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Amazing Mom: Eliza Byard
Filed under: Gay Parenting, Day Care & Education, Resources, Bullying, Amazing Parents
Eliza Byard learned the hard way about discrimination and now works to make sure it doesn't happen to others. Credit: Courtesy of Eliza Byard
Eliza's Family: Partner: Eva Kolodner, together 16 years; Kids: Two daughters, a 4-year-old and a 3-month-old
Eliza Lives In: Brooklyn, New York
Why Eliza Is Amazing: Growing up, Eliza Byard understood that a good education meant a life full of possibilities. She also learned firsthand how bullying could harm the learning process.
Once, after earning the highest grade in high-school English, she walked into class the next day and found a paper doll with a string wrapped around its neck hanging from a window. "Eliza is a dyke" was written on the doll. The students punished her for her achievement and it worked.
"It deeply affected how I thought of myself and my choices in life," she says.
In 2008, Eliza became executive director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), an organization designed to end the bullying and discrimination directed at lesbians, gays, bisexual and transgendered (LGBT) people.
"Anti-LGBT language is the most effective in hurting someone," she says. "Our group works to ensure safe schools for all students."
As part of that effort, she formed the first ever Ad Council campaign on LGBT issues, Think Before You Speak, urging 13- to 16-year-olds to rethink the casual use of anti-gay language. Since the campaign's inception, hundreds of students have logged onto the website and taken the pledge to refrain from using homophobic words and phrases, such as "that's so gay" to mean "that's so stupid."
She also helped create the annual event, No Name Calling Week, which includes educational activities for elementary and middle schools to end name-calling and bullying of all kinds. GLSEN also provides resources to more than 4,000 Gay-Straight Alliances, which are student clubs that work to improve the school climate for all students.
Now as executive director, Eliza has to travel a great deal, which puts pressure on her family. "It's a team effort," she says. "Before I took this job, Eva and I talked about it. It had to be a family decision and commitment."
Eliza's mother lives in the same Brooklyn neighborhood and also helps out. "I'm amazed at how well they share the responsibilities," says Rosalie Byard, Eliza's mother, about her daughter's partnership. "They do it with a certain amount of exhaustion and always with good humor."
While GLSEN's research shows there is still much work to be done, its executive director is optimistic. "I believe we're on the way to a better future," she says. "The debate is no longer whether this is a problem, but how to effectively address it."
Eliza's Mother Rosalie Byard Says: "I've always thought of Eliza as a strong person, very principled and a natural leader. She was always very good at identifying with others. I'm extremely proud of her leadership at GLSEN. I'm pretty much in awe at the way she and Eva balance work and family. I think the secret is to be extremely focused and to prioritize things."
Recognition: "The best award I've received was from my older daughter," Eliza says. "I came home from work the other day and she handed me a gold star. 'For you,' she said. I'm not sure what it was for, but it meant everything to me."
Eliza's Guilty Pleasures: Reading celebrity gossip while working out at the gym and getting in a little John Stewart and Stephen Colbert after the kids go to sleep.
Eliza's Best Advice: Listen really carefully, assume nothing and do your best.
Nina Schuyler, JD, MFA, teaches creative writing and is the author of the award-winning novel The Painting. Read her blog on Red Room.
Related: Amazing Mom: Sandi Romero
Want to see who else made the list? Click here for the rest of AOL's 2010 Amazing Moms!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
5-09-2010 @ 4:27PM
Tuula said...Dr Byrd, well done, the USA has to get out of the Dark Ages, they have lived there long enough.
Reply
5-09-2010 @ 6:09PM
Sandy said...My father's name was Gaylord born in 1919. My cousin was named after him: Gay Lynn born in the 80's. Gay Lynn later changed her name to just Lynn because of the ridicule at school. I remember making fun of a girl in school. Her name was Karen Turner and I said "Oooh, your name sounds like a turnip". It's amazing how God chooses to get even :-) I later married a Turner and have carried the "turnip" name for 43 years. I always told this story while teaching school as a tool for letting children know why they shouldn't make fun of anyone.
5-09-2010 @ 4:59PM
Erika said...and of course, you were exactly the kind of person she was talking about...it must be very comfortable there in your world of judgement. I feel very sad for you and everything you miss while maintaining your narrow focus. Life is bigger than this. Open your mind.
