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Amazing Mom: Maggie Dammit
Filed under: Health & Safety: Babies, Resources, Extreme Childhood, Bullying, Amazing Parents, Sex
Maggie Dammit and her daughters. Credit: Courtesy of Maggie Dammit
Maggie's Family: Husband: Dave; Kids: Two daughters
Molly Lives In: Rural Wisconsin
Why Maggie Is Amazing: "Be brave and talk about it." These are the words of Maggie Dammit -- her blogging nom de plume -- speaking to women and men who have survived domestic violence and sexual assault. In 2007, Maggie launched the website "Violence Unsilenced" after she interviewed Gloria Steinem for a profile piece about the iconic feminist.
"During the interview, she told me that 30 percent of all arrests in the county where I live are related to domestic violence," Maggie says.
The area is affluent, white collar and nearly recession proof, thanks to a large public university, she says, and the statistic was shocking even to a journalist who had covered the community for many years. She calls the moment "life-changing," because that single fact led Maggie down a path that began with a magazine profile of seven local women who survived domestic abuse and ended with the founding of Violence Unsilenced.
The site, which posts essays written by survivors of domestic and sexual abuse, is by turns compelling, distressing and empowering. The landing page warns readers that the stories they find there may be so brutal as to trigger an emotional response in someone who has experienced a similar trauma.
It is sometimes difficult to read, but Maggie believes there is power in sharing the stories, both for the women who endured the abuse and for those who may believe it is the kind of thing that happens to strangers, not to friends or loved ones.
"So much of the way that abusers exert control is through shame and secrecy. 'No one will believe you if you tell,' so everyone stays silent," she says. "If we all keep talking about it, if we can shrink those degrees of separation [between people] and get people personally involved, we take away the power. [Since I began this work] I have had friends and family coming out of the woodwork, confessing about what happened to them."
Maggie is a firm believer in the cathartic power of writing as a path to healing, and she is careful to maintain Violence Unsilenced as a safe place for survivors to bear witness -- only supportive comments are allowed. In addition to compassion and empathy from readers, support also comes in the form of organizations geared toward helping those currently in abusive situations, as well as those who have survived such relationships.
The blogosphere is the perfect environment for a site like Violence Unsilenced, she adds, because of the desire for community and support among those who blog. Indeed, the woman who designed the website did so for free, and plenty of other bloggers pitched in, as well.
"The day we went live we had 5,000 hits, and we have a wait list of between four to six months for posting," Maggie says. "I believe in the validity of this medium, so often misunderstood." The wait list is because Maggie only posts two survivor essays a week to give each writer a chance to be heard.
Maggie also has a personal blog, Okay, Fine, Dammit, where she is equally fearless in her sharing of the truth as she sees it. In her distinctive, lyrical prose she writes about motherhood, alcoholism and family relationships, but she does so while mindful of the privacy of her husband and children. She also tries to be conscious of how much her children see her on the computer, but it is a very fine balance.
"You can't write about life if you're not living it," she says.
Maggie's Friend Sarah Says: "I'd consider myself lucky if I turned out to be half the mother Maggie is ... She affirms over and over what supportive, expansive, good motherhood is."
Recognition: Maggie received a 2009 Community Service Award from the Madison, Wisc. organization Domestic Abuse Intervention Services. In 2010, Violence UnSilenced was a Bloggies finalist. In addition, Maggie has received three industry awards for her print journalism on a variety of subjects.
Maggie's Guilty Pleasures: Swedish fish and really bad TV
Maggie's Best Advice: Doesn't really like advice, but loves wisdom.
Katherine McWilliams, author of the play Babel, also contributed to this story.
Related: Amazing Mom: Diane Granito
Want to see who else made the list? Click here for the rest of AOL's 2010 Amazing Moms!











ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
5-09-2010 @ 9:37AM
Cheryl said...I was in an abusive telationship for 22 years. Since I was 16! I got a divorce 12 years ago and he still wont leave me alone! I even moved from the west coast to the east coast but he just wont go away. I am an RN and afraid to leave my home most of the time. I thought that ignoring him would make him go away. No such luck. I need some help and support. You are right people don't beleive you when you tell them he told me if I ever left he would destroy me and he still on this persuit. My boys who are now men have sided with him and so did everyone else.The abuse cycle is now complete. My eldest is now married and I am terrified that he is going to do the same to her. I looked up socipath and he is one to the letter. I need some help. Please contact me.
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5-09-2010 @ 11:21AM
jc7667 said...Cal 1-800-799-SAFE.
5-10-2010 @ 1:45AM
Matt said...Well, if absolutely everyone has sided against you, then you are the problem. I really do hate to say this, but if even your children and ex husband think you're the problem, you are. I think it's interesting how people automatically assume he's the devil based on that comment, when there is so much ambiguity in it.
You may suffer from paranoid schizophrenia. Not all of us are out to get you, and maybe you should get some help. Talk to a therapist, and if that really doesn't help at all, try the police. But if absolutely everyone( police, family, friends, the mailman, strangers, Batman) side with him and against you, he likely isn't at fault. And do you really think your son is going to abuse his wife? What could possibly make you think such a horrid thought? Good luck.
5-09-2010 @ 11:21AM
Mary said...Why have so few of you answered to this? I have never responded to anything at all, but this intriges me. Why are we so silent about this? I am married 36 years and it happens over and over again. It has gotten better because I sought therapy, but unless I leave, it will never go away. And I will never leave. He is a very good man sometimes.
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5-09-2010 @ 11:37AM
jc7667 said...mary------We didn't talk about it either because we believed our abusers lies or because we didn't have the self esteem to know we deserved better and we could make it on our own. It was much different 40 years ago but, I got out and I talk about it.
5-09-2010 @ 11:22AM
jc7667 said...to cheryl--call1-800-799-SAFE----national domestic abuse hotline 24/7
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5-09-2010 @ 11:31AM
jc7667 said...Many of us didn't talk about it because we either believed our abusers lies or we lacked the self esteem to know we c ould do anything about it. Fortunately, 40 years ago was much different than today. There is now support in many areas that did not exist then. I got out and I talk about it.
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5-09-2010 @ 12:31PM
cindy croley said...I work in a long term care facility one of the female residents dating a male resident and he slapped her ! she stayed away for a day or so and then went back same cycle.he later was moved to another facility.found out all of her relationshipshave been with abusive men,so that is what she percieved as normal. I do hope people are smart enough to go into another relalationship that is not abusing in any way the cycle hasto be broken
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