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Do I Have to Give Up My Daughter's Cute Nickname?
Filed under: Baby Names
As a mom, do I ever have to stop calling my child by her nickname? I don't do it in public, as that would embarrass her, but I call her by her nickname at home.
- Mom
When do you have to stop calling your Vanessa "Nessie" or your Sofia "Fifi"? When she asks you to, that's when.
Most parenting decisions don't work that way. We don't stop enforcing bedtime or raise the candy limit to infinity just because our kids ask us to. Names, though, are a different story. You may have chosen your daughter's name, but it no longer belongs to you. Once she started taking it out into the world it became entirely hers, a core part of her identity. Exploring that identity is one of the basic rights and responsibilities of growing up.
At some point in childhood, Maddies suddenly become Madelines and vice versa. A Lizzy may make you dizzy cycling through her many Elizabeth options. The kids rightly sense that parts of the little-kid selves they've always known just don't fit any more. A nickname change is a powerful symbol of that, and a natural and healthy way to try on different identities.
For their parents, though, it's a headache. You're probably attached to the nickname you've been saying lovingly all these years. At the very least, you're accustomed to it. We grownups don't change as easily as the young'uns do. Chances are you'll find yourself slipping into "Nessie" even as your sophisticated Vanessa accepts her college diploma.
Give it your best try, though. Taking kids' nickname wishes seriously shows respect for their growing-up selves. That's good for their confidence, good for your relationship, and lays a good foundation if you ever have to put your foot down against less healthy ways of pushing the boundaries of childhood.
Have you switched nicknames? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
Related: Will a Namesake Bring Back Bad Memories?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 3)
4-01-2010 @ 1:16PM
Alicia said...Thank you! I know my parents tried when I was little, but they constantly slipped and called me Li. I hated it and wanted to be called Ali cat, which they refused because it's as long as my real name. I've re-adapted to Li, but it was frustrating when I was a kid.
Reply
4-04-2010 @ 10:17PM
Susan said...Nick-names are great. One thing that is NOT okay is to plan on using the child's middle name as their primary name. Talk about years of teasing on each first day of school. It made me absolutely HATE my first name. I still do, to this day.
4-05-2010 @ 3:02AM
Holly said...My son's name is Gabriel. We called him Gabby until he was about to go into middle school and requested we call him Gabe as Gabby he felt was too babyish. It took a few months, but eventually we stopped slipping into Gabby and he became Gabe. When he went into the Navy, he started using Gabriel but has no problem with Gabe as that's how his hometown friends identify him. The family tends to use both. Please respect your child's wishes and drop the nickname even at home. Kids eventually grow up to be adults and continuing to use a nickname when you've been requested not to even at home is nothing more than your way of trying to keep them children.
4-01-2010 @ 2:35PM
Kathleen said...My mom named me Kathleen but I grew up as Kathy to family, had a teacher call me "Chatty Kathy" after the doll and friends when I was younger call me Kat or even Kay, then around late 8th grade I decided I'd rather be Kathleen and requested to be so in classes but having my family continue to call me Kathy or friends Kat never really bothered me. Now that I am almost 25 the youngest of my cousins (9 years old) likes to come up with nicknames for family members.. and I am Penguin and it's cute and doesn't bother me... she calls my husband Donkey and it finds it funny. My brother on the other hand is still called his nickname "LT" ( for Larry Thomas) by the entire family because it is also my dad's name so having two Larry's would be difficult. The only problem I have had was when my dad remarried he married a woman named Kathy and so they attempted to start calling me Little Kathy... I was 12 and I absolutely demanded that they not call me that, that I wouldn't answer to it and that they could call me Kathleen if there was a need for a change since we are rarely in the same room together.
Reply
4-05-2010 @ 12:41AM
Andrea said...No WONDER they called you "Chatty Cathy!" ;p
just kidding... but seriously.... seems like a common sense issue. Nothing to write an article about.
4-02-2010 @ 1:21AM
mbjisajjfan said...This was kind of a common sense question. Like she said if your kid asks you to stop then you should stop. Pretty simple...
Reply
4-04-2010 @ 8:22PM
woodstockluv said...My mother still calls me by my nickname when we're with family, but she's never used it in public. Personally, I'm not opposed to it, but it would be embarrasssing if she called me that in public!