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5-09-2010 @ 5:37PM
C.Jenkins said...What a sad human being "Metal" is. His/her brain must be metal, not to allow any learning into it. How can anyone judge anything or anyone without knowing anything about the subject? I don't believe there can be anything worse than a mind like Metal's. Such a pathetic human being.
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5-09-2010 @ 5:46PM
Metal said...My post was a reply to another poster by the name of Bigfkndeal. My post was commending Dr. Byard, so learn how to read, idiot.
5-09-2010 @ 6:12PM
Susan said...I would feel better about her taking a stand if, it were in a more general concern. Bulling is wrong period. Not just for gays or smart women. Bullying is simply wrong. It is wrong to anyone. That includes sposes, coworkers, siblings or fellow students. All adults are responsible for guiding our youth. As a parent your child may be involved, as a teacher it is not okay to just accept bullying as "normal" behavior. It was "normal" for my children to bite out of fraustration but biting is unacceptable as is bullying. Stop the Bullying.
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5-09-2010 @ 6:43PM
Ben said...The problem is, and always will be this, gays are not happy in their chosen lifestyle. (Don't tell me they were born that way, God makes no mistakes, sinners do). Gays want us to accept them, welcome them and consider them normal. I will never accept them or consider them normal. God has spoken on the subject and I'm on God's side. Years ago I was asked, "What do you think about queers?" I answered, "I couldn't care less as long as they don't bother me." But in this day, they do bother me, and everyone else who wants nothing to do with them. They picket, parade, and attempt to jam it down our throats. Laws have been written to protect them from hate groups and I'm OK on that. I'm just not OK with them telling me what I have to think about them. I have never told them what to think about me but the lions share would object to me because I joined the Marine Corps, went to war, killed people and am now disabled. This honorable thing I did will be seen as something worse, to them, then their disobeying God.
5-09-2010 @ 7:00PM
csi8299 said...I agree Ben. Sexuality exists solely for the purpose of procreation, not for fun or for thrills. If whatever someone is doing sexually cannot result in procreation then it is unnatural, and since nothing unnatural exists homosexuality must be a choice. Clearly, gays will aggressively deny this but that's just Psyche 101; If you challenge a fixed delusion the deluded will attack passionately . You can see how they defend themselves with insults and name calling instead of simply stating their opinions.
BTW Sir, thank you for your service to our country. God bless.
5-11-2010 @ 12:09PM
Phil said...By the way, csi8299, you're welcome. I served my country too and fought for the freedoms that now, I'm looking forward to enjoying. That's why I got married to a great guy and we're raising some great kids. No delusions here dude, just living the American dream despite folks like you and Ben.
5-09-2010 @ 6:27PM
NATE said...The funk-tarded nature of Americn culture that glorifies the herd mentality, mediocrity in all things academic, the glorification of mere sports figures, all work to make the USA the ship-hole that it is. In fifty years this country will be full of morons.
Reply
5-09-2010 @ 8:00PM
magus 47 said...50 YEARS????? PEOPLE LISTEN TO GLENN BECK AND SUPPORT SARAH PALIN. WE ARE ALREADY A COUNTRY OF MORONS.
5-09-2010 @ 6:38PM
csi8299 said......and yet another chapter of "Sick, Sad World".
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5-09-2010 @ 6:44PM
csi8299 said...We need to get rid of the word "bullying". To most the word carries the connotation of name calling and teasing. A lot of what goes on today is far beyond that. Trying to make someone dead is far more serious than a playground/bus stop incident, it should be called something closer to it's core like "Criminal Assault" and carry jail time, not just school suspensions.
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5-09-2010 @ 6:48PM
falkowskic said...Dr. Bayard, congratulations and thank you. Your efforts are especially dear to me as I moderate our Gay Straight Alliance and ERASE (end sexism and racism everywhere) club. We our across the spectrum in terms of sexuality and serve as a "home" for students who face discrimination in school and for the students who casre about them. We had the pleasure of doing no name calling week, complete with anti-bullying videos on our in school TV and stickers for participants. This crossed all sexualities, races, religions, etc. Our kids were fabulous and I'll bring them your story,. We are looking forward to diversity day. I'M _______________ and proud.
