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Do We Need New Baby Name Etiquette?
Filed under: Baby Names
What about the people who choose a name for their child and expect it to be pronounced a certain way, yet it goes against English pronunciation? Then they actually get angry that you aren't smart enough to realize they are using a non-standard pronunciation! What can you do with these people?
- Mr. Grumpy
My grandson's name is Tyberious, you should see the looks we get when I introduce him. Please give me a snappy comeback for these rude adults!
- Steamed Grandma
America, we are facing a crisis in baby name etiquette. Names have changed dramatically over the past generation, and our manners haven't kept up. As you can see from my "Grumpy" and "Steamed" correspondents, tempers are rising on both sides of the divide. It's time to take a step back and rediscover common courtesy.
If you're in "Grumpy's" spot, you have to face facts. When it comes to names, normal just isn't normal any more. Last year alone, at least five American babies received each of these names:
Abcde
Cashmiere
Jerusalen
Kharizma
Myrical
Shellsea
Siranthony
Xzavious
Zepplin
And that's just scratching the surface. Every year, you're going to meet more and more people with names that give you pause. No matter your private thoughts on the matter, you have to be polite. Because even if the name looks like a mistake (or a bad joke) to you, it's very real and very personal to the people who chose it and bear it. Think of it this way: when a proud grandma shows you pictures of her grandbabies, do you wrinkle your nose and make snide remarks about how ugly they look? Of course you don't. Follow those same instincts when you hear the kids' names.
Of course, even the best of manners won't keep you from tripping up on a baffling pronunciation. If a parent gets irate over an innocent mistake, try not to strike back. Smile and say, "No offense intended, I just hadn't come across that spelling before. What a creative name!"
Now, if you're on the other side of this exchange, you have to be realistic too. You deliberately chose (or invented) a name to be unconventional, so you can hardly expect it to roll off people's tongues like John and Mary. Gently correcting spelling and pronunciation mistakes, over and over, is the price you pay for uniqueness.
If somebody crosses the line and makes rude comments, your best path is to kill them with kindness. The more gentle and earnest your response, the more they'll regret their own bad manners. Try this, with your sweetest smile: "I realize it may be unfamiliar, but it's so precious to us."
Have you run into bad baby name manners? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
Related: I Gave My Baby the Wrong Name!











ReaderComments (Page 1 of 16)
6-17-2010 @ 10:50PM
Jessica said...I love unique names within reason.. Abcde isn't on my list of names though. My son's name is Odin and people look at me like I am insane. Ramsies is my other child's name.
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6-20-2010 @ 2:33PM
Gc said...You can name your kid whatever you like. But Ramsies sounds like a condom and don't think for one second that kids won't call him that or worse like D--- Head. Be prepared for the problems that you created!
6-20-2010 @ 3:23PM
Marsha said...For sure they are not your run of the mill typical names, however they are a hundred times better than what Jermaine Jackson named two of his sons, Jafaar and Jermajesty. Come on now. If Jermajesty doesn't make you wanna laugh and say What the Hell? I don't know what else will.
6-20-2010 @ 3:34PM
Natosha said...I named my daugher Ayla. pronounced A la. long a sound at the first sylable. when I named her this I didnt realise it was a very popular name in my great grandparents day. and they pronouced it I la, long I on the first sylable. no one really missprounces her name unless its seen on paper and by the older generation. I even found out that my hubbys great grandmothers name was ayla, of course pronounced with an I. I think both ways of sayinig it are beautiful, and on the rare occasions where its said wrong I just politely correct them.
6-20-2010 @ 9:55PM
Rachel said...you know some names parents give kids are just down right ridiculous, and most kids grow up gettin laughed at and having a hard time with other kids in school, all because their parents thought were gonna name our child something unique,,well you don't have to be called that name, they do...and why don't you think about your child instead of yourself and your inflated ego..I know the type, you think I'm gonna be the one who gets so much attention over my childs name, but open your eyes, your child will be the one who gets the attention and it won't be the kind of attention any child deserves...Some parents need to get real and understand that that child will grown up to be an adult and go for a job interview and of course you know that god awful name you gave them will not help them at all in a job interview...but you had to be the one when you were young to get your so called attention at the expense of your child...i've got 5 friends right now in the process of having their names changed, all because their parents thought the name they put on their birth certificate was so unique but didn't they didn't even give their own child the dignity of a decent name, you all should be ashamed of yourselves...really, and from what I've come to understand, two of my friends stated because of the overwhelming lists of people,especially young adults trying to get their first names changed is so extremely large in volume that it could take anywhere from 6mth to1yr just to get the process done..