Reply
4-04-2010 @ 8:32PM
Elizabeth said...For years all of my relatives would call me Lizzy and many of them still do and that drove me insane when I was younger, even though some of my friends would call me that. Now many people call me Liz, though some still refer to me as Lizzy. I've accepted it for the most part...I think...
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4-04-2010 @ 8:41PM
bandee169 said...Funny about nicknames. My name is Lorraine but my grandfather nicknamed me DeeDee. It stuck and i was called that all my life.
I finally shortened it to just Dee and my second to youngest daughter has Dee as a middle name for me.
Lol my daughter Lucy's nickname is Lolly. at jr high level everyone called her Lolly, even the teachers and higher ups. Shes always been attatched to it.
Reply
4-04-2010 @ 9:03PM
james said...My parents named me Dave, but they called me Alice
Reply
4-04-2010 @ 9:16PM
Vicki Gray said...But your real name is James? Okay, that's weird.
4-04-2010 @ 9:23PM
jibbs1941 said...Could have been worse: you could have been a boy named Sue. ;-)
4-04-2010 @ 9:30PM
Mike said...My son's name is Andrew, we decided to call him Drew. My daughter couldn't say Drew at the time so she called him Goo. I thought it was cute, so I started calling him Drew Goo, my daughter had the same problem, so he became Goo Goo, and it stuck. Over the years it has evolved, but it's still there, only at home, not in public.
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4-04-2010 @ 9:31PM
Sharon said...My daughters' nickname has nothing to do with her real name. Her nickname verges on silly, but a lot of people like it, especially other children.
She's never corrected us to use her real name but NO ONE else is allowed to use the nickname, only family. Everyone else must use her really long real name, lol.
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4-04-2010 @ 11:49PM
SKW said...Same with me. I have a nickname that only my mom calls me and only around my nuclear family (mom, dad and brother). Has nothing to do with my name: started with princess, then to princess bincess, then bincy, finally to bincy boodle. I'm 22 but because she respects me enough to only use it in private I don't mind (you all are internet people so I don't mind telling you).
Conversely I picked up the name Erwin in high school. No idea why, it just happened. But since I know more Erins/Aarons than Erwins I always know when someone means me. Shrug.
4-04-2010 @ 9:50PM
Riognach said...I knew when I was 9 that my given name was not MY name. I insisted on being called another, and finally was able to assume it legally. All my friends have always used my preferred name, and at age 60, with no older family member left, no one remembers my given name. I am Samantha as I always have been. When a child tells you his or her name is "thus", believe it. It is who we are, and we all know who we are at the heart and soul level. Our chosen names are a refelection of this deep and often subconcious knowledge.
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4-04-2010 @ 9:56PM
Charlotte said...My name is Charlotte but since I was a little girl my mom has called me Charlie....Charlie Brown....Charlie Bear..... I love my Charlie nickname and even had teachers call me that in school...My Friends called me Char , Charlotte or Charlie and to this day I will still answer to any of them......If you child asks you to stop calling them by their nickname then that is the time to stop ....I have to boys now one of whoms nickname is Buckaroo (my youngest) and my oldest's nickname is Gibblet
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4-04-2010 @ 10:01PM
karen said...my name is Karen .. i didnt really have a nickname per say.. i been called kid or Ka my sister name is kerri but for some reason people calls her Ka to..i would not like it because it fits my name then her's.. my other sister name kellie sometimes we call her kel my brother name keith but he never had a nickname
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4-04-2010 @ 10:00PM
Kendra said...I was Toad from birth to 13, when apparently there was a family meeting to stop using that nickname. The nickname came from my mom saying to my grandmother (her mother-in law, who she did not like) that I looked like a little toad laying in the crib. My grandmother was shocked someone would call their child that and my mom did it just to annoy her, plus it stuck. No one calls me that EVER anymore, but then I'm 40 years old! I was called "Keebler" (yes, as in the elf) in college because someone couldn't remember my name and, I admit, I had pretty short hair, I wore a lot of green including green shoes and leggings with long shirts over them (it was the 80s, give me a break!), and I tended to have rosy red cheeks. I do occasionally get called "Elf" by one friend.
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4-05-2010 @ 12:11AM
annie said...omg, ive been Toad forever due to my uncle, im 31 now and i think i was 26ish when i had it tattooed on my arm with 3 little see no hear no speak no evil toads, it was cuz as a young one id bring home toads saying look i caught a frog