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Opinion: Careful, Son, Your Helping Hand Could End Up in Cuffs
Filed under: Weird But True, Opinions
I winced when I heard that a 14-year-old Florida boy was arrested for kidnapping after he attempted to help a lost 3-year-old girl find her mom.
He easily could be one of us.
By "us," I mean one of the males in my family. We're not exactly native to your world. We all came here from Planet Dork.
My son is no exception. He is the kindest, sweetest, most gentle child you could ever meet. However, like all males of his peculiar genome, he sometimes shows limited understanding of human ways and customs: The bus driver only wants your fare; he doesn't want your life story when he politely asks, "How are you?" The waitress who gives you extra whipped cream on your pie prefers a generous tip over an enthusiastic hug.
So I felt a certain kinship with Edwin McFarlane, the would-be good Samaritan. I tend to believe his story. There but for the grace of God goes my own lovable but clueless spawn.
ABC News reports that Edwin says he saw a little girl at Burlington Coat Factory who had apparently been separated from her mother. Thinking the mother was among a group of women who'd just left the store, the teen led the girl outside to try and reunite them.
The mother was actually in the store. She saw the girl with Edwin, retrieved her and resumed shopping. Edwin resumed shopping with his own mother.
Nonetheless, a clerk who saw Edwin leave with the little girl called 911. The soft-spoken teenager was handcuffed and arrested on suspicion of what's called false imprisonment, a form of kidnapping.
Most of the evidence -- including the store's surveillance camera -- backs up Edwin's story. His mom says the girl's mother even thanked Edwin for his concern and effort.
Now, clearly, there are better ways to help a child who appears to be separated from her or his parents.
The best thing to do is alert a store manager, or security guard, or a police officer. If the child needs immediate help, take him or her to that responsible grownup. The proper personnel can handle the matter.
Don't take the child and go looking for her parents yourself.
Rest assured, given the incident in Florida, I will tell this tale to my son. I can easily envision him getting caught up in a similar situation armed only with his good intentions.
I never warned him of an instance such as this before because, frankly, I never thought of it. It's hard to envision every possible knot and tangle a sweet but naive kid might land in.
Some smell the faint whiff of racism in the Florida case. Edwin is dark-skinned. The insinuation is that Edwin came under such immediate and severe suspicion because of his skin color. It's possible -- it has been known to happen in the past.
More likely, though, the arrest was due to society's increased concern -- almost paranoia -- over the safety of children. In my own neck of the woods, the recent disappearance of 7-year-old Kyron Horman after being dropped off at school in Portland, is causing a media frenzy and has re-ignited parents' fears for their kids.
The fear is not so much about race as it is anything that threatens our children. My own mother, after all, lives in fear of my own teenage son having a bus pass, because he's apparently just too beautiful for any random pedophile to resist.
We can easily go overboard in our emotional reactions and zeal for safety, and it's sad that a young man has found his kindness repaid with suspicion and public humiliation as a result.
We teach our kids a lot about stranger danger. It might be good to remind them, from time to time, that human beings are not all bad. In reality, most are really good, and are happy to help a little girl find her mommy.
Telling the good from the bad requires thinking rather than reacting.
Related: Driver Finds Toddler in Busy Intersection
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 26)
6-17-2010 @ 2:09PM
queenchese said...All it took was a little common sense and a quick review of the security tape...and no handcuffs. Too bad the poor kid got a taste of how judgmental and narrow minded some adults can be so early in life. And PS....keep your kid in a cart. Stroller. Leash....whatever.....just keep an eye on em!!
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6-17-2010 @ 11:10PM
Star said...My question is that if the woman saw him, why didn't she try to get the girl back? It's in public, so he couldn't have done anything to her.
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6-17-2010 @ 2:08PM
Jean Bailey said...It's unfortunate that he left the store with the kid. If he just brought her to a store employee so that they could make an announcement of a lost child, then he wouldn't have been arrested. At 6 feet in height, it's hard to believe that anyone would believe that he's only 14. But then, 14 year olds do commit crimes!
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6-17-2010 @ 5:00PM
Godislovess said...It is not like he left the parking lot! He went to see if the ladies who had just walked away were one of her mothers. He did nothing wrong. I have a nephew who is 15 and 6ft tall, that doesn't make him subtle to brutality and unfair treatment by the judicial system.
6-17-2010 @ 3:27PM
Katie said...Jean Bailey, Yes, 14 year olds do commit crimes. It was clear that this boy only had the purest intentions, however being 14, hasn't had his mind properly "poisoned" by the goings on in our world today. I think this was more the racist cop's misjudgement than the boys! Everybody wonders why our teens are so jaded and don't want to help. This is a classic example of why! I think the store clerk needs to be arrested for making a false report! If they are going to go as far as arresting this young man for being concerned and helpful, then why should the clerk get off free after calling in the false report!!
Sure makes me want to go out of my way to help someone else.....NOT!
6-17-2010 @ 4:02PM
RJ said...Come on Jean, do 14 year olds commit these crimes while shopping for shoes with their mother? I live here in the Orlando area where it occurred. He approached people in the store asking if the child was theirs, and followed a group of women out the door to ask them the same. They responded no, and he returned to the store and found the mother. He then returned to shopping with his mom.
Regarding the charges not being dropped; he was originally charged with kidnapping and the police had already alerted local news media and they paraded the 14 year old in front of them, allowing the interviewers to poke their mic's in his face asking why he did it. Shortly after they realized they made a big mistake, the Police downgraded it to the lesser charge. The police know they are going to be sued and vilified by the community and the national network TV, so they left the lesser charge stand so they have a bargaining chip in hand when they meet with Edwin's new friends, the Attorneys! As in you drop the suit, we drop the charges....
