How Your Son Could End Up on the Sex Offender List

This is exactly why I exist and do the work I do -


Dean Tong, MSc.
abuse-excuse.com

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My ex-wife battered me for 7 years, taking delight in slapping me or kicking me... there... as the notion occurred to her; and of course there was the endless tirade of "pussyface" "dickless wonder" and similar derision throughout our marriage, to the degree that within a few years of the wedding making love involved me laying on the bottom and treated to an endless stream of vulgarity as she assumed the 'male role' often slapping me and not infrequently choking me.

Then one day I caught her in an affair with (literally) the town gunsmith. I confronted her with this and she flew into a rage, the resulting attack was sufficiently vicious to compel me to seek help for myself and my 2 children from the county shelter.

After I very explicitly described to them the battering and the emotional abuse I was treated to "I'm sorry sir, we're here to help the victims, not the abusers". I reiterated that I WAS the victim of the physical and emotional abuse to which the staffer replied "That can't be".

Upon learning of this (I had stopped by the house to pick up the kids for the weekend) she sexually assaulted me in an act FULLY SATISFYING the legal definition of forcible sexual assault which left me bleeding anally. I reported this to the city police department and was treated to (in the midst of poorly concealed hilarity) "What are you complaining about? You got laid didn't you? Are you a faggot?".

Then she accused me of battering her and my fate was sealed. In the divorce she got basically everything except my truck and what I could carry in it, plus child support in an amount that exceeded the state family code CS Table calculated amount by 23%.

9 Months later, and with a new bride on my arm I ambushed her in court with 58 pages of line item and in detail documented event of neglect ICO the children (@) and was assigned custody of my children (although the Judge seemingly felt disinclined to order her to pay any child support).

I was nearing the end of a 20 year career in the military so to be honest I was thankful just for having custody, and being stationed 7,000 miles away I felt confident the children were safe from harm... however on the first summer visitation my daughter landed in PICU for 4 days after her mothers boyfriend left a bottle of medications unattended and my daughter got into them.

3 years later I retired and within a year my sons mother coached him into Falsely Accusing me of molesting him.

The FIRST thing that happened was I was terminated from a $1,000.00 a week job I thoroughly enjoyed (and to this day I remain unemployable as nobody with any respect for their reputation in the community is going to hire a man presumed to be a child molester).

Nevermind that I was investigated by 5 agencies in 2 states and that unimpeachably PROVED I was 7,000 miles away on the alleged day of the alleged molestation I was summarily dragged into the Nut Grinder that is our legal-judicial system. When I had my day in court I was hung out to dry, by that I mean after my attorney displayed the results of the 5 investigations and the document proving irrefutably I was 7,000 miles away the County Prosecutor simply declined to pursue the matter further.

The Judges hands were tied and the file remains [Open: Unresolved].

To this day there are NO children in the neighborhood, and should a child from 2 streets over take the scenic route walking home from the bus stop the first thing that happens is FCSO is on my doorstep "where you been boy? We want to come look through your house". I walk out onto the beach at the lake and mothers grab their children and scurry away, I get 'THAT look' at the local grocers and etc...

Well... stress being stress my health is shot and I'm staring cancer down the throat (and no, I'm not fighting it, it's my ticket out of this nightmare).

Now, as I mentioned previously, in 1995 the Judge assigned custody of my children to me after I demonstrated to him that the children mother was a cheat and a liar (although I was barred from introducing evidence of being a battered husband). In 2001 my son was living with his mother and my daughter was living with me. One day the mailman arrives with a certified envelope courtesy of the State AGs Office informing me I'm 5 years in arrears of child support.

Wait... did I mention I had custody of both children? Did I mention I had possession of one of the children?

Why yes... yes I did.

So I calls the CSE Dep't up and explained to them that a) I had court assigned custody of the children and b) possession of one of the children and c) there was no child support ordered to be paid to anybody by anybody and d) the childrens mother made something close to half again what my military retirement retainer check was... so if anyone owed anyone child support it would be her owing me!!!

The staffers response? "If fathers didn't abandon their children this wouldn't happen!". I replied "lady we're not communicating, let me speak to your supervisor".

