Weary Stay-at-Home Mother Leaning Too Much on the "TV Babysitter"?

I deal with this too... I wish I was better at playing I see some mom's that can play make believe better than my girls and I envy them. My kids and I color their creations hang on my walls I'm an artist and so are they so we bond over that... Actually i think I will get the crayons out right now :) Have a great day everyone and enjoy your kids.

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This is great advice! I think that parents are misled by the idea that it is our job to entertain and stimulate our children, beginning in infancy. It's easiest to instill the love of independent play in our child when we begin with babies, giving them a safe place to move freely, self-initiate activities with a few safe toys and objects without our well-meaning interruption. Infant expert Magda Gerber encouraged this, but I seldom hear it mentioned by other parenting advisors.

For more help fostering your child's independent play, please have a look at "Becoming Unglued" and "Infant Play - Great Minds At Work" -- 2 of many articles about play on my blog!

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According to Prescription for Nutritional Healing, low blood sugar gives symptoms you mention, low energy, irritability, depression, etc. skip the oatmeal or cereal and eat eggs for breakfast (more protein less carbs)

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Good advice. I'm a stay at home dad. My wife and I have 3 kids (2 twin girls age 8 and 1 little boy age 3). It's tough raising them altogether. During the summer I have to try to get them to play together (without arguing and finghting) by playing in a pool in the backyard. I tend to have alot to do as I cook, clean, do dishes, do lots of laundry, mow the lawn, take out trash, etc.. I spend time with our son mostly due to the fact he is little. I play games, wrestle, play cars, watch tv with him (his shows not mine). During school time I have to help my girls with their homework and still try to get everything else accomplished. It's alot of work and I never have time for myself because our sone doesnt take naps. I'm busy all day and into the night around 9pm. We don't have a babysitter, and nobody helps us (Mom & Dad) to get out on our own on date nights. It's tough!. However, I know the important job that I have on my hands, and my wife too since the income is solely on her. It's important to raise good human beings and bring them up in a good enviroment. I keep theem all busy trying to play with them and get them to get along as well. Good luck and hang in there to all moms and dads that raise their kids! You can do it!

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The TV is really a pernicious influence in our homes. Originally it was invented to beam advertisements into our homes. The entertainment was totally secondary. That has not changed. It has profoundly affected our society in its non-stop flood of consumerism and consumption. This is particularly damaging when we expose young children who have not developed the critical thinking skills to recognize that they are being manipulated.

Even more important is the results of studies that show many damaging effects of TV in children. The longer children watch TV in a day, the more obese they are for the obvious reason that they aren't active enough. Children show significantly increased aggression and decreased awareness of the results of their violent actions and empathy if they watch a lot of TV. TV impairs the development of the part of the brain that does visual imagination. Learning, especially for younger children, is an interactive process, watching TV is not interactive -- even Sesame Street.

I totally agree with the comments about teaching your children to develop their abilities to play independently. Our lives are so busy and demanding, it is an enormous temptation to let the TV be the baby sitter. Parenting is a contact sport and parents who have let the TV usurp their role have to recommit to the idea that they must spend more time with their children. TV doesn't belong in a home with children or at the least must be severely limited to 1 or 2 hours a week until children have graduated from high school.

I feel like a radical when I say this, but if it wasn't for the rampant consumerism and consumption we have as Americans, we wouldn't be in this environmental & economic mess. One of the basic causes of the brainwashing required to change our society was TV.

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What was wrong with going to the park? Playing in the fresh air is great for kids! That's not "not being engaging" with them. Get out there and push 'em in the swings, have a waterhose fight...

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First it is not a good thing to let them watch to much TV.
I know because when I was growing up I used to watch
to much everyday.Watching TV is like turning your brain
off.This will cause them more harm in their lives than any
good.Also it like letting really bad people in their lives.Give
them small chores around the house.That is something they
can do with you.So you can give them the help they will need
when they get older.Children love to help.They are very slow
but it will end up helping them & you in the long run.

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This advice couldn't have come at a better time for me. I was beating myself up for not being one hundred percent gung-ho about playing with my three-year-old son all day. I felt like a terrible mom because sometimes I just don't feel like playing with him. He always wants me to do something with him or for him, and I felt guilty for being lackluster while playing with him. I'm going to try a few of the tactics in this article. It's not like I don't enjoy entertaining my son--we paint, play outside, etc., but I don't have the energy that he has. I can only wish I did.