6-17-2010 @ 2:10PM
colcam said...Actually, paranoid Jennylee, parents frequently go outside the front doors to see if their child wandered out there--
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6-17-2010 @ 2:13PM
PATTY said...IF ANYONE SHOULD BE TAKEN TO THE POLICE STATION TRY THE HALF ASS SECURITY GUARD WHO CALLED THIS IN. HE DIDNT SEE HIM RETURN AND FROM WHAT HE STATES HAPPEN AND WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAYS HAPPENS IS TWO DIFFERENT STORIES. THAT SHOULD GET HIM FALSE REPORTING IF NOTHING ELSE. ONCE THE MOTHER CAME FORTH AND THANKED THE SON SECURITY SHOULD OF CALL THE POLICE BACK AND SAID IT WAS A MISTAKE. . . . JUST LIKE IT WAS.
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6-17-2010 @ 2:17PM
me said...I hope he doesn't stop helping people after this incident. We all need more compassion and sympathy. Children do get taken and people walk past dying victims on the street.
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6-17-2010 @ 2:15PM
Shirley Armatis said...This is so sad the mother should come forward and appoligize . I think she was in fear that this was really happening and jumped to conclusions to soon and you should look into drwaing up a lawsuit for false arrest you seem to me to be a nice young man if this had been my child I would appreaciate everything you have done . The mother should had been charged I think if she had did this on purpose where was she that her child was walking alone what about the parents responsibility here . I think the judge should dissmiss this case and straighten out this problem you are a very nice kid wanting to help this little kid find its parents .
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6-17-2010 @ 2:35PM
Jennifer said...The mother didn't call it in. A store employee did. The mother thanked the young man and backed up his story. The article stated all of this. Did you read it all?
6-17-2010 @ 4:21PM
Gigi said...She was probally shoplifting and too busy to take care of her welfare baby
6-17-2010 @ 2:16PM
NATMAN said...I think with the history of the arresting officer as seen in the video, that this young man is completely innocent. The officer is a racists and should loose his job.
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6-17-2010 @ 2:17PM
TurkleTrimp said...The boy is just an innocent teenager. He honestly didn't know what to do-as many people would not have. Life not only happens-it happens FAST. We don't always have time to think things through before we act. An adult would have known to go to a store authority, but not a boy.
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6-17-2010 @ 2:18PM
Paige said...I remember finding a little girl crying in Wal-Mart one night about 9PM b/c she couldn't find her Mom. I knelt down and asked what was wrong and she sobbed that she didn't know where her mommy was. It broke my heart. I almost cried. I was only 16 at the time, but I took her by the hand and told her we'd go to the front and ask an employee to call her mom to the front and she grabbed my neck and hugged me so tight. We walked 2 aisles over and found an employee and as I explained what was happening I heard a woman screaming for [what I assumed was] her daughter. We ran over and she hit the floor in tears. I've never been thanked more in my life for anything I'd ever done. There was apparently a nasty custody battle going on and a week before the paternal aunt had taken her. I never thought twice about leading the little girl by the hand to find her mom. It's kind of a sad world when people immediately jump to kidnapping, even after the mother thanked him and resumed shopping. A mother's instincts should be trusted more than the security's suspicions. She believed this young man was trying to help her daughter, and he did bring her back in the store after realizing that the group who'd just left didn't belong to her. If he were kidnapping her, why'd he go back in the store? Crazy people.
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6-17-2010 @ 2:19PM
NATMAN said...What the heck are you talking about person. The mother didn't do this. The dumba$$ security gaurd caused all the problems. Read the dang story or watch the video.
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6-17-2010 @ 2:43PM
Lisa said...Yea, but if the mother had her child with her, none of this would be an issue.
6-17-2010 @ 2:20PM
Celia Javadi said...This is a tough one. I think (but I'm not fully convinced) Edwin was probably doing exactly what he said he was doing. I'm not fully convinced because it's what every caught child abductor would say in the situation. The fact that the girl's mother thanked him and wasn't upset w/ him weighs very strongly in his favor. Somewhere along the line, he should have been taught things like, "If you find a condom at the bus stop, inform a responsible adult like a teacher or your bus driver," (elementary school HIV prevention education) and it should have explained to him that that pretty much covers any unusual thing you find anywhere - including lost children in stores. For now, I'm voting on "Poor Edwin. That sucks." We do live in a police state today, and we would do well not to forget that. We must always remember to follow chains of command. Not to do so is now considered criminal activity. That's been our reality since Sept 11, 2001.
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6-17-2010 @ 3:15PM
melissa said...@ Celia Javadi: How could you even say you "think" that this boy is telling the truth? You should be saying you know that this boy is telling the truth! I mean seriously he's 14 years old. And whats with this, " I'm not fully convinced because it's what every caught child abductor would say in the situation", really?!! Hello 14! and besides just look at the kid he's a gentle giant he should be getting thanked by the mother and the media should be apologizing for being so small minded about this. It wasn't necessary to take the boy out of the store in handcuffs, and it's obvious that whomever told that security guard that he lured the girl outside was probably just racist too because you can see the little girl following him out. This whole situation is a shame really, to think that anyone would even think a 14 year old would attempt to steal a little girl with his mother right next to him.
6-18-2010 @ 9:01AM
toni said...in todays times why would you not make your child stand beside you while you shop. i'm the mother of a grown son and a teen daughter,when i went to any store that had carts they went in like it or not. i'm the parent not them. when my son wandered off after being told to stay with me i spanked his butt. I did not BEAT him i just got his undivided attention and he stayed with me next time. parents PLEASE watch your kids
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