4 & 1/2 hours later I'm on the phone with the Ass't Dir of CSE and his response was... verbatim... exactly what the staffer had said.

Now a reasonable person would think that a simple review of the decree of divorce on file in the clerk of the courts office would be sufficient to resolve (nevermind such a review would have resolved it before it even became an issue) this matter, so I invited said Sff't Dir of CSE to call the county courthouse and review it for himself.

No dice dash (as in RipRock)... I had to hire attorneys to resolve the matter (not cheap in your hometown, nevermind 4 states away).

Did I mention my children USED TO HAVE a college tuition fund? Did I mention I used to have savings and investesments and assorted assets? Did I mention I used to have a number of family heirloom items (some dating back to mid 1800's Europe)? Did I mention...

That's all gone now.

So in the summer of 2004 I delivered my daughter to her mother for summer visitation... whom did then at the end of said summer visitation refuse to return my daughter to me.

Do I get to mention the county SO and city PD and even the courts refused to intervene to enforce the decree?

You guessed it, on the grounds that I had been accused of molesting my son 4 years earlier (whom has since recanted the accusations).

The tragedy here is not that I have no relationship to speak of with my children, nor is that my children no longer have a college fund or family heirloom items brought to the Americas from Europe in the 1800s.

No.

The tragedy is that as bad as my personal circumstances are... I got off easy.

A looooooooooooooooooooooooooong list of fathers were f*cked over FAR WORSE than I was.

Anyone care to guess what the suicide rate is for divorced, separated and estranged fathers in the 50 US States and 112 US Territories?

Gunner Retired
Falsely Accused Father and Disenfranchised Parent
Georgia State Coordinator for Fathers 4 Justice
Research Consultant for National Parents Rights Association
Archivist (and 'Armorer') for the American Family Rights Association, Family Court Reform Alliance and Battered Husbands Support.
And Kittens loving ... AND FIT ... Daddy!

If anyone is interested in the scope of the LIES which destroy families on a predictably sordid basis in our culture, feel free to email and I'll refer you: < Gunner Retired at hot mail > {delete spaces}

(@)Events such as missing medical appointments, swarms of fire ant stings on the legs and buttocks, cactus thorns on the legs and buttocks, a ruptured eardrum from an ear infection left untreated, and one instance of her boyfriend handing me my daughter... in the presence of my Attorney... with a soaked diaper and sans the winter coat I had bought her the weekend prior (it was in the low 50s), etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.

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The writer fails to mention, what the "alleged victim" got out of all of this...nothing.

Politics, allows such false allegations, knowing they are false, because this allows redistribution of all personal/family wealth, as the alleged perpetrator fights these allegations, against a predetermined outcome, then of course plays the tactical game of "placement" of such "offenders (this creates Consensus Reality)...although in actuality, sexual abuse against children is less than seven percent of all child abuse cases.

The majority of these "perpetrators" are faced with extreme forms of duress, legal of course, when they are prevented from working around children via restraint (that about covers ALL forms of employment) thereby eliminating their ability to work, even to survive, then they are cornered by law enforcement, child protection, shoved into counseling, pushed into experts, ALL AT THEIR OWN EXPENSE, without that job to pay for it...offered DECADES in prison, and beat down until they FINALLY relent to a guilty plea, of six months in jail, with a piddly little order to "register" as a sex offender, which beats the alternative of leaving their families homeless, children hungry, wives without protection...

Half the time, offered such in terms of Alford Plea, not REALIZING that an Alford Plea IS a guilty plea as their "nice" officer of the court, appears to be representing them, however, are actually representing the court, and POLITICS in this game.

LOOK at your own relativity before you try to doubt what I say...LOOK AROUND YOU, at ALL the pedophiles you know...according to the media, you should know one in four right? In actuality, according to relativity, you know NONE..

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Yes, the sex offender laws do need to change, and drastically.
The way the laws are at this point, I am afraid that the above comment is right, "We're all just one accusation away from the sex offender registry."