done. so like so many are just taking it upon themselves and are s just changing it on their own until they can get it done legally, all you need to do is get start using the name they will eventually have legally and when you get on the list to have your name changed you get official documents and apparently (which I find so ignorant) its a waiting game, but you do have those documents, and most are just starting to use their name on everything they own, from their car to applying for a credit card, because your SSN stays the same...I'll end on this Note:,SEE WHAT PROBLEMS YOU'VE CAUSED YOUR CHILD? AND ALL BECAUSE YOU WANTED OR NEEDED ATTENTION OR WANTED YOUR CHILD TO BE NOTICED- BUT IN THE WORDS OF ONE OF MY DEAR FRIENDS WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE A HIDEOUS NAME ( And thats how she describes her name-Hideous) "MY MOTHER WANTED ATTENTION SO BAD IN HER FAMILY SHE NAMED ME," Asholey ", I DON'T KNOW IF SHE REALIZED WHAT THAT NAME DID TO ME IN SCHOOL, SHORTENED IT TO ASHLY, BUT STILL IN CLASS EVERYMORNING THEY'D SAY YOUR NAME FOR ATTENDANE AND EVEN BEFORE MY NAME CAME UP ,,GIGGLES STARTED AND THEN THE TEACHER WOULD SAY " ASHOLEY" AND i' SAY HERE...GOD NOW YOU CAN SEE WHY I DITCHED CLASS SO MUCH....
well to every parent out there...name your baby something special, don't hurt them,,,,my friend who we call Ashly for now, is in the process of changing her name completely, its gonna come at a price but we are saving for it and its gonna be done...pathetic her lame, lazy family and mother will not help, they think its sick that she's changing her name, they act like its a sin or something..but we are saving every penny and we will get it done, I wish the system would see all the things she has to change in order to get this compleley done...were talking like well around $700, to get every thing changed, and manuscripts from college, I've had people tell Ashly hey you can get it done for like $400, really welcome to the real world...changing everything and then the cost of just changing the name alone is like $300..but you know what..this is her parents fault..I blame them and they should pay...but we all are gonna make sure this hideous name never, ever stays on her records on in her life...period....this was written from a friend..
makes one sick...and i'm a friend thas just not into this type of abuse..and thats what it is,,,a form of child abuse....
sad...sad....sad...sad.
6-20-2010 @ 5:01PM
jessica said...I think most of these replies are just plain ignorant. I can understand the made-up names such as Aquanetta, Abcde, and I've even met a Placenta. Odin and Ramsies are NOT made up and they are real names. Just because they originate from different cultures than ours does not make them any less respectable. Here is a little news flash people: ALL of our names were derived from multiple cultures. My name happens to be Jessica (not the original poster Jessica) and as you can see, there are a million of us. I was very tired of being called Jessica #2, or even Jessica #5. I really wish my mother had named me Bianca like she wanted to do. There wouldn't have been a million people with my name (at least not in this country) and it reflected my heritage. There is a line that needs to be drawn but taking names from other cultures is not a crime or a sin.
6-20-2010 @ 5:20PM
HG in MN said...Back in the 70s a family friend misunderstood a baby name book, saw "Arianna," and thought it was "Araina," (pronounced "uh-RAIN-uh,") and named her baby that. The name sounded pretty, wasn't that hard to figure out, & I've heard some people have also used it later because they liked it.
Now probably the most unusual spelling of a common name I have ever seen comes from a former co-worker. She named her daughter, "Jewelya," (I can't remember, there may have been an "h" at the end,) as an alternate spelling for "Julia." I remember her saying a school staffer called the girl, "jew-EL-yuh."
