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Is the Name I Love "Taken"?
Filed under: Relatives, Baby Names
I have always loved the name Jack, so when I got pregnant I chose Jack as a boy's name. My boyfriend and I never even considered other names. I've told all of my mom's family and my friends the name for four months now, but just found out that my cousin on my dad's side has decided to name her baby (due two weeks before mine) Jack, completely by coincidence. Can I keep the name or should I give it up?
It's admirable that you're prepared to give up a name you've loved all your life to promote family harmony. But I'm glad to tell you it's probably not necessary.
We can all recognize the feeling of a name being "taken." In our name culture, the name belongs to the first parents in a social circle who "claim" it -- planting their flag on the territory like explorers of yore. The question is, how big is the territory? How far do their exclusive rights to the name extend? And what happens when two families stake their claims on the same name months before their due dates?
Three main factors determine if a name is taken. First, consider the name's history and popularity. It's harder to claim a familiar classic Jack than a creative newcomer like Briar. A hallmark of Briar is its rarity, so adding a second Briar to a social circle could indeed feel like stealing an idea. But with almost 9,000 Jacks born each year (and 12,000 Jacksons) it's hard to argue that your cousin thought up the name ... or that one more Jack will change the way the name comes across to people.
The second factor to weigh is your closeness to the the other family. In your case, you're due at the same time but haven't discussed baby names together; it sounds like you aren't especially close.
Finally, there's timing. Neither baby has been born yet, and your joint choice is pure coincidence. Add in your lifelong attachment to the name, and it all spells sticking to your guns.
That doesn't mean ignoring your cousin's feelings, though. Take the direct approach. Pick up the phone and cheerfully let her know about the amazing coincidence -- and compliment her on her fabulous taste. If you set the tone right, the name you both love may become a special bond rather than a point of conflict.
Can names be "taken"? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
Related: Where Have All the Boys' Names Gone?











ReaderComments (Page 1 of 9)
6-10-2010 @ 12:43PM
Bunny said...In a fairly small family, we wouldn't (or couldn't) name our daughter Christina because she has a cousin (who is 6 years older and who we saw twice a year when they were growing up ) named Christopher.
My best friend has a very large family (her parents have 50 grandchildren). Several cousins were given the same name, and nobody worries about it.
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6-14-2010 @ 8:11PM
Deverist said...My mom wanted a Deborah and so did her sister and I have six cousins with a variation of the name. (Debbie, Deborah Renee, Deborah Elizabeth, Deborah Rose, DebbyAnn, Deborah LeeAnn, Deberyn) Family reunions are great....ask a Deb to bring you a soda and you would get at least six.....you can still hear the laughter....so go ahead and have cousins with the same name......It doesn't hurt and it gives the family something to talk about other then.........#@$@$@###....
deb
6-14-2010 @ 8:55PM
Mary said...Growing up in an Irish family, we have a Danny/Daniel in virtually every primary unit. We refer to them as "Robert's Danny", or "Marybeth's Danny", etc., when we're in a bigger get together.
No worries here!
6-14-2010 @ 9:27PM
Phil said...We decided on the name of our first son, Nathanael David (my middle name is Nathanael, my wife's deceased father's name is David), when we didn't know if our oldest daughter, born seven years before him, was a boy or a girl.
Six months before our first son was born, my wife's cousin named their son Nathanael David. Didn't affect our plans in the least. We have two Nathanael Davids in our family, and nobody even notices.
6-14-2010 @ 9:28PM
Nancy said...Your family member has a BOY named Christopher, so please tell me why it would be a problem naming a GIRL Christina ? Jeez, that makes no sense to me ! Sorry.
6-14-2010 @ 9:50PM
Cristina said...totally dont understand the Christina and Christopher thing.... My mom's maiden name was Cristino so my name is Cristina and my brother (3 years younger) is Christopher... so we have our mom's name and our dad's name!
Totally acceptable... Christopher goes by Topher (end part of the name) and I go by Nina... trust me there is no confusion!
