Do We Need New Baby Name Etiquette?

by The Name Lady (Subscribe to The Name Lady's posts)
Jun 17th 2010 11:00AM

Filed under: Baby Names

What about the people who choose a name for their child and expect it to be pronounced a certain way, yet it goes against English pronunciation? Then they actually get angry that you aren't smart enough to realize they are using a non-standard pronunciation! What can you do with these people?

- Mr. Grumpy

My grandson's name is Tyberious, you should see the looks we get when I introduce him. Please give me a snappy comeback for these rude adults!

- Steamed Grandma

America, we are facing a crisis in baby name etiquette. Names have changed dramatically over the past generation, and our manners haven't kept up. As you can see from my "Grumpy" and "Steamed" correspondents, tempers are rising on both sides of the divide. It's time to take a step back and rediscover common courtesy.

If you're in "Grumpy's" spot, you have to face facts. When it comes to names, normal just isn't normal any more. Last year alone, at least five American babies received each of these names:

Abcde
Cashmiere
Jerusalen
Kharizma
Myrical
Shellsea
Siranthony
Xzavious
Zepplin

And that's just scratching the surface. Every year, you're going to meet more and more people with names that give you pause. No matter your private thoughts on the matter, you have to be polite. Because even if the name looks like a mistake (or a bad joke) to you, it's very real and very personal to the people who chose it and bear it. Think of it this way: when a proud grandma shows you pictures of her grandbabies, do you wrinkle your nose and make snide remarks about how ugly they look? Of course you don't. Follow those same instincts when you hear the kids' names.

Of course, even the best of manners won't keep you from tripping up on a baffling pronunciation. If a parent gets irate over an innocent mistake, try not to strike back. Smile and say, "No offense intended, I just hadn't come across that spelling before. What a creative name!"

Now, if you're on the other side of this exchange, you have to be realistic too. You deliberately chose (or invented) a name to be unconventional, so you can hardly expect it to roll off people's tongues like John and Mary. Gently correcting spelling and pronunciation mistakes, over and over, is the price you pay for uniqueness.

If somebody crosses the line and makes rude comments, your best path is to kill them with kindness. The more gentle and earnest your response, the more they'll regret their own bad manners. Try this, with your sweetest smile: "I realize it may be unfamiliar, but it's so precious to us."

Have you run into bad baby name manners? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

Related: I Gave My Baby the Wrong Name!

ReaderComments (Page 4 of 16)

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6-20-2010 @ 2:47PM

Jesi said...

I know a lady that just simply adds `La` in front of her baby names.. ex LaTasha, LaTonya, LaToya, LaSandra, LaMia, LaDon, all her kids have La in front of it.. I think its kinda weird myself but to each thier own ... I personally like unique names. (no into the La thing though)

Dave said...

now I understand why there's so much bullying in the schools, some parents are plain ignorant

6-20-2010 @ 2:51PM

ALYSSA said...

My name is Alyssa. All my life I have been called everything but my name which is pronounced . I have gotten used to it but I think that everyone interprets things differently. They have their own ways of viewing spelling and pronunciations of names. People should have a little more patience in this world and put themselves in other peoples shoes. How aggravated would you be if someone kept pronouncing your name incorrectly? Whether is Alyssa or Unique? It doesn't matter, that is their name and everyone should be patient and respectful of someone else's choice. Yes, I do get aggravated when someone calls me Melissa on the phone or Alicia when reading my name. Half the time I don't correct them but I am understanding that they do not know me and do not know that my name is Alyssa. So, have some patience people!!!!!!

6-20-2010 @ 2:52PM

GeneTierney said...

"Chinks." Nice one, Joe. Now, go back into your cave.

6-20-2010 @ 7:53PM

trekkie said...

nothing puts the "T" in captain james T. kirk like tyberious. gotta love it. live long and prosper.

6-20-2010 @ 2:55PM

Connie said...

Those parents who choose to name their child a weird name should expect themselves and their child to get abused and have people give them a weird look when telling people their child's name. All my childhood I had to correct people on my name (my full name) not the shortened way to say my name. It's tough enough now-a-days with all the peer pressure and how rude kids can be in school, think about your child's future. You are setting them up for a lifetime of abuse. Unfortunately we live in a society where people are judgemental and rude, but think of your child. They are the one's who will have to deal with the torment at school.

6-20-2010 @ 2:57PM

valari said...

When a child turns 18 they can change thier name, and alot should. It is unfair to give a child a name that is impossible to say or spell, also it is cruel to give them a name that embarresses them.

6-21-2010 @ 10:24AM

David said...

I worked with a woman named Aquanet ... Really!

6-20-2010 @ 3:52PM

I know an Aquanetta and a Velveeta

6-20-2010 @ 3:06PM

Soni said...

