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My Grossest Moment as a Parent

by the editors at ParentDish (Subscribe to the editors at ParentDish's posts)
May 18th 2010 4:00PM

275Comments

Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Health & Safety: Babies, Development/Milestones: Babies, Day Care & Education, Feeding & Sleeping, Funny Stuff, Baby-sitting, Research Reveals: Babies, Nutrition: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Babies, Health & Safety: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Development: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Behavior: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Activities: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Gear Guides: Babies, Gear Guides: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Research Reveals: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers

Think twice before you put your hand in your kid's pocket. Credit: Pius Utomi Ekpei, AFP / Getty Images


Being a parent requires being stout of heart ... and strong of stomach.
You [will] encounter vomit, fecal matter, blood, dead animals and things just so yucky that would make Freddy Krueger go, "Ewww, gross!"

If you are not a parent, read no further. You will encounter these things soon enough. If you do have children, prepare to smile. And wince.

We asked contributors to Seed, AOL's website for freelancers, to tell us the grossest things they've encountered as parents. If you have kids, their tales will sound familiar.

Maybe too familiar.

CRUNCHY, CRUMBLY ... AND DEAD
From Nicole Fravel

My 2-year-old and my husband spent the morning digging in the garden. When they came inside for lunch, I detected a strange fish odor.

After lunch, my little one snuggled onto my lap for a story, and I realized the strange odor was coming from him. As I pulled his pants back on, I felt something crunch and crumble beneath my hands.

"What do you have in your pocket?" I asked. No answer.

I put my hand into his pocket to retrieve whatever it was. Just as my fingers dipped into something cold, wet, slimy and dead, he finally responded, "A snail, Mommy!"


'MOUF TO MOUF' WITH SLIMEY THE CAT
From Melinda Jones

My 5-year-old daughter had somehow managed to turn a pregnant neighborhood stray cat into her best friend. Then she told me "Flower" had "something gooey hanging out of her bottom."

I sat with the cat for many hours, as she pushed out her tiny babies. She was just too tired when the last little one finally emerged to clean it or remove the sac. So there I was cleaning the small seemingly lifeless creature, when my teary innocent child told me I had to give it "mouf to mouf."

Not being able to live with myself or my child if I didn't try, I put my mouth on the kitten and blew softly several times before it coughed slightly and started mewing.

SHARING A SOGGY MARSHMALLOW
From Mona Boyer

My baby son couldn't chew or swallow the marshmallow. It was too large for him. It immediately started to break down and get slimy and oozy. My husband couldn't scoop the marshmallow out of his mouth. I placed my open mouth over my son's and inhaled. Eureka! That did it!

I now had a disgusting used marshmallow in my mouth. The baby immediately cried, and I knew all was well. See what keeping your calm in an emergency can do? It can get you a used marshmallow.

INTO THE HEART DARKNESS
From Shawn Murray

About a year ago, my daughter was constipated, and she came to me crying. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could not poop. After awhile, she still wasn't able to go to the bathroom so I had to find something to help her get it out. I will not go into details, but that was one of the grossest things I have done as a parent.

SHE'S GONNA BLOW!
From Laura Malerba Williams

One day we took my son to a New York City street festival. As we strolled from booth to booth with our son, we ran into one of my husband's "celebrity" clients. Suddenly the baby began to show signs that he was about to "blow." To protect his client from a shower of partially digested Cheerios, vanilla Pediasure and pureed squash, hubby quickly turned the baby toward himself. My son proceeded to projectile vomit into my husband's shirt, which ran down his chest and into his pants.

YOU GOTTA HAND IT TO HER
From Kelsey G. Price

I use those "big kid diapers" for my daughter, and they're much easier than regular diapers. But, there's no way around it, you still need wet wipes. if I need something for my daughter, I just ask my husband to grab it on the way home. Well, I forgot to mention that we needed wipes. So, the next day, it is just me and my daughter. I look down at her, and she is grunting.

I started freaking out because we had no paper towels and all of our wash rags were in the wash. Since we have a shower head that you can take off, I used that to wash her butt. Some of the stubborn pieces wouldn't go, so I had to kind of wipe them off with my bare hands.

Unclogging the tub was not so great either. Don't ever do this. It is gross.

DON'T READ THIS IF YOU'RE A MAN
From Michelle Basile

When I had my first child I chose to have him circumcised, as many parents do. Unfortunately, the doctor was not very careful and snipped a small piece of the tip of his penis.

Friends and family could offer no help. I was terrified. I've never seen so much blood. It would crust over and peel off everytime I changed his diaper. A couple of times I nearly passed out.

It did eventually heal and I did get through it. Luckily, he was the only boy I ever had. I can't imagine having to face the possibility of going through that with every baby boy.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS
From Brenda Tong

My 11-year-old daughter swallowed an earring. Doctors performed a few X-rays and sure enough, there it was. Her gold studded earring was lodged in her right intestine.

For the next week, I had to dissect her bowel movements. On the sixth day, she finally passed it. With rubber clothes, a disposable knife and a strong stomach, I removed the not-so-shiny earring from the toilet.

I disinfected the earring and put it in a baggy to save for her keepsake box. I want her to always remember the Mother's Day gift she gave me that year.

HEY PASTOR, GUESS WHAT MOMMY DID!
From Sandra Shabazz

I heard a piercing scream coming from the restroom and rushed inside to see my son's tear-streaked red face. The feces was stuck in his bottom. It wouldn't go back up and he couldn't push it out. I quickly wrapped my hand in toilet paper, reached in and yanked that log out.

To make the story complete, we had dinner with the pastor and first lady of our church later that evening. When asked how my day was, my son piped up and said, "my mom digged my poopies outta my bum today!"

ROADKILL CLASSROOM
From E. Pardoe

Perhaps the grossest thing I ever did as a mom was to teach my toddler about crossing the road. I had to do something. I got her into the car and went in search of road kill.

I found a small, identifiable but messy squirrel after a few minutes. I pointed the blood and maggots as well as the crows waiting to eat it. "This will be you if you get hit by a car. This will be you if you ever cross the street without holding Mommy's hand!" It worked. She didn't stop holding my hand to cross the street until she was about 10 years old and walked to school every day.

Related: The 10 TV Shows and Movies We Can't Watch as Parents

Tags: Gross Anecdotes Poop Vomit Snot Kids Babies, GrossAnecdotesPoopVomitSnotKidsBabies

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