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Do We Need New Baby Name Etiquette?
Filed under: Baby Names
What about the people who choose a name for their child and expect it to be pronounced a certain way, yet it goes against English pronunciation? Then they actually get angry that you aren't smart enough to realize they are using a non-standard pronunciation! What can you do with these people?
- Mr. Grumpy
My grandson's name is Tyberious, you should see the looks we get when I introduce him. Please give me a snappy comeback for these rude adults!
- Steamed Grandma
America, we are facing a crisis in baby name etiquette. Names have changed dramatically over the past generation, and our manners haven't kept up. As you can see from my "Grumpy" and "Steamed" correspondents, tempers are rising on both sides of the divide. It's time to take a step back and rediscover common courtesy.
If you're in "Grumpy's" spot, you have to face facts. When it comes to names, normal just isn't normal any more. Last year alone, at least five American babies received each of these names:
Abcde
Cashmiere
Jerusalen
Kharizma
Myrical
Shellsea
Siranthony
Xzavious
Zepplin
And that's just scratching the surface. Every year, you're going to meet more and more people with names that give you pause. No matter your private thoughts on the matter, you have to be polite. Because even if the name looks like a mistake (or a bad joke) to you, it's very real and very personal to the people who chose it and bear it. Think of it this way: when a proud grandma shows you pictures of her grandbabies, do you wrinkle your nose and make snide remarks about how ugly they look? Of course you don't. Follow those same instincts when you hear the kids' names.
Of course, even the best of manners won't keep you from tripping up on a baffling pronunciation. If a parent gets irate over an innocent mistake, try not to strike back. Smile and say, "No offense intended, I just hadn't come across that spelling before. What a creative name!"
Now, if you're on the other side of this exchange, you have to be realistic too. You deliberately chose (or invented) a name to be unconventional, so you can hardly expect it to roll off people's tongues like John and Mary. Gently correcting spelling and pronunciation mistakes, over and over, is the price you pay for uniqueness.
If somebody crosses the line and makes rude comments, your best path is to kill them with kindness. The more gentle and earnest your response, the more they'll regret their own bad manners. Try this, with your sweetest smile: "I realize it may be unfamiliar, but it's so precious to us."
Have you run into bad baby name manners? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
Related: I Gave My Baby the Wrong Name!
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 16)
6-20-2010 @ 3:15PM
Val said...Tyberious is NOT that strange of a name for people to give you 'looks' over. Isn't it the middle name of Capt. James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise? You can #1 - just introduce him as Ty or #2 explain that his parents are big Star Trek fans.
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 5:14PM
Dhira said...I agree with a previous poster: it's the parents' business that they choose an unusual name (and have, hopefully, considered the ramifications). But it is the most disrespectful rudeness for another person to persistently not pronounce it correctly, despite repeated corrections! I changed the spelling of my name to be more likely to be pronounced correctly: it was "Donell" at birth, but pronounced "Deh-NELL" As a female, I feel better reflected by "Denelle"... so now I don't get "DON-all" or "Dawn-ELL" but I still get "Danielle"! And some folks still call me that after repeated corrections! What's to do?! ;-P
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 3:20PM
JoAnn said...When my son was in grade school there was a boy with the last name of Floyd. Normal name, until his Floyd parents named him Pink! A boy named Pink is bad enough, but Pink Floyd, gimme a break! Pink is 20 now, I often wonder how he's doing!
Reply
6-21-2010 @ 12:18AM
D said...If people want to name their kids ridiculous names, Then expect the ridiculous comments that people are going to make! Oh and if you don't know the right way to spell the name, Don't make it up and expect people to be able to pronounce it! Idiots should not be allowed to reproduce!
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 3:18PM
jany said...when my mom worked at a county hospital in CA, some of the mothers thought that the doctors named thier kids. so you will see Male and Female (insert the last name of your choice). the names were pronouced "mollie" and "femollie".
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6-20-2010 @ 6:31PM
marshaHodgson said...My mom was a NYC police officer. Many years ago she was booking a prostitute; she asked for the woman's first name. The response was "Fa ma le." When my mom asked for the spelling, it too was spelt Female. Holding back a laugh or smirk, my mom replied: "That's a lovely name. Did your parents give it to you?" The woman said: "Thanks! But, no. They told me the hospital gave it to me, and they just loved it, so, they kept it."
6-20-2010 @ 3:24PM
Sue said...How would you pronounce this one, Aibhelynne? Would you believe Avelyn (like Evelyn)? Yup, I know a baby named this. Everyone tried to talk her out of it. She wouldn't listen.
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6-20-2010 @ 3:32PM
Jessica said...I just had my youngest daughter on June 11th and have noticed the 'butchering' of the names for some time. I really don't think it's a big deal though. Unless it's WAY off, there's no real reason to get upset to the point of flipping out on the person.
My husband and I have 3 children, each having a unique name. Mind you, this is their first AND middle names.
Dahya Faith "Day-a Faith" - Say it fast it says Day of Faith
Krysta Lynn (Chris-ta Lynn) - Spelling alteration of Crystalline
Reyna Serenity "Ray-na Serenity" - Say this fast it's Reign of Serenity (peace), or since Reyna is a variation of Reina which means Queen in Spanish, it could be Queen of Serenity (peace).
