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Creating a Will, Choosing Guardianship is a Must for Parents
Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Relatives
Creating a will is something all parents should do. Credit: lrargerich, Flickr
It's a question that may strike you as maudlin, but experts say every parent should have a will and make guardianship decisions. As unpleasant as it sounds, if you don't get it in writing, a judge will be left to decide who raises your child if the unthinkable happens.
Draining as the process might seem, creating a will and guardianship papers is pretty easy to pull together.
First, find a lawyer. Check with family, friends or even a local parenting list serve for recommendations and make an appointment. Lawyers are necessary because of the legal nature of the will and guardianship papers.
The lawyer will want to know about your assets: Do you own a home, have life insurance or any other property?
You'll also be asked to decide on a guardian for your child. It's a horrible thing to contemplate, but it's in your child's best interest and putting it off can have negative consequences.
It can be hard to agree with your spouse about whose family member or friend will be responsible for your kids. Start by making a long list of any potential guardians together, then go through the list and cross off anyone who is unacceptable to either parent, says Maryland/Washington, D.C. attorney Matt Kaiser. You should be left with two to three names, and that's when the serious discussions begin.
Be sure to look at the age and health of your potential guardian because a grandparent can fall ill in a few short years, leaving your choice in flux, cautions Kathleen Belmonte, president of the National Association of Estate Planners. If you want to pick an aunt or uncle, look at their situations as well. Are they single or thinking of getting married? Do they already have a large family? Do they share your values?
Once you agree on someone, don't forget to ask the person if they are willing to take on the responsibility of raising your child. Don't worry about making a perfect decision. No matter what, it's probably better than the one a judge would make without a will, Kaiser says.
Once the will and guardianship papers are signed, there are a couple of things left to do. Put the will someplace safe (like a fire-safe box) and make sure someone outside the home can access it. Re-evaluate it whenever there is a significant life change in a family relationship, or a big change in a financial situation due to inheritance or a new job.
Sure, it's no fun to contemplate death. But the consequences of ignoring it are even worse.
Related: Have You Named a Guardian for Your Child?
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
3-26-2010 @ 9:45PM
Rich said...BEWARE! Many states will ignore your preference of guardian, because children are not "chattel" or posessions, and you therefore cannot give them away. You can write a great will, and it can be ignored on this point. You must carefully detail why the guardian in your will is the BEST choice, so that a judge will choose the same as you did.
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3-26-2010 @ 9:46PM
Marcie said...wow, I could only read half of these comments and have decided either you don't have children or you aren't a devoted parent. Who jokes about this kind of stuff when there are 'rea' people out there looking for 'real' answers
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3-26-2010 @ 10:15PM
lionruby said...My husband and I did not do a will, as a will is not regarded as binding in our state. We did, however, do a living trust, which considered a iron-clad document.
The distribution and stewardship of our assets are clear, guardianship of our child is set in stone, and there is no challenging our wishes. We spoke at length to our list of potential guardians; the ones we chose were the best fit; they understand what is asked of them and agree 100% to take on the responsibility.
It didn't cost us an absolute fortune to do this - the entire package was under two thousand dollars to have a lawyer and our financial person get together to write and load the trust. It was worth every penny for our future, our child's future and our peace of mind.
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3-26-2010 @ 11:17PM
Trowgo said...FYI, leaving money to minor childern is a major pain for the person who has to go through all the lawyer and court stuff. I found this out the hard way and will never leave money to my grandchildern until they are over 18, then I can change it. But you have to make you wishes known and ask for input from family . Most states will allow a family member to take childern rather than putting them in the system,and they never like the siblings to be split apart. So it not as cut throat as others here led you to believe.
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3-27-2010 @ 11:01AM
totenlaut said...remember this, though. if only you perish in the horrible accident, your spouse is in charge. so agreeing on potential guardians before any tragedy strikes is a major bonus. cuz...if you don't agree...and you die first...regardless of if he/she dies 2 seconds later...according to the law, it is your spouse who was the last surviving parent. and, therefore, your spouse's choice (assuming that the guardianship papers are actually filled out) is the one that gets the kids.
my husband and i argued about this from the moment our daughter was born. he wanted his mom and i wanted her god-mother. we left the girl with his mom for a long week-end. low and behold, after her behavior when we got back, he changed his mind. our parents were OUT! then came siblings. mine are too young and his has three kids; the last one born after our daughter. our kid was ignored whenever we visited. so, siblings were out. my husband, bless him, was desperately trying to keep it in the family. when he went to cousins who couldn't afford another kid or who never took their own kid out of the house other than for school, i finally told him to be realistic. god-mother is our best friend. she and i are so similar, it's scary. we see her all the time. our kid is obsessed with her. and she showers the kid with love and attention but doesn't spoil. obvious choice!
now god-mother is having her own kid. thus far, she has not changed her mind. neither has her husband but he is not guardian. only she is, in the off chance that they divorce; i want the girl with her!
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3-27-2010 @ 1:01AM
Donna Elliott said...I was 19 when my mother died leaving me an orphan, with a lot of responsibility: mortgage, paperwork, bills, car payments and although I had money to do it, I had no knowledge on how hard of an undertaking it was to actually take care of a house.
My mother, who was dying of stomach cancer, made sure that I had a guardian even though I was over 18 and considered an adult. This Guardian was actually my God-mother, who promised and swore up and down that she will take care of me.
She signed all the documents, and jumped through hoops to make sure that she was named my legal guardian when the time came that my mother had passed away.
That lasted two weeks. I was left alone in a four bedroom house with my dying cat and absolutely no way to know what to do next.
My point...Yes, it is important to make sure you sit through everything and explain in black and white finite detail what you want done with your guardian and your children in front of everyone involved (I knew and agreed to who was going to be my guardian.)
However, unfortunately you can't necessarily see (since you are dead.) How they are actually going to be with your kids or help you out when you are really gone; For all you know it could blow up in your face. Sad to say, but sometimes you just don't know.
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3-27-2010 @ 1:57AM
Kelly said...There is no need for a will in my case. It is completely understood by everyone that the kids belong to their grandma if anything happens to me. It was the same with her mom. We have always been a family with very close mother-daughter relationships.
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3-27-2010 @ 3:33AM
Libby said...Why is this a scary thing? Is there anyone out there that is sure he or she isn't EVER going to die? Look around ~ Everything dies!! The real scary thing is thinking about taking care of your kids FOREVER and they NEVER move away!!
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3-27-2010 @ 5:01PM
minky said...my husband and I discussed the topic of guardianship many times for our 2 daughters...there was no one we could come up with that we felt would want to, or be capable of, raising them to adulthood...so, we did the common 'we'll think about this tomorrow' thing...thank heavens my girls are grown and married, but now there are 2 grandchildren, with no guardianship established...
as for 'sunny' he made a dark humor crack....made me chuckle..no harm no foul
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3-27-2010 @ 6:01PM
sarah said...i had a will drawn after my husband passed for our kiddos. it was the one of the best things i could have done for them.. my husband didnt have one done up before and it left me almost completely clueless.. now that being said, the attorney told me that when in court, a will isnt set in stone and can be contested.. its just there to let the judge and everyone know ur wishes without u being able to be there.
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