How to Tell if Your Child Is Gifted

Ramona: are you sure you told us enough about your gifted daughter? Maybe you left our one or two things.
We also had a gifted daughter and I knew when she was 3 years old. I told her father ,"this child is so intelligent she scares me, she's smarter than me at this age" My advice is not to treat them any differently, Challenge them each day but keep them grounded so that they have a social life just like any other child. Let them be CHILDREN. Their are certain things you have to do differently to keep them from being bored in school. Ours will graduate from College next year and she has made us proud.. But our other three daughters have made us just as proud.

In so very many ways you just described our daughter. Her teacher contacted us in 2nd grade because her grades were falling. When we discussed this my daughter said she must of gotten dumb over the summer. Holding back a chuckle I asked why and she responded that she didn't know the information the teacher was teaching. When we explained to her that school was where children LEARN she was shocked. She thought you just went to school to reinforce what you already know. When we broke this news to her and explained that she would be learning new things at school her spirits and grades went right back to where they were before. The teacher paired her up with another young man who also was gifted so that they could challenge each other. By the time she was in 6th grade, we moved and the new school system had a School for the Arts, which she entered. She is now 25, married, a teacher and starting in the fall for her Masters. Though she excelled academically, and was quite good musically playing piano and flute, she went to college for vocal music. She told me, while in college, that she did this because it was one of the most challenging things she has ever done.
I never called her gifted nor did I encourage others to. She was who she was, but I also wanted her to have as normal of a childhood as she could. By the way, this all pays off when the kids go to college. Especially if it is a private college. The scholarships and endowments she earned were unbelievable and I made sure she knew that she EARNED those with her hard work. God Bless

You show a lot of parental wisdom. Yes, gifted children may be more mature and carry themselves as tho years older, but those emotions are usually at age level--that's so easy to forget.

Finding appropriate programs for your child is also difficult. My daughter was identified as "backward" because she never completed assignments. I actually went to a psychiatrist to have her tested. He said she's a genius and just bored and hates her teacher! After we moved her, she excelled. I let her interests guide us. At three she was crying because "in my whole life, I've never seen a Picasso." Off to the museum we went.

Jr. High was a nightmare. She failed everything. I had to constantly get after her and motivate her to work. High School was a dream...she learned how to study! That's also a difficult area for the gifted. They usually dont need to put in the effort because they are so smart and have such good memories. Gifted children really need to learn discipline to succeed. Many less gifted children often do better in life because of this.

My daughter was also gifted socially, which many are not. She was very good at social interactions...however, her intelligence scares people, especially boys. She continues to have trouble with romantic relationships. I always thought if she were around boys who were also intellectually gifted, she'd do better. but it didn't work that way. Boys don't seem to want equals.

This is such a common problem that girls at Harvard call it the "H" bomb. Never tell a guy you go to Harvard and play down your intelligence. Sad.

Its also hard when the child far surpasses her parents in intellect and education. (That happened to me when she hit fourth grade!).

The last area of difficulty is when the child is around her intellectually peers and she's no longer the brightest and the best and has to really work hard for the first time. That's where discipline realy comes in.

She ended up going to Harvard at 16 and is now working on her doctorate in Chicago.

Ramona and everyone else out there with a gifted child.

I too have raised a gifted child. My husband and I suspected early on she was advanced, but being our only child and the first of the grand children in the family, we really didn't have anyone to compare her to. She was able, as your daughter, to recite books so well at age 2, placing her finger under each word as she recited it, even her own Grandfather, who we only visited every couple of months, thought she was actually reading. Not knowing any differently, I thought this was normal. She also loved music, could memorize words in songs after hearing them no more than twice. And her imagination was amazing, including an imaginary friend until she entered kindergarten.

In Kindergarten, because she used to do her class assignments upside down, the teacher thought she had a learning disability and requested she be tested. What the testing showed was a genius IQ and a bored child. After that she was always challenged more by her teachers.

Another thing I have found with my daughter is that she was gifted in many different areas, so finding just one for her to focus on has been a huge problem. Reading and writing academically was definitely her strong point, however she was also very visual, so became quite an artist as well. On that note, although Algebra gave her some fits, Geometry was a breeze.

Another trait that I have seen in gifted children is they tend to have a hard time socializing at a young age. When she was not in school I would make sure she played with other toddlers in the neighborhood, as I felt that interaction was very important. Once in school and it was discovered she was gifted we were fortunate that where we have lived there were programs, so she was placed with other gifted students. But even with these programs my daughter has never had an abundance of friends. However the ones she has made have been friends all her life.

My advice to anyone out there raising a gifted child is to be sure to allow them the room and atmosphere to grow. In my daughters case, to this day, she is her worst critic and harder on herself than any other person could be. We have had to continually tell her that there is no such thing as true perfection and to stop being so hard on herself.

