How to Tell if Your Child Is Gifted

by Brett Singer (Subscribe to Brett Singer's posts)
Apr 28th 2010 10:00AM

Filed under: Day Care & Education, Development: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Education: Big Kids

Is your baby a brainiac? Credit: Getty Images

Most parents think their kids are brilliant. But is your child gifted? And what does "gifted" mean anyway?

According to Prufrock Press, a publisher of books for gifted children and their parents, the designation "gifted" or "gifted and talented" is bestowed upon young people who display a variety of characteristics, along with "high performance capability in an intellectual, creative or artistic area."

Note that they do not limit the "gifted" label to kids who are great at math (although a 5-year-old who does long division in her head is probably pretty darn smart). A child could be gifted in other areas, such as music or drawing. Perhaps she "incorporates large number of elements into artwork" or "sets high standards in the artistic area," gifted characteristics the Prufrock site identifies.

Carolyn Kottmeyer, founder of Hoagies' Gifted Education Page, says identifying a gifted child can be challenging.

"There are many lists of characteristics of gifted children, but not every gifted child displays every characteristic," she tells ParentDish. "The simplest description is that the gifted child learns faster and deeper than other children of the same age, and feels more acutely than his or her same-age peers. Some gifted children do puzzles years earlier than their peers, others read early, often by teaching themselves."

"Many, but not all, walk and talk and accomplish physical milestones early," she says, adding, "And some children are both gifted and learning disabled, exhibiting characteristics of both, a combination that makes their gifted identification and childhood learning much more challenging than either their gifted or average peers."

Of course, parents should be careful not to jump to conclusions -- Prufrock's website also includes traits such as "likes listening to music," which could describe any number of children. No one thing automatically makes a child "gifted."

But ParentDish's Advice Mama Susan Stiffelman goes a step further.

"All children are gifted," she says. Stiffelman cites the work of Harvard Professor Howard Gardner and his theory of multiple intelligences, telling us that "each child has at least one area of inherent talent that deserves attention and nourishment."

Kottmeyer disagrees. "Howard Gardner's theories say that all children have strengths, domains in which they are more able than in other areas," she says. "Gifted, by most definitions, refers to intellectual abilities in the top 2.5 percent. Saying all kids are gifted is like saying all kids are tall; it can't be true. Not all kids are in the top 2.5 percent of height. Not all kids are gifted."

Let's say, hypothetically, that your son or daughter began writing computer programs in first grade, or could play Mozart before learning to walk. What should a parent do?

"Parents serve their children by identifying their unique areas of giftedness and making sure that they have the chance to develop and express their gifts on a regular basis," Stiffelman says.

What action you take depends on the child's age, Kottmeyer says.

"For older gifted kids, in addition to unstructured nature time and social interaction with like-minded peers, it's important that gifted kids have the opportunity in the early years of school to learn how to learn, how and why to study, and to face the academic challenge that other kids naturally face in school," Kottmeyer says. "Allowing the gifted child to learn these things in school will likely require ability grouping, subject acceleration or full-grade acceleration. Coasting through school until middle or high school and learning these lessons years later is far more difficult for the child, and can contribute to an attitude of superiority in the child."

So, once you figure out what your child is good at, encourage him or her to stick with it. If your son shows a talent or love of music, try piano lessons. If numbers are your daughter's thing, download some math worksheets from sites like TLS Books or edhelper.com.

Related: School System Dropping 'Gifted' Label

ReaderComments (Page 5 of 10)

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5-03-2010 @ 10:45AM

Kezy said...

When I was in third grade my teacher had me moved up a grade in math. From that moment on people's perspective of me changed. I became "the smart girl". I wouldn't call myself gifted, but other people did. My teachers and parents pushed me to be as intelligent as possible. Throughout school I continued to stand out acedemically, skipping grades and being put in "smart people" programs. By the time I entered highschool I had been isolated into a small group of others like me. We were like lepers at the school. Other people were either intimidated, jealous, or just freaked out by us. Though I enjoyed learning, school became torture because I wasn't normal. I guess what I want people to understand is that, though it's okay to encourage your child, please don't turn them into "the smart girl". Of our little group of "gifted" children, I don't know one of us that was actually happy. Sometimes it feels like my childhood was wasted because I was so busy being smart I didn't get to do the things other children did. If you push your children to be gifted too hard, they'll end up like me, wishing they were dumb.

