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Massachusetts Fathers Fighting Custody Injustice or a Phantom Menace?
Filed under: Divorce & Custody, In The News, Single Parenting
Brian Ayers, who has a child with his ex-girlfriend, is paying child support and fighting in court to get more time with his 14-month-old son. Credit: Nancy Palmieri
One of the latest battlegrounds for this conflict is Massachusetts where activists are pushing a bill before the state Legislature that would force courts in custody cases to start with the presumption that both mothers and fathers deserve equal time with their children.
Critics argue the bill is unnecessary -- that fathers are tilting at imaginary windmills -- and they warn children could get skewered in the process.
Brian Ayers of Brookfield, Mass., is among the activist dads behind the bill. The Boston Globe reports his former girlfriend, who discovered she was pregnant after they broke up, has primary custody of their 14-month-old son.
To get joint custody, he tells the newspaper, he learned he would have to mount an expensive custody case.
"I was very upset," Ayers tells the Globe. "I thought in this country you wouldn't have to necessarily fight to spend time with your own child."
That's why the law needs to be changed, Ned Holstein, the executive director of Fathers & Families, a national advocacy group based in Massachusetts, tells the Globe.
"What we have right now is essentially a maternal veto (over joint custody)," he tells the newspaper. "We don't understand why Mom should have a veto over what is in the best interests of children."
This concept of a "maternal veto" is a myth -- and a potentially dangerous one at that, according to organizations that deal with domestic violence.
"If the world were a perfect place where everybody was just able to get along and put their differences aside, we might have a different lens on this," Nancy Allen Scannell, director of policy and planning for the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, tells the Globe. "But we all know the reality of what happens."
The bill, she tells the newspaper, eliminates the ability of judges to examine the nuances of what is best for the child on a case-by-case basis.
Custody cases are often too complex for this one-size-fits-all approach, Thomas Barbar, co-chairman of the Massachusetts Bar Association's family law section council, tells the Globe.
He says he rarely sees judges simply make knee-jerk decisions in favor of mothers.
"What I've noticed is the court tries to make sure that the kids are spending time with each parent and nobody is being prejudiced," he tells the Globe. "They try not to make decisions rashly."
The bill also is opposed by the Massachusetts chapter of the National Organization for Women.
"I think it's an unnecessary step," Christina Knowles, the state director of NOW, tells the Globe. "I think judges explain their decisions anyway. It seems redundant."
Yet, Ayers tells the Globe it shouldn't cost father a minimum of $15,000 in legal fees to seek joint custody.
"In the probate court, you're guilty of being a deadbeat dad the minute you walk through the door," he adds.
The bill, originally proposed by state Rep. Colleen Garry, of Dracut, Mass., two years ago, is now before the joint Judiciary Committee. The Globe reports the committee has until July 13 to act on the bill, but an extension may be granted.
Other countries have headed where Massachusetts is contemplating going.
Australia has a shared parenting law that came under fire after a 4-year-old Melbourne girl was allegedly thrown to her death from a bridge by her father last year.
Critics argue the girl's mother was too frightened to raise allegations of violence in family court, lest she be considered an uncooperative parent trying to undermine the father.
Australian Attorney General Robert McClelland ordered a report on the law by retired family court judge Richard Chisholm. Chisholm concluded the law was a "tangle" that makes it more difficult for women to raise allegations of domestic violence in Australia's family court system.
Related story: Report Criticizes Australia's Parenting Law
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-07-2010 @ 10:19AM
Kate said...This lawsuit is not unnecessary. I grew up in Massachusetts. My sister and I were placed in the care of a drug using mother instead of with our father, who was sober, because it was presumed that the mother is ALWAYS the best home for the child. Despite my father spending years of fighting for custody, my sister and I remained in an abusive home for six years. He only got custody after our mother abandoned us.
I cannot wait until both fathers and mothers are looked at EQUALLY under the law! The child should be placed with the parent who is best able to care for them, not just automatically with the mother.