6-14-2010 @ 9:54PM
BeckyW said...My maiden name is Ryan. I have two sisters, neither of whom have kids or plan to. It was important to me to name my son Ryan. I have a cousin (my dad's neice) who named her son Ryan because it was her Mom's maiden name. I also have a cousin on my mother's side who named her son Ryan, simply because she liked the name. Both cousins are more than 10 years older than me, so their sons were already young teens when I became pregnant. I didn't think twice about adding another Ryan to the lot. I think if you're very close, or see the family members all the time, it's one thing. But we are spread far and wide, and meet up only at family reunions and funerals, so it's never been an issue at all.
6-14-2010 @ 10:43PM
Mindy said...My husband's name is Gabriel, we decided when we were first married that if we ever had a daughter, we would name her Gabriela. Our 1st child was a boy, so the name would have to wait. During the wait, my husbands sister had a girl & named her Gabriela. As soon as we found out, I told my husband that it didn't matter because we had chosen the name 1st & because I wanted to name my daughter after her father, so a few yrs later our Gabriela was born.
6-14-2010 @ 11:07PM
lisa27 said...The two names are different and a different sex. Why was that a problem?????
6-15-2010 @ 12:50AM
Becky said...Bunny,
Why don't you spell Christina ( Kristina) same name, yet very different.
6-15-2010 @ 2:03AM
lisa27 said...Why would having a christina and a christopher be a problem? Diff. sex and name.
6-15-2010 @ 3:02AM
Blu said...I don't get why you couldn't name a daughter Christina with a Christopher in the family. They are different names. There are entirely different "rings" to each.
6-15-2010 @ 7:29AM
flutterbyaglets said...This same thing happened when I was born. My parents had decided to make my middle name Christina however my older cousin that I hardly ever saw had the middle name of Christina so they were pressured into giving me a different middle name.
6-15-2010 @ 7:37AM
Tess said...In the end, even with the same name in families, you grow apart. I have two friends with the same name as me, and it's comical and fun being together. No matter the name as long as they are healthy! Http://www.childrenshealthsecrets.com
7-26-2010 @ 11:12AM
lea said...hey my name is lea and 4moth
6-14-2010 @ 8:19PM
Emily@mothersofbrothers.com said...Things can get even more tricky in the Jewish religion where typically you do not have more than one person in your extended family with the same name. That is why there are no Juniors or III's. I'm not sure of the rules for peers but my guess is that it would make it difficult for cousins to have the same name.
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6-14-2010 @ 11:38PM
Sleepfreak said...That is because many Jewish families follow the custom of naming a child after a deceased relative. This can include taking the actual name, the first letter of the name (which has become the most popular) as well as taking the Hebrew name.
6-14-2010 @ 9:59PM
CS said...Emily~
Yes and no. You can easily have Jewish cousins with the same name if they are to honor the same family member. You don't name a newborn child after a LIVING relative. My husband is named after his grandfather, who died before he was born. And a Jewish man should never marry a woman who has the same name as his mother. (The tradition was if he called his wife's name and his mother, out of habit, responded to her own name being called, the man might be guilty of disrespecting his mother by calling her by her first name.) But it's okay--in fact, even expected--that if there is a venerated deceased family member, that many people in the family would name their children after that person. I know of one such family where many of the male relatives are named Asher or a derivative of it after an ancester who was part of a rabbinic dynasty.
6-15-2010 @ 4:38AM
danarobin24 said...We are Jewish. My sister's daughter (my niece) is Erika. Her cousin (my son) is Erik. Erika is named after my Great-Aunt who's name began with "E" (Ethel) and Erik is named after my Grandfather Emil (another "E" initial) Ethel & Emil were brother & sister and Erika & Erik are cousins who are named after them.
6-14-2010 @ 8:14PM
Brenda said...My cousin and I are exactly 1 month apart. I got married to an older man named Dan on Oct. 3. A few years later, she married an older man named what? DAN! and on Oct 3. I had our son and we named him Austin and low and behold, he was born on her birthday! A couple of years later, she had a son and they named him Austin. GO figure. We are not close and live in different states and although we have so much in common, it doesn't bother me at all. P.S. we are divorced now from our "Dan's" and I call my son "Jacks" since his middle name is Jack.
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