Click here to visit the new home of ParentDish!

Hot on HuffPost Parents:

 

Amazing Mom: Paula Zwillinger

by Lesley Kennedy (Subscribe to Lesley Kennedy's posts)
May 9th 2010 11:00AM

63Comments

Filed under: Health & Safety: Babies, Resources, Amazing Kids, Amazing Parents


Paula Zwillinger works to honor her son, Bob Mininger, a Marine who was killed in Iraq. Photo courtesy Paula Zwillinger


Amazing Mom: Paula Zwillinger, founder of Semper Fi Parents of Hudson Valley, a nonprofit organization for parents with children serving in the military.

Paula's Family: Husband: Larry, married eight years; Kids: Lance Cpl. Robert Mininger, a Marine who died in action at age 21 in 2006, Greg Mininger, a Marine Reservist, 24, stepchildren Laura Foulger, 28, and Andrew Zwillinger, 26

Paula Lives In: Lagrangeville, New York

Why Paula Is Amazing: When Paula Zwillinger's son, Bob Mininger, enlisted in the Marines, she fought him tooth and nail.

"When Bob was in boot camp, I went to a local recruiter and asked for some help because I was one of those parents who didn't want my son to go at all," she says. "... I said, my son's enlisted and he's already turned in the papers, I need you to give me a parent packet."

Sorry, they said. They didn't have such a thing.

"I said, you've got to be kidding me," Paula recalls. "So I got on the computer." While Bob was at boot camp, she read every message board she could find, visited chat rooms and watched every DVD she got her hands on.

"By the time my son got out of boot camp, we had a great relationship. I understood exactly what he was doing, where the pitfalls were, how to get through this."

And so, she wrote her own parent packet and headed back to the recruiting station to show them. Today, her work is being used in about two-thirds of New York state recruitment offices.

But Paula's involvement didn't stop there. After meeting a fellow Marine mother, she thought, "she's probably going through the exact emotions I am -- crying, laughing, the whole thing -- and starving for information. So I decided at that point in time, something needs to be done." And that's when Semper Fi Parents of Hudson Valley, a nonprofit organization for parents with children serving in the military, came to life.

And what started as a group for moms and dads of Marines quickly grew to encompass the Coast Guard, Army and Navy, as well.

"We kept the (name) Semper Fi, not so much because of the Marine term, meaning 'Always Faithful,' but, in time of war, who's the most faithful person?," ask Paula, who works as a nurse at a maximum security correctional facility for men. "It's the parent. So we kept Semper Fi Parents: Always Faithful Parents."

Tragically, just six months after his deployment, Lance Cpl. Robert Mininger was killed when his vehicle was hit by an improved explosive device (IED) in Fallujah, Iraq. Months after his death, HBO called to tell Paula its crews had been in the Army hospital her son had been rushed to, and that he would be part of the documentary "Baghdad ER," which ran in 2006.

Paula calls the documentary a gift.

"So many parents have this unknown hanging out there -- what happened?," she says. "They don't truly have answers. I don't know if I'm the only fortunate parent out there who actually has that on tape. ... I watched it once, that was it, and it's put away. But I have many parents who say, 'how did you watch that?' Well, when you get a call that your child has been in a car accident, how do you go to the emergency room? There is no choice. There is no option here. So I look at it as, it's not an option for me to quit. It's something that I do to continue his memory. And in a way, it's therapy for me."

No, Paula certainly did not quit her work with Semper Fi Parents. In fact, with a distribution list of 150, she has thrown herself into the organization full throttle.

"Our mission statement leads us in what we do: Nurture the living, care for the wounded and honor the dead," she says. "We send an awful lot of care packages overseas ... and it's not just one box, we're sending over 10 boxes for one person, and we say, share them with anybody. And then (we also send to) the combat support hospitals. Because of the thanks that come back, we know we're doing something right."

Paula is continually fund raising to cover postage costs for all those packages, from annual golf tournaments to knitting initiatives by female prisoners to send soldiers helmet liners and scarves. The group has traveled to Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, D.C. -- where Bob was laid to rest -- to help distribute 16,000 wreaths, and has visited Walter Reed Army Medical Center to meet with wounded soldiers and their families.

Paula says all the work she puts into Semper Fi Parents gives her a way to channel her energy.

"It would have been very easy to curl up and just become depressed," she says. "Losing your child is not what's supposed to happen. But blessings come in many forms. ... Somewhere (Bob's) watching and saying, 'you know what, Mom, you're doing all right. Keep it up.' "

Paula's Husband Larry Says: "She always says that the soldiers -- they're the heroes -- and that's correct. Baseball players and athletes and all those people are great people to follow, but the boys and girls fighting the war are our heroes. But as far as I'm concerned, she's my hero."

Recognition: Recipient of a 2006 Exchange Club award, given to people locally for positive efforts in their community; Paula also earned a letter of appreciation from the United States Marine Corp.

Paula's Guilty Pleasures: "My time is very limited, so when I do indulge, it's just for something like a hair cut," she says. "Once in a blue moon I get a manicure and that's it."

Paula's Best Advice: On parenting the enlisted child: "Support your child whether you agree with them or not, because if you don't, it just creates a rift in your relationship. And, truly, in a time of war, you can't have a separation in the parent-child relationship." On making friends with others parents of deployed kids: "It's an emotional roller coaster -- one minute you're laughing and the next you're crying in the shower. When you're struggling with deployments, the clouds in the sky will set you off, or the music on the radio will set you off. It's just one of those things where you just need somebody to talk to. Don't wait."

Related: Amazing Mom: Pam Philipp

Want to see who else made the list? Click here for the rest of AOL's 2010 Amazing Moms!

Tags: amazing moms, amazingmom2010, AmazingMoms, baghdad er, BaghdadEr, marines, paula zwillinger, PaulaZwillinger, semper fi parents, SemperFiParents

Your<span>Voice</span>

Ask Us Anything About Parenting

Get Answers

Recently Asked

More Related Questions

ReaderComments (Page 1 of 4)

Add Your Comments

1234 Next 20 Comments

FollowUs

Flickr RSS

TheTalkies

AskAdviceMama

How can I get my teenage son to open up?
AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.
Read more

More Recent Questions: