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Do We Need New Baby Name Etiquette?
Filed under: Baby Names
What about the people who choose a name for their child and expect it to be pronounced a certain way, yet it goes against English pronunciation? Then they actually get angry that you aren't smart enough to realize they are using a non-standard pronunciation! What can you do with these people?
- Mr. Grumpy
My grandson's name is Tyberious, you should see the looks we get when I introduce him. Please give me a snappy comeback for these rude adults!
- Steamed Grandma
America, we are facing a crisis in baby name etiquette. Names have changed dramatically over the past generation, and our manners haven't kept up. As you can see from my "Grumpy" and "Steamed" correspondents, tempers are rising on both sides of the divide. It's time to take a step back and rediscover common courtesy.
If you're in "Grumpy's" spot, you have to face facts. When it comes to names, normal just isn't normal any more. Last year alone, at least five American babies received each of these names:
Abcde
Cashmiere
Jerusalen
Kharizma
Myrical
Shellsea
Siranthony
Xzavious
Zepplin
And that's just scratching the surface. Every year, you're going to meet more and more people with names that give you pause. No matter your private thoughts on the matter, you have to be polite. Because even if the name looks like a mistake (or a bad joke) to you, it's very real and very personal to the people who chose it and bear it. Think of it this way: when a proud grandma shows you pictures of her grandbabies, do you wrinkle your nose and make snide remarks about how ugly they look? Of course you don't. Follow those same instincts when you hear the kids' names.
Of course, even the best of manners won't keep you from tripping up on a baffling pronunciation. If a parent gets irate over an innocent mistake, try not to strike back. Smile and say, "No offense intended, I just hadn't come across that spelling before. What a creative name!"
Now, if you're on the other side of this exchange, you have to be realistic too. You deliberately chose (or invented) a name to be unconventional, so you can hardly expect it to roll off people's tongues like John and Mary. Gently correcting spelling and pronunciation mistakes, over and over, is the price you pay for uniqueness.
If somebody crosses the line and makes rude comments, your best path is to kill them with kindness. The more gentle and earnest your response, the more they'll regret their own bad manners. Try this, with your sweetest smile: "I realize it may be unfamiliar, but it's so precious to us."
Have you run into bad baby name manners? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
Related: I Gave My Baby the Wrong Name!
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 16)
6-20-2010 @ 5:56PM
Jim said...One of the afrocentric names I have heard is "Knowshawn" and belongs to some college football player. ROFLMAO I kid you not. They walk among us.
6-20-2010 @ 2:13PM
Fred said...Around here (Newport News) about 10 years ago, a single mom named her two sons "Orangejello" and "Lemonjello" I am not kidding you. They pronounced them Ah-ron-jelo and La-mahn-jelo. As a teacher of 15 years I have noticed a clear trend--kids with "afrocentric" names have way more problems in school to include academically and socially. I think this is because of the poor attitudes they pick up from their parents, who have named them. Kind of anti-social sort of attitudes.
And yes, they are furious when you "mispronounce" their names. Did you know that Shanta, Shaunta, Shaunte', Chante', Shantay, Shante' Chantay....are all proncounced the same? You'd better get it straight, you racist you!
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 2:28PM
Blurgle said...Fred posted this drivel: "Around here (Newport News) about 10 years ago, a single mom named her two sons "Orangejello" and "Lemonjello" I am not kidding you. They pronounced them Ah-ron-jelo and La-mahn-jelo. As a teacher of 15 years I have noticed a clear trend--kids with "afrocentric" names have way more problems in school to include academically and socially" My reply: Uh-huh. Sorry, but the whole "Orangejello" and "Lemonjello" as names is PURE urban legend. Go check out www.snopes.com. So, I think your credibility is completly shot, Fred.
As for "afrocentric" names, I've known a couple people with what you'd call "afrocentric" names and they have done well in school. So again, I think your credibility is shot, and I suspect you're a closet racist.
7-03-2010 @ 11:04AM
TTFN said...Blurge: I taught a child named "Formica Countertop". I have no problem believing someone named their kids after food.
