Everything I Need to Know About Parenting I Learned from TV

Some people argue we are letting TV raise our children.

They say that like it's a bad thing.

You can learn a lot about parenting just by watching TV. Here is some classic advice on parenting, children and families from classic television.

On encouragement:
Bart: Mom, am I a butch or a femme?
Marge: Honey, you can be anything you want to be.
"The Simpsons," 1989

On education:
Vanessa Huxtable: Rudy, what are you gonna do in life with a fourth-grade education?
Rudy: Teach third grade!
"The Cosby Show," 1984

On raising kids:
Roseanne: Dan and I always felt that it was our responsibility as parents to improve the lives of our children by 50 percent over our own. And we did. We didn't hit our children as we were hit. We didn't demand their unquestioning silence, and we didn't teach our daughters to sacrifice more than our sons.
"Roseanne," 1997

On visits to the doctor's office:
Earl Sinclair: [driving] You're giving a kid a cupcake in a new car? What are you thinking about?
Fran Sinclair: Him. He gets a little nervous whenever I take him to the pediatrician so I'm trying to make the whole experience a little more positive. It's called parenting, Earl.
Earl Sinclair: Oh please. I've been parenting for 15 years, nobody has to tell me how to be a good dad.
Earl Sinclair [to baby]: You get one crumb on that seat, and you're crawling home, Buster!
"Dinosaurs," 1991

On crying:
Officer Bettleheim: I'm with the Parent Patrol and you're in a lot of trouble, Mister.
Fran Sinclair: Well, Earl, see what happens when you lose your temper?
Earl Sinclair: Oh please. He's just the Parent Patrol. It's not like he's the real police.
Officer Bettleheim: Beg your pardon?
Earl Sinclair: Oh nothing. So what's the problem, Officer? Did I stop in a No-Diapering zone?
Officer Bettleheim: Parent Code Section 7, Paragraph 3: A crying child must be handled with sympathy and patience. You were screaming at the boy, Mr. Sinclair. I'm giving you a citation, just like the real police.
"Dinosaurs,"
1991

Grandpa: [to Homer] Make me proud ... or at least less ashamed.
"The Simpsons," 1989

Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.
"The Simpsons," 1989

Homer: Well, I hope you've learned your lesson, Lisa: Never help anyone.
"The Simpsons," 1989

Tim: Honey, you can't let some nicks and cuts and contusions stop you from going. If I did that, I wouldn't go anywhere.
"Home Improvement," 1991

On siblings:
Jill: Mark, when Brad and Randy say they want to play with you, always ask yourself, "What do they want to 'do' to me?"
"Home Improvement"
1991
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101120/quotes

On growing up:
Wilson: Parents are the bone on which children sharpen their teeth. What I'm saying is that when a boy is young, he worships his father and in order for the boy to become a man, he's got to see his father as a fallible human being and stop seeing him as a god.
"Home Improvement," 1991

On sex:
Archie Bunker: When your mother-in-law and me was goin' around together, it was two years. We never -- I mean never -- did absolutely nothin', not 'til the wedding night.
Edith Bunker: Yeah, and even then ...
"All in the Family," 1971

On Identifying If your child is gay:
Archie Bunker: Little boys who play with dolls grow up to be other boys' roommates.
"All in the Family," 1971

On maintaining control:
Margaret Anderson: Well, I suppose Father knows best.
"Father Knows Best," 1954

Archie: Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?
"All in the Family," 1971

Wally Cleaver: Hi Dad. I didn't do anything.
Ward Cleaver: Why do you say that?
Wally Cleaver: Well, I don't know, but, uh, you have that look on your face like somebody did something.
"Leave it to Beaver," 1957

On punishment:
Archie Bunker: What she done was wrong and she gotta be punished. For the next two weeks, no out after school. No out at all. If you find yourself having fun at something, stop it. And no delicious foods for three weeks. You only gotta eat the terrible foods that are good for you. And then no TV for a week. And the next week, and this is gonna be tougher: educational TV only.
"All in the Family," 1971

On perfect kids:
Alice Nelson: If there's anything I can't stand, it's a perfect kid. And six of 'em? Yecch!
"The Brady Bunch," 1969

Related: Is It OK For Kids Under 2 To Watch TV?