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Perry, I really liked what you had to say! What a great Dad you sound like!! Way to go for being home with your children, they are lucky to have such a loving father and I think it's awesome that your doing so right by them! This was a great artical, with some very good advice!

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I am a grandma of twin boys, 2.2 years old. I babysit them from 11:30 to 5 T-Th and all day Friday. They are the joy of my life. I don't have a problem on the short days, but Friday, they kind of drive me nuts. Their parents have done a good job of baby-proofing their home, but these little stinkers still find a way to climb "something" and get into things they shouldn't. After removing all the things I think they can use to climb with, they always seem to find something I would never have thought of. They are a challenge. And, they are, of course, very busy little guys. They get along quite well together, a few little fights, but most of the time, o.k. BUT, they want me with them all the time. I'm going to try your suggestion above, but since there are 2 of them, I hope it will work. They LOVE T.V. We let them watch YoGabbaGabba, The Backyardigans, whatever that channel is. They have just learned about movies and are currently transfixed with Thomas the Train videos. Last month it was CARS. They have plenty of toys and play a lot with their cars and trains and go outside to play. But, they always want me with them, all the time. Do you think the timer will really work? How much time should I set it for?

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Mothers need time away from their children & children need
to learn to play & work with other children.In some states
there are churches that have Mothers Day Out.However
this is just for a few hours,prices or normally low.Make
sure you do not rob your husband & yourself by being &
doing to much with children.They will grow up & what
will you both be & do then.As you teach your children
about Healthy Boundaries,how to work,save,& give to
others,& so on.The hard part of being parents is teaching
them to grow into healthy adults.So when they are adults
they can make healthy life choices.

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TV shouldn't be an option as an escape. If used at all, it should be only for developmentally appropriate mental stimulation (e.g., watching and discussing an excellent musical) or for when the child is too sick to do anything but sit.

I think you are missing the real goal of this age, which is to apply the child's own imagination / problem-solving abilities to enjoy and control their environment. If your child is bored, it's not because you don't play with him enough; it's probably because he's used to you doing his thinking for him. Set a new goal.

My mom had it right: if anyone was dumb enough to complain about boredom, Mom could always find a chore for us to do. (I hope you are already involving your kids in the chores.)

By the way, the park is one of the best places for kids in good weather - but don't stand there and push your kids on the baby swings the whole time. Let them do their own thing on & around age-appropriate equipment.

Other thoughts: get involved in a preschool group activity or two, such as library story hour (if you don't have a budget) or classes (if you do). At least it gets you out interacting with other adults.

And if you're really hurting, consider going back to work. Being a SAHM isn't for everyone, and that's OK.

If you aren't trying all the time to be "that fun mom," you will probably actually be more fun when you do play with your kid. You will have a lot more imagination and energy to draw on if it's only a small part of every day. Remember how much fun it was when Dad came home from work each evening? All he had to do was spend 5 minutes playing with us to create happy memories. Moms could learn something from that.

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Man no wonder we have a bunch of pansy kids running around these days. Who cares if you cant play with them all the time!

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It's okay to tell your kids that you're busy or you need some time to do something you want to do. You are a parent, not an entertainer. Have some thoughtful toys (they don't need to be expensive or even really toys) that kids can play with imaginatively. Model the behavior you want to see: turn off the TV and engage yourself in pursuits that you enjoy, like gardening, cooking, drawing, or reading. If they say they are bored, give suggestions, but you don't have to jump in.

I grew up the daughter of a single working mom who didn't spend much time playing with us, but did spend quality time talking to us. Caring for us was her job, but entertaining us was our job. She had much to do and friends and interests of her own. Happier parents have happier kids, and well rounded people's kids will probably grow up the same.

We have very little screen time in our house: no TV, only a movie a couple times a week on average. Funny thing...weeks go by with no movies and not a complaint or a whine, and my daugher finds lots to do, but after a movie I deal with the fall-out for days...in other words, when kids get used to that box they get lazy about using their imaginations. Parents, think about the effects of that box on you too...

Also, I am a teacher and have kids tell me that they "hate to read". They are missing out on one of life's great pleasures and the easiest way I know to broaden your experience and perspective. I really think that too much TV is a huge parenting mistake in the long run. As an alternative for young children, consider checking out audio material for children or finding an old kid's record player and some Goodwill kids records.

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