Let me ask this of all of you.
Have you ever gone camping and taken a leak in the woods?
Have you ever had sex in the back of your car?
Have you ever had sex in your own home, and your blinds ( by accident of course) were cracked maybe a quarter of an inch where if someone really really wanted to, they could peep between the cracks and see what was going on?

Did you know, that all of these things, in most states, will lead you to registering as a sex offender for life should someone just so happen to be the "innocent" on that saw you taking that leak, or peaked in your car, or was the peeping tom in the blinds?

Believe it or not, it happens every day. Tons of innocent people, being labeled as a sex offender, and yet tons of ignorant people automatically assuming that label means child molester or child predator.

I find it sad what America has come to. And by no means do I agree with the fact that all of these sex offenders are listed on the internet, with a picture and a map that leads straight to their house.
First off, nine times out of ten, the listing of the actual offense that they committed to get listed as a sex offender is to vague in detail to even know what it is that got them there in the first place.
Second, how can it be right to say to anyone, that you have served your time, yet you still must put yourself out there and pray like holy hell that the mob does not come to lynch you?

Before anyone goes off on me, fine, if the Government wants sex offenders to register, fine. But the ONLY people that should have names and addresses of those people, should be the damn government. I see no issue telling people that this amount of sex offenders live within this many miles of you.
But privacy is privacy, and even sex offenders have the right to theirs.

Okay, so maybe my issues started with this after a very dear friend of mine that I have known for 20 years was accused of child molestation, and although everything was pretty much proved wrong in court, they held one BS charge on him and he was thrown in prison for three years for a crime he did not commit and then made to register as a damn sex offender.

The charge.. "Asking a 15 year old for sex, the day before her 16th birthday. ( The age of consent in that state is 16 btw). "
The girl accusing, his step daughter that was pissed off because he did not allow her to go somewhere she wanted to.

The real killer of it all. She has since admitted that she lied. A lot of good that does now eh? Ohhh wait.. with the new laws that are in effect. after 2018, he will no longer have to register.

Ok so that is nice, but crap, that is another 8 years away !

One sad fact before I step down off of my soap box.
"Most sex offender laws do no good, and do not suit the original purpose that they were intended for, that of keeping child predators from harming children, or molesters from molesting. The sad fact is, that most predators and molesters are smart enough to avoid getting caught, or they simply run after being released from prison and never register as a sex offender. "

Chew on that a bit.

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Its amazing how sex offenders will congregate like buzzards on gutpile when a forum leans towards "they are really nice guys, just misunderstood or over prosecuted" ...bet you wont print this either!

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I usually try and be nice in a post, but you (Valigator) are such an idiot. The truth is that just like what Bill said in the first comment, "This has gotten so far out of control". Take what was said in the article where the child came in on the man, when he was in the bathroom. They agreed nothing happened, but yet he gets convicted to peeing in the correct bathroom. What is he suppose to do, tie a rubber band around it? It was the parents fault; if the child is too young to read, they should have taken them to the bathroom. Oh, wait a minute, a parent takes the child to the bathroom, they are guilty of sexual offenses! Hey, its just the same, or really worse, because they are their intentionally!

Get your head out of where the sun doesn't shine.

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My grandmother came over to this country at the age of 13, alone, in 1900. She married a 26 year old man shortly thereafter. Should I have my grandfather arrested? Well, he's dead, but maybe we should have his plot registered just in case.

I know someone who was 19 and had sex with a 16 year old. Though it was a crime [only] in the eyes of the state, they are married today. He did six months for that. Sadly, he was in the park with his son and had to urinate. He took his son with him to the bushes while an alert cop followed them. Though not a crime for most, he is on the books already - he got two years and post release. While on parole, his family went to a public beach, someone saw him there and called the police. He was asked to leave and the police contacted his parole officer. He was violated and doing one year for being in a place where children congregate. He is being bumped up to a level three and will now not be able to live with his family when he gets out because there is a day care nearby.

Don't you love this country?

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We discuss this issue in detail at:
falserapesociety.blogspot.com

For a primer:
falserapearchives.blogspot.com/2010/01/false-rape-primer.html

Men and Women both are victims of false accusations and some falsely accused people are placed in sex offender registries and remain there even after they are exonerated. It is a civil and human rights issue.