6-20-2010 @ 6:52PM
glory25420 said...I don't say "gee, what a stupid name". I just think the parent is a moron and the poor little kid is going to have to suffer the taunts of other children as well as being judged as coming from idiot stock when they go for a job someday. Some of the worst I've heard are "Beauty" for a girl who turned out to be homely, Shitonya, and Faylis. Some parents think they are so clever when they spell the kids name in some "original" way, but everybody the kid meets in life (teachers, employers) just think the kids parents couldn't spell, or maybe had a cruel streak. What's sad is that people who could suggest something reasonable, (grandparents, the father, aunt, etc) say nothing when they know in advance that a crazy name is planned for some poor baby.
6-20-2010 @ 7:03PM
sarahc said...We all like cute and fun names for our children, but children grow up and become lawyers, doctors, judges, teachers, military. keep the cutesie names as nicknames, and give them names that show character and respect. If you're foreign, try to think of names that work well in both languages, Children are children for only 18 years, but they are adults for the rest of their lives,
6-20-2010 @ 7:12PM
Amy said...I've no problem with cultural names or family names that may seem unorthodox being used. But most parents these days are diving off the deep end trying to be SO different by twisting the natural spelling of common names, using inanimate words or just flat out making up some ridiculous name simply because they liked the way it sounded (Tyberious...seriously?! Here's your snappy comeback, "I'm sorry, I don't know what his parents were thinking except to say they are idiots.") People, give me a break. A child's name is something they are branded with for the rest of their lives. What seems cutesy and precious now is all well and good when they're babies, but these babies have to grow up and deal with the real world. Parents should take careful consideration before "tagging" their children with an ignorant name they have to live with AND defend for the rest of their lives. Bottom line...nickname them whatever you like, but have enough respect for their future to name them something respectable.
6-20-2010 @ 7:21PM
Susan said...Amy, did you never watch a little sci-fi show called Star Trek? Ever hear of a guy named James T. Kirk? He was the captain of the Enterprise. The "T" in his name stood for Tyberious.
6-21-2010 @ 8:26PM
becky said...Ramsies sounds like a tampon alias Ram- Rod
6-21-2010 @ 2:38AM
RB said...One correction, the typical spelling of the name is Tiberius. It derives from the Tiber River that runs through Rome.
6-20-2010 @ 8:37PM
fartingbaboon said...The correct spelling is Rhamses.
6-22-2010 @ 11:40AM
Nicole said...Ma'am, I read your response and you said that you had met (I presume) a young woman with the name Placenta?! I recently heard a story about some wingnut who named her daughter Placenta after the doctor said that she had produced a lot of it. I have heard of some wacky names before but Placenta (even from the story I heard) takes the cake on deranged. I can only imagine the amount of crap that poor child received growing up. Hopefully she had some sense to legally change her name before going into the work force. By the way, Odin is a very nice name as is Ramsies.
6-18-2010 @ 7:16AM
abtru said...My daughters name is Tru (she is our fourth child and the only girl) and I have gotten alot of snide comments on her name. Some people can just be so rude about things they don't understand.
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6-20-2010 @ 3:10PM
john said...What's to understand? You think very highly of yourself; ergo you named your child something that you thought would reflect just how special and unique you believe they will be.
The problem is that a persons specialness or quality comes not from their names but from their deeds and how they treat others in life.
Grow up people and give your kids a decent name. Stop this rebel without a clue crap.
I'm not just pointing the finger at you. This nonsense started decades ago and gets worse with every year.
Oh by the way, Tru isn't so bad, people might think it's short for Trudy.
6-20-2010 @ 3:39PM
Derrel said..."Tru" is actually a beautiful name.
Things I'm really rude about...
people that think "alot" is a word!! It is NOT a word! It is a lot two words. a lot
6-20-2010 @ 4:05PM
Me said...So, if someone is rude to you, you're rude right back? Have you thought about calling your kid by it's middel name?
6-20-2010 @ 6:34PM
Connie said...I got Very very Lucky, My Father wanted to name me Suzanna
Anna Marie, my mother won the name game, and Named me Connie Darleen. The only thing I've had to deal with is people thinking my name is short for something, including one middle school teacher who refused to use the *short* version of anyone's name and called me constance until I came in with my Birth Certificate to show her connie was not short for anything. People want their children to stand out and be confident, but what they don't realize is that these children will have to deal with a world that still treats Jennifer, Jessica, Mark and Ashley better than Porshe, Cashmire, or Jaffar. I hate to say it but Racism is alive and well here in the United States, just look at most of the posts.