Would You Let Your 8-Year-Old Play at the Park Without You?

This woman is a NUT, not to mention someone who should never be allowed to have children. I agree that maybe we worry too much, and maybe the crime rate against children is lower than when we were children, but the real issue is that it only takes one crazy lunatic out on a Saturday intent on kidnapping, hurting a child and you will NEVER see your child again. Is 30 minutes of alone time for a parent worth that? You may get the rest of your life full of alone time if your child is murdered. Do you feel lucky that it won't happen to you? I am not willing to take that chance with my children!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you are not either.

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I absolutely agree that children today are robbed of so many valuable experiences we had when we grew up. Among my favorite memories are the many hours spent in a neighbor couple's basement playing and hanging out. Their kids were grown and they seemed to like having neighborhood kids under-foot eating up all of their ice cream. They lived clear around the block and my parents didn't know them. They were wonderful folks and I'm sorry that today's circumstances can't allow for that sort of neighborhood relationship.

I also get bummed when kids on a playground are under constant direction to go up the ladder & down the slide, don't climb that fence, don't climb that tree, get your bike off that dirt-mound, put the stick down, leave that toad alone, don't touch the mud, no throwing rocks in the pond, blah, blah and blah. It's these kinds of experiences that make kids whole. We want our kids to perform better in math and sciences? Let 'em throw rocks in the water! They're struggling to figure out how to make a stick fit into a hole in the tree? Don't tell them how!!! Let 'em work it through for the half-hour it may take.

Be all that as it may, I think that folks who want to drop off kids unattended at the park often say things like:"...the crime rate today is actually LOWER than when we were playing outside in the '70s and '80s." But they completely ignore the fact that crimes of child victimization are somewhat lower today BECAUSE we, as a society, don't leave the kids alone anymore. Society is certainly worse than it was. Movies that portray torture are common entertainment. Video games that include cop-killings and even rape are considered fun. Sickos aren't around every corner, but they are around...and you just can't count on a neighbor being a helper if the kids need one.

My kids, ages 9 & 12, are allowed to go together on their bikes to the schoolyard 2 blocks from the house. They must stay together and they bring a phone. Since they've been going, I've noticed that lots of other kids are now going also. I'm glad because the more the merrier, and there's safety in numbers. But I certainly wouldn't fault anyone else for not being comfortable allowing what I allow. I'm pushing my own envelope as it is.

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Ladies and Gentlemen,
I think what your missing here is the key factor of the kids are to be in groups outside...not alone. If there are other kids things are safer. Especially if you have done your job as a parent and given your kids the coping skills to deal with whatever life throws at them. Even if its all of your kids together. The dangers of being in a park are the same as being in their own yard. Unless you have them chained up anything can happen anywhere. But if we equipt them with the right skills happier endings will prevail. You have to let them stretch their wings and cut the umbilical cords. They are not babies anymore. But the future generation. Do we really want to raise a scared society or a competint and strong one?

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Just last night as our 2 kids (ages 8 and almost 6) were riding their bikes on the sidewalk infront of our house while hubby and I were inside...I said to hubby, "I'm ready to let them take their bikes on their own around the block, what about you?" NOPE, came the reply. We got a good conversation going between us.

I am ready to have them bike in the hood without us,,and will be doing it soon, when hubby is at work, then I'll tell him about it after.
They are smart, safe, aware kids and if they are ready for an adventure (if you can call around the block an adventure) without us, then so am I. The park is a different story. We live in Seattle, and the nearest park is near the high school where kids hang out smoking...plus they have to cross a busy street.

I so get your point though...and love your voice Lenore.

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My six-year-old and her friend of the same age will be participating - sort of. They're not comfortable being dropped off, but we've agreed that they will play at the park while their mothers walk across the street to get coffee, then come back. By next year, I expect them to be more comfortable with the whole thing.

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Yes, I remember jogging at night for miles on the streets with my sister when I was 13 or 14, and we got REALLY annoyed when our mom followed us once in the car. Still, I admit I buy into the paranoia sometimes. I only need to hear one horror story, like the "America's Most Wanted" host, whose son got kidnapped in the next aisle of the grocery store, and my imagination goes wild.

I have another solution to encouraging free play for our children. I learned to allow my infants lots of time every day, starting on their backs in a safe play area, outdoors as much as weather permitted. They were free to move as much as they were developmentally able, daydream, and reach for the toys that interested them. That evolved into hours of games and imaginary inner-directed play. Sometimes, friends would come over and join them. I didn't turn on the TV at all until my children were at least 3-4 years old, and then I limited it to a couple hours on weekends. (I took parenting breaks while they played independently.) In those first few years, the habit of inventing games and self-entertainment was instilled in them. Two are teenagers now, and they NEVER say they are bored unless they are exhausted, and too tired to think of something to do.

