Is It Wrong to Make Your Kid Hug a Relative?

I taught our kids to shake hands.
If an adult can not respect that then I feel they are the one with the problem.
Adults don't hug people they don't want to hug. Why should children have to?
This has nothing to do with predators people its just plain respect!

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if u wouldn't, dont make your kid. my parents always made me and my siblings hug and kiss every relative at goodbyes, and we hated it. but my parents didn't. i wont make my kids do it. EVER

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Darlene
are you in therapy? if not it might be something to consider. From your post it sound as if your family has had some experience with Uncle Pervy types in the family

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My friend WITNESSED and STOPPED a 14 year old girl who allowed a stranger to keep touching her hair and tell her he had all kinds of stuff in his car she should look at that he got for a neice and asked her WHY she let him do that...
She said "no, i dont know him, but I was trying so hard to be polite.I kept thinking it was wrong to walk away from him ".
Creepy.
Kids DO silence their inner-guidence in favor of being "polite" sometimes.

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Making a child kiss grandma or grandpa or any other relative is a sign of respect until grandma or grandpa or any other relative is found to be a sexual predator. Then this becomes a missuse of respect against the child that leads to life long regret.

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Being polite does not include hugging or kissing people that make you uncomfortable. If my child answers the relative's question and says hello and goodbye and please and thank you, then his manners are in tact. No physical contact required. I do not hug or kiss someone who makes me uncomfortable, why would I force my child to do it. I think allowing children to listen to themselves and assess their own fears is important. Regardless of whether it does or doesn't prevent abuse, a child still needs to grow up knowing that, ultimately, what they do and how they do it is their decision. Whether it be a pushy sexually charged boyfriend or a boss wanting you do to something against the rules, teaching your children to follow their gut is a much more useful lesson than arbitrary politeness.

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I don't have children, but I'm very close to my brother's two kids. My niece and nephew, now 24 and 19 respectively, are very affectionate and loving with my family. They're not this way with their mother's family.

We always made them feel loved and cherished and they responded with hugs and kisses, responding to our kindness and goodness to them as children. They never shied away from us, even though my mom hugged and kissed those kids constantly. They never showed any signs of repulse in any way.

They are still, as young adults, very affectionate towards all of us. Not true with their mother's side of the family who were very crictical of them, sometimes mean and bully-ish in some ways. They admit to being forced to show affection to their mother's side of their family, and it's obvious whose company they enjoy more.

Point is, they were forced (by their mother) to show affection for their mother's side of the family and in a way resented it. They were never forced to show affection for us, their father's side of the family, it came very naturally to them, and as a result, are very sweet, affectionate, loving young adults with us.

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"I think children are very savvy about what's appropriate and what isn't." - if this were true children wouldn't end up being molested for years and feel unable to tell anyone. I know *most* kids are savvy, but it's the ones who aren't who are most likely to be the ongoing victims.

I don't mean to say that simply insisting your kid kisses grandpa goodbye is teaching them to accept sexual abuse. But I do think that teaching kids that it's important to please everyone else and their own desires are not important is a part of what helps make some children vulnerable to predators.

If it's important to your family that everyone hugs and kisses at meetings I think it's perfectly possible to teach your kids to do this and still teach them how to stand up for themselves in situations that are abusive. But I'm not sure that *forcing* a child to hug or kiss is a good way to teach them to participate. I remember a number of scenes when I was younger of little kids being forced to kiss people they didn't want to and it didn't seem to teach them respect, they were simply resentful and the whole world knew about it. It's generally better to do things by constant repetition and example. There's no need to force if it's not a life and death situation. If you don't make a big deal about it the kid will likely come round anyway and no-one has to sit through screaming hissy fits while the kid learns.

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Is it wrong to make your child kiss a relative?
What kind of question is that?
I would never MAKE my kids do that, however, I did teach them to hug and/or kiss their elder relatives. We did this by example and they followed suit. If they didn't want to, it was because it was someone they hadn't seen for a long time and that was fine. Forcing them would not accomplish a thing. In our family it is a sign of respect and love. Respect has gotten lost in a lot of areas. That is the thing I wanted most to teach my children. Now, my grandchildren come to me and offer their hugs because that is what their parents are teaching.

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Children should not be forced to hug or in any way physically interact with anyone they do not want to. Being polite is not about hugging. Polite embodies things such as please and thank you, covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze, etc.

The most effective way to teach children what "wrong touches" are is for that child to ahve the decision making power to say not to things likes hugs, kisses and etc. from anyone. If you force your child to hug someone and they do not want to, you are teaching them that it is not OK to say no to such advances.

