brother-in-law and his wife named us as guardians for their three spoiled brat children, without even considering that since our kids are grown we might not want to go through adolescence with kids again. They are now bankrupt and getting a divorce, and I'm just praying that nothing happens that would mean us having to raise their kids.
Reply
3-27-2010 @ 5:27PM
Susan said...Just because someone appoints you guardian doesn't mean you HAVE to accept; be honest with your relatives and tell them you're not comfortable, so that they have time and opportunity to select someone else.
3-26-2010 @ 5:46PM
Wilde Childe said...My kids are all grown and on their own. We did do a will as to what was to become of them in the event of our deaths. We also asked the other couple, in our case relatives, if they agreed.
Now one of my sons has two kids and I did push them to make a will and pick someone to take the kids if needed. they made a decision but have not told or asked the persons involved or given them copies of the will and other documentation that would be needed. Since I am aware of some of the other relatives tht could spend the insurance money that will be there in the event of it scares me that the boys will end up with one of them, the money will be spent and the kids end up with nothing. I also have concerns that they will be treated well. Yes they are not members of our family but of the other side, but still and all it is not just jealousy talking here, it is knowledge of what my sons wife has told me of her family.
Again, ask permisssion of your choice, have meeting with them and havae all in black and white so that if needed there is no question,.
Reply
3-26-2010 @ 5:48PM
Tiger Lily said...Laura, You are not required by law to take the children. I would also let the couple know that you are not able, some strange medical condition sounds good, to even consider taking theirkids in the event of need. Suggest that someone on the other side be given the little dears.
Reply
3-27-2010 @ 7:26PM
laura said...Thanks TL, someone else told me that as "guardian" all we were responsible for was making decisions about where the kids would live (dh has two other sibs with kids the same age as "the little dears" ;) and how money would be allocated. I think that the worst part of it is that because of the bankruptcy there is no need to worry about the money part-- but anyone who takes the kids gets absolutely nothing to help raise them, and believe me it's probably less than nothing between a huge underwater mortgage and IRS debts. I assume that their wills will have to be totally re-worked once the divorce is final, and then we'll suggest that we're too old to do young kids justice.
3-26-2010 @ 5:49PM
vickie pratt said...Wow ...everyone is a little harsh. I don't worry about it too much though because I'm a little bit of a loser and no one wants me to raise their children ! hahaha
Reply
3-26-2010 @ 6:02PM
Stewart N. said...It's just for this reason we didn't get a will drawn until after the kids were 18. Might have been (but fortunately wasn't) a problem if something had happened to both of us. Bigger problem was arguing about whose sibling would get them. Outliving the situation is a blessing.
Reply
3-26-2010 @ 6:39PM
moonie said..."Maudlin" means sloppily sentimental, not morbid. Does anyone there know how to write or edit?
Reply
3-26-2010 @ 7:01PM
Joe Papierz Jr said...Apparantly not. Does anyone in your family know anuthing about politeness and tolerance?
3-26-2010 @ 7:56PM
Richard Landgraff said...The voting box is lacking one catagory:
YES BUT OUR CHILD IS NOW FULLY GROWN, IN HER MID-THIRTY'S, MARRIED AND HAS TWO CHILDREN OF HER OWN.
Reply
3-26-2010 @ 7:41PM
Belle said...I'm not liking the idea of drawing up Guardianship paperwork. I have a friend who's mom decided to take her kid because she didn't do as mom wanted.
You need to be very careful when deciding to do Guardianship paperwork. Even family can use it the wrong way.
If your lucky enough to be given guardianship paperwork consider it an honor that the parent/parents would trust you enough to do so. Don't abuse that trust.
Reply