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Not even worrying about a nut out there taking kids, but what if a child gets hurt and no parent is there to help. Child services would definitley be called. My 6 year old was pushed to the ground hard when a 4th grader at a park after school jumped off the top of the slide and landed on top of her. She slammed to the ground and got hurt. She had a huge bruise and a scrapped face and we had to make sure for the next 48 hours she did not have a head injury. The boy was sorry , but he was stupid and thought he could jump over my child as she was collecting rocks. I was there and turned my back for a second and that was when this happened. I don't think at all that we can relive our childhood like the carefree time we experienced as kids. The times are not 1970. Even if you want to relive that experience for our children, we need to do it in a thoughtful manner. The world is a much more scarier place!

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Can I just say that this is a fabulous idea? I was beginning to think mine was the only six year old allowed to venture beyond the borders of MommyLand. It saddens me to think that we need a special day to let our kids go out and play with other kids and can't trust them to keep themselves safe--even in numbers.

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My kids play (9 & 11) outside without direct adult supervision most of the time. Sometimes with other kids, sometimes just the two of them, sometimes with the 70 year old couple from up the road. They also take care of the animals (goats, cows, chickens, dog, cats, rabbits) help in the garden, bake cake, cookies, pasta dishes, and bread from scratch. They build things, invent, paint, draw, volunteer, lead scout groups, etc. Not quite as free as I was as a child (I don't let them drive yet, haven't given them free run of the river, and don't let them stay out past 10 without some adult contact.) Don't know if they will go play in the park or not. (It's 10 miles away and not our day to go to town...) So far my kids have survived traveling all over the world, living abroad, living in the city, the country, and the wilderness. They are smart, safe, and independant. They know their limits (kind of...) and aren't afraid to get messy and have fun. Mostly we've found our kids to be a lot smarter, braver, and robust than the media/culture would have us believe. Some dirt, some scrapes, and some defiance of gravity are all important parts of being a healthy kid.

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Not only would I let my 8 yr old play at the park alone--I encourage it!! Hope this is the return to something good!
I recently wrote a blog post about Take our Children To The Park And Leave Them There Day--- PepperPaints.com

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I guess my question is "why do they have to be left at the park?" What about simply "leaving them alone" at the park? I take my kids to the park nearly every afternoon. We generally go with friends and the other mom and I walk around the park while the kids play. We get to exercise and talk and the kids get to play. We aren't constantly harping on them to do this or do that (except for the whole "put the stick down" because my 8 year old turns everything into a weapon and then someone starts bleeding and we have to leave). But there is an adult there in the event of an emergency. Like the day my 4 year old fell onto the merry-go-round and nearly knocked her front tooth out (we watched it for days to make sure it wasn't going to come out). The kids playing ranged in age from 3 up 8 and not one of them had ANY idea what to do with the bleeding screaming child. Had there been no adult around, I can't imagine what would have happened. Would they have left her sit while someone ran to get help? Would they have ignored it? No idea.

Tripping and falling and knocking your face on something, breaking a bone, etc is not limited to children (says the woman who spent mother's day last year with a broken nose from shutting the van gate on myself). Even having parents around doesn't prevent that but at least as adults we should have the basic knowledge and presence of mind to be able to quickly and effectively deal with an emergency. A 7 or 8 year likely doesn't have that knowledge or the experience needed to react appropriately in that situation. And in reality, injury is a way bigger and more legit fear than abduction. In general, people aren't lurking around the edges of parks, just waiting to jump some unsuspecting child.

There is simply no way that you could convince me that any young child (and yes, 7 or 8 or even 10 or 12 is still pretty young) has any business being at a park alone. But even if this were some alternative universe where I had totally gone crazy and would even entertain this notion, we live a 30 minute brisk paced walk from the nearest park. 30 minutes is a long way away from help, should some emergency happen.

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Well, call me crazy, but I think this is a great idea. My mom may have already commented on this, but oh well. I was one of those "free range" kids. My parents let me do darn close to whatever I wanted, within reason, and I valued it. I was the kid playing outside until the streetlights came on, being left alone for a few hours if need be, etc. I had very few rules.

As a result, I learned from my own mistakes. My parents weren't there to say no if I wanted to cross the train tracks too late, or if my sister wanted to steal some beanie babies from a toy store. We had to learn to accept the consequences. The only way a child will learn responsibility is through practice. I think parents protect their children far too much these days, and as a result, children never learn any lessons for themselves.

Because my mother wasn't managing my time and my homework for me, I learned to manage my time and schoolwork myself. Because my mother didn't schedule play dates or activities for me, I learned to do it myself. I am much more independent and reliable as a teenager and young adult because I wasn't over-protected. If you let children learn and play by themselves more, unregulated, they will surprise you.

That being said, I do think it's important to be close by, maybe withing shouting or running distance, in case something does happen. My mother was always a phone call away.

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My "when I was little" story is one of happy childhood memories when we took our bicycles out for the day and came home when the street lights came on in the evening (unless there was a scraped knee or dire need for a glass of mom's lemonade). I regret that the world has changed - or my perception of it has changed too much to give my young children the same experience. I do not feel I am giving my children less of a childhood. My memories are just that - mine. My children are creating their memories with boundaries adjusted to today's realities. The truth, albeit sad and disturbing, is that if you are not watching your children, someone else probably is. It is our responisibility as adults to ensure their safety, even if we have to sacrifice some of our own innocent dreams of a world without harm.

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