Reply
8-20-2010 @ 6:05PM
MotSnoyl said...I am currently going thru this same thing with my x who has never been there for our kids.whether it be school activities,sports,school work or even playing a board game. I am fighting for custody in Ma. hoping the GAL sees the truth when she investigates her terrible parenting ability.
7-07-2010 @ 12:42PM
T said...I agree that some fathers are better parents than some mothers. That being said, most of the time a child is better off in the primary care of their mother. It is a more natural and generally better environment, as most mothers more naturally fall into the role. Scientists, psychologists, and other professionals will tell you that this is most often the case. The courts (in many places) seem to take this 'most often' reality for granted though. While equal custody should be given to any fit parent, equal placement is no good for a child. The article does not seem to state the difference. Custody is the right to monitor and make decisions for your child, placement is the time you are allowed to spend with them (or visitation time). Parents can have joint custody with the father only getting the child every other weekend for example (the mother would have primary placement then). Equal placement only keeps the child from having that safe zone that most of us had growing up - home.
Wisconsin is a very equal custody state. Seemingly regardless of circumstances. I have stories of unfit and dangerous people who have custody rights because the courts do not look at criminal or abuse history unless it directly involves the specific child. The courts also do not allow children to testify until a certain age. The fact that my daughter was abused (pushed down, hit, punched, had things thrown at her, and even kicked and burned) when I was not a direct witness (at work) is regarded as hearsay and is not considered in deciding custody. The father's 4 OWIs, felonies, violent crimes, history of domestic abuse, and at least 7 stints in alcohol treatment facilities to impress judges in various cases mean nothing. So he has joint custody, thank God he hasn't tried to visit in over a year. If he did, I would be looking at jail time for non-compliance... and while I was in jail my children would be placed with...?...you guessed it - HIM. I even have to hire someone to find him so that I may ask for his permission to take my children out of state for vacation or a day at 6-flags an hour away, or again... possible jail time.
Children's courts need to wise up all the way around!
Reply
7-08-2010 @ 2:37PM
Michael Ambrose said...Unfortunately, your opinion isn't supported by actual facts, T, no disrespect intended.
Just review Department of Justice data regarding children who are neglected, killed, malnourished dating back many years. You will find when it comes to child abuse, child neglect, and child deaths - mothers alone and mothers in conjunction with a new love interest are significantly higher on the cause list for detrimental outcomes for children. Biological fathers are far less likely to kill, maim, neglect their children according to the data.
From the Department of Health and Human Services for 2008 (rates are similar going back years) Victims by perpetrator: Mother 38%, Father 18%. Toss in another 6% of cases where it's the mother and "other" (not the father) and it's not even close.
7-08-2010 @ 4:53PM
Tara said...You cannot simply state that "Victims by perpetrator: Mother 38%,
Father 18%. Toss in another 6% of cases where it's the mother and
"other" (not the father)" and neglect to factor in National statistics that state 23% of children (out of the 40% of children from divorce - not even factoring non-marital birth) live with the mother and only 4% with the father with an additional statistic that 34% of children overall have no contact with their father vs a zero contact with the mother statistic that I have yet to even find. The statistics you mention includes children who live with both parents as well. No disrespect intended, but you need to complete your equation before
reaching (or preaching) a complete result.
Either way, my point is that I agree the courts need to look into
appropriate custody on a case by case basis more effectively rather
than base decisions on "the usual case".
7-07-2010 @ 5:53PM
muppetsbabygirl said...I understand all about custody battles and I can tell you that I was thankful for a judge that saw through my ex! My ex made a grandstand show about how I was a horrible mother, except that I had witnesses to the contrary and that many more reported that he was abusive, and so on and so on....Well now a friend of my husbands is going through torture with his own son...he rarely gets to see his child, the mother flagrantly ignores the visitation decree, allows the child to stay up till all hours of the night and is negligent in so many more ways its disgusting! The mother is an unstable person at best and a psycho at worst! Leaves the child in a drug filled environment and accuses the father of being a dead beat! He has gone to court and petitioned for the child but it's a nightmare gone horribly wrong!
