Should My Ex Have His Girlfriend Around Our Children?

jealousy" after split-up is called .....No self worth people that show this are really not worth the time anyway. people that show a lot of jealously ....have a lot of other crap baggage.99% of blonds have this trait.A tip from Mr. Hudson...leave the dumb blonds alone. its really not all that good.Its a facade (marry smart, not stupid)

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Madison,

Here is the problem...in your own words you said that "you just don't get attached to them". This can affect your relationships in the future. I know, because I had the same out look as you did at 16. I just didn't get attached to my mother's dates. They were just someone that stayed the night. It truly effected my relationships as an adult. I truly wanted to be loved and wanted to love someone else. However, I found it difficult to get attached and when I did get attached, I got to attached. It took years of understanding and soul searching to balance it out. In fact, some days I revert to one of the two behaviors. I have to catch it and try to keep it check.

I don't think for one moment that it is a good idea to only bring home a person to introduce to your kids once you have planned to marry them. It is like saying, "Hey kids here is the man/woman I have been dating for six months or so, and we are getting married so say hey to your new step dad/mom". That isn't very healthy either. I recommend when you feel serious about someone, arrange for them to meet your kids and do things together. Ask your kids how they feel about him/her and talk about it. Be honest with your kids about where you think the relationship may be headed or where you would like it to go. All of this should be age apporpiate conversations of course.

Madison, I hope that you find balance with attachment issues. When someone comes over and stays the night, it should be a big deal. There should be some kind of emotional committment on the side of both parties. Don't except anything less in your life Madison, regardless of what the adults around you are doing.

Take care of yourself.

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sorry to hear of any divorce but especially when there are children involved. seems like the kids take it the hardest weather they let you know it or not! after all the parents are the two people they trust the most in life, after its shattered anything can happen. if there is one thing i could accomplish before i leave this world and move on it would be the soothing of the children's pain of all the broken families. but since i can't, the parents will have to accomplish that, it is my prayer that they understand and give the children as much love as possible

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Hi everyone

When it comes to having someone meet your child after the childs parents have broken up can be a bad thing if you have a problem of frequent partners. What about the ones that stick around with you for life. My situation is that my now wife was not suppose to be around my son after years of knowing her, My sons mother told me she didnt want her around him thinking she would come and go like the others. Whole problem is that she use to work in child care and she knew how to handle a child better then both of us. So i went over my sons mothers word. It turned out perfectly for my son, not so much for his mother. My son now has a dynamic bond with my wife and a horrible relationship with his mother. We are trying to work together to work out the kinks.

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wonder if everyone who claims to be a christian followed Gods laws on marriage..one man for one woman for life...if divorced remain single or reconcile with your spouse...satan has been using divorce to destroy marriages and also to teach the children a divorce is ok and then a remarriage is ok..God says its adultery[remarriages]...but then again the church allows those remarried to join the church in light of what God says...and we wonder why non believers call us hypocrites.......it doesnt matter if your the one who caused the divorce or if you are a believer or not..Gods word is for us all, if we want to live according to him and receive his promises...repentance is still in effect today but we refuse to do that...the future of all the younger ones never married do what they have been taught and seen......say no to divorce but more importantly say no to remarriages! most pastors wont marry someone who is divorced.ever ask why..i just told you.......

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Y'all throw the word divorce around like it's a new sneaker or something. Why do people bother to get married in the first place if you'll only gonna end up leaving each other?

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Tina, not all parents love their kids unconditionally, and after a divorce some parents (father or mother) discontinue having a relationship with the children.
Whether or not a child will feel comfortable with a parent's "friend" depends a lot on the dynamics of the family before the divorce, and on the relationship the child has with the parent anyway.
I was also very angry and felt betrayed when my mom told me that she was planning to marry, and move away with, a man that i didn't even know existed - but our relationship had always been co-dependent so that was our situation, not everyone's.
I still don't think a surprise announcement is a good thing, tho.

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Young children from a previous marriage, should not be exposed to ANY other relationship.... either parent, until they reach 18. If that means no dating, then that's what that means period!
I stayed in the small town where my ex lives for significantly less pay, in order to remain close and involved for our 2 kids. I waited 15yrs b4 I started dating. In case your wondering, I'm an intelligent, good-looking man so it was completely for our kids that I made these and many other difficult decisions.
If this sounds harsh to you, you should have not had children. People are entirely too selfish nowadays. Grow up and be a parent....BOTH mom and dad should be parents!

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this is soooo scripted, it's not funny. come on paid bloggers lets get a little more creative!!

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I was 9 when my parents divorced, I met my Dad's new girlfriend 3 weeks after my Dad moved out. I watched the interaction between the 2 of them, the lack of his GF screaming, her concern for his opinion, her patient way with my Dad, and I understood why my Dad would want out of the hell my Mom put him through, and I got why he wanted out of the relationship. I have to admit it did have a profound effect on my dating as I got older and decided to marry. I found a woman as good to me as my Dad's widow was to him for 25 years and just celebrated a very happy 14th anniversary. Is this what all these bitter women are so angry about?

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Children should not be subjected to the "new love" until after the divorce and then it should certainly not be when the parent has their new partner over for the night. Don't be so selfish as to only consider your own needs, your children seserve better. I have a freind that had an affair before she got divorced. This was with a married man who moved in with her but eventually went bac to his wife. This friend then immeadiately brought another man into her bed, when that didn't work out she brought another man into her bed. All this in the span of a few months. Each man was "affectionatly" called Uncle So-in-So. Her 8 year old son gets to see Mommy's revolving bedroom antics while he is subjected to being put in his bedroom to watch movies so that he does not interfere with her "love" life. She thinks nothing of being nude in front of this young boy and as for her frequent men---"-well she is just too young not to have a man in her bed." She says she does not want a husband just a man around the house.... Now you tell me, how adjusted do you think this young boy is going to be? He already knows he should stay out of the way so Mommy can have and do what is best for her.

