Camp Counselors Should Be Allowed to Hug Kids

I'm so glad someone is talking about this. I finished elementary school/summer camp just as policies like this came into play and I remember how much I loved to hug teachers and counselors as a child. I was an only child and both parents worked full time, so I hugged everyone as often as possible, because physical contact was rare at home and these people were important in my life. I had the same counselors every year at camp and they all knew me very well. Hugs were my way of saying thank you as a child.

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when i was a camper I remember getting hugs from the counselors and i felt important, and loved. We even got picked up and put on their shoulders, or hung upside down. When i became a counselor for a few years we still got to hug the kids...and then one summer in 1990, during our training week for that summer we got the "side hug" memo. From now on, we could only give the kids the "safe side hug" one arm, around their shoulders, but WATCH that hand cause it might just go to close to the older female campers anatomy. We could absolutely not pick them up in any way, let them sit in laps, hug full on frontal, or even dance with them at the last dance...unless it was sideways. BROKE my heart. and i know it effected those kids negatively.

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I just had a very sad vision of a future where all adults, including parents, went by the same rules "just in case" and no child ever got to sit on an adults knee and bury a tearful face in their chest, no child ever got to run across a meadow and be swooped into a loving person's arms, no child ever got cradled to sleep, or read to in a grown up's arms, hearing the story reverberate in the point of contact between two bodies. Where no parent ever lays down with their child to help them sleep. Where babies are not held.
How far will this go?

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That's the new rule at my kids' camp this summer: If a counselor feels like hugging a camper, the counselor must bend down to the child's level, so the child's face does not end up buried in his or her "groin."

I don't think this is that big a deal. Sure, it's silly to make it an official rule... but I always bend down when hugging little kids, for just that reason - I don't like their noses crammed into my crotch! There are very few people I might ever want that close to me, and none of them are children. (For that matter, it was a matter of a small celebration when my older niece was old enough to hug me and have her nose hit my belly button instead. Wow, she grew some!)

No, there's nothing sexual about it, and I think everybody knows it, but it *is* an awkward way of hugging, and it lacks a certain... propriety. Plus, if you bend down, you can hug them back instead of patting them around their shoulders.

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Wow. That is so sad. I'm a preschool teacher in Vancouver, Canada, and have never had to worry about hugging the children. It just simply isn't an issue. Is this common practice in the United States?

Of course children need affection and (appropriate) physical contact. I cannot believe it's come down to such ridiculous rules. The fear-mongering media is turning our world into a paranoid, sterile and disconnected place. Children are missing out on such wonderful connections with important adults in their lives. This really makes me sad.

I'll give the children at preschool extra hugs tomorrow.

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Another post, another good food for thought moment. I'm just starting to give my kids some freedom. They're little -- 3.5 and 5. I'm just starting to get comfortable with letting them play in the backyard alone and letting go of their hands in public. It's a really hard adjustment for me. Yesterday, my son ordered his own drink at a coffee shop and paid with his own coins and he was happy as a clam. This was a big step for us, even though I could see him from where I was sitting with his little sister. When it comes to posts like this, I get sad. Really, no hugs? What's wrong with our world, I ask myself. But, in a way I understand the fear. Maybe I'm just one of those paranoid parents, but it's really hard to take that leap and trust myself and the way I've raised my kids. My hope is that just by acknowledging the fear and making an effort to move past it, that I will. My kids need me to, I need me to, it's just not easy. Here's hoping there are plenty of hugs in my kids future.

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Oh, this is depressing. But I so appreciate your sharing it with your readers, Lenore. If they want to know more they can listen to a 10-minute interview called "Touching Children in the Classroom: Why No-Touch Policies Are Harmful" on the Educators Channel at BAM Radio Network!

Keep up the great work!

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I feel very fortunate that my kids attend an elementary school where every teacher hugs every kid as they leave the classroom at the end of the day (and no, they don't have to bend over..) What a sad, small person it must take to deny children innocent physical contact from those who care for them.

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I kneel for hugs -- or talking -- because that's the best way to interact with a little kid one-on-one, anyway.

But I'm curious how old these campers are. In a standing hug, my four-year old already comes up to my belly. Only toddlers or especially short young children would really end up in your groin!

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Thank God not all schools are like that. My kids attend just normal public schools in Tucson, and my 8 year old daughter, especially seems to need hugs. Every day at at school she hugs her principal, her favorite teacher's aid and the art teacher. She loves these experiences and is much closer to the staff there because of it. She trusts them and feels very loved by them.

Never take that away from the little ones.

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ha. groins for brains. You are doing a very good job of accepting leadership and its ups and downs, L, and I am proud of you.
Groins! GrannyDeb

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I am a co camp director. This year I hired a good friend who had been a director at a different camp. She asked in good faith what was out policy on hugging. I said we did not have one. Hugging had never come up. If a kid wants a hug and you are a hugger then give it. Some people are not huggers kids know who the huggers are and who the huggers are not. I tend to the trust the kid. We finger print our people and vet them to work with children, we also interview them and trust our instincts. At our camp kids were hugged, sat on laps, and held hands with each other and with grown ups. No one was offended. No one was harmed. One kid said "It is hard not to have fun here". Many kids said they wanted camp to last all summer.

Come on people it is human nature to touch. We all have the need to be touched and to touch. There is a difference between good and bad touch and we know what it is. Teach your children, love them up and trust the people you entrust you kids with.

My camp was day camp the kids go home at 5. My son goes to sleep away camp and if he was feeling lonely or home sick and a hug would make the difference between staying or calling home hug him for goodness sake. If you work at camp you better be a person who loves and cares for kids for all the right reasons, if you some how got in and it was for the wrong reasons SHAME ON YOU.

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Americans are worried so much about personal space that they are completely overlooking the fact that kids sometimes need physical contact. A hug can convey reassurance of their value, comfort, or even pride. I, too, work with children on a daily basis. When I was a preschool teacher, I regularly hugged my students because they sought it out, with no reservations. As an elementary school staff member, I accept (and reciprocate) any hug offered, and if I see a student who looks like they could use a hug, I ask them if I can give them a hug. If I am walking a student to the nurse's office, depending on who the student is I will put my hand on their shoulder to comfort them. Maybe someday this will bite me...I don't know. But also, maybe if parents would teach their kids that not ALL touch is BAD BAD BAD, our world could go back to being a happier place.

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Hm. Now that you mention it, I have had any number of children in contact with that area of my body. I never ever thought of it before. And I don't think it's because "I" am weird. Children are not sex objects, hence I don't think sexual thoughts while in contact with them. Am I missing something?

On the other hand, now that you mention it, my kids' karate teacher (male) gets down on one knee for close interaction with the kids. I always assumed it was so he could connect better and encourage eye contact.

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I volunteered at an after school program for children in Peru. The children came from very poor families, where alcoholism and abuse was a real problem. They also did not receive much appropriate physical interaction with adults, and many of them were abused or neglected. It was a real struggle for th Peruvian director of the program to convince American volunteers to hug the children. The little ones wanted to sit on laps, get hugs, hold hands, and a big part of the program was providing children with loving adult attention that they weren't receiving at home. Some of the Americans loosened up, but I did see children with hurt feelings when their adult volunteers recoiled when a five year old tried to sit on their lap. Very sad...

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Thanks, Lenore - as always, you are the voice of reason. I am so tired of what fear is doing to us, in big and small ways. It's got to stop somewhere.

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