How Do You Help a Friend After a Miscarriage?

Bait and I am very sure that you sat there and read your post atleast 50 times before submitting to make sure you did not misspell anything.

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I have had 2 miscarriages and 1 stillborn baby. It did not offend me at all when people would say things such as "you can have another child" or "he would have had a lot of problems." I think that by posting all of these things that people "shouldn't" say.. we are just pushing people away for the fear of saying something wrong.

I think most of it WANT to talk about it with people. We should acknowledge that anyone who TRIES to talk to us does not always know what to say...

I don't want anyone to feel badly if they think they said the wrong thing to me. THANK YOU for trying to let me talk about it... Not many people even TRY...

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I was just 8 wks. during my first pregnancy when I miscarried. I had a huge support system but little did I know that you can go through a greiving period.That was the hardest part for me even when my Dr. told me it was normal to miscarry the first time. My husband and I we're blessed with a baby girl in '04 and I'm now expecting another baby girl which is due in June. I've never forgotten the love and support that we recieved during that time and I always show sympathy to those who are going through a miscarriage. It does effect everyone differently but an effect that only a women that has suffered a miscarriage may fully understand.

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I've had 7 miscarriages, and have 3 children ages 8-21. I do not want in any way to belittle the feelings of anyone else who has had a miscarriage. Feel and be allowed to feel whatever you need to. But almost every article I have ever read makes it into one of the worst things of your life, that you remember forever, grieve for months, etc. Yes, I was sad, but I moved on, tried again, and didn't dwell on it. I never felt validated in my lack of overwhelming grief - that what I apparently didn't feel was "normal " too. I love my daughters. I would have loved any of those other children just as much, and would probably not have the girls I have if some of my other pregnancies had made it. But do I think about it? Not often - usually only when filling out a medical history or when it comes up in conversation, as an aside. And my husband and I have been married for 29 years next month.

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USA Today referenced a study discussing the effects of miscarriage on divorce on the 8th of this month, links aren't permitted here, but I had no trouble finding it. Understand that statistics do not determine individual marriages, individuals do, but they can show us trends to help people in the these situations. I understand that this information may be upsetting to you, but pretending it's not true only prevents people from getting the help they need. If you have been through this and your marriage survived, congratulations, you're one of the strong ones, but maybe not everyone's marriage is as strong as yours.

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I miscarried at about six weeks along when I was 19. I was not trying to get pregnant, and the birth control I had just started a few months earlier was supposed to prevent that. It took me a long time to come to terms with the miscarriage, since the death of the baby was overshadowed by my grandfather's death not even two weeks later. When I was finally ready to talk about it, I only ended up putting distance between myself and the would-be child's father, since he was not ready to face it, either. The worst part for me was trying to talk to my grandmother. She had suffered two miscarriages, one before and one after giving birth to her two surviving children, so I thought she would be understanding. Instead, she told me I couldn't possibly have had a miscarriage because I was too young, and was on birth control. This invalidation hurt worse than the miscarriage itself, which was the worst physical pain I've endured to date. Over the years, I've come to terms with it and realized, in my specific case, it was for the best. I did not have the means, financially or emotionally, to give the child everything it would have deserved. Yet I still wonder what could have been, and likely always will.

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I had a miscarriage with my first baby. I think the best thing you can say is "I am sorry". I was only about 8 weeks along, but I cried for weeks afterwards. If your friend is religious in any way (or maybe even if they are not) I would send them to
http://www.innocents.com/shrine.asp this church prays for the unborn babies that die, and will send you a certificate. It helped me a lot.

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I care for perinatal loss women for a living and I teach colleagues to use their words to honor THIS loss and try to not focus on babies from the past or babies in the future. I sometimes day "Im sorry that this has happened to you" as opposed to just an "Im sorry". I also use "I am thinking of you" as a phrase of kindness that isnt overly directive to her.

If the mom had already calculated out her due date, mark it on your calendar and on that day do something kind for her on that day...flowers, a card, or a nice lunch.

I find that ladies who have early losses have grief spikes at the due date and ladies with later losses have them at the one year anniversary of the death. On the anniversary date of a late loss, I will often say "I am thinking of Wesley today" or something like that. Your words dont have to fix it or change the world, just communicate consideration and kindness.

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I wanted to express my sympathy to all Mom and Dads who have lost a child through miscarriage. My husband and I lost a child through miscarriage 31 years ago. Yes, a very long time, but not a day goes by that we dont think about him. The gyneclogist I had when I miscarried was so nice to me when I miscarried. I later had other gynecologists but he was my favorite. Last year he passed away. Last Mothers Day I sent a small donation to the charity of his choice, and just sent another one today since tomrorow is Mother's Day. I will do this every Mothers Day. I think it helps me more than it helps the organization. It is somrthing that helps me get through the day. I was also lucky, I had a wonderful husband to go through this with. We actually got closer, we have been married 32 years and were each other's first loves. We had insensitive remarks made when we miscarried also. My brother in law even said a few years ago that our family did not do enough for us. My husband's Mom wasnt even that helpful when I miscarried and she had two miscarrages herself! You would have thought she would have understood! People can be really thoughtless. I learned to just ignore them. When it was down to it, it was just myself, my husband and God that mattered. Our angel was looking down on us, and we know we are parents. And that is all that mattered.

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how do u help a friend

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