6-20-2010 @ 3:08PM
RazingKidz said...So true! I see it in the schools as well. These children develop an early 'attitude' about their names and the pronunciation that could only come from their parents reactions when their childrens names are not pronounced correctly and think that people should care enough to understand the individuality they have bestowed upon their offspring.
6-20-2010 @ 3:11PM
jbbatwot said...Boy! do I understand. I thought that teachers had the worst time trying to pronounce all those difficult names. But now that I'm retired and have decided to be a substitute teacher ... Well, Substitute teachers don't have a chance in H... to get those names right. We only see them for one day and then they are gone. And if I happen to mispronounce their names they (and their parents) go straight to the principal and complain about me!
Give it up parents! If you choose to pronounce or spell your child's name in an uncommon way - just deal with it! It is your fault - not everyone elses.
6-21-2010 @ 8:10AM
P.Morrison said...Sorry, Fred, Lemonjello ect, is from a bad racist joke in the 80's
6-20-2010 @ 6:18PM
Lenny Dowhie said...If you wish to read an interesting take on the impact names have on future success, read Malcomb Gladwell's book Outliers. Interesting stats and commentary.
6-20-2010 @ 5:28PM
Whitney said...you are so right! my sister in law works as a teacher and once had a little girl in class named "sh!thead" pronounced sheh-THEED. not only did we wonder what the hell her parents were thinking, we also wondered if she could claim discrimination if the dmv wouldnt allow her to put her name on a vanity plate?
6-20-2010 @ 5:25PM
littlenemis07 said...Hey Blurgle, for you information, my best friend had an Lemonjello in her class. We had a blast making fun of "Lemon-Jello" (I refused to pronounce how he wanted it pronounced" so yeah some black people are that stupid when naming their kids. I'm black for all you people who wanna flash the race card. But it's not just a white a thing. Some celeb, white, named his kid "Pilot Inspektor" and yes he spelled it with a "K" So I don't think its a race thing, more like kids are getting dumber and they grow up and give their kids dumb names so they wont surpass them in life. I mean really, what decent job will hire a lemonjello? What business wants to proudly introduce their new ceo or vp lemonjello?.
6-20-2010 @ 6:45PM
tori said...Blurgle, it's not just a legend haha. my mom is a nicu nurse and took care of twins with these names. not kidding! hahaha.
I also have a picture of the name plate for some poor child named "Cumeaterious." The nurses managed to convince the parents to change it to something less, um, profane, but what a story!
6-20-2010 @ 2:18PM
syl said...Some people just should not be allowed to have children. While they think it's cute, the kid has to live with that name for life! I've had to spell my name to people all my life and it's beyond annoying. It is always spelled wrong anyway! Life is tough enough without having to plod through it with a ridiculous name...
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 2:42PM
margie said...It's really up to the parents of what they name their child. Society is petty and I think that they should just ease up on the petty stuff like "what did you name your child that for?" kind of thing. In Bible times names were different too. I like unique names and think that we need to just let these parents name their child whatever they feel like. God such a petty society we live in.
6-20-2010 @ 4:32PM
oscar said...People who name their babies these ridiculous names are the same kind of people who buy dogs as a fashion statement. It's all about their egos. Pathetic bids for attention.
6-20-2010 @ 2:18PM
Bee said...The grandma could just call her grandson "Ty" for short to save
herself all the trouble! :)
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 2:24PM
Hepzibah said...There was a cute little black baby born the same time as my daughter.
They named her Superior Unique Johnson. (I change the last name, but the real last name was just as bland and ordinary)
I've always wondered how she's doing and what she goes by on a day-to-day basis.....
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 2:27PM
Crimsonrayne said...I know of a mother who named her daughter Vah- jin- ay. And how do you spell this name? Vagina. This is 100% true, and 2000% sad.
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 3:47PM
David said...I know a LaGina. Definitely do not want to mispronounce that one
6-20-2010 @ 4:05PM
Me said...I know a mother in Louisiana that named her daugher "SHA THE ED"
spelled s h i t h e a d. Tru story!!!
6-20-2010 @ 4:07PM
Ron Ray said...What's sad is that you think something can have "2000%".