5-03-2010 @ 12:43PM

neno1Ela said...

I didn't finish school in USA. We were class of smart kids. We choose to be. We always could be stupid if we choose to. Stupids could be only stupid. They did not have any other option, but we never insulted them. They didn't choose to be that way, it happened. We were respected and liked by our friends in school - smart, average or below average. If you are nice with people, they are nice with you. From time to time there would be joke on our account but, we new who we are and, what we want to be - future doctors, professors, architects, engineers, scientists and, we throw back jokes on them and lived on OK level, with majority of kids in school.
Then, I moved to USA and got kids. My own kids got to go in school here. It became scary with my first kid but, not because of kids but, teachers that didn't care at all. My kid that was wizard in math, doing it in his head and on much higher level, got failing grade in math since he solved problems "different way", using trigonometry in his 8 grade where he is not "supposed" to do those things. "He just needs to use given formula - that's all, he doesn't need to use that!" - told me his teacher. Well, needlessly to say - SOL was passed on advanced level - so school changed grade from failing to C but, my son hates math since then. He lost all interest and enthusiasm, even motivation to learn - being punished for knowing more. I am just disappointed and sure not to make same mistake with my other kids - do just as much as necessary to get an A - and, do it just by the way as told by the teacher. And, I am scared again - I am dumbing down my own kids! Don't take me wrong - there is so many wonderful teachers I know, that did a lot to encourage kids to achieve but, what one bad did, 100 good can't undo.

5-03-2010 @ 10:47AM

Steven said...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I cannot write as perfect as you all, for English is my second language out of many, I know this person, who has been gifted, as classified by society, but I believe it is not just a gift but a blessing from above from the creator of all things, which all of us have forgotten for nobody mentioned, if Einstein the famous mathematician or Leonardo da Vinci the first Scientist and an Engineer, Painter, Draftsman, Designer, Cook, Writer, Composer, musician were what they were it was because of God Himself who allowed them to do what they did to come to accomplish the scriptures. Next all of your statements have come to say not about my kids but about myself, for I need you all to know when you have a child with such abilities and different circumstances it is hard to accomodate them to the wright lifestyle, and true emotion which is one of the roots of a Human or mankind is taken for granted, and people think emotion is in the head, brain or logical mind which by thinking may override feelings, but forgetting these or any emotions are in the heart and soul. Now just picture a so called gifted child in South America at age 8 receiving an award for drawing the best in the competition throughout the 1st to 6th grade of the school, at ten, making an invention of a postal machine, then reach or achieve a 50,000 Grant for the Technical Institute at 12 years of age, without a father, and with your mother passing away that year, understand that no child can grasp the unexplainable. Then I share what you all have said on your comments, and wish to send a message to all parents to try and be with them ( your childrens ) and if possible YOU as parents learn as much as you can to go along the path with them walk with them with patience and the reward will be great, even though to think how it is to be one is not the same as to be really you is very difficult, that so called gifted is me and am a thinker, a loner, I have always found trouble fitting in society, or even with my family, I know now, I am different, this is why of the complexity which sorrounds me. Thank you all for reading.

5-03-2010 @ 10:57AM

Michon said...

As a single mother of two grown sons whose teachers had them tested as geniuses, I have some advice for young parents of gifted children. One of the most important things you can do for them is to give them stability at home and lots of creative things to do. Do not move them from school to school or neighborhood to neighborhood. Do not get divorced. Do surround yourself with peaceful people and nature. Give them love, attention, and structure, and let them find their gifts. Buy them all the supplies and books and musical instruments they want, and forget what other mainstream people tell you. If I could replay my life, that is exactly what I would do. My older son was reading a newspaper at the age of three and adult level books at the age of eight. His foolish teacher in fifth grade told me he was failing reading in school and had not turned in any assignments. Never mind the fact that she had never actually spoken to him about it and only contacted me at the end of the term. I learned from this and attended meetings with the teacher of my second son. I had to loan her some mainstream books on education that she had never heard of. Find a good school for your children and stay there. Give them lots of family support and a good network of friends. And most of all, lots of attention and love and they will produce the results of their gifts.

