Help! My Sister's Wild Kids Are Coming to Visit!

First talk to your sister and explain "the rules of the house." Then have a little chat with both your children and hers at the same time setting down the rules while there are visitors. If all else fails and they still act like wild banshees - ask her to take the kids and leave!

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a good hotel might be in order. look for one that offers a nice hot breakfast in the morning.

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You are missing an opportunity for you and your children to model proper behavior with your sister and her children. Explain to your children before the cousins arrive that they may be a bit unruly, which is not acceptable and you expect them to model the correct behavior.

Sit down with the sister and her children when they arrive and explain the rules: respect for others, respect for your property, privacy (no snooping or plundering), cleaning up after oneself, helping cousins with chores, and quiet time/bedtimes. Explain how you have anticipated their visit (they don't have to know you have been dreading it), and that you have a lot planned that you do not want them to miss out on doing. The ideas about the camp out and picnics are good ones, as are taking in the sites in your city. Make it an educational experience--be a tourist in your own town. You may be pleasantly surprised. Family is important, but unfortunately your sister does have her hands full, probably with little or no help at home. Remember you are modeling for her, also. Good luck--most important--enjoy being together as much as possible!

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The kids are out of hand because they do not have rules and boundries. From a kids point of view that hounds like heaven, but it scary. Kids no matter how they fight back, really do like boundries, it makes them feel safer and cared for. It's hard being a single mom, I know, I did it. When my daughter was 5 and getting a time out she wanted to know why I couldn't just spank her like her friends," it's faster mom". Yeah it is but then she would not have had to learn to think about consenquinces! She now a wonderful 25 year old woman who has worked since she was 16, good w/ her money and keep a nice apartment. Do wish shed stop looking for her father when she picks boyfriends though, and yes we talk about it. The biggest thing I would have done differntly to to ask one of my friend who had a good husband if her could spend time with her, to get some of that male bonding w/ a decent and good male for a better role model.

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When I was a growing up my 5 brothers and sisters and 5 cousins spent every single holiday at one anothers' (out of town) houses. Our mothers' (they were sisters) strategy was to link a kid from one family with a kid from another and assign the chores upon arriving to these varied "teams": breakfast dishes one group; lunch;another (usually the youngest, lunch is easier); dinner dishes, another...bed making, whoever slept there, and beds were monitored! Right away! The attempted anarchy from us kids became "equal opportunity" and made the mothers total allies. Mothers, make the effort..cousins adore one another, and it is through this love that lessons are learned the easy way. Moms did all the cooking and also set the tables (too many details to squabble about otherwise). Dads did what they wanted and backed up moms. Big time! The love for cooking remained with all 11 of us "kids" all our lives thanks to such incredible memories. Kids didn't hang around the house in those days, we didn't want to. We took off on our bikes. What a blast. No vacuuming.

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No one else should make your kids mind--unless you are not around. That is a different matter. But in YOUR home--someone visiting goes by your rules. Or goes home. Just that simple. Kids will be kids--and deserve to be. But--no one has the right to come in your home and act inapproperately. just that simple.

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There is a third alternative to the two that the author presented. Write down all of the rules your children hae to follow and tell the sister you expect them to be obeyed since your kids do. If she agrees and allows you to enforce them, good enough.

If not, option 3, Sister, you and your family are not welcome here. "Your children are disruptive to my family and are a bad element you don't want your family exposed to.

You're not required to put up with shit from anyone.

There are lots of homeless people that have relatives because the relatives have finally decided not to put up with any more from the "bad actors." There is no need for you to put up with someone in your home that's a bad actor, even for one day.

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That's the trouble with us today. Everyone should set rules and boundrys that children have to follow. If they don't, a well placed hand on thier bottoms will convince them them should. If you are strong enough to do that you also have to let them know that you love them even when they screw up. My son is 28 and has told me several times that he now understands why I spanked him and now is glad I did it. NEVER beat a child, but a spanking will do them no harm what-so-ever.