(We were going back and forth on the middle name between Serenity and Tara "ter-a". Say Reyna Tara fast and see what you come up with. :P)
People, sometimes, have their reasons for naming their children the way they do. It's the new generation, and people are getting a lot more creative. I don't blame them. My name is Jessica, now how common is that?
Reply
7-19-2010 @ 4:01PM
flbob said...you've got to be kidding with those names.
6-20-2010 @ 3:34PM
mac said...Yes, my name is Mac. That is pronounced Rej i nald. Now, get it right or I'll sue for discrimination.
Reply
6-23-2010 @ 5:01PM
Elizabeth said...HOW do you pronounce ABCDE? I hardly think that is a creative name at all, sounds like a kindergartner who had only learned the first 5 letters of the alphabet. I worked in postpartum for a long time, lots of people who ask me "I want to name my baby this, how should I spell it?". Really, if you don't know how to spell it I don't think you should name the baby that. I had a mom who was having her second and she STILL forgot how to spell the older child's name, and that child was almost 2! BTW, when I was growing up I heard the "orangejello and lemonjello and Vagina and Shi"thead stories and how they were "real" people. Why come on here and comment you taught those kids in school or you are friends with the parents? I graduated high school almost 29 yrs ago and those stories were told back then. Did you know the government has the right to repel a birth certificate name if the name is offensive? How would VAGINA or SHI'Thead get through? I do know someone who named the baby Meconium. You have to know what that is, but if you know you will understand why that is just wrong.
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6-20-2010 @ 3:38PM
heidi said...Parents can name their children anything they want no matter how stupid it may be, the problem is parents do not think about the child and how it will affect their life. Children make fun of children because of their names not that they should but with the way some children are raised what can you expect.Parents should think about the child before naming him or her.
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6-20-2010 @ 3:42PM
really? said...You see, that is why I named my daughter Celeste. It wasn't a terribly average name, nor was it too unique to be considered weird. My parents named me "Genea"- but thanks to my dad- spelled completely weird- so that ive been called everything from Gina to guinea (yeah like the animal). Take it from someone who's had the odd experience of a "unique" name- just don't do it.
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 3:38PM
Lori K said...As someone who got teased as a kid, I know that kids can be very cruel. It's not the adults you have to worry about, it's the teasing these poor kids are going to get!
Reply
6-21-2010 @ 5:42AM
CaptainMom said...I'm on both sides of this fence. My name is Ragna (pronounced Ron-na). It was my great-great grandmother's (my grandmother's grandmother!) and she was still alive in Norway when I was born. My mother changed the original pronunciation, but kept the spelling. As you can imagine, I have been called Rag-na EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. I find is as objectionable as you may imagine.
In college, when the prof would call roll and get down toward the "R"s (my last name starts with R, too), I'd just hold up my hand and say, "It's Ronna, like Donna with an R."
In college, I received a letter from the selective service (draft board) saying that I was a man, and that I had failed to register for the draft. (All these years and I'd been using the wrong restroom!) I also am CERTAIN that I have missed out on job opportunities because resume reviewers or interviewers were unsure of my gender and were afraid to mispronounce my name.
When I was in grade school, I was particularly sensitive to mispronounciations of my name. I remember SPECIFICALLY my 8th grade graduation and telling the principal to say my name correctly (he used to call me Rag-na and think it funny despite my tears and frustration). He mispronounced it. I cried and my mother fumed.
As an adult, I appreciate having a unique name and an interesting history behind it. I also have two boys. And a degree in English and a minor in Linguistics. When my kids were born, I wanted names for them that were uncommon, gender specific, and had a significant meaning. They also had to have minimal tease-ability. Tall order. My husband was great and understanding and longsuffering. I spent hours on the internet, poring over name meanings. I finally came up with Roland (Germanic, means "renowned") and Milo (Germanic, means "soldier" and Greek, means "compassionate").
6-20-2010 @ 3:40PM
richard said...I do not have to be polite by keeping my thoughts private. The rights these stupid parents exercise to express their thoughts, are the same rights I will use to express mine. When you do thoughtless things that will have long term repercussions on somebody other than yourself, your half-witted mentality needs to be enlightened. Most of these people who come up with these "creative" names, have childeren that are too stupid to make it through mainstream schooling, now you are going to further confuse them by giving them a name they can't spell....
Reply
6-20-2010 @ 3:41PM
bunny66 said...Wow! And to think that 13 years ago, I almost named my son Seven!!
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6-20-2010 @ 3:48PM
Hillary said...If you work in public schools, God help you trying to call roll. I have seen a name pronounced shi-THEED spelled Shithead. It is true - in a small Texas town. Tiawanna (Tiajuana), Female - which rhymes with tamale. I've seen Johnitshay, Robchastity (how disgusting is that if you think about it), and stuff I can't even try to pronounce. How about Le-a. Can't figure out how to say that? Try Le Dasha, (the dash isn't silent). I'm sorry but if you name your kid something like that, you deserve to be tortured with mispronunciation and to be sterilized. Your poor kid. Are these moms high when the nurse takes their birth certificate info? What kind of morons is this country producing?
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7-06-2010 @ 8:48PM
Alia said...You people that keep posting these "urban legends" as truth are such freaking idiots. Everybody KNOWS they're not true!
6-20-2010 @ 6:24PM
jaime said...I spell my name J-a-i-m-e. Ive gotten called Hyme my whole life!!!!
Im a girl by the way!
I want my kids to have unique names and spellings. A girl, Ive decided on Mally. Named after my beloved pitbull. LOL.
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