Alann said...

If I hadn't been a special ed. teacher when our son was in elementary school, he wouldn't have been referred for gifted testing. The usual response from his teachers was, "He can't be gifted--he doesn't do his work". We have gifted children and grandchildren, and I could provide examples for all of them, but many of their teachers had a fixed notion that giftedness and academic performance must go together. Teachers and schools continue to fall into the same patterns; too often, a gifted child is used as a "teacher's assistant" and not allowed nor encouraged to find his or her own potential and special talents.

5-03-2010 @ 11:12AM

Maria said...

I was a gifted child. From my prospective, school was incredibly dull and boring, I was never challenged. Like someone mentioned earlier, if I didn't like the teacher my grades would suffer. They just stuck me in regular classes for kids my age. In Florida, the schools made sure that us gifted kids had other outlets: 4 of us were free to come up with projects and experiments on our own for science class, some of us were in 9th grade reading in 5th grade, and a number of us had a special math class. We also had a teacher's assistant who'd work with us individually in social studies. My school also offered extra/special art classes, which I took full advantage of. That all changed when I moved to Georgia. I was put in the highest level they offered (6th grade math and in 5th grade, with I was already at the 8th and 9th grade level, respectively). They offered virtually no art classes, until I found an art magnet high school. I exhausted all language options at school by 10th grade. I was in AP and calculus classes by 10th, college by 12th. I never learned how to study. I developed a lot faster mentally and emotionally than others my age. College was particularly hard, at a time when I finally had to study, I'd never learned how to do so. At 23, I still feel more mature than most of my peers. All my gifted friends describe similar experiences.

Your gifted child may or may not mature faster emotionally than their peers. I did. My mom did not know what to do with me. I was incredibly difficult to deal with. Do let your kids know that you do not expect perfection from them at all times and DO work with them and help them learn how to study. I didn't want to go to private school (at 11, I understood my mom could not afford it without a loan and huge sacrifices) but I felt trapped in public school with no art. Identify your child's passion and nurture it as much as possible, find art classes, music lessons, private math tutors that will teach your child much more than what they are "learning" in public school. Challenge them. It will help them tremendously when they reach high school and college.

5-03-2010 @ 11:00AM

mandi said...

My kids are all grown up now, and they are all succesful in their own way. I used to hate all the pressures I got from other Mom's about how gifted their children were, and that being anything less than that was a little unfortunate?. Kids are kids, some smarter than others, it doesn't make your kid anything less because they didn't do well on a test or whatever thet case is.Stop always bragging to people that you have a "Gifted" child, and enjoy your kids for who they are. Some Mom's used to complain to me that there son's or daughter's only got a "B" on a test, and they would make their dissappintment very clear to the child, how sad it that people. Get a life!

5-03-2010 @ 11:03AM

MrsVicar said...