My opinion: teach your young men that working around women and children in our society is a hazardous occupation, where false accusations are common and the law is biased in favor of the accuser. While there are no absolute guarantees, there are ways they can protect themselves. I would tell them to take the several weeks it will take and read the False Rape Society blog in its entirety including all the comments: learn from the news reports cited there, garnered from newspapers and other media. Tell them to read everything that is linked to and from it and educate themselves. In fact, as a parent, read it yourself !

In regard to anyone falsely accused of sex offenses or those currently on sex offender registries: It is easy to say "shoot the bastards" -- that is, until the gun is pointed at you. We now live in an information age where the presumption of innocence is gone. In America, our Constitutional Rights to due process, the right to confront our accusers, and our right to equal protection under the law has been threatened and is severely damaged.

Don't believe me? Read falserapesociety.blogspot.com. Educate yourself. Most people are oblivious to the issue until they or someone they love is accused. What you will find there will likely shock you, but you need to know. The next person on the sex offender registry could be you.

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Sadly it's just the same in the UK.

Perhaps if cases were looked at with commonsense and the 'reward' of compensation withdrawn, the figures would drastically drop and innocent men and women wouldn't be inside for crimes that they haven't committed.

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For every nice guy on the registry whose crime wasn't that bad, there's a dozen creeps who abused children -- their own children, or their students, or children they were entrusted with. Coaches who perv on kids while they're sleeping, creeps who get kids drunk and rape them, dads and uncles and neighbors who can't keep themselves from molesting.

Regardless of the ORGANIZED EFFORT right here in this comment board to water down society's perception of the sex offender registry, there are some truly dangerous people on the registry, and people need to remember that.

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They built a new development here that banned all registered sex offenders. I went to the local metting, and asked the developer what about all the unregistered sex offenders? The not yet caught pedophiles who would love a neighborhood where people had a seriously overdone sense of security - and the ones who offended before the registry began....

The development failed.

Usually it's the devil you don't know or expect!

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Let's start "MAIL" MOTHERS AGAINST INSANE LAWS.

If you are tired of all this insanity and afraid for your children's future
start your own local group and than we can merge into one giant group and take back our children's futures.

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During FFY 2008, 71.1 percent of victims experienced neglect, 16.1 percent were physically abused, 9.1 percent were sexually abused, 7.3 percent were psychologically maltreated, and 2.2 percent were medically neglected (figure 3–5).15 In addition, 9.0 percent of victims experienced such "other" types of maltreatment as "abandonment," "threats of harm to the child," or "congenital drug addiction." States may code any condition that does not fall into one of the main categories—physical abuse, neglect, medical neglect, sexual abuse, and psychological or emotional maltreatment—as "other." These maltreatment type percentages total more than 100 percent because children who were victims of more than one type of maltreatment were counted for each maltreatment.

Perpetrator Relationship

Victim data were analyzed by relationship to their perpetrators. Nearly 39 percent (38.3%) of victims were maltreated by their mother acting alone (figure 3–6). Approximately 18 percent (18.1%) of victims were maltreated by their father acting alone. Nearly 18 percent (17.9%) were maltreated by both parents.

Number of Child Fatalities

Forty-eight States reported a total of 1,630 fatalities, of which 1,344 were reported in case-level data files and 286 were reported as aggregated data. Forty-three States were able to report case-level data on fatalities.

Perpetrator Relationship

More than 70 percent (71.0%) of child fatalities were caused by one or more parents. More than one-quarter (26.6%) of fatalities were perpetrated by the mother acting alone.