Frankly, predators don't just walk up to a child and molest them in the light of day. It starts with innocuous things like hugging. And if a child is taught that when an adult wants a hug it is OK, and you as the parent are not going to protect them and respect their wishes when they decline a hug, then shame on you. You are taking away from their personhood.

As far as this article goes, it is a waste of space. The person who wrote it is a moron and needs to get a clue.

Perhaps the writer should be forced to go hug people who they do not want to hug or kiss. This is just stupid.

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Wow as a 50 year single uncle that rarely sees my three nieces (the live at a distance), I would love to have a hug from my brothers kids. I almost wanted to cry when I read this article. I guess we live in sad times when parents have to live in fear of such things. I don't want to judge the parents but keeping the kids from loving relatives cannot possibly be the answer. Perhaps better communication would be.

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My daughter and son-in-law seem to have taught our grandchildren not to hug us. Like many who comment here, they feel the child should make that decision, but instead they are telling their children that it's alright not to show affection to people who love them. Children have to be taught and they have to be encouraged to do the right thing. A hug from a grandparent is beneficial to both and hurts no one. Kissing now - that's another matter and seems totally unnecessary to me.
Grandpa Shia

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"I must submit to any repulisive physical activity any adult ask me to do"..I bet your familt reunion is a hoot. Here's grand-ma 60 to 90 or grand -pa 60 to 90 havent seen there grands kids in a while& love's them to death. The 5 to 20 year old puts their hand out and say's, ' Sorry dont want to give you a huh or a kiss on the check; For Lenore Skenaqy say's you might be a" child predator ". Were not talkling swaping spit here or a full rubbing body hug here! If people must be that paranoid, You didnt tell the kids to wear closed toe shoes for they might have a foot faddish also. "GOD" get real! ...

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I can't believe we are even having this discussion! Look! The basics of life and nature purport a basic knowledge of family through touch and smell. Custom also requires propriety. Even if you don't want to!
Yes! You make your kids hug family members and kiss granny's hairy cheek. Hell! It still grosses me out, but I do it out of respect!
It also bring the child to bear with the fact that they are going to have to make some relationships in life that they might not like, but find later the reason why the parents said, "DO". Such as, "This is probably the last time you'll see your GreatGrandfather alive,..Go kiss him, and hug him, and tell him that you love him,....GET YOUR ASS IN THERE NOW!!!"
You never get a second chance with people that become older and die.
Your child has the right to meet his/her relatives when there is the opportunity for such, and it will be on your own self to explain later in pictures why (other than your own beliefs) they never met that person who is dead and gone now with no recourse.
Think past your petty shit and wonder what your kids will ask when teens or adults.

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In my family, it would be offensive if a beloved family member was NOT greeted with some sign of physical affection...be it a hug, a kiss or a hearty hand shake. A functional family does not fear this type of intimacy.
I think it is the sick, fearful people who are either devoid of trust (which includes trusting themselves), the dangerously over-protective (which lead to detachment/abandonment issues within the family), or the folks who watch too much TV and think that everyone who hugs a child has an alterior motive... that THEY are the problem.
If you have a bizzare or perverted extended family member who would consider a sign of affection by a child as something else other than just that, why would you place them in harm's way?
What is happening to our nuclear/extended families that intimacy is feared rather than embraced? Sure, we may all have the "Drunk Uncle Louie" or the "Groping Aunt Harriet" with whom we feel uncomfortable. But don't let them steal the joy of a pleasure shared by all family units....far before our species ever evolved?

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Let hugs and endearment acts be earned and not expected. If you do not want to be hugged by someone then you should not be made to or feel pressured to do so. I am talking about adults here and children. A smile , handshake, an attitude that invites a hug or friendly gesture should be mutual and too many force it to make one look bad if they do not join in. What happened to "KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF"? Most Catholic priest's have admitted they new the ones they wanted to attack as a pedophile were the ones that they hugged and got hugged back. Why not try leaving a few off the hug list and that is called personal preference. Church people, relatives, teammates, neighbors, priest's, are not all prospects that I want to hug.

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Man, no wonder so many people grow up with horrible issues surrounding casual physical contact. If children aren't exposed to touch (and a lot of it from an early age), they are far more likely to develop repressive and shameful attitudes about their bodies.

If your child isn't at least tolerant of hugging grandma, it's likely that their social and sexual development is already going awry.

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This is screwed up. Enjoy your distant and emotionally dead sons.

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What happened in your childhood that makes you so cold????

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