Feeling Guilty About Being a Working Mom? You're Not Alone

I am constantly feeling guilty about working. I recently gave up my position as a deputy to take a lower position that allows me to be home at night and weekends. I miss my old assignment every day as I sit at a desk doing paperwork. I know it was the right thing to do because our youngest is two years old. But even being away four days a week I still deal with the not good enough feelings all the time. I don't understand my husband doesn't have these feelings at all but I am overwhelmed with them.
I stayed home with our youngest for almost a year and was going stir crazy not working and we were hurting for money. So I go back to work fulltime and now I feel bad for not being there. I feel kind of like a failure all around.

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If you have to work, you have to work. All you can do is make your children your priority when you're home. I worked for 12 years before I got pregnant and stayed home. I had three kids and feel blessed every day that, with sacrifice, we could do this. My kids have all thanked me for being there and hope they can do the same with their kids. But I have a large family and not all of them could stay home. They all raised great kids because when they were home the kids got a lot of attention. The most important thing is to get great child care, use it as little as you possibly can, and make sure your kids know you love them and treasure them. They'll be okay. But if you are a workaholic seriously consider NOT having children. I know parents who have 24 hr nannies and almost never see their kids. And I've seen those kids so desperate for loving attention that it is heartbreaking. If you can't be there for them, don't have them. If you keep their welfare always in the forefront of your life you don't need to feel guilty. Just make sure you give them the attention they need-even if it means reading Goodnight Moon six times in a row!

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Feel guilty all you want. I refuse to. I like working (mostly), my work brings value to my community (mostly), and it provides me with a creative and emotional outlet that keeps me sane (mostly). My kids are getting a realistic view of what it takes to juggle being a parent (i.e., actually being there with them, not just in the room), being an active part of the community (volunteering at school and within the community), maintaining a house, having full relationship with your life partner, taking care of aging relatives, and making at least a nominal living. They know that the world does not revolve around them, and that there are sacrifices to be made for every choice we make and that everyone in the family makes them. It's the reality they will have to live as adults.

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When I was 40, I returned to school for a degree in Nursing when my youngest child started Kindergarten. School was fine...I was able to go during their school hours, so my goals did not interfere with anyone's lives, besides the fact that I was no longer everyone's room mother. But after graduation, I took a prestigious position in the ER at an internationally-serving Children's Hospital. I worked 3 pm to 3am, 3 days a week...which does not sound so bad, but those hours require a full day to prepare and a full day to recover. My husband works out of town, so my oldest daughter was effectively parenting my younger children, getting them up for school, driving them there, making sure they had dinner. It was really guilt-inducing. The last straw was one of the rare mornings I actually drove my kids to school, my daughter said, "Mom, I have a weird life." I started that day to look for a position that was more conducive to family life. I got extremely lucky and was hired by the county health dept, which gave me an 8-5 schedule with all weekends and holidays off. Now I drive my kids to school every morning and am home with them in the evenings. I still feel guilty about missing stuff during the day, and I'm wondering how to deal with the summer, but the payoff came when my 9 year old told me, "Mom, we're a real family again." Hang in there, moms. Remember we're all in this boat together, and social support is a real and helpful phenomenon.

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maybe guilt is women's intuition?

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I just do not get the guilt thing at all. People need to study history more. Parents have ALWAYS worked, whether in or out of the home. Often, children as young as 2 were working as well. This is definitely a 21st century, first world psychodrama.

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I think everyone has validity to what they are saying. At the end of the day, staying at home or working because you have to is no easy feat. I am a mother of 2 and I work full time because I have too. However, withat being said, I have also done the stay at home gig with my first untill he was 18 months....which was amazing!! And then I had to go back, because as a family we needed me too. I went back part time and I have to say it created an amazing balance between my husband, myself and our children. It allowed for my husband to step up and take on more responsilbilities with our children, and it allowed for me to back off and actually allow for him to do things his way, not mine. With all of that being said, there are pros and cons to either decision. In addition to that, I still feel guilt having to work, and I am hoping that at some point I CAN work less ot just plain be a stay at home mom :)

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I think overall I made the right decision because I can never get back the time I would miss with my children at their young ages. But I can always get back a job.

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I stayed home. I fully recommend it if you can swing it. Till my youngest entered pre-k. Than I became a teacher's assistant at my kids school. I get paid to continue to be in my kid's daily life. How wonderful is that? The teacher's (of which I hope to become) are so grateful for the help. I get the summer off and I never have to wonder about how I am going to manage before and after school care, in-service days, holidays, summers and you would not believe how understanding the school administration is about illnesses in the family. There is always a substitute to take over for me when my sons or I get sick. No guilt. And yes...I am the local president of the "Mother's Who Can't Let Go" club:)

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Yeah, I wish I could be a stay at home mom, but I do not feel like my child has suffered because I work full time. I truly believe he learns from it. I do not feel guilty what so ever and it really gets under my skin when society tries to make women feel like there children may be suffering because they are working. Mothers should be supporting each other regardless of who works and who doesn't, because no matter what we do for a living, our main title is MOTHER. While at work, I am still a mom. When my child is at school, he is still my child. I work to make money. Money pays the bills. When my son grows up he too will work to provide for his children, and so the cycle continues. My child has never doubted my love and devotion for him because I work. I feel very, very proud of my self for raising a well rounded, smart child, and putting a roof over our heads. Go ahead and start bashing me.....I'm waiting!

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i stayed at home with my children until my husband lost wages and hours and we were on food stamps and government assistance. i show my children that working hard is sometimes part of life. i would love to stay at home with my three kids like i once did; however, it's not fair for me to put that burden on all of america.

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My husband and I have been married almost 25 years, we had three children and I was a stay at home mom.
Our children are now grown and have moved on with their lives.
Now that the children are grown , it is the time for me to go to work if I choose to.
It was not easy raising three children on only one income. We got no help from the state or anyone else.
We lived with in our means, and by that I mean, we lived in an affordable house, nothing big or elaborate. We had one vehicle . We shopped at yard sales and second hand stores and swapped clothes with our friends that had children the same size of our children.
The point I'm making here is that I do not believe in having children and letting someone else raise them , whether it be another family member or a day care or whoever.
Children need love and guidance, they don't need material things, they need their parents .
If you can't stand to be at home with your own children then in my opinion you don't need children.

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I dealt with the guilt by getting rid of it. I quit my job after my second (of three) children was born 22-plus years ago, followed what I believed was God's will for me and my family, stayed home, raised my kids and we were immensely blessed (I was even given a part-time job at home after my first 6 mos at home in the same field I was in and am still doing it to this day). Sure, we didn't go out to eat or for entertainment much, I cooked (and still do) most of our meals from scratch, I bought (and still do) a lot of our clothes at second-hand shops, and we didn't go on fancy vacations. They replaced me when I quit my job. But no one can replace my children's Mother. I know I can always get another job, but the opportunity of being a Mom to my young children will never be a "do-over." After all, they say at the end of your life, it's not what you do that you most often regret, it's what you don't do.

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