While it is extremely exciting to discover that your child is gifted, it can be a double-edged sword. We realized that our son was gifted when he was very young. His language was very clear & adult when he was just a tike. He started reading street & business signs when he was 2 years old. By the time he was 3, he was reading children's books. Before he was 4, he was reading adult non-fiction books....science, dictionaries, etc. An incident that I specifically remember was him sitting in his car seat & quizing me from the driver's manual.......at the age of 3. At that time I realized that we would have our hands full. Other noteworthy incidents: asking about the mirages on the road in the hot summer, & asking why the sun was so low on the horizon in the winter......this again before the age of 4. Amazingly, our problems & struggles came from EDUCATORS, all the way through school, 1st-12th grades. Our experiences with teachers & administrators were a nightmare. We were told on numerous occasions "What do you want us to do? We don't even have materials in this building (& we don't have the time) to teach him." Sadly, we were totally blindsided by this. As parents, we were so naive & trusting of the educational system. After many horrendous experiences, (in several schools, both public & private) we resorted to homeschooling for 5 years. This was the biggest blessing for our son.....he was finally able to relax & tackle (devour) his school subjects at his pace. He went through 1 school year of curriculum in the first 2 months.......& was the happiest that I have seen him. Again, this was a journey that we all traveled together. We had know idea when we began our gifted journey with our son that we would have to do battle for him for 12 solid years. Thankfully, we are now on the other side of the public school system. He is a junior in college now & thriving. My message for those of you with gifted children.........expect to run into problems with the public school system. There are very few schools that have provisions for gifted children. Don't lose hope, & dig in your heels for the long-haul. You will need to be a constant advocate for your child, or they will slip through (be pushed through) the cracks. Focus on your child & how you can best meet their needs. As much as being gifted/profoundly gifted SHOULD be a blessing, in our present educational system, it is often a curse. I wish I had a different message to bring, but these are the simple facts. As parents, it is up to YOU to celebrate your child's unique gifts. Do whatever it takes to support your child.

5-03-2010 @ 11:08AM

spkwriter said...

"Smart" and "gifted" are not the same thing...Who cares anyway?...My teenage daughter has been in the "gifted" curiculum since first grade. We don't discuss it, we don't brag about it...My attitude is EVERY child is a GIFT. PERIOD.

5-03-2010 @ 12:07PM

beaucphs said...

Best reply I've read.

Heidi said...

My son is an only child and I used to spend hours a day reading to him. Because of this, he has an amazing vocabulary and his reading comprehension scores are through the roof. He speaks like an adult because he lives among adults.

My son has been labeled gifted by the school district and I think it is a bunch of hogwash. However, he's entitled to extra services with amazing teachers and he's getting an education ALL children should get.

I'm always amazed by the sheer number of gifted kids and the sheer number of average adults.

5-03-2010 @ 11:28AM

Terri said...

So much for self-fullfilling prophecy.

5-03-2010 @ 11:15AM

Ray said...

Isn't that the truth! Neither one of my two boys are gifted. They are, however, fully capable of becoming successful, independent and well-educated.
I am just glad neither show any signs of the dyslexia I have battled with all my life. Am I gifted? Sure, just like Special Ed.
I wrapped up my BS a couple years with Honors. I'm still dyslexic. However, I'm more successful than some of those 'gifted' peers.
Hopefully, my boys will outpace more of their 'gifted' peers than I have mine.
I've told them all along being gifted does not guarantee success. Application of said talent, or any talent, does.

5-03-2010 @ 11:20AM

Gavin said...

What's disgusting here is the literal avalanche of (usually) women who talk about their "gifted" children as if they're a new pair of shoes that their peers do not have/cannot afford.

Susan Stiffelman is correct. ALL children are gifted in some way, as gifted does not only mean intellectual development. Kottmeyer displays a woefully myopic view of the term "gifted" by applying it to only one specific area (even comparing it to height).

What we know of the brain's development is such a tiny fraction of what actually occurs in a life-time that it is not appropriate for rigid classifications to placed upon children who, like ALL of us, will have clear strengths and weaknesses in their lives.

The best thing we can do as parents is to nurture their strengths and help them cope with their weaknesses in a realistic but loving way. Like all of us, they will have successes and failures - the trick is making sure they LEARN from BOTH.

5-03-2010 @ 11:25AM

Eve said...

I have some questions. Maybe one of you here has lived this situation and can share some advice.

I assume there are many homes where one child is gifted and the siblings are not. I assume because each child is in their own grade level that maybe its not as obvious to the non-gifted siblings and may not cause any problems (jealousy, competitiveness, self-esteem issues, etc)

However, has anyone here dealt with twins/triplets/quads where only one of the kids is gifted and the others are not? Multiples share not only a grade level, but often a classroom, and are always in each others business whether they mean to or not. Do the non-gifted siblings feel left out? or less-than? Or do they not really care/notice? And as parents, what sorts of things did you do to encourage them all to not let the differences get in the way of their bond?