She has recently graduated from college and entered the workforce, where she is having some trouble adjusting. I don't know if there is any information on how these gifted children adapt into adulthood, but if any of you know of any please pass on that information as I would be very interested in reading up on it.

You are a wonderful parent! Your information and tips for dealing with a gifted child are exactly right. My oldest son was also a gifted child,,,spoke early, clearly...loved books from infancy, picked up new info with great ease. He excelled in school. In all of his vast ease of learning and grasping ideas, concepts and info, I didn't realize until he was older that I never taught him it is ok to fail. I think we get so caught up in the excitement of their acheivements...that we see the positives much more and the negatives get pushed to the side. I think your article was great. Congrats on your gifted child, but congrats for being a great parent too!

Thanks for sharing the story about Math in middle school. My 12 year old starting verbalizing at 6 months, and was very chatty!! However, he too did not tell me about falling behind in some basic grade 7 math , as the teacheres in his elementary school did not detect any inconsistencies, so he 'coasted' along and still got good marks. A little bit of extra tutoring in school has brought him up tp par with his peers. he is not used to having any learning difficulties whatsoever, and therefore went into 'denial' about his math problem. Even gifted kids may have trouble with Math! Ther fact that they can overcome this with a little help, is waht differentiates them from average learners!

It is not so much about diagnosing whether your child is gifted or not, but consistently doing the right thing in raising our kids. Having a very stable, comforting, and nurturing home is of the utmost importance! Since babies are a 'blank slate' it is the parent's responsibility to feed the child's body, mind and spirit with care. That is all there is to it. What you put in, is what you get. What you sow is what you ultimately reap! A well-raised child will shine above the rest, not just intellectually, but emotionally. It is not about how many educational toys your child has or how much money you spend! It is about taking care every step of the way. taking care so that yopur individual child knows waht their passion is in life and then follows through with it.

Einstein didn't talk until he was 4. I really don't talking a lot has anything to do with it. My entire sorority would be gifted then.

Why am i feeling sarcasum concerning Romona? I think quite abit of what she wrote was helpful info, and she talked about how her daughter had to deal with not being able to Ace a math class. When a parent Brags they never mention any downfalls. Therefore i do not think Ramona was trying to brag and even if she was alittle, so what.

Ramona, what a bore you are ! Do you think anyone is interested in your self-centred trivia?

Excellent article.
my daughter is 20 months
did alot of things very early but is slow to learn to talk.
Just does a few words.

2girls -4years apart-now 30ish-approach from: totally different perspectives:tested at 4and 8;approx same IQhigh:one excellent student;one student of the world;reallly taxes parents ability to provide proper challengesfor secure personality development as well as intellectual

Ramona, don't listen to the rude people.

Jesus Christ! Do you flap your gums as much as you write? No one cares what you have to say.

While I agree that a well-rounded childhood is vital to all children, I strongly disagree with the phrase "normal" childhood. What's "normal?" A gifted child will have a different childhood than other children just by virtue of being gifted. I don't think there is any such thing as a normal childhood.

As far as early identification, I found a sense of humor was a strong indicator of intelligence. Far more so than early reading.

I also found telling average children how smart they were boosted their performance level remarkably.

Holly, I don't particularly like the term "gifted" because I also believe that every child has a "gift". Neither does our school system label these children "gifted"; they test for and are enrolled in the "Challenge Program". My "little smartie", as you refer to my daughter, has had a wonderfully grounded childhood - with friends, sports, discipline, manners, respecting others, and chores and responsibilities around the house. There are no 'high pedestals' in our household because she knows that, despite her obvious intelligence, she won't ALWAYS be the one with the correct answer!
I also have a younger son who's had nothing but learning difficulties since he started school. He's had test after test, countless special assessments, specialized educational programs, been poked and prodded by many physicians, and he still struggles to absorb information his peers learn with ease! But that's an entirely different issue with its own unique set of "labels". Our journey with him has been no less wonderful or amazing than the one with our daughter! Each of his accomplishments is a reason to celebrate and I could write countless pages about our experiences in this area as well. My son is a happy little boy (always smiling) because he knows that he's just as beloved, appreciated, and respected - for exactly who he is - as his "little smartie" of a sister!
Perhaps, rather than making perfunctory judgements about what someone else has shared and attaching your own unnecessary and absurb "labels", your "gifted" self would do well to ask for clarification when you are uncertain about someone's meaning. Better yet, read the comments from all of the other parents who've shared their own experiences and frustrations. It's obvious that parents want - and NEED - a forum to speak to one another about this topic.

It is up to the parentas to nurture their children emotionally and to resoect the child within. If your child does not know that they are still a child on some level, it is the parent who needs to ensure this does not happen.