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This Summer, Give Your Kids the Gift of Boredom
Filed under: Your Kids, Big Kids, Opinions, Kids' Games, Activities: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Health & Safety: Big Kids, Development: Big Kids, Behavior: Big Kids, Nutrition: Big Kids, Education: Big Kids, Activities: Big Kids, Gear Guides: Big Kids, Research Reveals: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Big Kids, Activities: Family Time
During the last few weeks of school my kids brought home piles of flyers for summer camps and activities. The pressure on parents to fill those once-lazy-summer-days with organized and expensive activities is tremendous.
After all, they all sound so educational and fun -- we'd hate for our kids to miss out. Plus, the kids want to be with their friends. As my husband and I struggle to narrow the list, coordinate the schedule and somehow fit it into the family budget, we actually worry: If we don't sign them up for something, does that make us bad parents?
But maybe the greatest gift we can give our child this summer is the gift of down time -- and a lot of it. Kids actually need time to get bored. Deprived of adult-organized activities, television and video games, they'll have access to a rare commodity and the fruit of boredom: Mental space to reflect, read, create, and discover.
It's something most of us had and took for granted growing up. Faced with long summer days without a whole lot of adult interference, kids will rediscover toys they haven't played with for months, organize other "bored" kids for neighborhood kickball games or freeze tag, observe nature, catch frogs, make a lemonade stand, read a book, climb a tree or sit under it for a delicious afternoon nap. They'll have time to get lost in their own thoughts and dreams.
I recognize it's a very countercultural gift, one that's not easy to give; first you have to endure the protests from your kids and the guilt you might initially feel about not having to spend your summer driving to practices. You also might worry that other kids are getting ahead of yours in the "enrichment" department or feel embarrassed when asked by other parents about your child's summer activities. It might be just as difficult to get used to hearing your kids say "I'm bored," and feeling good about smiling, doing nothing about it, and trusting that a healthy dose of childhood boredom is a precious and priceless gift.
Related: My First Child is Off to Summer Camp (and I Never Got to Go)
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-07-2010 @ 12:16PM
Michelle said...I agree. I'm all for the "lazy days of summer". Moms need a break, too!
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7-07-2010 @ 7:39PM
Sucremaple said...The of gift of boredom is enriched when given with the gift of siblings. I will always look back fondly on my days spent with my 10 siblings just swimming in the backyard and climbing tress.
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7-07-2010 @ 6:32PM
Kat said...Hear! Hear! My daughter enjoys a blissful, unstructured summer every year. We attend Roots and Shoots meetings and go to the library every week, and to the pool once a week together. We walk in the woods and read lots of books with each other. She also helps in the vegetable garden and picks the strawberries and raspberries for me. The rest of the time she's on her own, making mudpies, fairy houses and stick tepees in the yard, and riding her bike on our drive. Read Richard Louv's book, - Last Child In the Woods - for an interesting perspective on a child's need for free, unstructured time spent in nature.
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7-07-2010 @ 7:51PM
Anita said...So true! Not to mention they learn to overcome boredom, be creative and I believe plenty of unsupervised time makes them good at resolving conflicts independently without telling tales and parents refereeing - they don't teach those skills at any camp!
I think this applies to too many afterschool activities too.
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7-07-2010 @ 9:54PM
Sifrina said...I completely agree that too many activities are a problem for most children (who need a lot of unstructured play), and I'm a big believer in limiting afterschool activities for this reason. But, too LITTLE structure is also not good for most children.
I live in a county where most moms are SAHM. I see many families who just don't have the financial security they should (i.e., they can't pay their bills) simply because their weekends last all week. They romanticize their situation and justify it instead of facing the reality of economic hardship. Children don't even go to one week of any kind of activity, because there's simply no money (not because it's necessarily better for the child to be at home). Sadly, I see lots of kids on video games and watching tv all day. It is so obvious that if you can't pay for one week of summer camp, you probably aren't saving to pay for college or grad school. But why ruin a perfectly fun summer thinking about financial planning, right?