5-03-2010 @ 12:59PM

Rebco said...

Hi Eve! I don't have multiples, but I hope I can help. I have three girls of which one is gifted. I do have problems with sibling rivalry and jealousy. Because my gifted is so advanced in her verbal skills and arguement techniques, my others don't feel as smart. Arguments are traumatic. :( Also, my gifted child is beautiful and has done some modeling. I have to continually remind the gifted that she is still under my roof and must respect my rules and standards of behavior. Just because she is smart does not mean that she can bypass social and family rules of etiquette. And she must still be a loving and nurturing member. I tell her that in the family, the smarts don't count nearly as much. She must still do her chores and mind me. To the not gifted, I must continually remind them that they have their own unique quirks and abilities that make them unique and adorable and loveable. I tell them that the gifted isn't being smarter, it's being smart in a different way. And like a pear and a grapefruit, you cannot compare them in a consistent manner so just appreciate each one as it is. They are both good, they are both great fruit, the each have a different effect on our body (kids each have a different effect on the world), and it is how we use that fruit (abilities or smarts) to affect our lives. I focus on the different abilities, not on the label gifted versus "normal". My gifted does not need any type of praise or reinforcement of her gifted status, so we do not discuss it. We do however, discuss the others' abilities and accomplishments. We do focus more on getting the job done to the best of their ability.
We also use Arnold Schwarznegger (?) as an example. I don't know the exact numbers but I read that only about 20% of men have the physical ability to bodybuild to his degree of success.
But of that 20%, only 1% of them have the mental ability to bodybuild to his degree of success. So being gifted is like being physically able, but the accomplishment of success, like the mental ability is the part that is hard. And although being gifted gives one a big head start, anyone can have that mental ability and pass by anyone gifted who does not. So it emphasizes that the most important focus should be on their will and determination and desire, not on their natural ability as much. But also that the natural ability can be useless if not used properly, just like anyone's else's natural ability.
Just as you would treat an artist differently in their training than you would a scientist, you will try to treat each of them in a way that each can understand and prosper with. Make sure they understand that. Scientists and artists are both well paid, and well appreciated for their contribution although that contribution is different for each. But if they are both happy, that is what truly matters.

5-03-2010 @ 2:32PM

"I tell them that the gifted isn't being smarter, it's being smart in a different way. And like a pear and a grapefruit, you cannot compare them in a consistent manner so just appreciate each one as it is. They are both good, they are both great fruit, the each have a different effect on our body (kids each have a different effect on the world), and it is how we use that fruit (abilities or smarts) to affect our lives."

Thank you for that! I really like that analogy. I think because my kids are still young, they will really understand that point. My triplets being one girl/two boys (the girl being the gifted one) they automatically have different abilities (brain vs. braun type stuff) I will emphazise those differences as their unique positive attributes, like the fruit. I guess I was just worried becuase the boys are so competitive that they would want to compete with their sister and fail to reach her limits. So its really good to hear you say that its determination, not ability, that gets you to succeed in life.

Thanks again!

Len Robertson said...

If your kid is a child of wealthy parents, says all the right things, does all the right things and drives a Porsche to school, he/she is gifted. If you don't believe it, go the kid's house and count all the other gifts he/she has.

5-03-2010 @ 11:35AM

Yes, yes, we know, everyone's child is gifted, including mine. The replies to this article certainly proves that statement. It kind of makes me gag to read some of these responses.

5-03-2010 @ 12:21PM

Poogymom said...

Many people have children that are actually achievers, and not necessarily gifted/talented. Achievers do well in school and in life career choices. People that are able to read using phonics often appear to be gifted/talented because they can read circles around other children their same age. Home schooled children learn phonics because the curriculum teaches it. Many failing children in our schools were never taught phonics and cannot sound out words. So much for some "villages".

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