An interesting article shows up online, then along comes a bigoted fool such as you, and on other websites your type is now refered to as bigotary's the followers of the tbags and repukistani's... you have earned total disgust of real republicans and democrats....

6-20-2010 @ 3:07PM

Kevin said...

About 30 years ago I knew a married couple ( no children ) these people were very nice and very friendly. The only thing odd about these 2 people were their names. They were Harry and Bertha Butts, yes these were their real names. Both were in their mid 70s when I knew them. Now a days I hear kids with names like Chinette Simion Nika and other weird names like that. A few years ago I was always getting phone calls for some girl named Tyshallawana ( no idea if I spelled that right ) I just don't understand why people name kids things that make no sense and prevent them getting any kind of a good job when nobody can pronounce the name.

Angela said...

I love the name Abcde. I know a little girl by that name. I thought it was so unique and different. I wanted to name my little girl that name. Still do actually. Very easy to spell and pronounce. All the other names after that are ridiculously ghetto. I know another young lady who named her girls
Lyric and Justice...as in "Poetic Justice" and "Jason's Lyric."

I don't understand why people get upset when they pronounce their kids name wrong or vice versa..Ok its just an honest mistake. If the parent corrects you about the name. Don't get upset because its not your "pronunciation" If I pronounce your child name wrong correct me please. Because I will do the same.

Jean said...

When parents give their kids a name that defies spelling and grammar rules they should expect the name to be mispronounced from whatever they intended. It's almost like people have totally ignored gender when naming their kids these days. It would be nice to go back to traditional names and spellings but I'm sure that is not going to happen. America has gotten away from it's roots and we are too concerned about the many cultures and nationalities rather than being American.

6-20-2010 @ 3:08PM

K said...

My daughter's name is a common nickname for a boy and a not so uncommon first name for a girl in the South. Her original birth certificate had her listed as a "male," and before people meet her, they think it's a boy. I don't get mad about any confusion about it because 1) several females in the family have this name, 2) she's met other women including one of her teacher's with that name, and 3) she likes it and it fits her personality.

To each his own. But what sounded and looked good when you were high may not be the best choice. How about using some of the "creative" names as a middle name?

JoAnn said...

When I was pregnant back in '88 I wanted an original name for my son. I never "knew" anyone named Zachary. I watched 'An Officer and a Gentleman' many times when I was pregnant. I wanted my son to be cool like Zac Mayo! NOW, Zachary is as common as David! What happened?!

6-20-2010 @ 7:34PM

Susan said...

I know what you mean. I named my son Zachary after a character in a childrens book I loved as a child. I was thirty when I got pregnant, so I was completely unfamiliar with a little show called "Saved by the Bell", with a lead character named Zack. I thought I was giving my son a name that was not over-popular, but it seemed everyone named their son's Zachary in 1996!

6-20-2010 @ 3:11PM

Mike said...

I went to school with kid named "Lance" Lott and there was a college basketball player several years ago named "Scientific" Maps. I think that you have to consider the potential abuse your kids might get before naming them something this unusual.

The crazy spellings (and I am not saying afrocentric) that the mis-pronunciations can't be blamed on the person who says them wrong. With the really unique names there has to be some patience with the person who says them wrong.

6-20-2010 @ 3:09PM

Nikki said...

My sister and her husband (who is Irish) wanted to name their daughter a traditional Irish name, Sioban, which is pronounced "Shi-von". Knowing most people would not pronounce it correctly, they opted for the spelling Shivahn. It's a lovely name, It works and I completely understand why because we grew up with a last name that most people couldn't pronounce LOL

6-26-2010 @ 12:27PM

Niamh said...

My daughter's second middle name is Siobhan ("sha-VAWN"). Her first middle name is Caoimhe ("KEE-va"). It was important to us that our children have traditional Irish, Scottish, or Welsh names, as that is our ancestral background (and it is tradition in our family to give two middle names). Siobhan is also the feminine-Irish form of John, which is a family name, so it also had special meaning. We also simply loved the name. However, we knew that no one in the US would pronounce it correctly. Our older son's name is Seamus ("SHAY-mus"; Irish form of James), and we had no idea that it would get mispronounced so much. Since we both have seen the name several times in pop culture, we assumed that it was a fairly well-known name in the states (maybe not *AS* well known as Sean, but still known). We were surprised that so many people can't seem to get the pronunciation correct with Seamus' name.

Because of that, we decided that any future children we had would have a much easier to pronounce *first* name (though still traditional, and spelled correctly, or an accepted Anglicization), and the harder-to-pronounce names would go in the middle name slot. So our daughter got a meaningful, well-known (but not popular in the US), Welsh, easy-to-pronounce first name. Caoimhe and Siobhan stayed in the middle. Oddly enough, we still get people who mispronounce her first name. :-/ So it seems that sometimes you just can't win. :-P

Of course they are.

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