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I know it sounds harsh but sometimes you have to wait them out. My niece and nephew(s) were horrible as children. Their mother would bring them around, and just disengage. I think it was part from wear, part from her not having good parental skills, and part from mating with a moron!

I would keep their visits to a minimum. Now 13 and 11, they are polite and very appreciative of what you do for them. The 6yr old remains a handful but he's six. What can you do but hope he grows out of it. Also, his older siblings help with his behaviour.

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It's understood that she's family, but respect is needed. If these kids are out of control now without any direction just imagine when they grow up. I would sit her down and explain to her how I feel. I would get the kids all together and introduce them to the TIME OUT CHAIR or THINK ABOUT IT CHAIR. (take your pick) You don't have to do things in a harsh way b/c kids do what they are allowed to do and don't always understand. Family or not it is what it is, and that's the bottomline. Love teaches discipline, respect and obedience. If you don't love or care about them you would just let it go. It's better to start while they're young instead of when it's to late. Being a SINGLE MOM is no reason to let your kids run wild and act out. It should be more of a reason to give them structure! It's plenty of single parents with respectful and obedient kids, so don't use that one. Everyone has their own way of doing things, but what's important is discipline. Good Luck in solving this problem.

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Someone else mentioned this, but it bears repeating. When children visit my home, and do things I don't approve of, I simply tell them that the rules in this house are that we don't - jump on the couch, sit on the coffee table, run through the house yelling, or whatever it is they are doing that is annoying the crap out of me. In front of the parent(s), I tell them, "I know you may be allowed to do this at your house, but this is my house and the rules are different here." I've only had one experience where the parent got miffed and left, taking her little darlings home. That suited me fine. I don't believe that person ever brought her children to my house again. If the parent gets miffed because I am protecting my my home and its furnishings, I have no problem with that parent and child(ren) not visiting my home. I insist on them showing respect for my home, especially if the parents seem oblivious to their child's bad behavior.

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I feel sorry for these kids. They must be a delight in school. Too bad the dad doesn't man up.

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Already Annoyed; I think that you are handing us a line. Your children are perfect?

If you feel that way, it is best for all that your sister stays home or takes a vacation to a friendly place.

You will not be able to repress your feelings. Your sister will feel awful. What good is all of that?

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To Rebecca: This forum is not supposed to be a place for you to place your ad for yet another "scheme". Stick to the subject at hand, instead of trying to make a buck.

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I've had the same problem for years until last family get together at my house, I couldn't take it anymore. Several 7 yr. old boys of my siblings love to run around inside my shiny wood floor home. I've told the boys many times not to run inside the house (for fear of them getting hurt) but they simply ignored me. I took it upon myself to talk to their parents (separately) and asked them to watch their children closely. I laid out my rules (no running and jumping on the couch, etc.) and with a smile I also said if they can't control their children they will not be invited back next time. Instead of running now they go thru my 2 teenage daughters bedrooms without their permission. I stood by what I said...they won't be invited back until these parents know how to control their children. It's my house and my rules! I don't think they'd want any of my girls run around and poke their noses where they shouldn't in their home.

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Option 3
Tell her to keep her rotten little brats at home, and go on your own vacation.

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When children misbehave it is not the parents fault. Children are children and that's what they do. Obviously the poster I'm responding too has never had kids (Heidi) The correct response is that how the parents respond to that misbehavior determines how the parent is at discipline.

I hate how people believe parents are bad because their children act up. It's ironic to me that these people don't remember that they themselves probably threw tantrums and other normal childhood behavior at some point and that doesn't mean their parents were poor parents. They are poor parents if they ignore it and don't take action.

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I had the same problem for a few years. I finally said, my house, my rules. These kids were used to placing special orders for meals. I said, "you have two choices.... take it, or leave it." That stopped that nonsense.
Now they are grown and I can't say I miss the visits that much when kids are not well behaved.

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" I recommend the book "I was a perfect mother until I had kids". This is the perfect case of "easier said than done"". ha ha it's so true. The most opinionated people about child rearing have had none themselves. Or it was like thirty years ago and they have selective memory.

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