Mother 358
Mother and Other 119
Father 170
Father and Other 19

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Sometimes guys are falsely accused but when a person has been charged in the 1990's then he was charged again but a lesser charge on a 10 yr old then 5 other little girls come forward they don't know eachother and he is going to court on 5 counts on sexual abuse 1st. degree for children under 12. and cause of the pull his family has in this town Newport Kentucky he keeps getting away with this please help these children get justice please leave your support for these children and comments at this link thank you.

http://www.topix.com/forum/city/newport-ky/TKJ9ET94K0J6KI6VN

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I think the system takes things way too far and out of context when somone files a complaint against someone else. My granddaughter and her boyfriend had sex. She was under 15 and they say she "couldnt have known what she was doing". He was 16, but "the law is the law" so he is now facing charges that are totally wrong. They want to have this baby and raise him and be together as a married couple someday. They aren't rushing..but not knowing the law, he is now facing at least 10 years as registered sex offender and he is "a danger to all children". No contact with anyone under 17..so how is he suppose to support their baby? He can't get a job..he's not worked before so that part is hard enough..and what kind of work can he find where he has no contact with anyone under 17? He can't be part of this babies life for the next 10 years at least..this is totally wrong and I am fighting for him and my granddaughter. It is a sad/bad situation, but it happened so now we move on and make the best of it and be there for them. Isnt' that what family is suppose to do????

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I am collecting stories to publish from families of "sexual offenders" guilty or not. These stories should include all of the ways in which the "offender's" and their families lives have changed since they were put into the "system" in whatever state the accusation or conviction occurred. I am interested in how the system was either appropriate or inappropriate for the family (mom, dad, grandparents, sister, brother, children, wife, girlfriend, etc.) of the "offender." What have the outcomes of programs been, for both the offender and the victim. Please help and give me some contact information even if it is a newly created email address. I will need your permission eventually but for now just tell me your story. This will hopefully help in changing some antique laws that help no one. Send to april4910@yahoo.com. Thank you

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Hey Val, NOONE cares what your old, gun-toting, shoot first-ask questions later ass thinks. You have nothing to offer except your Opinion. You believe because you scream the loudest and type the most comments, people will “side” with you. You want to “keep the tide going in the right direction”. Fine, fine. I don’t know about you, but I’ld rather have a sex offender who had sex with an underage GF living next door, that a deranged mad woman, who thinks it’s ok to pull her gun on an Unarmed sex offender, simply because he disagrees with her HARASSMENT. Geez, Val, looks like we ALL have skeletons in our closets don’t we? Look up Valerie Parkhurst, and HER police record. Good luck with your crusade, Val.

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Silver Fang - your comments hit the nail on the head - seems preposterous doesn't it - but these kinds of cases are the norm NOT the exception. Why are they allowed to happen? Because for years you and I and the rest of our fellow citizens have bought into the crap we were fed by politicians and media that these insane laws were going to keep our children safe....they lied and they knew they lied. It is well documented that these laws do not work and we have allowed the scope and reach of these laws to ruin the lives of wonderful young men. Furthermore we pay millions of dollars in tax money to maintain these folks (not Nationwide – State wide!) I can only imagine that nationwide the cost is billions and billions! The worst thing about these laws is that there is no quarter for anyone - everyone is treated the same. Why do they plea?? Because there are mandatory sentences and they are told if you do not plea you will go to prison for XX amount of years – if you do plea it will be sex offender probation and the list for the rest of your life - and if you fight and go to prison when you get out you will still be on sex offender probation and the list for life - which would you choose? This is not a question of guilty or not guilty - once a man (not as many women) is charged with a sex crime he IS guilty. How can he prove that he did not touch that girls bottom on purpose? People will think he took that job just so he could do that...come on admit it… many of you thought that....that is the problem.....and the lawmakers know they have your support on this because they have made us afraid. The only way to change it is to fight against it but most people will not until it affects their life somehow...if things continue the way they are I guarantee you it WILL affect your life sometime in the future. You have no idea how hard it becomes for these men to find a job or even a place to live - we are going to end up with a generation of men with no job potential or living potential....you really cannot imagine...and young men (or any men really) reading this – be afraid, be very afraid. Locally a young man was trying help a lost child find their mother and was almost railroaded into this nightmare of sex offenders, luckily the local community spoke out against it and the local law enforcement backed off – do not hug a child, do not speak to a child, do not give a child anything….my heart breaks for the mother in this story because I can only begin to imagine her heartache...

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