For us (a working family and a happy day camper who gets to play with chalk on driveways, gimp, and has "free swim" every day), weekends are a great time for us to be as lazy as we want to be. Everything is best in moderation - even free time! We love that our son gets to watch how we achieve this balance AND we can all feel secure about our family's future together.
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7-08-2010 @ 9:18AM
Bev said...I somewhat disagree with this. As a mom who is praying that this country gets with the program and brings in year round school I have to say "boredom"seems like a bad idea. Did you know that a child looses up to 1/3 of what she/he has learned during the school year during vacation?!
I agree that the child does not need every hour of his/her day laid out and that they need some time left to their own devices. But how about instead of boredom have some reading/math review hours (which most kids are SORELY lacking during the summer)? I'm not saying you need to "over-structure" them, but I think there is an opportunity in boredom. Also, what is mom doing when the kids are telling her they are bored? Isn't the point of a SAHM to provide structure throughout the day for them? Perhaps I romanticize the idea since I no longer have the luxury of being a SAHM, but when I did I had a couple projects planned for each day, plus some academic review and a bit of "free time" each day - but never did my kids get to the point of "boredom".
While 'lazy summers" seems lovely in theory - what if they don't have siblings to play with or other "neighborhood" kids? I'm not from a wealthy neighborhood so the women in my neighborhood have to work, therefore therearen't kids arounds to play with. Lazy summers aren't a choice/reality for the majority of people. Plus, sometimes a little too much laziness is just that - a little too much. As another poster stated weekends are a great lazy time - you get structure during the week and break during the weekends - a perfect moderation.
The majority of moms just can't afford to just let their kids stay home "bored" because they have to work and therefore their kids are in daycare/summer camps. I think we don't need to demonize these daycamps. My kids LOVE camp and they are FAR from overstructured. They are learning to negotiate friendships, new skills and playing. They get "free time" during the day when they can participate in any activity they want or just sit and have "down time". I remember my days of non-camp and actually it kind of stunk. Yes, I had my siblings, but the majority of my friends were at camp doing all sorts of fun things and I feel like I totally missed out.
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7-08-2010 @ 10:08PM
Sifrina said...Bev - Very well put (and I'm not just saying this because we are in 100% agreement). I'm also a proponent of keeping kids sharp during the summer and the "year round" school idea (not really more days, just spread out better). With our throwback "agrarian" school calendar (most families don't count on kids to help out on family farms in the summer like they used to), teachers say the whole month of September is about regaining what was lost over the summer - academics and self discipline.
7-26-2010 @ 11:35PM
Zanne said...Lazy days of summer are reminiscent of my youth, but it's not what I want for my kids. We were able to ride bikes and just be outside for hours with our friends. Moms used to tell us to be back for lunch or dinner, then we'd kick around the neighborhood. They were great times and I wish my kids could have this opportunity. But I live on the East Coast (NJ) and there's no way that my kids could have that kind of freedom. Instead, they're at camp. There, they are outside in the fresh air, no computers, no tvs, no video games. They swim, they play, they lay on their backs looking up at the sky and talk about what they see in the clouds. It may be unfortunate, but in my reality here, I need to send them to camp for them to have any freedom in their summer and any similarity to the summers of my childhood.
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9-25-2010 @ 6:35PM
patti said...Wow, for once I actually agree with you. Normally, you are like nails on a chalkboard for me.....
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10-20-2010 @ 12:54PM
Tahseen said...I fond that parents who schedule their kids in every conceivable activities are just parents who want to be given a free ride from parenting.. have their own free time, not bother with being a real parent... and spening time with their kids....excuses xcuses.... I find that a little downtime is great to the mind and physical being of the child and there is nothing wrng with a mom and her child hangign out on the sofa watch a nice family show or playing games or vegging out on ice cream and popcorn--reading a bok or just talking to each other.... What a concept.. Hmmm... that's what My daughter and I do... when we get bored of the movies, malls, museums, pools, public places and private lessons...
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