I think that a law like this would at least give the more responsible parent a fighting chance! I mean the father works two jobs and and spends most of his money on his son, is in a healthy relationship and the most wild thing he does is change his clothes! I think there should be a law that gives the fathers a better shot at custody! Not all the moms are good moms, much less good people!
Reply
7-10-2010 @ 9:18PM
lori said...well, I guess I'm lucky. I never had to go through all of this,I had custody of the kids,their dad saw them whenever he wanted,he never had a problem paying child support or medical care.
I totally support the dads who are fighting for their kids, and those moms need to let the kids see dad, I know that sometimes the kids are used as pawns in this parental tug of war, but in the end only the kids are hurt. Just because you two don't get along, you will be forever linked together because you have kids together, to those who are fighting, you need to stop acting like brats and be a team for the best interests of your kids.
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7-12-2010 @ 8:56PM
could it be said...It's SAD that all states make the ASSumption that Mother Knows Best..... That IS a MYTH in many cases.
That was in the days of the ONE INCOME STAY-AT-HOME Mom
families of the past.
These days, just as WOMEN take on other roles, why is it SO HARD to believe that MEN can't take on the responsibility of EQUAL or in some cases PRIMARY custody holder.
The studies referenced above are from a By-Gone Era in many cases, and should be UPDATED to reflect our CURRENT SOCIETY where Both Parents are Working and therefore BOTH deserve EQUAL TIME. Especially in the Situations where the DAD's ARE BEING REAL DADS! Supporting their families with TIME and MONEY!
It's sad when a "STEP DAD" has MORE access and MORE RIGHTS than the Biological Dad!
I'm LOOKING FORWARD to a POSITIVE outcome for the Massachusetts Laws.
Reply
7-15-2010 @ 5:06PM
Chuck said...It is what it is. Moms no matter how many guys they parade through the house. The rule is if they have a lock on the bedroom door it's ok. If they leave the children with competent care even for the equivalent of a month at a time it's ok.
I'm 58, been through all of this. My boys still remember all of the men she had running through the house. Yes it did affect them. They moved back to where I live and have been near me for the last 18 years.
Dad's we are sperm donors and McCash machines. All the more reason to instill in your kids to use protection and make sure she is on the pill.
Moms get the kids, Men have to fight to see the kids. It's how the women get to control everything. I love ,my boys and the grand children they gave me but the heartache of not being able to raise them was worse than the divorce. I'm not bitter, I just recently loaned their mother 10,000 dollars because of a screw up she did. But it is what it is. The laws still are written so that one would think that all it takes is a MOM and dads paycheck.
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7-15-2010 @ 6:45PM
baddawgg said...I live in Michigan. One of the worst situations is when one parent makes false accuations of physical or sexual abuse against the others (and entices her children to make the same claim.) It is againt the law here for the accused parent to make public statements (to talk radio stations, on the Internet, or anywhere else) that the accusation is false. And at least one person (Lisa Norton of the Family Independance Agency) has been shown to have helped the female parent manufacture false accusations.
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8-08-2010 @ 4:49PM
joeobryan said...Mother doesnt know best. Im currently fighting for my boys due to the courts parental alienation of the father. My boys have been hiden from me for 9 years and I found the oldest on facebook. Then the middle boy found me. What I have learned from my sons is there is sever abuse going on in that house and the cops nor CPS will listen to myself of the kids! Boys ages are 17,14,12 and you think a judge even listens to the kids cry out for help NOTHING! I have been dealing with the system for 10 years now. And I have been thru everything that the system can throw at a non-custodial father. So I wrote a book for Non-custodial fathers and stepmoms called STUPID GUY IN THE MIDWEST. Google or facebook the book. It will open your eyes to a screwed up system!
Reply
1-21-2011 @ 1:39AM
romulusmedusa said...All we ask is fainess...equal consideration.
http://DadsInCourt.blogspot.com/
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