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Camp Counselors Should Be Allowed to Hug Kids
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Bend down!
That's the new rule at my kids' camp this summer: If a counselor feels like hugging a camper, the counselor must bend down to the child's level, so the child's face does not end up buried in his or her "groin."
Apparently, word of this got out (and what a word it was) because my tween-age boys came home gleefully yapping about groin this, groin that. That was some dinner conversation. "Please pass the groin ... er ... corn!"
But the bottom line? Hugs will never be the same. Now they are pervy things that disgusting adults do to children unless proper precautions are taken. Great.
Hugs have become supremely suspicious thanks to a Nancy Grace-type outlook on life that is supremely suspicious. I know a Sunday School teacher who got kicked out of his (volunteer!) job for kissing a toddler's forehead when she fell down. Strike one! And then for telling another little girl who was helping him pass out construction paper, "You're my special helper."
"I'm Mr. C's special helper!" the girl told her parents.
Strike two. The parents, horrified at the possible implications -- was he "grooming" their daughter? -- wanted him out. And they got their way.
The knee-jerk idea is that anyone who wants anything to do with kids is possibly, if not probably, a pervert. Did you know that on British Airways, a male passenger who ends up seated next to a minor who is not his own child is automatically forced to change seats? Yep. There's a lawsuit going on about it now. The assumption: You're male, you're a grown up, you probably want to ...
Let's just say it involves a groin.
Hugs get thrown into the mix because we now automatically assume the worst, first about any adult/child contact. But schools and camps ban hugs out of their own worst-case thinking: They assume that a child who is hugged could well sue for sexual harassment.
And so we have sexualized and criminalized and crazy-ized a lovely thing that, as it turns out, is pretty darn innocent and even good for kids.
"I'm a social worker and I've dealt with child abuse over my entire career," says blogger Susan Pease Banitt. Moreover, she herself was victimized as a child. "But I don't think sexual abuse starts with hugging."
Sexual abuse is nothing to take lightly. But treating hugs as abuse is nothing to take lightly, either. We are sacrificing love (or at least comfort) because these days we've got groins for brains.
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
7-21-2010 @ 7:11AM
K said...I'm a camp counselor, and I have (relatively) older children - the youngest kids I see are about 8, since I have the elective groups. I still get lots of kids who want to give me a hug hello, a hug goodbye, and random hugs (usually accompanied with frantic waving and shouting!) whenever they see me somewhere in camp other then the cooking shed where my groups come for the activity. I occasionally have shy kids or kids who are having bad days who need to sit in my lap for a few and just gather themselves, or a few girls who like to hold my hand while we walk from one area to another. I got a thank you hug today from a little girl who was excited that I had gotten her to try something new (and she didn't even like it, she was just a sweet girl and glad to try it because she liked cooking it first!)
I fail to see how any of these things could possibly be detrimental; honestly, I think the level of interaction and affection (obviously non-sexual, though it seems some people are too weird to understand that ...) the kids at my camp get is more beneficial to them then 99% of the actual stuff we do at camp. I work in an upper-class neighborhood and I *know* a lot of my kids don't get a ton of time with their parents as opposed to babysitters. The attention is something they need. I'm hugging any of my campers who want or need a hug extra-tight tomorrow.
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7-23-2010 @ 9:20AM
Greg said...I applaud your thoughts on this topic. America has been going down this wrong road for quite a while, and it's past time it got talked about.
Over thirty years ago, I was in a college class that involved volunteering at a day care center. One day a child fell in the playground and cut her knee, so I carried her into the building. I was reprimanded for picking up a child, which was against policy!
About twenty-five years ago, I was taking my turn in the nursery at our church, keeping the kids occupied while services went on. I changed a baby girl's (wet) diaper in view of three little boys. The result? A complaint from one boy's parents led to a big debate, and a decision that men would no longer be required to care for the children - the nursery would be women-only! I hated the message this would send the kids. We left that church soon after.
Twenty years back, when my son was a Cub Scout, on my first visit to the camp he'd be staying at, one of his leaders made it clear that he'd be safe there. "We're not allowed to hug or touch the boys; if he's homesick or upset, we can sit next to him and talk, but no hugs!" This was supposed to make me feel better about letting him go there! I know the guy meant well, but when I became a Scout leader awhile later, I gave, and got, plenty of hugs. I was a Cub Scout leader for ten years, and a Girl Scout leader for five of those, and yes, there were hugs. Yes, I got talked to about it (didn't stop me), but never had a complaint from a parent, just smiles. That's how it should be!
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7-29-2010 @ 3:55PM
Catharina said...I was a counselor for a day camp in Maryland in 2002 and we were not supposed to hug the kids, let them hug us or let them sit on our laps. Also, the kids were not allowed to hold hands when they were paired up when we went to the pool etc. "Keep your hands to yourself" was the mantra. It really upset me. I remember being in Kindergarten and holding my favorite teacher's hand every single day all through our "morning circle". It meant so much to me. I can't imagine what it would have felt like if she would have refused!
I've worked in a four-week sleep-away camp in Austria for the past several summers and it is so different. Nobody thinks twice about hugging the kids. My group of girls was between the ages of 10 and 12, most of them away from home for the first time and for four weeks! I don't think they would have managed without hugs. I had many, many moments where I wondered what reactions we would get if we were in the U.S. I couldn't go this year and when I stopped by for a visit, my kids from last year welcomed me with open arms, suddenly I was part of a big, giant group hug. Banning or even restricting hugs is just about one of the saddest things I can think of.
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