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5-10-2010 @ 1:18AM
MomHadIt said...falkowskic, you are exactly the kind of person every school needs. You are so right, harrassment is not just about gays. When I was little, my littler sister was handicapped. Kids used to call me names because of her. I would reply, "I'm not that, obviously, you must not be smart enough to know the difference." One kid in 1st grade,who constanly harrassed me, had a dad who worked for the sewer in the town. He had buck teeth, and I angerly retaliated with, "So, you look like a sewer rat!" Unfortunately, that name stuck to that kid deep into high school. At our first high school reunion when it was 5 years later, he came to me and apologized for name calling and sadly told me of the rest of his education being called "sewer rat." We both were crying inside (and I out). People should teach their kids not to be mean to one another.
5-09-2010 @ 6:52PM
Angiebaby said...Bullying in childhood is normal and it serves a very important purpose. Contrary to what "experts" would have us believe, it is neither unique, nor confined, to the United States; it is found in every society. What good purpose could it serve, you ask? It teaches manifold life lessons, such as perseverance, development of personal identity, tolerance, intolerance, living with mistakes, learning from mistakes, life isn't fair, people can be mean, when someone wants to hurt you they go for your weaknesses, words can hurt and many times cannot be taken back, how to be yourself even when those around you are acting like heathens, there are consequences to your actions and sometimes those consequences can be steep or even unintended, what you don't understand now will become clear and shape you as an adult, not everyone is going to like you, sometimes it is very hard to face the day but you still gotta' do what you gotta' do, sometimes mean just is what it is like when someone makes fun of you for being too smart or perfect attendance. I know this because that's how I learned these lessons, and the lessons I learned from not always being so nice to others.
We Americans are known for our all or nothing approach to everything. Give us a good idea and we'll beat it to death. We have decided bullying is bad, but we have expanded the definition of bullying to include everything from malicious gang bullying, to someone rolling their eyes at you, and criminal charges based on popular opinion rather than reasonable proof. And this is unacceptable. So somebody made a voodoo doll of Eliza Byard. Was this a one time incident? That is NOT bullying. That's a dufus kid pulling a mean ass prank.
Not only is this nation going overboard about censoring words which offend a few people, but we are being forbidden to use the words at all. If a kid uses the word retard, gay or butt h*le, we demand action because they are guilty of a grave social injustice. But if two kids are having a conversation between themselves and use the words, even though they aren't calling anyone names, they are still guilty... of a victimless crime.
Where has all our common sense and reason gone? We are trying to force our children to be perfect little versions of adults, and that is ridiculous. They are children, will act like children, should be treated like children and raised with good examples in the home. That's how WE grew up, and contrary to another popular belief special interest groups would have us believe, most of us are not cruel, demented, heinous, borderline psychotic adults. When we protect our children from life's lessons, the good, the bad and the ugly, we weaken them, and THAT'S what is not fair to our kids.
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5-09-2010 @ 8:14PM
Bob said..."Bullying in childhood is normal and it serves a very important purpose." Yes it is normal-for a century ago. We have better ways to learn the same thing in this millineum; where, hopefully, we can promote ourselves to "civilized."
5-11-2010 @ 12:27PM
Phil said...Angie, it wasn't a voodoo doll. It was a doll that was supposed to represent her, hung by the neck, and with 'dyke' scrawled on it. That BULLY sent the very clear message that #1 - she should be dead and #2 - she should be dead becasue she is lesbian. That, at the very least is called BULLYING. But I guess to give you a little credit, I'm sure she learned some life lessons from it. Now if you only could.
5-09-2010 @ 6:53PM
bob said...With the current "Zero policy' rules for fighting at schools today, where one cannot defend themselves from violence nor intemidatation, the fields are ripe for the Bully to prevail.
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5-09-2010 @ 7:34PM
Violet said...I commend any person's effort in making this world a better place to live.
As far as my opinion to a person's sexual preference? God called homosexuality and lesbianism 'unatural'. He didn't condemn the person. He condemned the action.
God punished this action each and everytime it surfaced. It currently runs rampant in society and is being accepted as norm.
It's no different now than it was in the time of Sodom and Gemorrah. People can paint it up, down, sideways, call others homophobic for coming against it. There's no excuse in the world that will change the unatural into natural.
So... the bottom line is this. While this person is to be commended for trying to make the social environment more positive, the choice to live a life that is impure will not prevent God's judgement for that choice.
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