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My ex-wife is the embodiment of the loose woman cliche. She spreads her legs more than she spends time with our son. But because she's female the courts don't care that she's neglectful.

It figures that this type of misandry would be put out by aol and peddled to self-righteous women. As a good father its so nice to see female bias propagated and passed off as news.

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When I recieved custody of my son at 18 months I made the decision that he would always come first and that one part of that decision was that I would not introduce a new person to him unless it was a very serious (marriage) person that I would be involved with. I guess it would have been easy for him to accept a new female since his mother has not contacted him in 4 years now and he truly has no female influence in his life. He is now old enough to sometimes point out to me that "Daddy, you need a girlfriend" LOL.
I did not want him to get attached to anyone unless it was serious and to this point that person has not come into our lives. But I was afraid of any possible psychological damage that could cause him that it was a simple decision for the best results for my son.

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This is a very tough situation, and I am on the recieving end of it.
My spouse lied and lied to perhaps not devastate me.My mother had just died of cancer. I did not know the complete truth about what was going on. The mess he got himself into separated him from our child. You know why, because he jumped into something with someone else and even took the liberty of getting her pregnant! He obviouly told her that he was for sure getting a divorce. So the ignorant person was willing. A man of poor comunication, I know did not reveal the details to her. So he felt too guilty to bring our son into this right away. As soon as this person went out of the country for one month, he was strangely with us. Confusing, for me and for our son. The hard part in this situation is this 10 year old needs to understand that there was an error made here. He needs to be forgiving and love his father. I pray for guidence to use the right words to my son in this adjustment period for both of us. That this is not the way were supposed to do things and handle a family. He may love seeing his dad more, but I think it should start out alone after all this absentism of his father. I dont want him to get the impression that it was ok to do things in this way, because now he's having more fun and gets to go to Disney all of the sudden(that's where they are). I, as his mother, will make sure he understands the situation, and instill values in him that are right. I wonder if my husband will justify his situation and teach him something else. This could be a problem.

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I agree with you oneblood.....in this p/c age, women have absolutely no reason (save for self-respect) to behave as mothers. Aol seems step in stride with the delusion that all is well with women, when the reality is divorce rates have sky-rocketed in tandem with the "women's movement". Merely coincidence I'm sure. It's rather amazing that, women as a whole, continue to eat the diatribe fed them....then again, consider the selfishness of the gender.

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well I have children with different fathers so I get the whole they will know the people in their fathers life girlfriend or otherwise that I don't always approve of but the bottom line is if they are not being harmed and you have joint custody that is what's going to happen. Especially if they have other siblings that are not your children.

In my own personal situation my children have never seen me with any man except for my child's father. In the case of my oldest I left him before I knew I was pregnant and then he refused to acknowledge our child after the first DNA test. At that time he had got married and had a child on the way. He had another child with this woman but then after 8 years (I stayed for 6) she left him for the same reason as I did. he still did not see her for the first time until she was 5 years old. He then had a second DNA test done that year claiming that the swab test was not accurate enough. Him and his family also did not try to get custody of her until his paycheck started getting garnished for child support and I refused to stop it and agree to our own arrangements. His ex -wife was very close to my daughter and now because he is angry at her because during this time when he was refusing to acknowledge our child this woman did solely because our child was her child siblings and she wanted them to know each other, so he does not allow my daugther to have contact with her when she is with him and he already has another girlfriend that he is having my daughter around on a contstant basis while him and his family is telling her that her ex stepmom and I are evil people This is another story.

Anyways the girlfriend in my ex life I did not want to have contact with my child even though she has kids with him also because of the fact that she stabbed me several times while I was pregnant with this child. She came to my home and was aware that I was pregnant. The DA refused to file charges because I fought her back in self-defense and she complained that she got injured. Then the detective investigating my case claimed that my ex and her said that I was angry because they was together. I asked the detective "I was so angry why did she come to my house. " I did not go to her house. And this is not the first time. I've filed several police reports about harrassement, attempting to assualt me, just all kind of stuff and all this happened within 6 months of her stabbing me. Crazy. So I file for a custody hearing requesting a no contact order for her with my childI was already granted a no contact order for myself finally for 3 years. and the judge actually told me "Well there is good reason for her to have no contact with you but not your child. Wait until something happens to the child then come back to court." THis is crazy to me. Especially after she told me she was harming my child and would do something to him. I tried to file a police report and called DCFS and they told me they could only offer me assistance if I was abusing my child and did I want to report myself as abusing my child. And the courts still granted the father joint custody because my ex his girlfriend and his brother lied to the DCFS worker. They told them all kinds of stories talking about I was upset because my ex did told me he did not want to have anything to do with me on a relationship level but they did not bother to tell the worker that I was 7 months pregnant with my own child and a relationship I had been for a year and the worker never bothered to call me and tell me anything.

I only learned this information when I requested a copy of the all the files and saw the reports. Imagine my surprise. I don't feel its right to introduce young impressionable children to people you are only seeing casually unless they are going to remain your friend and a constant in your life. Not necessarily that you have to be in a relationship but someone they will see. Kids tend to trust easily and you don't want to make them think that everyone you meet can be worthy of their trust as you are just getting to know them also.

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