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Parenting + On the Cell = How Bad?
Filed under: Opinions
How often do you see moms talking on the phone while pushing a stroller? Everywhere?
"Is it bad?" asked a friend. "I mean, what if the baby's asleep?"
Well?
To find out, I called my Mommy Advisor Rosanne director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her advice.
"Assuming you're being safe and the child is sleeping? Everyone has to do that once in a while ... " starts Tobey.
Well, okay but ... What about something else often witnessed at the playground: Pushing the child on a swing while chatting on the phone?
This was egging Tobey on a bit because I thought I knew exactly what she'd say. I was wrong ...
"Listen, I think it's terrible," Tobey says. "I mean, your child is swinging, they're having fun and saying 'higher Mommy, higher!' and you're on the phone? Why?"
"Swinging is one of those things that's a really pure pleasure for your child, it's an opportunity for you to enjoy their joy, and by talking on the phone, you're blowing it. Part of their enjoyment is knowing you're witnessing them having fun and having you be part of that moment."
So, is it "really bad"? Well, says Tobey, "it depends on your definition of a 10 on the 'bad' scale; this could be a danger issue but more likely, it's a quality of life and quality of relationship issue."
It's important to look at the whole picture, Tobey stresses. Point being: "Do you occasionally take a call and keep it brief so you can focus on your kids? Sure, every mother has to do that occasionally. But if a mother is always on the phone? That's a problem. The real question is: Does she weigh out how important a call is before taking it -- or does she accept every call?"
Accepting every call, Tobey says, is sending a strong message: "The message to the child is that they come last, after every phone call."
Bottom line? "They don't swing with you forever," says Tobey, "That time will be gone soon enough. Why not enjoy it while you can?"
Sabrina Weill is a former editor-in-chief of Seventeen magazine and the author of three books about teenagers.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-08-2010 @ 9:49PM
Ross Ellis said...While multi-tasking is great, here in NYC you cannot and should not walk in the street with your child and talk on the phone at the same time. An accident could easily happen. In the playground your eyes need to be on your kids for safety reasons. If the baby is asleep -- that mgiht be another story but it could also be a great time to catch up on your reading or making friends with other moms.But more importantly, what happened to quality time with your kids? Are those phone calls so important that it should take time away from parenting and bonding with your kids? Save the phone for your private time. Treasure the time with your kids now. They grow up so fast and before you know it, they'll be out of the house. And that doesn't go for just New Yorkers -- all parents treasure the time you have with your kids today. Phone calls are meant to be returned.
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10-05-2010 @ 8:17PM
Nancy said...'Accepting every call, Tobey says, is sending a strong message: "The message to the child is that they come last, after every phone call."' You might say ignoring every phone call sends a message to the child that they are the center of the universe and everyone and everything comes second to them. Both these views seem silly to me.
I'm not convinced that children actually think deeply about these things but even if they did, the fact is, sometimes we do want and need to multitask while looking after our kids. It is absolutely no reflection whether we are good parents or not. I suspect this view, that we must constantly focus on our children is a product of our hyper-parenting culture. Put it another way, why would you be shadowing your child in the playground anyway? How oppressive.
There is an issue with the phone but it has nothing to do with the kids. It has to do with the expectation that we must be available 24/7. Why not just turn off the phone sometimes and leave the existential angst about whether taking the phone call will damage your child to the army of parenting experts who have made it their business over think these things? And then ignore them.
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